College Years: 9 By Corbin The amazing true story of a girl (that's me) who simply refuses to conform. Pre-Story Introduction/Ranting/Venting/Observations... I came across my favorite quote today...I don't recall where I first saw it, but I love it: "Far better it is, to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in that great twilight that knows neither victory or defeat. -Teddy Roosevelt" It's gym day! I was sitting on my workout bench (well it's not mine, but anyway, you know what I mean) when I observe the three stooges in the corner of the weight room and they are all high five's to each other, being loud and very gay. Well, they are actually tying to act macho and such, but it really comes off as being gay, so fella's tone down the bravado, it's not impressing anyone. Anyway...I see them stacking the weights on the bar and it appears he is getting ready to do some squats, so one of the stooges positions himself under the bar and begins as his spotter is now standing behind him...okay nothing unusual about that...except his spotter starts with that obnoxious "COME ON...PUSH!....ONE MORE!..." I hear the weights shaking and clanging on the bar as lard ass tries to do a few more beyond what he should. Well, he finally rests the bar on one of the hooks and steps back...all three morons look pleased with themselves (more laughter, back slapping and loudness ensues). And then...well...I'm smiling as I write this, this is when justice is served, it actually happens allot, when mother nature steps in to dish out a lot of humility. I notice them piling on more plates and I raise an eyebrow because I suspect dumb-ass is getting ready to try something he's not ready for. So they are drawing some attention from some other wanna- be's at this point because Mr. Pretend Weightlifter loudly announces that they have 495lbs on the bar. I roll my eyes and smile, looking down at the ground, this clown seems proud of what he is attempting, I am now hedging my bets this is not going to go well. So his spotter is psyching him up for the squat as the guy positions himself under the bar...anyway, allot of grunting and huffing begins to spew from his face...not to mention the guy looks about to pass out, but he gets the bar off the rack and is really on his own now because his spotter looks deathly thin so I'm not sure why he's even pretending to spot....anyway he goes down for the squat (I know this isn't funny, because it can be very dangerous) but the dude isn't coming back up...well, well, well...I couldn't help but smirk, but only after he got the bar off his shoulders (They were at least smart enough to put the safety bar in place so if you go down and can't get back up, you can just roll it off your shoulders). Wait a second! They're not so loud now! Where's all the high fives and loud big-man-talk? Hmmm...Could it be you just let your ego take you down a path you weren't ready to handle? And did the whole gym just see it? Why yes we did :) So, the three stooges walk out and I get a better glance over at Mr. Squat, noticing that his belly seems to be the biggest part of his anatomy...all big and swollen....obviously they had to leave right after that, not because he just made an ass out of himself, but probably because the local beer and pizza joint is calling...probably both reasons. People, sometimes you have to leave well enough alone. 9 Putting things on better terms with Sharon was a major relief for me, 'One less thing to worry about', although one could never distinguish from the outset that I was so worried. My exterior aloofness often let people to believe I was arrogant, uncaring and in some cases hostile. The hostility did in fact take on roots after the 'incident' that night at the frat party. Steve, the recipient of my elbow had only seen me once in the week that followed, and that was at a distance. Initially he was infuriated, but that lasted for maybe another twenty four hours, until an odd sense of respect and attraction must have taken hold of him as he actually tried asking me out later. I declined, but I guess he knew of so few girls that had such guts to punch, or in this case 'elbow' another person that it definitely made me stand out, which I don't know if that is necessarily a good thing? I guess I also seemed unapproachable now and for Steve, as well as most other guys, that unattainable quality was what 'the chase' was all about. It took some time for me to notice, but that one incident on such a big campus did spread and in some small pockets, the truth became manipulated. To the chagrin of a great many of the girl's on campus, the male classmates now spoke of me in the highest regards as if they admired me or something. It seemed to totally dumbfound many of the women that I was suddenly elevated to this sexy Amazon status when all of the men present had initially riled against my violent reaction. Regardless, many of the women could care less who I was, athletically or academically or what I had