College Years: 19 By Corbin, corbinforte@yahoo.com How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young Woman. Pre-Story Introduction/Ranting/Venting/Observations... Another question to answer: Do I get jealous? Yes I do. I think everyone will get a kick out of this, but I get jealous of other blondes, especially tall ones, funny huh? I was standing on the elevator last week when this 6' Blonde, maybe even 6' 1", steps on, fairly attractive...ehhh so-so I guess...hell I don't know what the definition of attractive is...although a tad on the scrawny side. Anyway, I felt that tiny little pain in my gut, where I was suddenly sizing my up...my build, making all sorts of comparisons. I had my beat in every department, no question, except height...DAMN, she beat me by an inch or so. Oh well, maybe I'll wear some heels next week...TAKE THAT!!! HA!!!...see, I can be just as petty as the next person. Today I was sitting in the weight room when to my left this girl walks up and picks up a pair of 5lb dumbbells (please don't strain yourself, really now). So the girl begins to raise my arms up to my side and then back down, then back up, but this time in front. She does this about fifteen times, sets the weights down and walks off. Uhmmmm.....WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? You call that a workout? You must be kidding! I see that happen all the time...pathetic. 19 "What was that all about" Dale asked, looking back at the door I had just shut. "Nothing, typical girl stuff." I shook my head and walked over to my desk to sit back down. Dale looked around for a second and then cautiously sat down on my bed, watching...studying my mood. "But is she right? I mean..." Dale pinched his eyebrows together with concern. "Look," I leaned forward and massaged my temples, "It's not as bad as Sharon makes it out to be, Sharon is a dramatist you know that!" I sat up, only to slump back into the chair looking exhausted. Dale looked down at the ground and appeared to fade off for a second in thought, which wasn't like him, "What's wrong, come on tell me" I leaned forward with genuine concern. "Well, if it's not as bad as Sharon makes it out to be then why are you slamming the door in her face and choosing to spend more time with Nikki then me? I mean if something is going on, please just tell me." Dale blurted it all out in one breath. I was on the edge of blowing up...yet again, but found enough focus to relax as my left elbow propped up on the desk so my weary head could rest into the palm of my hand. Closing my eyes brought some relief as tried to regain my composure, 'How did everything get so fucked up' I thought, considering the stress from everything; -Friendship with Sharon going down the tubes. -Nikki's friendship getting so intense. -Mora looking to pick a fight every chance she got. -Trying to maintain an 'A' grade average. -And now my boyfriend is sitting here grilling my AND wanting to get more physically intimate. "I'm not very good at multi-tasking sometimes I guess" I sighed and opened my left eye, then my right. But I did start to wonder, would things improve if I spent less time with Nikki? It did make some sense...that would mean more time for Dale and Sharon and almost totally eliminate the physical issues that seems to weave their way into my relationship with Nikki every time we are together. "That's okay, I understand." Dale sighed and slid his sandals back and forth across the floor. "No, it's not okay, I've been a crappy girlfriend lately and I've missed you" I suddenly stood up and walked over to where he sat, it felt good to take the imitative like this. "I've missed you too" Dale sighed quietly and looked up, a giant grin forming on his face and suddenly all of his anxieties melted away from his face as he continued looking up. There was no denying that he was totally head-over- heels for me. He stood up and we were now face to face, well almost as he was a bit taller then me. I felt his arms wrap around my waist and pull me in tight. "Weakling" He smiled as I pulled him tight against me in response. "I am a weak little girl" I smiled and batted my eye lashes playfully. "What are you doing?" He smiled nervously feeling my right hand adjust behind his back. "Nothing" I shrugged, but he had noticed my jaw muscles clenching, a prelude to something...it was a physical characteristic that he picked up on, the way my jaw would tighten prior to me doing anything physical. And now I was pulling him in tight...very tight against my body as if applying a bear hug, which he wasn't minding at all in fact...initially that is. "Think this weak little girl can pick you up?" I smiled in a very uncharacteristic way. "I, I