College Years: 8 By Corbin The amazing true story of a girl (that's me) who simply refuses to conform. Pre-Story Introduction/Ranting/Venting/Observations... I wanted to backup a little and vent on I High School experience of that wonderful topic of 'Dating'. Dating for me was probably the most aggravating part of High School, simply because I really didn't make it a priority which seemed to set off a chain reaction of events I was simply not prepared for. The fact that I was so flippant/nonchalant/aloof (pick one) only seemed to aggravate everyone around me who DID make it THEIR priority. If I started hanging out with some boy, then suddenly it seemed expected for me to become friends with his friends and his friend's girlfriends (got that?)...even if I couldn't stand them...make sense? Then there were the guys that seemed to razz me publicly for being athletic and lifting weights (don't worry, I know it was just a form of flirting), because they would just turn around and privately pursue me like rabid dogs...calling me, leaving me notes on I car...in I locker...give me a break...totally confusing...but I understood they had their fragile little egos to keep intact and it was more of the *in* thing to date a girly-girl then a fashion wreck like myself. Maybe that's not a fare characterization of myself; I simply just rolled out of bed and pulled on I underwear, shorts, tee shirt and sneakers and off to school I went, that was the extent of I attention for primping for school. It wasn't a conscious effort on I part to snub people, I really believe I was just more focused on sports and studying, I parents drilled into I brain the importance of excelling academically, besides I saw what a mess dating was making of I friends, but I think they loved the chaos it created in their lives. I didn't go to the prom, in fact I didn't go to many dances at all, just more social crap to deal with. By I senior year, depending on who you asked I was either a snob, or a lesbian; The lesbo tag was something that got hung on me in the gossip circle by some girls after I turned down several guys for dates. You see, the fact was this mean spirited gossip all started over the fact that I was asked out first...that's right, it seems that some girl's got their egos bruised when several guys bypassed the self-imposed popularity hierarchy by asking me out first before asking out certain more popular girls. Ego's further bruised by the fact that I also suspected they spent a good hour or two primping in the mirror and I simply trudged down the hallway in I dirty sneakers everyday as their boyfriends stared me down with lustful intentions. Now, why would I turn down some of the hottest boys on our school campus? I can sum it up in one word "Manners". Seems some of these boys who asked me out thought that because 'they' knew they were popular and attractive meant it was expected of me to automatically accept a date invitation...I DON'T THINK SO! Look, I'm not out to prove a point here, but I am very...very picky. I may not have standards when it comes to dressing and combing I hair all the time, but when it comes to who I hang out with I do have very high standards. Now that I think about it maybe that's what got all the guys jazzed up, the fact that I didn't need to dress up or wear makeup to be attractive. Hell, I don't know...I'm just venting... 8 I sat up, propping myself up on my elbows as I looked around the room, the clock read "9:45am" and there was Sharon, sound asleep in her bed. I had not even heard her come back into the room, god only knows what time she got in from the party. By the time I stepped out of the bathroom from taking a shower, Sharon was now up, sitting on the edge of the bed rummaging her hands thru a tangle of long brunette hair. "Hey, how do you feel?" I asked, my tone borderline between cautious and optimistic. Sharon's response came after some delay, causing me to wonder if she had even heard me. "Oh, so-so, bit of a hang over, you want to go get some breakfast." Sharon looked up suddenly. The comment caught me a bit off guard, not because of the request for breakfast, but because there was a tone to the request that seemed to indicate an ulterior motive on Sharon's part. "Sure, sounds good." I nodded while tying my tennis shoes, yet the whole time I was thinking 'Sounds like hell'. Sure enough, I detected it...that awkward, forced dialogue between two people dancing around something until the real issue was to eventually be brought up. But it didn't come with a *bang*, instead with that of a simple, soft sigh on the part of Sharon as I set my cup of coffee down. "We'll, you've done it now." Sharon finally said after I much exaggerated 