done; the issue at hand was how I was stealing a lot of their thunder. But not all the girl's aligned themselves against me, I had friends on the Gymnastic and Soccer team and while they teased me to some extent, many of them showed support. This support became especially helpful when I began to notice snide comments being made just within ear-shot whenever I was in class, the library, or just walking down the sidewalk. Stuff like 'Thug', 'Big dummy', a few other things, but my grades would beg to differ with their analysis. But I think I am a big dummy socially, so maybe that is what they are referring to. I wasn't one to hang out in large clicks of girl-friends or guy-friends, even when I was invited by my team mates to 'hang out', I often declined. But living on Campus did afford me the luxury of exploring the School layout at whim and I had quickly made it one of my primary goals to thoroughly check out the gym a little better at the School. I have always enjoyed hard physical athletics, whatever the sport may be, but with so much anxiety over school, my friendship with Sharon and such, I needed a release more than ever and I hoped the weight room just might give me that. I swiped my ID card thru the reader and the door to the gym unlocked. It was an impressive facility indeed and upon hearing the clanging of metal I immediately followed the noise. Coming around the corner I was confronted by a large workout room, filled with free weights and other machines, the likes my high school never had. The group of guys and a very few girls seemed to pause and stare at me as I looked wide eyed at everything in the room. I stuck out like the proverbial 'sore thumb', and why not, at almost 5' 11'', strikingly long blond hair I was beautiful and carried a strong physique. One guy walked past me from the water fountain, "Hello" he said casually and attempted to engage my stare, "Hi" I said, barely above a whisper as my eyes stayed more focused on the lavish amount of equipment that was available. Like a shining...gleeming city that was beckoning me...calling me...small mountanins of steel and iron all neatly laid out before me. Meanwhile, Sharon continued to take to school life like a bird to the air, she was successfully pledging her Sorority and was now on the Duke Cheerleading Squad. While Sharon appreciated my support, she also knew that I thought sororities and fraternities were stupid and childish. Because part of my scholarship was Athletic, I had to finagle the appropriate approval and prove I could compete at a competent level on the soccer team to which I was finally assigned a backup goalie position. And while I met people on campus with some regularity, I hadn't the inclination to invest any real time in a relationship, which was not earning me any points with people. Sharon, being my 'main' and seemingly only real friend on campus became inundated with question about me, to which Sharon did her best to deflect questions about 'Why I acted so stuck up', to which Sharon would half-heatedly reply, 'No, she's just takes a while to get adjusted', all the while Sharon would privately wish that I would 'hurry the hell up and get adjusted already!'. It was right about this time that I came to know Nikki on the girl's Soccer Team, the first thing I could remember was how stunning the girl was; her black hair, lean muscles with a slight olive complexion. She had these big dark eyes, like two black opals that were calm yet so direct that I felt like I didn't have a private thought around her. Nikki was also smart and was one of the first girls who didn't look at me in some judgmental manner. She wasn't into weight lifting that much, but was 'Sporty' as Nikki liked to call herself, but still visited the University gym frequently. This budding friendship would be the setup for a series of pit-falls in my friendship with Sharon as Nikki was became a substitute best-friend for me while Sharon became more and more involved in her social activities. I handled stress by working my ass off academically and more importantly athletically. I made immediate progress in the weight room, something I had only just started in High School and both Nikki and I were amazed at how my body responded to weight lifting. But with every up, comes a corresponding down, and much to the dismay of the other women who entered the gym, every guy that would walk by made a positive comment on my progress, while the glares of resentment continued to grow from the other women. "It's getting old, all the comments that guys make." I sighed quietly. "They're being nice" Nikki responded while helping me stretch out my back. "There just hitting on me." I said. "Is that so bad? They're not being rude." Nikki smiled as she helped me lay on my back and pushed up on my leg, until my knee was almost touching my chest. Although I was decked out in long sweat pants, having Nikki help with my stretching always seemed to attract a number of lingering stares from every guy in