was just teasing..." Dale shrugged with a nervous chuckle, his hands came up to gently stroke my bare arms, but I had other ideas. Now I was always afraid of making an ass of myself, thus I rarely showed off...also, Dale was like almost 6' 3" and weighed in at least around 220 of muscle but for some reason it was a turn on to exert myself like this 'And why now?' I wondered, knowing myself like I did, I would probably analyze this little stunt of mine later, until then my left hand gripped my right wrist. My body tensed as I arched my back, because this was probably going to be no easy task so she had to call into play my lats, traps, calf...hamstring...you name it in order to perform this little balancing act. As for Dale, he was still acting like I couldn't do it...or was just playing around not totally sure what was about to take place. "Jesus...Corbin...be careful!" He groaned as she was really going to try and lift him up, his gut reaction was that she might hurt herself or fall over if she lost my balance. Not to mention it wasn't the most comfortable feeling having your guts squished. "Hold still tough guy...stop squirming..." I grunted and even managed to maintain a smiled as I arched back a bit further. "Fine...fine...but don't blame me if you get hurt!" Dale snapped, semi-mad, and even nervous, "...god-damn..." he groaned. Actually, I think he was now curious to see if I could do it. "SAY WHAT?" I glanced up into his eyes when my body suddenly straightened up. "Okay...okay, you proved your point...whatever that was...now stop fooling around..." Dale groaned but stopped short as he realized his feet were totally off the ground. "Just a sec..." I grunted and held him there, for several more seconds before slowly bending my legs; my thighs and calves worked some overtime to control and balance our combined weights. Upon his feet resting back down I released my clutch from around his torso... "Are you finished?" Dale snapped and took a step back, his right hand massaging his ribs and side. "Dale?" I looked on perplexed, "Are you actually pissed?" trying to figure out his reaction. "Well, that kinda hurt!" He looked over at me, massaging his waist with both hands now. "I'm sorry" I looked sad now and came over touching his torso, "I'm sorry Dale I was just messing around...I'm always fucking things up..." I sighed, "I thought you'd be impressed", but that was a partial truth on my part, I did it more for myself, just to see if I could then to seek his approval, but it sounded like the 'right' thing to say. "No...no you are not fucking anything up...I'm just a bit..." Dale sighed. "What...just a bit what?" I quickly tossed his statement around, analyzing every possible angle. "Corbin look, I've just never dated anyone like you before..." Dale nervously ran his hands thru his wavy dark brown hair. "What does that mean? Like me?" my head tilted back with a wounded expression. "No...no...don't take it wrong like that...fuck!...I'm not insulting you here..." He pleaded. "Well what the hell are you doing?" I took a step back and placed my hands on my hips. "Look, can't we just forget this whole silly thing...I haven't seen you in a few days and it's killing me..." "What silly thing?...Now it's a silly thing!" I waved my arms out to my side as I rolled my eyes. "Oh god" He groaned and turned around to sit back down on the bed, "Here we go" he mumbled. "Here we go is right" I fumed. "Look, I'm just used to dating more frilly, ditzy..." Oh boy he shouldn't have said that! "CORBIN! What are you thinking!" Dale snapped as he leaned back, his fearful eyes growing wide as he watched my left fist rear back but suddenly stop, he was sitting...frozen...in awe that I was getting ready to slug him, or so it appeared. "Then you go date one of them! Why are you even with me? Go down to one of the Sorority houses...bars...or whatever the fuck you football goons like to pick..." I swallowed hard, but couldn't keep the tears from showing, my words seemed to seethe from between my front teeth. "Stop...stop...stop!" He tried to jump in verbally, but I continued. My left arm un-cocked from the punch I was ready to deliver, instead I stuck the same arm out in front of him, my fist clenching tight as my forearm and biceps flexed. His eyes looked on transfixed, like cords of rope twisting under my skin suddenly became etched in definition. "You see this...I've worked too damn hard for this...for so long..." the tears came a little faster now, "...and if you think I'm going to stop...because you have a problem with me..." "God damn it! Your totally misunderstanding me...twisting it all around!" Dale jumped to his feet trying to take the offensive in the