'sigh'. "Done what?" I looked up from the just served breakfast platter of a bagel and nova. "Combined with that little stunt of yours last night, you're getting a reputation as being a VERY stuck up...SQUARE girl..." Sharon leaned in and drew a square in thin air with her finger. "Oh, I don't care about that" I shrugged, while spreading some cream cheese on m bagel. But that was a partial lie, but it was more important that I keep my emotional defenses up. "Yeah, that's the problem; you don't give a shit..." Sharon continued to level her eyes at me, but they contained a much harder look. "...look Sharon..." I groaned as I chopped down on my bagel and proceeded to talk, because I know talking and eating annoys the hell out of Sharon. "Look nothing!" Sharon leaned in, her voice low but with a noticeably hard edge to it, "The world doesn't revolve around you Corbin..." "Nor you Sharon." I spat back, equally sure to keep my voice low. "No shit, but I'm trying to make inroads into this College, trying to build a future for myself and make new friends, not just go to class and collect grades." Sharon's face was blushing a bit with emotion as she delved right into the matter at hand. "I have sports." I wrinkled I brow at the insult and gave a shrug. "Just gymnastics!" Sharon waved a hand in the air as a quick dismissal. "And Soccer." I raised an eyebrow. "Soccer?" Sharon repeated dumbfounded, "What about gymnastics?! Where the fuck did Soccer come from?" she asked with concern. "Well, there are several reasons behind that decision; First, I've been playing with some of the girls on the field, you know just messing around, and it turned out I'm a little quicker then some of the ones who have been doing it for years. And my strength seems to give me an advantage also and I have more endurance then allot of them too...which is strange because of the amount of running on the filed, but I don't think they really take care of themselves as well I do. So, I guess that's why I'm in better shape." "So just like that, they are going to let you be on the team? And what about your gymnastics!" "The past few years have been allot tougher then you realize Sharon, I've grown taller and filled out. It's gotten allot harder on my body and joints to perform all of those routines, I just can't keep up with those freaky little girls flipping and flying thru the air, well not freaky, but their smaller frame size is tough to compete against." "We'll you're just naturally muscular, maybe if you went on a strict diet to get thinner...did you think about that?" Sharon spoke as I watched her stab her salad with a fork. "A strict diet?" I almost spit my food out of my mouth, "I'm like five-foot- ten now Sharon! I'm an Amazon compared to those girls on the team and I think I carry my build just fine and I'm not going to torture myself with diets hoping to force my 'square' body into a 'round' hole. It just won't work and as for getting on the Soccer Team, I'll have to wait for tryouts and start practicing and stuff, but the Coach, he's kind of started to take notice of me, so I think they might pull some strings." "Oh, THE Coach, has started to notice you, we'll isn't that special, I bet he noticed you alright." Sharon snickered to herself. "That's terrible." I said, "Nothing of the sort goes on like that!" I acted totally repulsed and shocked. "Oh, you're so correct, what a totally shocking suggestion. Some facility member drooling over a female student, that is so unheard of!" Sharon shook her head in mock disgust. "Can we change the subject!" I leaned across the table. "Yeah, we need to, so let's get back to the matter at hand." Sharon sipped on her glass of water. "Forget it" I said in a firm voice. "Forget what?" Sharon looked up. "I am not apologizing, 'cause I know this is where you are going." Sharon's lips tensed as she sat back in her booth, "Thanks Corbin, thanks for making so much effort." Sharon fidgeted with the napkin in her lap. "An effort? An effort for whom Sharon?" I quizzed suspiciously. "How about for me? As a friend Corbin, and thanks allot for keeping your little soccer plans a secret from me, I guess you would have eventually gotten around to sharing that decision with me." Sharon picked her fork up nervously and played some more with the salad. "For you Sharon? I'm the one that jerk grabbed back at the party, I mean what the hell!" I shook my head in disbelief, "And I was going to tell you about Soccer, but your always so busy with your 'social plans'." For a couple of minutes we sat in silence to see if a mutually unspoken truce had been reached, until Sharon finally spoke up; "Okay, fine, fine...but look, seriously, if you want to pursue Soccer that's