the gym. Looking up from the floor, I tilted my head around my calf to find Nikki's face staring down at me, "They're not being rude? That is so much bull, guys think with one thing only in mind..." and my eyes looked around the room discreetly, "...Sex" I mumbled, "And only sex." Nikki just smiled, "Okay" she sighed. She was smiling because she suspected that my complaining wasn't so much genuine resentment against guys, but another issue that she was only now starting to put the pieces together on. ~~~~~~~ I wasn't big on talking and made my whole life revolve around several hours a day of training and studying, but Sharon meanwhile was on a mission to set me up on a date...a double date to be exact. I stepped out of the bathroom; my hair wet as billows of steam and perfume scented shampoo filling the room. I expected to only find Nikki waiting for me in my room, but there was Sharon, her eyes growing wide as she saw the bruises along my legs and arms, "What in the hell!" Sharon stepped in to look closer. "I know," I sighed, "but goes with the territory". "Territory nothing," Sharon squatted down and gently ran a finger over my bruised legs, "Are you okay?" She said in her overprotective manner. I noticed the look of puzzlement on Nikki's face, which was true; Nikki was amazed at the way Sharon was fawning all over my 'minor' bruising. "Sharon's very concerned" I shrugged with a smile and looked over at Nikki. Suddenly Sharon stood up, "Yes I am, and what's all this junk about you going out tonight? I need to speak with you about something!" Sharon said in a very tense but demanding manner. "About what?" I said and reached over to pull a brush off the nightstand, running it thru my hair. "About that double date we're going on tomorrow night" Sharon said emphatically, to which my hand froze and my once light hearted expression turned serious. "What are you talking about?" I said, arm still frozen in the air, brush still in hand. "That's what we need to talk about" Sharon said placing her hands on her hips. Firmly, I pulled the brush from my hair and placed it back down on the dresser, "No." "Why?" Said Sharon with a hint of irritation, "You haven't even heard me out!" "I'm not going on a blind date, that's why, you know I don't like surprises." I replied. Nikki watched me become a little flustered which surprised her since she had never seen me get so on-edge so quickly. "Do you trust my judgment?" Sharon asked with a smile while innocently tilting her head to the right. "That's not a fair question" I sighed, "Look, we'll talk about it later, okay? But I'm really not in favor of going on a blind date" I walked over to my desk and grabbed my keys and purse. "Okay, it's not really a blind date, I know the guy and we are going to meet them at the Pub down the street, it will be very casual, so let's just eliminate the word 'Date'!" Sharon protested. "Do I know this guy?" I spun around. "Not directly..." "Then it's a blind date" I picked up the brush again and whipped it thru my long blonde hair casually, which was starting to piss Sharon off. "...but he knows you...or he's seen you around...and like I said..." Sharon countered in a heated tone. "What do you mean he knows me!" I looked suspiciously at Sharon. "He's seen YOU with me on a few occasions so...Look we do need to talk about this, so why are you heading out right now?" Sharon huffed. "Sharon," I paused in frustration and placed the brush down on the chest carefully. Sensing maybe now would be a good time to leave, Nikki spoke up, "We can do this some other time Corbin" said in the most unassuming manner possible. "No"..."Yes" I and Sharon both spoke at the same time, making it impossible for Nikki to know who said what, but I quickly and firmly put an end to the issue, "NO, we are still going Nik!" I said and then looked back at Sharon, "It's late Thursday Afternoon Sharon and you come waltzing in here, when I have barely been able to catch up with you for the past three days, and now you want to talk about making plans. But I've already made plans this evening...." "BUT" Sharon tried to interrupt. "No BUTS!" I stepped in and gently grabbed Sharon's right arm, "Look, we'll talk in the morning okay? Please. And, I'll see what I can do about tomorrow night. I just wish I had more warning that's all." I looked dead on into Sharon's eyes for some understanding. Sharon relaxed her posture a little and rolled her eyes, "Fine" She sighed. "What are your plans for tonight?" I asked, her hand still gently tugging on Sharon's right elbow, hoping that maybe she would be able to join Nikki and I. "Oh I can't, I have this pledge meeting I need to attend." Sharon sighed again and then felt her lean in to give me a hug, which Sharon firmly returned. "You coming back here tonight?" I asked as I pulled away. "Yeah" Sharon nodded. "Okay, see you later tonight" I smiled and stepped around Sharon to reach for the door. Nikki awkwardly smiled as she stepped around Sharon and said, "It