argument, "I love everything about you...the way you are...from the moment I first saw you...you know that. Why are you getting so hostile and defensive...I'm just trying to say, poorly I might add," His hands came out to touch my shoulders but it was no use I pulled away and paced towards the bathroom, then back in his direction but remained out of arms reach. "Corbin, it's not like you're the first girl I've ever come across that is in great shape, come on, I've been going to the gym and have been around many girl's that are very fit...true none that could lift me off the ground like that..." and his eyes seemed to drift in thought, "...but that is in NO WAY a bad thing...please...I mean, don't I get a fucking break in any of this? This is a lot for a guy to take in dating someone that is so independent, focused on school and sports, not all caught up in social-minded games. I've never been jealous when I've dated a girl, I know that's an egotistical thing to say, but I see how guys look and talk about you...always hitting on you and I find myself unraveling when I even think about you being with or around another guy. Also, every time I turn around there's something else that totally throws me for a loop...shit...please stop being so mad with me..." I wasn't sure, but the red complexion in Dale's face really shot me in the heart, his eyes glazed with a tearful look that really shook me. Yet I just turned away as my left fist came up and gently pressed against my lips, "I'm not as strong as you think" I sighed reflecting on several things, getting lost in my own thoughts. This time I didn't pull away when he came up behind me and touched me on the shoulders, "Look..." He took a deep breath before speaking again, "...in so many ways your far more feminine then any other girl I've ever been out with...it's like they hide so much of their real beauty behind makeup, fancy bullshit clothes, perfume, hair color...shit the list goes on...and you're just like...'This is me, take it or leave it'" I lowered my head and smiled, slowly turning around in his loose embrace, "So if I did my hair up and put on a nice dress, heels and all that bullshit you would dump me?" my light hearted coy grin came back. "Let's not get carried away, I would make an exception in your case" He smiled with a sigh. "Sorry about that..." I nodded back to the edge of the bed where I had picked him up. "No...don't be...I just..." Dale's left hand came up and massaged his forehead as he avoided eye contact. "Will you just spit it out" I sighed impatiently. "It's hard to admit that YES, it kind of turned me on...okay! Jesus..." He fumed and looked away not sure why he was feeling so uneasy about admitting that. "Well I can't promise to make a habit out of trying to pick you up but...we'll see..." I chuckled and was relieved when he smiled and nodded, 'Finally the dark clouds are lifting off this relationship' I thought and stepped back, grabbing his right hand, "Let's go for a walk" I smiled. "Sounds good" he responded. "You know," I pulled his arm in close against the side of my body, "If it would make you feel better you can pick me up and carry me." I smiled up at him. "I plan to take you up on that." He smiled. The overcast sky helped cool things off, yet I did have an ulterior motive for the walk and was thankful we found some privacy as we headed in the direction of Duke Chapel; there were plentiful areas of wooded seclusion for us to talk without interruption. I tried to ease all of his worries by stroking his forearm, but there was no mistaking the fact that I was somewhere else, although he wouldn't have to wait long to find out why. "Dale look, we've been getting more and more serious lately and I know the extent of our physical relationship has been limited to kissing...and I know you want more..." I sighed. I could tell his initial hope was that I was going to give him the green light on sex..., hell I'd bet he would settle for a blow job even. "No...it's not bad, and I know I should have asked this upfront, but I want..." I rolled my eyes and he watched the way my forearm muscles tensed with anxiety, especially since I was now clutching his own biceps. "What? You're killing me here" He leaned forward more with a nervous smile. "I want you to go get tested." I blurted it out and then held my breath, waiting for something...his reaction...an explosion...something. "Tested for what?" He looked at me with confusion. "Well, for everything." I shrugged. "Everything...as in WHAT?" He leaned back defensively. "As in you want me to spell it out for you?" I cringed with irritation as my eyes squinted. "YES, I deserve that I...are you asking me have some STD testing? Is