just dandy, not as glamorous or elegant as Gymnastics, but I'm sure it will be okay." Sharon sighed out her comment with a less then enthusiastic tone. "What?" Sharon blurted out as she studied my serious expression, one that bespoke anger more then anything else. "What? What's wrong now?" Sharon slumped her shoulders forward. "Could you spare me the derogatory remarks" I replied, a slight look of hurt in my eyes. Sharon frowned a little, maybe remembering how bitchy her comments come out sounding sometimes. "I'm sorry" Sharon said with a frown, and looked back down pushing the leaves of the salad around. "I'm just teasing, no harm intended. I guess you just totally caught me off guard with your decision. But your super at whatever you set your mind to, so I'm sure you'll do great." Sharon looked back up and smiled. "Thanks" I tried to smile, but it came out a little forced as I went back to eating. A minute of awkward silence still managed to fill the space between us. "Look, I'm sorry okay." Sharon said with a much more desperate tone, "but sometimes I can't read you, and I can't tell when it's okay to joke around and when it's not okay." That comment, or attempt on Sharon's part didn't go over well with me...at all. "So let me get this straight..." I said, Sharon watched as my left hand crumbled a napkin in a fit of aggravation. "Look if you're going into a defensive mode, then let's just..." Sharon snapped back. "No...no...just wait a second, let me finish Sharon..." I leaned in, angry now, "...I just want to understand what came out of your mouth..." Sharon proceeded to shift in her seat, adjusting her skirt, obviously fighting back the words that wanted to fly out of her mouth, although I knew I was totally unjustified in this case. "Fine, go ahead" she gripped. "You're basically saying..." I leaned in, lowering my voice, "...that because you 'CANT READ ME', that it's my fault you make insensitive comments?" "That's not fair, that's not what I'm saying, I don't always do that..." Sharon started to lean over the table, also now speaking with a somewhat intense tone. "Yes! Yes you do! You make crappy sarcastic comments all the time! Allot more then you are willing to admit! And it's absolutely insulting to sit here and listen to you rationalize your bad behavior..." I spat. "Your just being OVERLY-Defensive now and beating me up because you're having a hard time fitting in here at school!" Sharon interjected, pointing I finger at me. But I could tell she instantly regretted making that comment, it was purely mean-spirited. And as if on cue, I suddenly leaned back in my seat, an obvious look of hurt on my face. "I'm sorry." Sharon pleaded, and her hard, defensive look turned soft and emotional. But I would have none of it and quickly looked down at my purse, sitting off to my right all the while my heart pounded in my chest, "Once again it's my fault, right? All my fault." My jaw flexed as I reached in withdrawing my share of the lunch and threw some cash on the table. "I've got it!" Sharon quipped as also grabbed her purse. "Whatever." I said and slid out of the both to stand up. "Wait, where are you going?" Sharon fumbled now for her purse and looked up in shock. "You think I'm going to sit around and argue...banter...whatever! While you try and blame me...insult me, no thank you" I quickly walked down the row of booths, several male students pausing and watching as I walked by. "I said I was sorry!" Sharon called out after me. I glared over I shoulder and shot back, "So what!" as if the apology didn't make anything better, Sharon's attempt to verbally settle things was not going to work this time. I stepped out into the sidewalk in front of the Caf‚, I turned to my right and started walking back towards campus, a cool wind caught me head on and it felt good as I took a deep breath. "Corbin! Wait!" I heard Sharon call out and a couple of seconds later the brunette was at my side, "I can't believe you just walked out like that!" Sharon huffed. "You see me walking out don't you? I'm not going to argue with you Sharon..." "I don't want to argue either!" Sharon pleaded. I suddenly stopped and pointed at Sharon with my left finger, causing her to stop abruptly "And I'm not going to be insulted or blamed for any of this, nor do I want to listen to your belittling backhanded apologies!" and then started walking away again. "I'm sorry, okay, look...will you stop!" Sharon tugged on the back of my shirt. Finally, I started to slow down and looked around silently pointing to a small common area with a bench to sit on. We quietly walked over to have a seat, a large oak provided some shade from the bright sun. Sharon collected her thoughts, "I