was nice meeting you". "Yeah, nice to meet you too" Sharon said, but in a somewhat distracted tone, but I know Sharon's various so called 'Tones' and I could tell, she didn't like Nikki. "How long have you and Sharon known each other?" Nikki had to ask. "Couple of years" My reply came out sounding automatic, as if my mind was elsewhere, quickly my mind returned to the present and I looked over at Nikki as we climbed into Nikki's car. "That's right, you did mention that." Nikki spoke out load as she started the car. "Why do you ask?" I sat looking. "Because, back in your room, for a few moments you two had the familiarity with one another that you find in friends that it takes years to develop...years..." Nikki replied. "You mean like an Old-Married-Couple?" I smirked with amusement to which Nikki chuckled a little while adjusting her rearview mirror. "No, not at all. Well, not quite, but close enough" She said. I had started to enjoy Nikki's company immensely as she enjoyed simply hanging out and Nikki had a sense of responsibility to her academic studies like I did. Before I even knew it, I had found myself in what felt like the beginning of a genuine, sincere friendship. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Those guys over at the bar, and that other table over there, have been staring at us." Nikki said as we sat out on the now enclosed balcony of one of out favorite restaurants. My head jerked to the left and scanned the room, "Don't look!" Nikki giggled. "Oh sorry" I slumped in my chair and blushed red with a smile. I waved my left hand in the air as if shooing a fly, "I'm such a klutz" and reached for my glass of red wine, taking a hurried sip. "No, your just indiscrete when it comes to certain social graces." Nikki said with a smile but I knew she didn't mean it to be condescending or insulting. In fact, Nikki seemed to be 'the' authority on manners, etiquette, and moved with effortless grace. More so then even Sharon, but then Sharon seemed to be a bit more pampered and feminine in her mannerisms. "What?" I gawked at Nikki as I noticed her staring at me with this odd smile. "One of those guys is coming over to our table." Nikki raised her left eyebrow with such discretion that had I not been staring right into her disarmingly dark eyes, I would not of picked up on it. "Damn" I mumbled and looked down at my lap, I was just hoping for some time alone. "Hello ladies." the guy said, "I'm John and wanted to invite you two to come over and have drinks on us." "Hello John, my name is Nicole and this is my dear friend Corbin." Nikki extended her left hand out over the table towards me, as if introducing someone important. "I've heard of you! You the girl that belted that guy at the party?" He chuckled trying to be lighthearted. However, I simply frowned and rolled my eyes. "Yeah" I sighed and reached for my drink. "You know John, that's an awfully nice invitation but we've ordered and would like to eat first. Then we'll stop by and chat." Nikki smiled and John, like most men when in the presence of two beautiful women, his brain had 'checked out'. He hesitated for a second and then smiled at his awkward hesitation, "Yeah, sure that would be great, enjoy your dinner." and took a step back casting several looks back as he walked away. "Oh, he likes you." Nikki discreetly pointed her finger in my direction. "How could you tell, I never made eye contact with him." I sighed. "Well, as he walked away he definitely was checking you out." and Nikki smiled at my bashfulness as I turned my head away and adjusted my hair. I could feel Nikki studying me maybe waiting for me to say something; "You're gorgeous Corbin and you don't even know the effect you have over men and..." Nikki hesitated "...women." "I'm sorry, such talk makes you extremely uncomfortable, I could see that the first time we met." Nikki sipped on her wine. I folded my napkin a few times in a nervous gesture and shrugged, still looking down at my lap. "I don't know why, I'm just very uncomfortable with being viewed as a...sexual object by men." Then my whole body jumped a little when I felt Nikki's foot touch me on the calf. Nikki just smiled, she just wanted to get my attention. "Its okay Corbin, just be yourself around me. We don't have to talk to those guys." and immediately a sense of relief seemed to come over me as I finally relaxed with a smile. "Thanks Nic, I get so stressed out...I'm terrible at making small talk." I perked up when the waiter came over with our meals. "So, uhm, which one was looking at me?" I meekly asked and glanced over to where the guys were gathered, playing darts and drinking beer. Nikki let go with a quick burst of laughter at how I was now showing signs of interest in the group of guys. By now, a few other girls had joined the guys in their round of dart playing, a couple cut unwelcome eyes in my and Nikki's direction. "You and Sharon are a lot alike." I said. "Like how?" Nikki shot back. "Both of you have this