that it? Cause if it is..." Dale defensively pulled his arms away from my grip, I had let go in any case as I could tell this was going to go none too well. "Cause if it is what?...Tell me what? You're not going to do it?!" I looked up at him in disbelief and placed my hands on my strong hips. He looked around for privacy and then quickly back at me, "I've been tested so many fucking times over these past years, because of sports...donating blood so I know I am clean" He said, "Jesus, I can't fucking believe you!" He started to get mad. "Well too-boo-hoo-fucking bad!" I snapped and pointed to the ground, "You hound me constantly to get more intimate with you, touching...holding...kissing...but I've never been with anyone Dale and you have...I have to know for my own piece of mind..." my lower lip trembled. I really wasn't so upset with Dale or the testing, but everything was starting to come to a head now. "So does this mean we are going to start having sex?" His voice lowered as he folded his arms across his chest, his tone authoritative as if he could command a 'yes' from me. "Shit Dale" I huffed and turned away, pacing a few times before taking a deep breath, "No" I finally stopped and looked him in the eyes. "Then what is the fucking point!" He shook his head in disbelief. "Because I am paranoid about my health, that's why...because I have a right! Because I said so...take your fucking pick!" I leaned forward, I was actually clenching my teeth now so my words seethed out of my mouth, "...AND...AND there will be no more kissing...or anything until I know!" I felt the blood rushing to my face as my heart pounded. "Then you get your ass tested as well!" Dale shot back. "Fine, I will!" I snapped and actually felt a little spit fly off my lower lip I was so enraged. "Fine!" Dale waved his hand in the air as if shooing a fly before turning around to storm off leaving my standing there alone. "Fine!" I yelled at him as he walked away and proceeded to pace in small circles, wiping the steady flow of sweat now pouring over my face as I mumbled curse words to myself. I actually felt my arms and knees shaking from the argument and carefully looked around as I walked behind a large tree for even more privacy. "Fuck" I sighed as I leaned against the tree wiping the tears from my eyes, only a few sobs escaped my lips as I tried collecting myself, but felt foolish leaning against a tree crying. Slowly I pushed off and kept walking in the direction of the Chapel. It was all a blur, I remember going inside and sitting in one of the last pews to rest, it had been so long since she had been and it felt good inside...nice and cool...but most of all so very quiet too. I leaned forward and folded my arms on the backrest in front of me, it would look like I was at least praying, but in fact I just wanted to rest and the place was mostly deserted so I didn't worry about being disturbed. "Miss?...Miss?" The voice seemed as if it was in a dream. "Huh?" I rolled my head across my forearm and slowly sat up, a man was standing to my left in the pew, gently touching me on the shoulder. "You okay? You've been here a long time," He said. "Uhm..." my groggy eyes looked around and I slowly got to my feet, "...how long?" my hands brushed away the blonde hair from around the front of my face. "I don't know, maybe a couple of hours...you're welcome to stay, it's just that it's getting late" He sighed with a faint smile. "No I need to go, thanks" I followed him out of the aisle and gave a thanks before walking out. "Wow, I really did drift off" I mumbled, it was dark outside as I walked back across campus to my dorm. I checked my messages on my cell phone; One from Nikki, two from Sharon, two from Dale and one from Carla one of the Soccer Coaches asking me to stop by early before practice. I felt a lump in my throat upon hearing Carla's voice...I listened to the message over and over trying to discern any tone that might reveal something bad. I chose not to return any of the messages that night but simply lay down on the bed as my eyes and body welcomed sleep. ~~~~~~~ I didn't change into my uniform before practice, but went straight to Carla's office, I was greeted with a smile as I entered which alleviated some of my anxieties; Anxieties that were soon replaced with another set of concerns when I found out it was Mora's position I would be expected to step into. There was no hiding in the shadows now I considered, my performance on the field would be out there for everyone to judge...especially Mora, who stared hateful daggers at me while we changed. 