College by Corbin Chapter 12 ********** Minding my own business (at least that is what I was trying to do) but last night I found myself eavesdropping on a conversation between three guys at the gym...they didn't know I was there and honestly I could only hear bits and pieces. I was standing behind a large column so they couldn't see me. NO I did not sneak up on them! They were college boys (which is different from College Men; 'Men' speak English properly and have a sense of self respect and respect towards others, 'boys' are immature as you will see in the following dialogue): Dip-shit College boy #1: "Hey man, what's up?" Dip-shit College boy #2: "Nothing man, what's going on?" Dip-shit College boy #3: "Hey bud" (Wow this has the makings of a super-duper conversation, let's see if it gets better, bet it doesn't!) Dip-shit College boy #2: "Where's so-and-so?" Dip-shit College boy #1: "Probably over his girlfriend's apartment, I called there the other day and her roommate answered the phone, said he was busy still in bed sleeping." Dip-shit College boy #1: "Busy probably fucking her." Dip-shit College boy #2 & 3: "Yeah" (snickering, giggles and laughter ensues) Dip-shit College boy #1: "So I run into this chick that answered the phone last night and she said 'you're an asshole'" (more snickers and laughter for some reason). Anyway those were the parts I could hear, anyway how do I know there talk is all male bravado-bullshit? Well observe as I silently slip away from where I stood listening, only to reappear a few seconds later. But this time I entered the weight room from a different direction so they could see me this time. I purposively walk over to an empty bench next to where the three guys and then I innocently ask; "Sorry to be a bother, but are you guys using this bench?" I flip a few loose strands of hair over my right ear (nice touch eh?). Well what happened to all the tough male bravado? *POOF-PRESTO-BINGO* It vanished, suddenly gone now they were falling all over themselves to help; "No not at all, here let me..." and one guy scoots the bench towards me in a friendly gesture even going so far as offering to adjust the height on it. (What do I look like, a novice? They've seen me before I bet and know I'm a regular but anything to keep the conversation going I guess). ********** For those of you that find my writing long winded, boring, a drain to read, guess what? I'm now going to make it LONGER, MORE MIND-NUMBING BORING then ever before, God I hope it turns your one brain cell into mush! Just wait till I get to the part where I start working at a Nursery, that's right; dirt, potted, plants, flowers. I love that shit and I'm going to write about it HA! I can hear the groaning now, I love it! Actually I am a very laid-back-happy-go-lucky-easy-going person, yeah I know you don't believe me based on all of the griping I've done one might think I walk around perpetually pissed off. Not true at all! Well now, on with this super-charged, highly rated life of mine! ********** Nikki and I were about ready to drop the proverbial bombshell on our respective boyfriends, partly because the rumors were getting out of control, and mostly because it's true. Yeah I know! I've been saying that for pages now, so get off my back about it already! The pressure is getting horrible! But at the last minute we chickened out (Shut up you people! Don't I have enough to deal with! All your huffing and puffing, eye rolling bull crap on top of everything! These things take careful planning!). Anyway we used 'spring break' as a nice excuse, it made sense because there was a whole group of us going on this trip, Nikki and her boyfriend included. Better to get the 'planned trip' over with, then deal with 'the conversation', and consequences thereafter. A whole day of flying is no fun, but that is what it took to get down to our destination at Cocoa Beach. It was beautiful we had great weather, a beach front property (all thanks to Sharon's family knowing someone that was kind of enough to let us use their beach house). For some reason I was a little bothered by the presumption on Dale's part that we would be sharing a bed together, it seemed that every couple there was sharing a bed together, maybe I felt like it just added fuel to the speculation that Dale and I were sleeping together, uhm I mean 'having sex together'. Dale was constantly preoccupied with my body, sometimes to the point of being annoying (Wanting to constantly take pictures of me, wanting me to pose in my underwear...you get the point, he even had me for his wallpaper on his damn computer! Now do you get the point! I guess I should be more appreciative). Guys have to learn that for women, at least for me, it takes all the right ingredients before I am 'in the mood' to be affectionate, and I also like being 'in control'; So we get close...then I pull away...we get closer...then I pull away more. You get the point, maybe not. Everyone was pretty tired from the traveling, at least I was, my anxiety is very high and I cannot get any rest while driving, flying or whatever. Every morning was the same routine, off to the beach. I wore my usual provocative attire, a skirted hipster bikini bottom and a halter bikini top. Everyone knew I was a prude when it came to swimwear, but I tried to keep the sun off my skin as much as possible and still had this mental block about those skimpy bikinis my friends would wear, I just felt like I was standing outside in my underwear, practically naked! All of the other girls were wearing typical string bikinis, and had the bodies to wear them too! But Nikki in her black string bikini was the most devastating because it barely covered her, her body was just so smoking...gushing...drooling...sexy...babbling...crazy hot! She got a lot of stares from every guy on the beach. Given my stance on the swimwear situation I was still prodded persistently by 'the guys' to wear something more revealing. I think it actually made Dale proud when the guys would say, "Corbin you've got the best body out here, you should show it off." "Thanks." I would smile and say. ********** Nikki was laying face down on her beach towel, arms folded under her head, she had just come from a dip in the ocean so she was still all wet. "You shouldn't be trying to tan, bad for your skin you know?" I said with a smile. Nikki smiled with her head still resting, "Just a few minutes and I'll get under the umbrella." My eyes kept watching her legs, arms and back, her smooth naturally dark skin so well defined from years of soccer and exercise. Her jet black hair, plastered to her back. Her muscles tensed as she shifted to a more comfortable spot on the towel, the black bikini bottom that already did an inadequate job of covering her perfectly round bottom stretched as her gluts flexed during the shift. I felt an awkward warmth start down between my legs and I set the book down, no way I could concentrate now. 'Shit!' I mouthed the words as I glanced back over and admired my friends beautiful derriere, 'the back of that suite is barely even there, how can she even wear that! And it's like a freaking second skin, so tightly plastered to her butt cheeks.' And fucking Rob! He keeps coming over to rub lotion on her thighs and back! Get lost you punk! (Even if he is her boyfriend and all that junk!) AHHHH!!! THAT'S IT!! I can't take this anymore, I needed to cool off, I was loosing my composure again! I knew this was a bad idea for Nikki and I to be on vacation together. "Care to join me for a swim?" I asked while standing, 'You dope!' my subconscious scolded me 'Are you just TRYING to give it all away! Be more discrete!'