confidence...I mean you just seem to radiate confidence around people...especially strangers...like just now." I gave a quick glance to those guys. "I would say that is were the similarities end." Nikki commented. "True, very true." I admitted. "I think the hardest part for you is just accepting yourself, to stop trying to overcome your bashfulness like it's something bad...like some flaw in your personality. It's actually one of the best traits about you Corbin, it's part of your strength and when you embrace that as a welcome characteristic then eventually everything else will start to fall into place and feel comfortable." Wow, that really hit close to home and I have to admit, it shook me up emotionally to hear such a complete an accurate analysis. "I, I'm sorry...look at me." Nikki insisted becoming distraught over what she had just said, and probably concerned that I was crying a little. "No, its okay...I'm not upset because of what you said..." I looked up and actually seemed to smile a little, "...please believe me..." but Nikki seemed to need further convincing. "If you only knew how good it made me feel to hear you say that, no one, except maybe my mom has ever encouraged me to be content with that part of myself." and my jaw and just flexed with greater effort, as if my mood had switched more to being angry. I didn't jump this time, but a shiver went up my spine as Nikki stroked the back of my bare calf, exposed by my knee length skirt. It was an attempt to sooth me and it seemed to be working. "Mmmmmm..." Nikki sighed. "What?" I asked, feeling better as Nikki gently brushed her leg, it didn't feel awkward or sexual at all, but soothing...calming...what Nikki was doing. "I'd hate to get on your bad side Corbin." "Puuhhhhlleease" I groaned, "I'm a pussycat...harmless" I blushed. "I can't believe that Sharon has never consoled you like this before" Nikki's curiosity must be getting the better of her. "Oh she has, but just in an effort to try and get me to be more outgoing, but that's Sharon you know, she is very driven by 'things' that SHE wants." I said as I slowly ate dinner. Nikki appeared to take careful note of how I said that. "You ready?" Nikki looked up as we split the tip. "Yep...oh, what about?" I looked to where the guys were still hanging about. "That's up to you." Nikki paused as she was about to stand. "I guess" I nervously said as my heart fluttered, but Nikki just gave me a worry free smile. Taking a deep breath I collected my purse and turned, Nikki was already a couple of steps ahead. They're eyes collectively turned as heads and bodies all followed to watch us approach. What a site, the other half dozen guys had started jostling for position, all but forgetting about their current female company, something that sparked outrage in at least two of the girls I noticed. "Hey Nikki" a couple of them spoke up. "Hey Rob...Dave..." She smiled, "...this is my friend Corbin." I simply raised my hand and gave a little wave. "Why don't you join us?" John quickly interjected and scurried about collecting some extra chairs. Nikki gave me a quick look and was pleasantly surprised to see I just shrugged with a smile, a sign it was okay to stay. Already I was inundated with at least three men who were all trying to engage me in conversation, quite honestly it was exhausting to try and keep up with them all and before I knew it a glass of beer was next to me. Uncharacteristically I took the offered drink, thinking I needed the alcohol to unwind. "Careful, the brute might sock you if you get too close." A girl's voice rose up from behind several of the guys causing an uncomfortable moment. "What? Was that directed at me?" I stood up nervously and looked around the space we occupied in the corner of the bar. "Duh!" A girl said and slipped thru two of the guys, making a goofy dumb expression at me, meant obviously to mock me. It was Tiffany, and she was pissed at having us show up and basically manipulate every guy's attention away from her and her friends. "Put a cork in it." One guy said in reference to Tiffany's insult. "You put a cork in it, what do you guys see in this muscle head jock anyway?" The brunette scowled at me. I took a step forward but Nikki's left hand gripped my right wrist with a gentle squeeze and I stopped, checking my state of mind, realizing that I was about to deck the girl. It dismayed me that I was about to loose control so quickly and why did I want to immediately lash out? 