'That wasn't so bad' as I stood there, hands on hips as I watched several team members disperse and head back to the locker room. My eyes gazed across the field towards the row of trees in the distance, sort of daydreaming. And then *POW* Like an explosion inside my brain, my entire head rocked forward as my strong neck muscles felt like they might rip from their very base. Involuntarily my arms flew out as I was falling forward, "What the fuck?" I gasped as my head spun and an incredible ache began to fill my skull. I felt woozy and nauseous as I swayed back and forth on all fours trying to get my bearings and to figure out what the hell just happened. "Oh shit Corbin, I'm so sorry" I heard the voice say. "You okay" Nikki's voice came from across the field, coming closer, several other girl's were beside me now, but what really stood out in my mind, was the sound of laughter...some of them were laughing at me as I was helped to my feet. 'No, I'm not okay' I thought to myself, I was far from okay and seeing Mora's smile of satisfaction made me almost loose it...loose it in the sense I wanted to just blubber like some baby. Damn near close to it already as I felt the tears run down my cheeks...I was sick and tired of being humiliated by this little bitch...and her kicking a soccer ball upside my head was all I could take. "Oh poor baby, you going to squirt a few tears because of a small knock upside the head," Mora laughed and placed her hands on her hips, "It was just an accident, maybe you better go lay down" and a few of the girls chuckled. That was it, I snapped, it was the first time in my life that I could remember seeing red, blood red...death incarnate rising up from the recesses of my brain as I looked across the space separating me and that laughing idiot Mora. "Corbin don't!" Bev yelled and came at me from my left, but my brain had checked out, my right hand shot out to block Bev's advance. But it was more than a block and I regretted that, Bev didn't deserve it, but I wasn't allowing anyone to stop me as I simply twisted my entire body and slammed the palm of my right hand into Bev's chest, right above the girl's breasts. "FUCK" Bev grunted and was literally knocked back, off her feet; it felt like she had been hit by a truck, her back slamming into the ground leaving her breathless and gasping for air. "Jesus Corbin" She whimpered and rolled on the ground clutching the area right below her collar bone. I would not have to wait long, Mora saw me moving in and her eyes lit up with excitement...she charged me, her fists clenched. "I'm going to kill you!" Mora growled and this time no one else got in the way, the rest of the team simply must have figured it was time to let this play out. Enough was enough... I saw Mora charge, amazing how the smaller girl was fearless...she so wanted this showdown to happen and now it was at hand. Mora practically leapt at me, her right fist cocking back to strike while she simply kept coming at me. I had no plan of attack, I just wanted to grab the girl and break her into a million pieces. I decided that if Mora wanted to charge in, so be it, but all I could think about was deflecting the attack, fortunately, all Mora could think about was slugging it out...it wasn't immediately clear who would benefit; I latched onto the front of Mora's shirt, we had closed the distance so quickly that Mora misjudged the distance and her right forearm, not fist, hit I on the left side of my head. My triceps flexed and kept Mora from slamming into me, but I was also simultaneously twisting my body to the right allowing Mora's momentum to continue. Mora's entire body continued moving thru the air, now beyond her own control, but Mora was still in fight mode and threw her left fist in a wide arching motion even as she was being tossed aside. I felt totally possessed and felt some amount of rejoicing as I flung Mora thru the air; the combination of Mora's charge and me tapping into my strength made for a devastating effect. Yet Mora's left hook found contact on my right cheek, it was a glancing wild blow, but still cocked my head to the left briefly, it would definitely leave a bruise. Mora was literally flying thru the air now and then everything was moving fast...faster then Mora could react as she impacted the ground. Her injured shoulder, her left shoulder...took most of the impact and Mora screamed in agony as it exploded in pain upon impact. My own right hand was touching my cheek as I watched Mora stagger to her feet, her left arm hanging down to her side, looking painful but still useful as her fist was tightly clenched. If Mora was in agony, she was fighting thru it, just to fight me as we started to circle one another, sweat dripping off our shaking bodies. But Mora didn't wait for me to get my fists up and