. Anyway I expected her to say 'no', seeing how she just came out of the ocean. 'Say no, say no, say no' I privately prayed, temptation is too much for me right now, 'I should never have asked, I'm an idiot!' Yeah I have these conversation in my head all the time. "Sounds nice." Nikki smiled and went to stand up, my heart fluttered and so I looked away, back out over the water, any more staring on my part just caused me to ache for her even more and it would just break my heart to not be able to touch her now. We gave a wave to our boyfriends as they stayed behind, diving into the cooler for another beer and to talk sports, guy talk, whatever. "Were are you girls staying?" some guys remarked, total strangers to us, as we walked by them, "Our names are blah-blah and blah-blah! What are yours?" the guys continued but we just kept on walking. The comments were frequent as we walked down the beach, slowly toward the waves. Some were very direct questions, but it's spring break and guys were hot on our tails every single step of the way. The only time they cooled the talk was when Nikki and I were with our boyfriends, but still that didn't keep them from making comments about how *hot* we were. Most annoying was when guys would do an about face and start following us, trying to strike up a conversation. We started to wade out into the water, some of the incoming waves were pretty big which made it all the more fun, soon we were both diving into the oncoming surf as they would crash towards the shore. We got distracted and ended up drifting several yards away from our camp, the plan all along *wink*nod*smile* "Look how far we've drifted!" I raised a finger in the direction of our tent. I can't recall feeling this upbeat in a long time. Suddenly I was being pulled down into the waves from behind, "Gotcha!" Nikki said and pushed me into an oncoming wave. My head surfaced, bobbing around when I saw my girl coming toward me. She had a playful look on her face and I was ready this time, but she paused to adjuster her bikini top, that's when I ran toward the next oncoming wave and dove into the water. "Not so fast!" I heard her voice for a brief second and then my head was under water as I swam. I felt fingers tips trying to grab my ankles, 'Damn she's a fast swimmer.' I thought, so I stopped and treaded water. "Gotcha again!" Nikki said, her teeth flashed even whiter compared to her tan skin, her arms wrapped around my torso. "Yeah, you've got me." I said as I caught my breath thru an open mouth, I also realized I wasn't smiling. We were far enough out that the waves caused our bodies to rise and fall before the waves would start to break, for a brief moment we would loose sight of the shore during the swell. Nikki stopped smiling as well and I started to wrap my arms around her body, I looked around and she did the same, was anyone watching? Could anyone even see us? I kissed her cheek as her head was still turned to look toward our camp. "Another fine mess you've gotten us into." She said with a smile and kissed me on the lips. "Indeed." I sighed and kissed her back. By now our bodies had achieved very intimate contact under the water, with so much bare skin pressing tight; our stomachs, chests, thighs periodically intertwined. Everything slippery due to the sun block lotion, after our brief kiss Nik's look got serious and she moved her face in again, but pulled away, testing to see what my reaction might be. So I gently bumped my nose into hers, she bumped back again and smiled a little, we fell into a trance, simply staring into one another's eyes as the whole world faded, we were lost on some deserted island, just the two of us. Nikki's mouth moved over my chin, cheek and forehead, all the while I did the same to her. We loved to touch, and feel one another. "Finally I get my hands on you, I've been watching you on the beach all day." Nikki purrs into my ear, "You need to loose this skirt and show off this fine ass of yours." I blush at those wonderful words and I feel her strong fingers gripping my butt. I then gasp and moan when she bumps her crotch into mine and I rubbed mine back against hers. We remained hugging for a few more minutes, cheek to cheek, until Nikki asked in what was a most remarkably sad tone, "What are we going to do?" She wasn't looking for a serious answer at this moment and I didn't have one in any case. I knew what she meant it was just a frustrating situation to be in as we were still carrying on this 'front' with everyone. "It will happen Nik, it will happen, I believe it will, let's just stick to our plan after vacation." I sighed. Her response was typical Nikki, she leaned back and smiled a little, she had this look of relief on her face and kissed me on the lips again. "I believe in us too." Nikki moaned into my mouth and we parted after another long, but deeper kiss. "We should get back." She said, I just smiled and nodded. "Race ya!" Nikki yelled. "GO!" I said and took off first. "Cheater!" Nikki said but caught up with me and passed me before we got to the shore. It was a wonderful stroll back to our group, unfortunately everyone was already there which made our disappearance together all the more scrutinized, no one said anything but I could feel it in the stares. ********** So I wanted to come up with a very cool description for how it all unfolded, because I don't feel like my writing style is really 'all that', but all I could come up with is the age-old lines; 'An uneasy silence' and 'You could cut the tension with a knife', junk like that. Okay so now that we have the atmosphere out of the way lets move along to the setting: My apartment, and the day/time: Friday late afternoon. All that's left to do is come totally clean with Dale, but something didn't feel right. As the first paragraph indicated, not only was I acting very tense and quiet, but so was he! Hmm not a good sign people! I tried to relax the situation by asking him to lay down with me on my bed, I just had on some casual jeans and a sweatshirt, he was dressed about the same. Better that he lying down so that when he gets the news he doesn't keel over and bump his head on the floor. No sooner had we both gotten comfortable he drops the bomb on me first! "You want to tell me the real story about you and Nikki?" He said almost like he's suspected for some time now, in a casual tone type of way. DRAT! DOUBLE DRAT!! Because I can be a total spaz my head jerks around so fast it was like admitting 'Hey! I am guilty as hell and you just beat me to the punch!' Geez luweez! His expression somewhere between angry and sad which caused me to go rigid for a second. I lowered my head back down as my right hand moved up to my face, my fingers slowly begin to rub my head and eyes 'Oh God, here it goes.' Still I had given no response just additional confirmation as far as he was concerned I guess. 