really mean it, I am sorry, okay?" Sharon leaned forward trying to get me to look at her and eventually I turned and did look her in the eyes, taking a deep breath. It was a little reassuring to see Sharon looking extremely emotional, as if it was finally getting thru to her how upset I was. "Well, I'm waiting" I said folding my left leg over I right. "Waiting for what?" Sharon leaned back defensively. "The usual crappy comment that follows your apology, so you don't have to take any of the blame." I said with an unemotional and stern stare. "Okay, go ahead, beat me up. I know I'm not perfect, but this has to be a two way street you know." Sharon tensed up, knowing that I might take it wrong. "What Sharon?" I in fact bristled with defensive posture, "Why do you want a two way street with someone that 'doesn't fit in' I snapped." Reminding Sharon once again of I comment back at the caf‚. "I said I was sorry for that I, I was just being mean...a bitch, okay?" Sharon pleaded and leaned back against the bench, her arm coming to rest on top of the backrest before speaking, "But you never once told me what was going on. You know, there's allot of stuff I share with you and talk about, but you still throw things out at me 'all of the sudden like' and I feel totally blind sided as your friend. And you want my total, unconditional support, yet you never even give me the slightest inclination with what is going on with you!" Sharon crossed her legs. "Sharon, look..." Sighing as I leaned back, slumping down in the park bench a little as I relaxed my body, "...sometimes, I don't always let you know what's going on..." "Well, it feels like you never let me in on things lately, point in fact...how many times have I had things dropped on me when you come into the room and announce, 'I'm changing classes', 'I'm dropping this sport', 'I'm signing up for this and that', and I never had one inclination that you were even thinking about changing your mind, on anything! It's like you have this super secret side to yourself..." Sharon talked quicker as I guess she saw the shake in my head indicating some protesting on my part. "...I'm not saying I want you to REPORT to me on everything in your life, but you're my friend and I enjoy sharing things with you. Stuff that I only want you to know because I trust you and I hope you can trust me! It makes me feel better when we talk and maybe I just assumed it was the same for you also, that you would want to share all those little things in your life, because...and I know this sounds corny, but because you're a part of my life and that's why I so desperately wanted you to be a part of all my social plans. Not to try and change you, but because I so enjoy your company." Sharon's right hand stretched out over the back of the bench and gently stroked my bicep. I glanced down at the touch and sighed, it was soothing and amazingly allot of my hostility seemed to evaporate with one simple physical act, and one hell of a speech. "I'm sorry too..." I sighed and rolled my eyes to disguise a faint glisten in the corner, "...I'm not trying to shut you out or be withdrawn." Sharon rubbed and patted my back, "I know school and everything has been stressful for you, but..." Sharon leaned closer in, "...I shouldn't have been so rude during lunch." This was a big deal for Sharon as I watched my friend, at least in my own mind it was. Sharon had burned thru more friendships in her life because of that take-charge, 'fuck you', bitchy attitude. Yet I felt some sense of urgency at nurturing this friendship with me, even though it felt like things had become a little shaky over the past few weeks, and it felt good to see her make so much effort. I leaned forward, resting my hands on my knees, my eyes traveling idly over the long blades of green grass around my shoes, "Sorry I blew up at you, and I shouldn't have walked out...my anxiety level is thru the roof right now that's all." I reached over with my right hand placed and placed it on Sharon's bare left knee "We'll good, I'm glad that's settled!" Sharon straightened and smiled, "And we both agree I was right and you were wrong." We both laughed at the comment. Sharon stood up and adjusted her purse, "Let me know when your trying out for practice, I'll come watch and cheer you on!" Sharon pumped her left hand in the air and kicked her left foot out in a little impromptu Cheer salute. "Yeah, I'd like that" I smiled and hugged Sharon around the waist. (Things seem to be going better for me...right? Well you just wait. Oh, and if you've guessed by now that I sound naive back in High School and College, well bingo you win a door prize, I was very naive. But that has all changed over the years.)