swung her right fist, her target was my 'kisser'. I jerked my head back, blonde hair flying in all directions as the punch sailed past my face, my eyes darted around and found that the entire right side of Mora's body lay open, 'Jesus' I thought to myself as if I pictured the end result of what was going to happen next...the punch, the effect...the after-effect all played out in my mind. Sharon's dad was a boxer and had held a few impromptu sessions to teach us a few tricks of the trade; but the only thing I could think of right now was 'Punch thru your target'. I bent my knees a little and brought back my right elbow, and in what could only be described as one-fluid-motion my entire body shot up and forward as my right fist exploded towards Mora's midsection. Every muscle seemed to work in unison, driving forward with one goal in mind. I felt the uniform connect with my knuckles and then give and while Mora's body was fit and toned, it didn't seem to make any difference. I initially wondered if I had hit the girl at all, and that's when I realized that not only had I plowed deep into Mora's gut, I had actually lifted the girl off her feet. It was only when I pulled my fist back did the dark haired girl simply slump to the ground; the sound of her breathing was dangerously short, coming in sharp wheezes that soon turned into agonizing dry heaves as Mora's body curled up into a fetal position. It seemed as if she was trying to almost vomit but nothing was coming out. Nikki charged in and grabbed my shoulders pushing me back a couple of steps, "Stop now!" "Out of my fucking WAY!" I screamed and grabbed Nikki under her armpits and I practically lifted and pushed her aside. Nikki's left leg skidded across the grass as she fought to keep her balance, but ended up dropping to her knees and then all fours. Out of the corner of my right eye Crissy was advancing to also block me from heading towards the downed Mora, but I spun around unleashed my venom on the advancing girl, "You can join your fucking buddy bitch!" I snapped. Crissy's right arm was reaching out and my left hand latched onto the girl's forearm, while my right hand found and clamped around Crissy's throat for leverage; "Corbin no!" She screamed but I was already using all my strength and weight to sling the poor girl in a semi circle before letting go, like a shot-put. Her body crashed to the ground flopping over repeatedly in a roll that had arms and legs flailing, kicking up a billow of dirt. I now wasted no more time and leapt towards Mora, grabbing her by the back of my head and shirt, "Get up...you want to fight, well get your sorry ass up cause today is your lucky day" I seethed and pulled her up, ignoring her screams and gasps for air as she clutched her gut. "You thought that shit was funny, didn't you? Well let me tell you...you're fucking dead!" I spewed my venom at Mora and propped the girl up by her throat, cocking my left fist back. Thankfully, everyone was there; Nikki...Katie...the remaining members of the team, maybe nine or ten, had all jumped in to restrain me, but my right leg managed to kick free and slam into Mora's hip with tremendous force, knocking the girl back to the ground. "You even look at me wrong! I am going to make this beating seem like a friendly chit-chat!" "Get the fuck off me!" I yelled and yanked my left fist, my arm popped free and flew around, accidentally plowing into one girl's face, knocking the poor unsuspecting down and wailing in agony from the punch. My feet kicked and body twisted as I actually seemed to be fighting my way free; Yet amongst the chaos, confusion and rage, I heard Nikki's voice in my left ear...it was soothing, soft...and she wasn't fighting, no, she was merely holding me more like hugging in a friendly embrace. "Corbin...please stop..." Nikki kept repeating, she held on to me and slowly I felt the anger subside...even quicker when I spotted one of the Assistant Coaches running across the field and with it a healthy dose of reality. "Corbin, come with me now!" The coach said and pulled me free of the throng of girls. I suddenly slumped and rested my head against the Coach's left shoulder and began to sob, I didn't know why, but one instant I was filled with total, uncontrollable rage and the next...sadness. Sitting, she held the ice pack against my right cheek as I leaned forward, wiping the tears from my eyes, the Head coach and two assistants were now with my in his office. "Corbin, your suspended...well, not officially...just until we can get things settled down, both you and Mora. And then we'll meet again separately and then with the two of you together once we've decided what to do. It's really going to come