'Well good' I thought I was fed up with the lies and half-truths. "Damn it! So it's not a fucking rumor!" and he promptly sat up propping himself up on his right elbow looking down at me. Hmmm...I don't think a pouty face and some tears will get me out of this mess! I pulled my hand from my face and let it flop down on the bed, now I wanted to really cry (not bullshit cry either) I've been making a fool of myself, of Dale, for months now acting like nothing was going on when everyone suspected, everyone had to know! What were we thinking! "Say something Corbin! What's going on? Please tell me it's just some experimental phase! A lipstick lesbian thing maybe!" He snapped, not loudly, but there was a tone in his voice now, agitated and confused (no wait, I was the one agitated and confused, I don't know, gheesh I can't keep all this junk straight!) "NO! Nikki and I..." I tried to collect my thoughts into something coherent, of course that wasn't working. Don't I need to be at Soccer Practice now? Or be taking a long written test? Anything would be more pleasant then this. "How long has this been going on? Did you have sex with her? All your big talk about how you would never fool around behind my back! You know what Corbin that applies to women as well!" Dale suddenly bolted upright and was now standing next to my bed then he began to pace the room. "I'm such an idiot!" 'Again with the sex thing!' I thought and I knew where this was going, if I had sex with Nikki...why not him. I looked over at him and could tell he was getting really angry, more angry then I have ever seen him and rightly so. I on the other hand lay there, unmoving, actually very relaxed for a minute, a big weight had been lifted off me, I just now waited for that other weight, the one of guilt/consequences to come crashing down. "Are you bisexual Corbin? When did you two start seeing each other because I want to know how long you've been making a fool out of me, and our relationship! Thank you for being so fucking honest with me!" Dale was really blasting me it was actually very impressive! He was always kissing my butt! I let out a long groan and sat up swinging my legs over the side of the bed to face him. "I don't fucking believe this you don't have anything to say to me?" he now stood looking down at me hands on hips. Yep that's right, not a word! Partly because my blonde brain does not function as it should all the time. That is a fact known worldwide my friends! I took a deep breath and looked up with my best sad face, upturned the palms of my hands and said "I'm sorry Dale I should have come to you when we first got involved, but I just kept putting it off." Oh wait, damn, Nikki and I started before I met Dale! Shit I can't even keep my own life in order! "So you're attracted to women is that it? I can't believe it, I never would have thought you!" and then another pause, guess he decided to go for the really BIG question now, "Do you love her? Wait don't answer that I don't want to know, more importantly are you two still seeing each other?" "Still seeing one another? Well, yeah." I sighed and my right leg started to bounce nervously, a sign I was getting angry, all these questions are making me irritated now. I looked up raised my eyebrows "I don't have any answers Dale, I didn't plan for this, how could I know anything like this would ever happen to me, I'm sorry." And I actually started to cry a little. "I want you to end it NOW! Call her NOW! And I want to hear you say it's over! You're my Girlfriend not hers, you can't throw everything we have together away on a relationship with some girl that won't ever amount to anything!" He was practically shouting while pointing his fingers down at me and then at the phone. "That's not true!" I snapped looking up, sniffing back the tears and shaking my head 'No' to his command that I call her and break it off. "What's not true? Were you actually going to tell me that you could have some kind of life with Nikki! Are you going to have a family with her? For almost two years you and I have been together, I'm planning on asking you to marry me right before we graduate? Did you even think about that!" Dale sounded like he wanted to keep going but his voice was shaking and tears were flooding spilling out of his eyes. Wow this conversation is going A LOT worse then I originally anticipated. How did I gloss over all the 'punch in the gut' emotions that I was feeling? 'Okay get your act together.' I thought and wiped my cheeks, enough of this crying shit and I stood up straight looking him dead in the eye and said "Yes I do love Nikki, but I love you too Dale." I hope I didn't sound too 'cold'. His expression went hard and for the first time I saw him emotionally pushing me away trying to protect himself, he reached for his jacket and put it on, "All your big, damn talk about honesty and being faithful, all the while you're playing me for a fool while you figure things out with Nikki!" "I know I need to make a decision Dale!" I snapped again I felt like I was buying more time, or was I? So many life-altering decisions that needed immediate attention, but it all felt like a major traffic jam. "Maybe the decision isn't yours to make!" and he stormed out after that. Well now I never thought of it that way, maybe Dale will actually break up with me and I won't have any choice in the matter. That's a strange position to be in for once, no one has ever broken up with me! I haven't dated much either, but anyway. In some odd way I was also feeling liberated, but with new found freedom comes some ugly truths that are bound to resonate through our friends and eventually our families. I called Sharon and she came straight over from Kevin's, I was totally honest about everything. It really blew Sharon away to hear me actually admit I was romantically involved with Nikki, she always suspected but having actual confirmation seemed to really affect her. Sharon kept asking; 'What about Dale?' 'What about you and Dale?' I had to get very firm with Sharon at one point so she would understand, Nikki and I are NOT a 'one time curiosity-thing' we are in-love and in a serious relationship. Sharon finally got it and went dead silent for a few minutes fidgeting with her hands until she finally said "Well at least you two have good taste." and that kind of made me smile. Suddenly I had the urge to go for a run, or head over to the gym. Sounds perfectly fine to me, when I get confused and don't know what to do I retreat back to the tried and proven things in my life that have yet to let me down! Emotions are confusing and make my head hurt, and my heart, and my tummy gets a little queasy, and who needs all that mess! ********** I don't know what it is but every time Nik and I try to reach each other via cell phone the other always seems right there, ready to pick up, more goofy symbolic spiritual stuff to decode? Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it. Anyway Sharon left and Nikki is on her way over, her experience was pretty similar to mine except she broke the news to Rob first, Nik said he literally jumped up from his chair and yelled "I fucking knew it!" his face turned several shades of angry-red. Will this miserable, damn day EVER END? I look down at my watch yet again 'quarter after six'. I was sitting outside on the front stoop of my complex and waited, the cool breeze and fresh air put me at ease, a sense of calm fell over me as I thought 'Silly goof! This is not the end of the world, you made choices, and you would have made the same choices all over again.' Even though I was floating into a more spiritual outlook on the situation I also prayed no friends came by, I was in no mood for light chit-chat. FUCKING FINALLY! (Pardon my language folks, I really don't have such a potty mouth, around my parents I never curse) I watched my girl's black BMW come into view. Nikki looked very upset and anxious as she walked up the sidewalk at a very fast clip, that queasy feeling had returned to my stomach as well. "Well," I sigh, adding a slight shrug and faintly fling my hands into the air, "It's out there now I guess." I couldn't help but give an exhausted but dazed smile. Nikki slows down her pace and stops about a foot away, she looks down at where I am sitting and let's her shoulders slump a little, she also looks emotionally drained. Expressions can convey allot, we communicate so much via body language, it's just something that's always been there between us, a light nod, wink, smile, tilt of the head and we can make or alter plans very quickly. (It also makes us a super team on the soccer field that we read each other so well!) Some long black hair falls down around her high cheekbones and like the silly ditz I am I become distracted in all of her beauty. With her dark complexion and almost black eyes it's easy for Nik to generate the most menacing of looks, you would think this would be one of those times. But I know better and observe a faint smile moving into the corners of her mouth. Nikki's gentle, loving, kindness towards me is amazing, she is never harsh with me, nor I her. Still silent her left hand stretches toward where I sit, I stand up and my girlfriend steps in to give me this strong hug from head to toe. I feel the warmth of her mouth on my cheek "As long as we are together everything will be ok." She whispers. My spirit and confidence are back! Seeing her and being with her makes me suddenly realize why we are doing all of this. Also I think her slight Portuguese accent has some hypnotizing affect on me, but that's a whole other theory. ********** Okay, have to get back to work! Grrr! Tending to my boyfriend, yeah remember him? What! You thought all of that was suddenly history? Not even close! Dale and I were/are seriously involved. I called Dale the next day and wanted to talk, I told him I really loved him and...and...oh hell I don't know. "Damn right it's all your fault!" He snapped back into the phone, phew he still sounded really mad. You think after 24hrs he would have cooled off. "Meet me in the outdoor commons area? By that bench we..." I didn't even get a chance to finish, he just snapped back at me, "I know where it is!" and then *CLICK* That punk hung up on me! He has never come close to doing that! GRRRR!! I snap my phone shut and clench it in my fist and have the urge to smash it against the wall, but can't afford a new one so I don't. Instead I turn around and punch my fist down into my mattress. Well he's already there wow he looks kind of handsome and sexy when he's all worked up and angry. He sees me coming and looks away, leans forward and starts clinching his hands together. Normally he always stands to greet me, but I'm giving him some slack on manners right now, but he better not push it. A part of me (still in-denial) wanted this whole thing to blow over and then Dale and I could go back to dating, Rob and Nikki could patch things up, and then Nikki and I can continue or secret life of romance! But that's not likely to happen now as I stand looking down at this wonderful guy I've hurt. It's all too real and none of my little sarcastic comments, or taking a hard-stance will make it 'all better'. I take off my sunglasses, "Hi." I say quietly. "Hey." He responds and then takes a couple of glances over at me "You look really beautiful, you always look sexy and beautiful." "Thank you," I say solemnly and move the palm of my right hand over my short cotton skirt, it stops above mid thigh, shows off my great legs. It is kind of tight so I had to wear a very tiny thong. I also wore a low v-cut lightweight, sleeveless, gray sweater that really shows off my very nice cleavage and toned arms. I watch him shake his head back and forth which piqued my curiosity, "What? What is it?" He looks like he wants to say something. Dale nervously wrings his hands together and leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees, "Is that how you dress up for Nikki?" I didn't feel offended by his question, it sounded like something born out of curiosity more then him trying to make an offensive poke. I quietly sit down next to him and decided to offer up a sincere response, "Sometimes." He seemed to think for a minute, "I've always found the thought of two girls being together as a turn on, like allot of guys do I guess, but now that's it's happened to someone I love and how it's jeopardizing our relationship, it makes me sick to my stomach. I don't want to share you with anyone, not another guy or girl." I smiled just a little it felt good to hear that and I reached over gripping Dale's leg "I'm so sorry." He looked right at me "So where does this go from here? I thought I would have made my own decision about 'us' but I guess I can't stand the thought of loosing you." Crap, damn, hell, crud! A direct question! Little wheels start spinning in my brain, *sputter* Oh come on! *splat* nothing! I know the choice I have to make but the words aren't coming out, it's like I want to hang on just a little bit longer to what we have. My eyes well up with tears and I guess he can see the pain written all over my face as I hear him take a deep breath, then his left hand reaches over and grips my right as he goes to stand up. I stand up next to him and he looks into my eyes pulling me close against the front of his body "Right now I don't care what your answer is, I love you too much, whatever you are going thru I am not letting go of you, I want you too badly to let anyone get in the way." He starts to cry some and I start to cry. God I love this man, I have never met another man that I so emotionally and physically wanted to be with! I bow my head against his chest and collect my self while his hands stroke the back of my head and shoulders. "Let's go back to my place." He says and I just follow, we walk to his car holding and hugging the whole way. I know he wants things to be like they were and part of me does too. His manners are back in perfect form as he opens the passenger side door, yet I have to carefully and sit butt first into the seat, knees together, and move my feet into the foot-well of the car so I don't flash anyone because of my short skirt. Dale is taking careful note of all of this "Damn Corbin what a fucking perfect, sexy body! You really rock that outfit." I blush three shades of red "Thank you." But as with any relationship in turmoil things quickly change and so did the pleasantries when we got back to his apartment. He handed me a glass of wine, sat down next to me and got right back into things "Are you and Nikki having sex?" he simply blurted that out and then took a deep drink from his own glass. I wasn't totally surprised by this initial line of questioning as Dale's primary focus in