'Get a grip' I told myself. "Come 'on, what are you waiting for...do we need to step outside?" Tiffany spat, looking me up and down with the best disdain and disgust she could muster. If Tiffany was lacking in any confidence, it wasn't showing, but she didn't look like she played second fiddle to anyone, sure I was taller and stronger then her but she seemed determined to make a stand. I guess in her mind she had her own pride to look out for even if it meant getting the crap beat out of her, and then again, maybe she could take care of herself? I swallowed hard and looked away as Nikki gripped my right hand that was down between our bodies. I decided to remain standing, I had swallowed my pride some, but felt that it would look 'cowardly' to sit down, at least in my own mind it did. Worse still, most of the guys were facially showing some disheartening looks that I wasn't 'stepping up'. Everyone's excitement over a 'girl fight' apparently was not going to happen. I had become too tongue tied to think of some snappy comeback and hoped somebody would shut the girl up. "Tiffany, what the hell is your problem? You're just being bitchy" John gripped. That was all the distraction that I needed, apparently Tiffany turned her venom on John next with his criticism as the two argued, but that died down too as Tiffany's friends managed to calm her down. I nursed my drink a little and actually accepted another drink, even relaxing enough to play a round of darts. Simply put, I decided to keep my distance from the other girl's, but it suddenly seemed that I went from fending off the hostility of other girl's to fending off the sexual advances of the guys who began probing my personal life. "Uhm, no" I said to Ryan's question and that was the biggest mistake I could have made. 'Are you seeing anyone?' that was his question, simple enough but my honesty opened the floodgates to invitations and requests for my phone number. "Well...uhm...you know, I don't know, my roommate and all really doesn't like allot of calls..." I just started to babble now as I tried fending off questions for my number but as the night wore on my defenses began to wane and the alcohol was causing me to stumble over my words. Watching another group play darts I stood leaning up against a waist high wooden bar, that allowed patrons to rest their drinks. "Would you like to go somewhere, get some coffee and talk?" His voice came from my left and I glanced over, thru glassy eyes I studied Ryan's attractive face. "What time is it?" I slurred my words. "About midnight" He faintly smiled. "Oh shit that's way past my bedtime." I thought. "Seriously?" He asked and leaned in closer and suddenly I realized just how close he was. With his body facing the bar so his left side rubbed up against my left shoulder as I was standing, facing away from the bar. 'Good grief' I privately thought as I started to realize that my heart was beating fast. This was the first guy I had ever come close to kissing since Kevin in High School. My fear of intimacy with guys led allot of people to think I might be a lesbian, but rumors of me making out with Kevin quickly squashed those rumors. "Don't answer that, I know your serious, sorry." Ryan sighed and I shivered as his warm breath crossed the short divide and caressed my outer ear. 'He must be really close' I thought for me to feel his breath against my skin. I smiled and felt his shoulders brush and just about gasped as I turned my head to the right as my eyes closed. I could feel the warmth of his cheek next to mine and soon the music and crowds seemed to be fading...further away now...'I want to kiss him...I think...I think I do...' I wondered. "There's Dale, let's go chat him up." came Tiffany's voice and it totally disrupted my mood as I looked up, blinking my eyes. It was total coincidence that Tiffany was walking past where I stood, but it caught me a bit off guard as my eyes followed Tiffany and her two friends as they made a straight line to where a few guys from the football team had just entered the bar. "What's the fuss?" I sighed. "Oh, that's Dale, the new 'star' quarterback for the team. He's a big deal now, it's been all over the news about his stats and going pro in a couple of years." Ryan sighed. I squinted, trying to clear the alcoholic haze from my eyes and mind, the smoke and late hour had also taken a toll. 'Wow' I thought to myself, Dale was very handsome...tall, looking very well built under his clothes and well dressed. I just smirked at how allot of the girl's were throwing themselves at him and I looked down at my almost empty glass and now understood why I didn't like this whole social scene, 'much too complex'. I looked up and felt that awkwardness, over and over it felt like Dale's gaze kept returning to me, trying to engage me. But my judgment was impaired, 'I've had about enough of this' I sighed to myself and set the beer down. "Thanks Ryan" I suddenly turned to her left and gave him a hug, something that was more promoted by my buzz then anything else. He gave me a kiss on the cheek but I could tell he was hoping for more, I however wasn't in the mood anymore. I take kissing on the lips very serious, not a casual thing at all. "Nikki...can we?..." I asked as I walked up behind Nikki, my head nodding towards the exit. "Sure" Nikki smiled and said her goodbyes as they left. "You okay?" Nikki asked guiding me by one of her arms as they walked to Nikki's car. "Yep, I think so" I giggled as she tried to walk a straight line.