down to a team decision" he sighed. "I understand..." I gasped and sat up straight as I choked back my emotions, "...but, but in my defense...I just want to say that I was setup...when Coach Overbeck put me in Mora's position she knew there was bound to be a blow up because of my past with her." I glanced up at the coach I was referring to. Coach Overbeck looked down at me, into my bloodshot eyes and nodded her head in recognition of what I was driving at. "That will all be taken into consideration" The head coach piped up, now get checked out and cleaned up, and then ask that Mora also come in. I slowly stood up and took several deep breaths as my hand rested on the door knob, slowly I opened the door and looked over my shoulder at the Coaches, "I'm truly sorry, thanks..." I sighed and walked out. "Crissy..." I walked up behind the girl as she was getting dressed to try and make amends. "Forget about it." Crissy mumbled. "Look, I'm..." "I said drop it!" Crissy snapped and glared at me, but quickly looked away. I felt my heart pound with regret and took a step back, I just wanted to get the hell out and get back to my dorm room to rest. Only a few girls, of course Nikki, hung around and tried to reassure me that I had no other choice but to stand up for herself. But the worse feeling of it all was how so many of my team members were looking and acting different around me, 'Maybe they just want to give me some space? Or they never liked me to begin with'. "Thanks for the ride Nik" I sighed, "I think I'm just going to spend some time alone tonight and rest" I looked up and could tell Nikki didn't want to leave me , she leaned in to give me a hug, "It's going to be okay" she sighed into my ear. "I hope so" I whimpered and quickly collected myself before heading upstairs. As I trudged into the building and up the stairs, she could sense the oddest feeling, that although there was this overall somber feeling starting to settle in, it also felt liberating...dangerous...and oddly satisfying to look back on what happened. I had lived so much of my life trying to 'play it safe and not cause waves', but now people knew where I stood and like me...love me...or hate me...people were starting to know exactly how far they could push before I pushed back. It some way it was like I was defining who I was...'I'm sorry people got hurt, but I'm glad I did it and I'm not going to feel sorry or punish myself over it'. ~~~~~~~~~~ Post story rant... I didn't see Mora till the next day and instantly there were many regrets; She was limping and her left arm was in a sling, her face had a couple of bad bruises although I don't remember hitting her in the face...then again, so many things happened in such a short period of time it's hard to recount everything in detail. I had a small bruise on my cheek, but it was barely noticeable, once again I somehow managed to come thru unscathed. It seemed to only pile on the resentment, more girls'...their boyfriends even, seemed anxious for me to take a major spill. As if I had this chip on my shoulder...what fucking chip?! If there was one there, I didn't put it there...THEY DID! There I go...'blaming again' as Sharon would say. Anyway, I don't know if that little fight on the soccer field set Mora straight, but I was never going to let my blind side me again and took the initiative, regardless of how bad she was feeling. I could have confronted her in front of her friend's right in the student commons, but chose a more private moment to lay it on the line. I knew she could have run back and ratted on me that I threatened her, but I was thinking less and less clearly during that year of my life. Basically, I cornered her and asked if we had any more problems between us, cause if we did we were going to get-it-on right there in the parking lot. Shit, I can remember that moment like it just happened yesterday, it was so fucking hot and humid that day, and the heat coming up off the blacktop was almost unbearable. Okay, as I was saying, when I saw her as I quickly crossed the lot I already knew the answer, it was in her eyes, it wasn't even the same Mora looking at me...why does that bother me...even sadden me now, like I beat the spirit out of her or something. But she started it you know? So anyway, she had this fear in her eyes I had never noticed and seemed to almost tear up when I suggested we slug it out in the parking lot if there were any more issues to resolve. What the fuck was wrong with me? Telling some girl in the middle of a campus lot that I was going to start reigning down punches if she crossed me again. By the way, the mighty do fall...and mine was coming...at least in my eyes it was my lowest moment.