life (second being Football), is to have sex with me. I still wanted to storm out but instead I straightened my back and fired right back "Yes we are." His strong jaw line clenched and unclenched a few times as he went back to blankly studying the contents of his glass, he looked like he was going to have an aneurism "So you're having sex with her, but not me? I know you think I'm being immature about this but what about all your talk about waiting for marriage Corbin?" He looks me dead in the eyes, "I guess that doesn't count where two girls are concerned?" "Yes I know, this subject is very important to you!" I snap. "I just mean that," He sighs slumping his shoulders forward his left hand nervously massages his forehead for a few seconds. "Oh I know what you mean," I want kick him in the shin, hard! I shift on the couch in an agitated manner, tugging at the hem of my short skirt. "I'm sorry but you are MY GIRLFRIEND Corbin! I think it's relevant that I know who you are having sex with, even if WE are NOT having sex." Dale buries his head into his hands. I just sit and fiddle with my purse while looking down at my lap. He did have some validity to his questions, but I was not going to go into much detail, "Just very recently Dale." I said in a soft, quiet tone. Slowly his body reclined back against the sofa as his hands drew away from his face, he looked exhausted, "How long has it been going on?" I looked back down at my lap and took a deep breath, "We started becoming romantically involved a few months before you and I met, back when Nikki and I first met at Soccer tryouts." "So this was going on before you and I started dating?" Dale asked but in a tone that bespoke a new type of confusion. "You almost sound slightly relieved?" I give him a sly, narrow glance from the side, watching him sit up a little more. "All last night I kept beating myself up, wondering if I had pushed you away, if you fell out of love with me, what did I do wrong that would make you want to turn to someone else and now you tell me it was there all along, before we started dating. Not sure it's relief anymore because now I still feel inadequate, like am I not enough for you to completely commit to?" Dale stopped talking and leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. He lowered is head and I couldn't help but reach over and run my fingers thru his light brown wavy hair. "Your not going to leave her, are you?" Dale moans almost in defeat, my left hand slowly pulls away. "No Dale." That short statement felt pure, honest and resounded deep into my soul as a conviction of my beliefs. 'No Dale' Nikki and I will never leave one another. "And Rob, what about him? Does he know?" Dale suddenly looked up like he might be catching me off guard but I sat unwavering and my eyes coolly returned his inquiry. "Yes Nikki told Rob yesterday." Dale suddenly stood up and marched into the kitchen to pour himself another drink before pacing back into the living room in front of me, where he began to rant his list of complaints in-between sips on his drink... "Of course, perfect timing on the part of you two." "You both could have told us a hell of allot sooner!" "Our families and friends all have to be told, FUCK!" "But I guess you two thought of that or whatever!" "You and Nikki seem to have thought of everything, how convenient!" "You should have stayed out of Soccer, but I guess Softball and Basketball is even worse." that last comment he sort of mumbled. "What?" I leaned forward raising an eyebrow "Are you actually blaming Sports for this!" "Oh come on Corbin," he waived his arms out to his side, "you know the stories, girls that get involved in certain sports are more inclined to have a bisexual experience, or become lesbians!" "You're an idiot!" I snap and stand up to walk toward the door. "Wait...wait! I'm sorry, look," I hear Dale set his glass down and hustle up behind me, he touches me on the shoulder "That was out of line...I'm sorry..." he stops talking and at first I thought he was in some deep thought, thinking about some relevant comment, but when I turn around he suddenly looks up at me like he has totally lost his train of thought. "What is it?" My voice stern and I'm struggling to contain my anger. "That skirt is so tight, are you even wearing any underwear?" Nuclear explosion in my brain "Fucker!" I yell and shove him hard on his shoulders forcing him several steps back, "Yes I am wearing underwear! What the hell is your problem! I always wear underwear! I'm not some piece of trash that goes without!" looking at him like he has lost his mind! I can't believe he has lost total concentration in only a few seconds! "I'm sorry, I couldn't tell." "Only tramps don't wear underwear! But maybe that's the kind of girl you prefer dating! I guess I need to wear some old sweat pants and sweat shirt to have a half way normal conversation with you!" "Yeah, but I'd still have to look at your beautiful face." Dale says. "Then call me on the phone to talk!" I grab for the doorknob. "Forget about the subject of intimacy and sex, forget it! Please! But YOU broke the trust by dating someone behind my back!" Dale waved his hands out to the side and his look turned to one of genuine hurt. I took a deep breath and looked down at my sandals to think for a second "Yes you are right I am to blame for not being honest, I lied to you about where I was going and what I was doing with Nikki." My voice somber as I looked up, I could feel my eyes filling up with tears, Dale seemed really shaken and looked very pale. There it is, a feeling that you are on the verge of doing something very traumatic and life altering, Dale and I feel the nervous energy that is everywhere around us. "That's where you're going tonight, right? That's why you're all dressed up because you have a date with Nikki." Dale's voice cracks and tears stream down his cheeks. The dark reality has shut everything pleasant in life out from around us and our future begins to shatter apart, there is nothing anymore but the dreaded empty void, a void which consumes your insides and starts to open up, all hope feels lost. "Yes." I say and slightly nod, "All I ever hoped for was a simple life where love was concerned, not much, just to fall in love with some man and I did!" I smile and look right into his eyes, but my lips and chin quiver badly, "But something else happened and I don't know what's the best way to figure any of this out, I made a lot of mistakes I know, but I have to follow my heart." My right hand suddenly reaches into my small purse and finds the key at the bottom. I had to get this done I can't pretend its not happening. "Here I want to give this back." I say and I notice my hand is trembling severely as I pull it from my purse, the look of shock and despair on his face tore me pieces. "You already had it off your keychain." He states in tone that sounds almost defeated, he noticed that, I had taken the time to remove it beforehand. He carefully takes it from my hand and slowly turns around to walk down the hall to his bedroom. Not a word but closes his door with firm thud. "Hey Corbin!" the voice startles me as I step out toward the parking lot, a neighbor of Dale's, Frank, I barely acknowledge his presence. "You ok?" he asks, obviously I look very distressed, no hiding that fact! "Yeah thanks just overwhelmed with stuff right now." And I wave my goodbyes as I turn to quickly walk to my...DRAT! DANG IT! My flipping, freaking, car is back at the Park! SHIT! 'No good, mother, freaking, blasted...' I curse under my breath as I dig my cell phone out and call Sharon to come pick me up. She drops what she is doing and says 'I'll be right over' Good ol' Sharon, she lives for these dramas. I hear a door open and close behind me and I spin around, drat! Here comes Dale. I didn't want any more emotional discussions. "I forgot I drove you, come on I'll take you." Dale points to his car but I just stand there. "What?" He pauses, "Now you can't ride with me?" "Sharon's coming." I said and look over at him, his eyes are really blood shot. I have to look away before I loose my composure, "I didn't want to bother you." And just stand with my arms folded across my chest looking out across the parking lot. "Your no bother Corbin, my god." "You don't have to stand out here and wait with me, she won't be long." I say in an almost monotone way. "I want to, my manners have been horrible these past couple of days, I'm sorry. I'm not going to let you stand out here by yourself." Just then I get a glimpse of Sharon's car and glance over at Dale, he couldn't even look me in the eye, he just rocked back and forth on his feet, hands shoved back into his pockets. "I'll talk to you later Dale." I said and stepped off the curb. "Okay." He said. I felt light headed suddenly and had to take a few deep breaths when I got into the car, I didn't even remember opening the door. A horrible cutting feeling was tearing thru my heart as Sharon's car backed out of the space while I watched Dale standing out there alone. I leaned forward a little and braced my head against my hands, Sharon tried to calm me down but soon she was crying too. Of gheesh it was one big blubber fest! ********* Everyone thought we were *IT*, we were going to have THE big wedding with so many memories and plans having been made, so many nights we laid in bed and talked about the future, the blast of going to parties, football games and on and on. I truly, dearly, love Dale and he me, so why didn't we have our happy ending? ********** "Your nuts!" I said and hung up on Nikki's boyfriend when he called me demanding I never see Nikki again. I guess he figures that if Nikki wouldn't break up with me then he could ORDER me into doing the deed, well you can just forget about that ever happening! Rob kept pressuring Nikki and I into breaking up, while Dale tried the other approach, killing me with kindness (guilt) into getting back together. Sharon made matters worse by bad mouthing anyone that said something mean about me or Nikki (Sharon has Nikki's back now? And is even super nice and supportive towards us! Miracles do happen!). Most of the girls on the soccer team did not act too surprised, mostly they were like 'About time you two came out of the closet', what the hell! I am NOT coming out of a closet, I just happen to be in love with another girl! But I like guys too. I guess the thing that really blew me and Nikki away was the insensitive questions, phone calls, and emails. We started getting calls from all the single people (guys and girls) wanting to go out, guys first offering there sympathies and a warm shoulder to cry on, before slipping in the 'Want to get a coffee, or drink?' The trickle soon turned into an avalanche of dating proposals. HELL NO! ********* The whole situation was really messing with Dale's head, or as he would explain it: 'My ex-Girlfriend is now dating her best friend, another girl.' ********** So it's a Saturday night and I am pacing the apartment again, Nikki has to work tonight, she works part time as a waitress at this really nice Restaurant. I had plenty of friends asking me to go out but didn't feel like company and I already re-studied all my class material until I can babble it in my sleep backwards. So on a whim I decided to hoof it down to one of the bars on Campus because I needed to get the hell out of this apartment! And what the hell the bar was literally a block away! I should just sit at home and chill out to some music...but I had a million thoughts swirling around my brain as I strolled down the sidewalk. "Hey tubby" I say to the bouncer at the door, no I'm not being a smart-ass, his nickname was TUBBY because he was a bit of a lard ass, and that WAS his nickname. "Good to see you, how are you doing Corbin?" He asked. "Okay." I sigh. "Three bucks." He says. "Three bucks? Cover tonight?" I pause in shock. I don't like paying cover to get into any place. "What's up with that? Am I not showing enough cleavage tonight?" I smirk and wave my hands out to the side. Tubby just laughs out loud "There's a band tonight, sorry." He groans. "They should pay ME three bucks to listen to that fingernails-on-blackboard music." I mumble while fishing into my pockets. He normally would give me a pass, letting me in for free, but Management was cracking down on the freebies. So he takes my three bucks stamps my hand and I walk in. Yipee! "Oh sorry about you and Dale." He says which causes me to smile a little and then asks "Hey are you and Nikki really an item?" Now that caused me to freeze and give a sharp look over my shoulder, not sure how to respond or react, I guess hearing people openly talk about Nikki and I dating will take some getting used to. "Yeah we are dating." I nod. "Good Lord!" His eyes get wide as he leans back some and seems to catch himself getting ready to say something, maybe inappropriate, "Sorry I just mean, well, you and Nikki are such hot girls, it's that..." I can't help but smile and give him a slight wave of the hand "It's okay I know what you mean." and walk into the club. Oh how I know, there has been plenty of male salivating about Nikki and I dating. I took about five steps and stop, standard protocol, I always do that...survey the scene and decide if I am going to leave or stay. So I'm standing there in my most fashionable attire: Old pair of really kick ass black boots, faded jeans that flare out slightly at the bottom, and a button down dark blue silk shirt, long sleeve cause it was chilly that night. Funny but I get the most compliments when I'm in my jeans, which are nothing special, faded and a little form fitting but I've been told it's the way they tend to be a bit 'snug' around my butt. So yeah I bet they look good on me. But now I want to cry! Because Dale always used to say how beautiful I looked in these jeans, and would always compliment how great my ass looked in them. Nikki said the exact same thing when she first saw me in these!!! My god I am having a total emotional melt down suddenly! Quickly I look down and blink my eyes, force myself not to cry, and take a deep breath before looking back around the room. (Now let me pause here and explain a few things about my state of mind, outside of Dale and Nikki. If people, guys and girls, had a problem with me I suppose it was somewhat justified, I was coming up on my Senior year and I could be full of my self. I could out weight-lift any girl (and a lot of guys), almost out run any girl (and a lot of guys) on campus (but some of those track girls are damn fast and the then there are the long distance runners). Add to that I can do gymnastics, be a terror on the soccer field, and used to date one of the best looking guys at School, and now was dating probably the best looking girl in School. The icing on the cake was that I was almost making straight A's! So basically I thought I was HOT stuff, and why not, it took me years of socially struggling to reach where I was while still maintaining my self-respect and dignity. So maybe I was a snotty, arrogant, know it all, jock with a chip on my shoulder! But now that I think about it, with all that going for me what the hell do they know! Screw them! I don't even care! ;) And I'm blonde so NAH! We have more fun because we are more fun!) So where were we? Oh yeah, I'm scanning the bar and some guys are now scanning me, come on you goofs show some discretion! Plain as day I can see you elbowing each other and nodding in my direction. I do my little awkward shuffle of my feet and flip some of my hair over my right shoulder before stuffing my hands into my pockets. I see a few groups of friends waving me over to join them and I almost did, but what I caught sight of next caused my stomach to turn for there was Tiffany. (Don't remember her? Well you'll have to go back and brush up, she's had her sights set on Dale for years now, never mind the fact Dale and I were dating!) To top things off 'Tiffany' was what my parents almost called me at birth, did I mention that? How ironic, so I'm looking across the room at my alter ego (In that Tiffany and I were such opposites.) My face pinched into an uncomfortable expression as I kind of block out the band, loud patrons, and cigarette smoke and try to come to terms with the thought that this loudmouth bitch is making big plans to swoop in and make Dale 'her man'. I want to puke! And punch her in the face! Now I don't feel like staying and do about-face thinking 'I will go back to my apartment and just chill' wait for Nikki to come over when she gets off work. "You okay?" Tubby asks as I reappear just a minute later. "Yeah, too tired." I groan. "Here!" He calls out and hands me back my three bucks "No sense, you didn't stay." "Thanks Tubby." I sigh and try to give him a sweet smile but I know it comes out being sad. I slowly stroll down the sidewalk thinking about how to piece this all together. Maybe there is no piecing it together there is just letting things find there own fit and not to force things. "Hey...HEY!..." I though I was hearing things "Hey...DUMMY!...YOU...BLONDE GIRL!" I hear the voice, "Corbin!" I hear another pipe up behind me. "What?" I snap and abruptly stop, turning around and see three girl's close behind me. There's a parking lot off to my left, adjacent to the bar, so I edge a little over that way just incase things get 'interesting'. What? You people think I can't take on three girls at once! Ha! Well neither do I but let's find out! "What's a matter honey? You look lost without Dale!" The girl in the middle with black hair says and the two other girls simply burst out laughing. Hmmm I recognize these clowns, sort of, they were in the bar hanging around Tiffany, she must have sent them on this little mission. Boy-oh-boy I wish Tiffany was out here in the parking lot! "She might puke when she finds out Dale is going on a date with Tiffany next weekend." One of the other girl's pipes up with a nasty smile and looks back over at girl in the middle with black hair (I've seen that girl around, she seems to be the ring leader of this little group, and Tiffany's top lapdog.) "What a load of crap that is!" I say and try to laugh it off. I don't believe it at all Dale would not do that! He better not be doing that! Need to verify when I get back home. Diplomatically I put my hands into my pockets thinking maybe if I take up a nonthreatening posture the situation will maybe diffuse no matter how badly I want to punch these girl's in the face. I suppose to any passerby we look like four girl's having a nice little conversation...well, let's just see about that. "Are you done?" I sigh. "Hardly." The black hair says in the middle with a sneer while her two beanpole friends look on with grand approval of her comments. I can't quite figure out what this girl's agenda is? Do they just like to pick on people? So I guess she's thinks that if she clobbers me in this parking lot, she'll have some bragging rights...that would really get in Tiffany's good graces. Really now this skeleton of a girl and her idiot friends are dressed to socialize, so ARE THEY really looking to fight? Maybe they think I'll back down and start crying or something. This is just too bizarre to figure out. "Okay" I sigh and I can feel my heart starting to flutter because I'm shifting into my aggressive mode, I hate making this transition, but once I make it I'm pretty comfortable. "How do you want to do this?" "Do 'what' you idiot?" The black haired girl snaps. "One at a time or are all of you jumping me at once?" I look her dead in the eye and then over at her two friends while I remove my hands from my pockets and start taking off a couple of the rings on my fingers, putting them neatly in my back pocket. I also notice that these social divas are really dolled up tonight, par for the course you know, they live for partying...clubbing...driving their BMW's and Mercedes around campus. "You must be kidding you stupid bitch, you think you can take all three of us!" The girl nervously chuckles. "Maybe if you go inside and fetch Tiffany, it might work out in your favor, probably not, but you might as well get as much help as you can." I smile, I would love for Tiffany to come outside and scrap with that bitch. "We don't need Tiffany's help you arrogant, blonde cunt!" "What's your name? I don't remember." I ask ignoring her vulgar insult. I flex my fingers and roll my wrists around a few times. "God you are retarded, we've only met several times at various parties, its Allison you dope!" Allison says and nervously looks to her left and right, her two supports offer up a forced laughs as I calmly ensure my pony tail is pulled back tight. (On a side observation, the band is really kicking ass from inside the bar, maybe I should have stayed, but the hard driving metal thundering music is just making my heart beat faster. Now I really want to clobber these morons.) "Yeah, I remember you now, I don't like you, your ugly and so are your friends. Your about to get allot uglier in a minute." I say with a smile of satisfaction. Suddenly the other two are looking more to their ringleader for direction now because fighting is the last thing they expected tonight. 'I'm going to smack the girl on Allison's right (my left) with my left hand, no wait, make that my right hand, which will setup a kick Allison...the one in the middle...(got that folks? Go draw a picture if you got lost because I am not explaining it again)' That is my plan! So I just kind of give the girl this disarming smile and raise my eyebrows like 'Well let's see how you like this?' Some of you are thinking I'm going to punch her, but no, my bare knuckles crashing into her bony face would not feel good and I don't feel like damaging her nose, so I decide to throw caution to the wind and find out just how good this girl's reaction's are. My right hand comes around with this wide arching swing, I telegraphed it fairly well but the idiot is...well...just standing there! So here it comes, me cupping my hand to nicely fit around her high cheek bones, nice bone structure on this girl by the way, probably a model wanna-be, well that career is going to get side tracked for a few days. WHOOSH....and CRACK! HOLY SHIT! On a scale of 1 to 10 that was a perfect 10...good form...and follow thru on my part. Her other two friends scream as they watch her head nearly get knocked off her freaking shoulders, then the rest of her body corkscrew in a clockwise fashion before falling backwards. So this bitch hits the ground with a loud grunt and then begins squealing in horror or pain, but I'm not done yet! My body was twisted around to the left from delivering the slap, which sets me up for my next move....my left knee comes up and I now twist my hips to the right, shooting my leg forward, like a front kick, very basic, *POW* this catapults Allison backward, damn just about chopped the girl in half. The third girl to my right is taking several steps back now, her hands covering her face as she trembles and going 'Oh my god...oh my god' (funny how people get all religious in moments like this) as she looks back and forth at her two fallen friends. Wait, you people didn't actually think I was going to like, wait for one of them to lash out first did you? "Now, you!" I spat and point at the last girl standing who is back peddling toward the bar. Suddenly, something or someone has just grabbed me from behind! Wait a second is this a setup?!!! I don't remember a forth girl but wait this is no girl grabbing me, but a guy and he's kind of strong. But not tall, cause he's trying to crush me in a bear hug from behind. I guess all he wants to do is restrain me as I am obviously dismantling these three girls with little effort. "Chill out! Calm down!" The guys voice says from behind. But I'm not paying him any mind, 'Hey look at that there's his right foot and he's wearing sandals, so I lift my right leg and stomp down on his right foot with all of my might, not once but two or three times. He just found out that this blonde can squat allot of weight, hence strong legs, hence lots of downward thrust, actually his poor foot just found out. I wish you all could have been there to here him yelp in pain. It worked, I'll be damned, his grip slackens a bit and I shoot my elbows out while dropping a few inches, thus breaking his hold completely, basic stuff here folks. All those techniques I used were basic stuff I remember from my grappling class. "Fucking bitch!" He yells. So now I'm out of his clutches and still crouched down low as I hop back, I was still taking classes with Nikki and had started to learn those fancy Thai Kicks too. Amazing how you retain stuff because now his left thigh was looking good, like a good target. So this guy is not expecting a girl to throw a low kick like that and I explode with a twist of my body slamming my lower shin into his thigh. Is he going down? Almost but he's stumbling and hopping around on his mangled foot. I look over my shoulder and the one girl left standing is helping her two friends up to their feet, they are all crying and seem more worried about their hair and clothes then me now. "Damn it I was just trying to help!" The guy yells up at me as he leans over clutching his leg. "You getting a helping full of my fist for touching me!" I was in psycho-mode and about ready to throw another kick, then I was going to turn around and blast those three girls again when I hear my name being called again... "CORBIN!" I hear someone yell and look around...it's the bouncer Tubby, poor guy is huffing and doing his best to move his fat ass over to the parking lot to break things up. I actually look myself over to see if my nice shirt was messed up. When my brain re-engages with reality I quickly what a big mess this whole scene as developed into, half the bar is pouring out into the parking lot now and you have my friends yelling at Tiffany and her friends who are yelling back at me and my friends. No one knows what to do...that's what Campus Police are for...uh-oh...who called them! And who called a fucking Ambulance! Just great! And now the fucking local Cops are on the scene! I should have just ran home crying and made everyone happy like the three girls originally wanted! Wait a second how come nobody is asking me what happened! Take twenty some girls and guys all talking at once, most everyone is pointing at me, three girls sobbing (Oh they are playing it up a little I think) and I'm just leaning against someone's car with my arms folded as I watch this officer walk over to me. I full expect to get charged with disturbing the peace or some offense, instigating a riot or something. Just my shitty luck! Can't a girl go for a walk down the street these days! Thank god for Tubby, he's a friend with the cops and his word is gold. He goes on record as saying he watched those three girl's follow me out of the bar (true!) and started to harass me (true again), I was just defending myself (now he's fudging things a little). Well that started allot of wailing and screaming, 'FOUL!' Cried the girls. By now my shirt is drenched in sweat and I'm shaking a little bit, but I am allowed to leave, the crowd disperses and I amazingly get out of there before anybody corners me with a barrage of questions. I spotted Tiffany in the crowd several times giving me the evil-i-hate-your-guts stare, which is usual for her. Back at the apartment Sharon chewed my ass out, god I really got an earful from her. She's fairly protective of me and listening to one her lectures is painful because she goes on...and on...and on! "IRRESPONSIBLE!" "TROUBLEMAKER!" "COULD GET HURT!" "MIGHT GET ARRESTED!" "MAKE ME WORRY ALL THE TIME!" See what I mean? Nikki on the other hand rushed over to my apartment and hugged me, making sure I was not hurt. Very different from Sharon, Sharon treats me like a worried Parent would, but Nikki treats me like a lover. Don't get me wrong Nikki was very upset with me, but hers is a quiet, very intense type of disapproval that makes me break down and start crying in her arms. Hey I'm just trying make it thru the day, can't I do it peacefully?! ********** I used to think that exercise was a good way to blow off steam/vent, you know, but that can't happen if people do NOT follow the rules! "Why whatever do you mean Corbin? Please give us an example!" Gladly!..........The one thing that grates on my nerves most of all are the guys and girls that feel the need to DROP the dumbbells on the floor. There are signs posted all around the gym "Please do not drop the weights" (Those signs are printed in clear English letters by the way...not 'wingdings' font!!!) But apparently that does not apply to these knuckleheads (or they can not read), they huff-and-puff and have about ten aneurisms trying to get those giant dumbbells into the air, and when they've exhausted every last ounce of strength from their body, they go totally lax. Letting the big weights flop to the ground with jarring THUMP! Instead of struggling to do just one-more-rep, I use that last bit of energy to gently set the weights down on the ground. It's called respecting the rules of the establishment, but respect in this society is becoming a foreign term to most people. I think I've made myself very clear on this!