High School by Corbin Chapter 3 ********* Growing up it all seems so one-sided Opinions all provided The future pre-decided Detached and subdivided In the mass production zone Nowhere is the dreamer or the misfit so alone Subdivisions In the high school halls In the shopping malls Conform or be cast out Subdivisions In the basement bars In the backs of cars Be cool or be cast out Any escape might help to smooth the unattractive truth But the suburbs have no charms to soothe the restless dreams of youth - RUSH ******** I think I was destined to do physical labor from the moment I learned to walk, my parents engaged in a constant struggle over this issue. It all started when I would try to help my dad push the lawnmower around the yard when only a toddler, pretty soon that would come back to haunt me. At about the age of eleven I was out pushing that crappy lawn mower around the freaking yard. I swear every rusty wheel fought me every inch of the way, I cursed the grass...that stinky lawnmower, but it was good therapy as I felt like I was exercising every personal demon I had as I chopped/hacked/butchered those little blades of grass. I think I even got an evil grin on my face as I watched those little blades of grass fly out the side of that joke of a lawnmower. One time I set the blade so low that it damn near got cut down to the dirt...you should have seen my dad running out of the house, yelling, boy was he pissed! I just shrugged and waived my arms out to my side playing dumb; 'What?' I would say innocently. 'You know what!' he snapped. But no matter, that grass kept growing. This was also about the time when guys started to notice me...you see I was taller then most of my friends so older guys in the neighborhood driving by would stop to talk to me while mowing. That is until I told them my age...and if that wasn't a deterrent, well my Dad would step out onto the front porch. Not to mention that it freaked me out a little...I'm used to the boy down the street wheeling up on his bicycle....not some guy pulling up in a car, who is a whole school ahead of me! (And do you guys get jealous...and I'm not even your girlfriend! As soon as one guy would leave, the next would be like 'Who was that? Who was that? What did he want?'..........He wanted to help me cut the grass...Duh!!! What do you think?) Rolling-up while I'm cutting the grass annoys the heck out of me, why? Because 'I'M CUTTING THE GRASS!!! I'M BUSY!!!' I smell like grass, gasoline and I'm all sweaty and yucky. But they would just pull their car up to the curb and get out; "Hey Corbin, what's up? Haven't talked to you in a long time! You've really grown up!" There eyes all big and gawking. 'What's up? I'll tell you what's up, I'M CUTTING THE GRASS MORON!' Is what I would think while I just smiled to there chit-chat about their car...going to the movies or whatever. The other problem is that if I stopped that piece of junk lawnmower, it took like fifteen pulls to get it going again. My dad just smiled at me while I mumbled my complaints. He would just tell me to 'figure it out', so I did and had him take me to the store to get a new spark plug, filter and I figured out how to do it all by myself, even if it took me most of the afternoon. Sitting out there in the hot sun...frying my brain, sweating, burning my fingertips on that stupid sparkplug. My mother was infuriated, grabbing my hands and telling my Dad to "LOOK" at what cutting the grass is doing to my fingernails. She would spend half the night undoing the damage cutting the grass was doing to my hands. But I was like clock work, every Saturday morning you would find me cutting the grass and the guys figured that out really quick. I never was able to finish cutting that yard from start to finish without someone pulling up to chat. And then, well...obviously the wrong guy stopped by one day because the following weekend a car wheels up and some girl I had only seen casually from school comes storming up my front yard yelling at me. (You ditz brain, I can't hear you because): A: Your way down by the street, and B: The muffler on this shitty lawnmower is rusted out. So I turn it off and stand there while she chews me out to the effect of: "Don't you talk to Billy ever again bitch or I'll knock your block off!" It was pretty damn close to that as she was getting closer to me...invading my personal space, but before I could answer she snaps: "You understand me!" And jabs her finger right up close to my nose. (Can't I just cut the grass in peace?) "Uhm, Okay" I say. That was my first, but not the last threat to stay away from some girl's guy. But I'm just cutting the grass! They are stopping by MY house, coming onto MY yard and talking to ME! Gheesh...then I would have to listen to some crap about some girl threatening to beat my ass because the guy she likes is talking to ME. But after I beat the snot out of some girl in the gym one day...no girl ever threatened me again. (Oh, that little story is coming up.) ********** Sometimes I space-out forgetting who and where I am, a side effect of being blonde. No you dopes! I was actually just sitting here at my desk trying to decide if I should call Sharon! She sent me a text message later that afternoon asking me to call her. But "Girl, you are trouble I don't need." Was all I could think yet I swiveled in my chair to stare at the phone on my bedside table. Shutting off the desk lamp I turned and slowly crawled onto my bed and stretched out over my covers pulling the phone in close. I knew that making this phone call would be crossing every major social 'no- no' there was in the unwritten rulebook of our School. It felt dangerous and that excited me, beckoning me to choose the lesser-traveled path, 'Like crossing a phantom picket line and going over to the other side' I thought with a smile, looking over I was surprised to find my hand now resting on the receiver, and still I stared, and stared... ...and then I was calling the number...holding my breath as I heard her voice... Neither of us spoke of what happened in the locker room earlier that day, our conversation was going too well and everything felt too 'normal' at the moment. In reality, I did most of the listening, but I didn't mind, Sharon made me laugh with all her bitchy gossip and it was easy to get caught up in the energy Sharon radiated. Or maybe I should say spastic energy? ********** The next day would prove to be anything but easy as I glanced over and caught site of Sharon walking by, my heart just about leapt out of my chest as my hand came up with a wave. But I could feel my friends watching me, judging my every move and it felt sickening to cave in to that pressure. Sharon's smile slowly faded as I just went back to chatting with my friends, like she wasn't even there, and to top if off a couple of the girls in my group shot Sharon some ugly looks. I glanced over and watched Sharon turn away, making a detour down another hallway to her next Class. I had to fight the urge to chase after her and apologize. "Did that girl just wave at you?" Jenn asked, looking over at me with an expression of shock. "God, I hear she's a real bitch." Vera chimed in. I painfully twitched with every cutting remark and my hands clutched my books closely to my chest in shame for not walking up and talking to Sharon, for being so fucking weak. 'Shit' I thought to myself, hoping they wouldn't ask anymore questions. "What was that all about?" Jenn persisted, much to my fear. "Oh, I don't know, I've maybe talked to her a couple of times in passing." I shrugged hoping that would be the end of it. But Vera stepped in close and tugged on my arm, causing me to stiffen, "I'm saying this as a friend Corbin, don't get mixed up with her, or any of her friends. They are some of the most manipulative girls in the school and not to be trusted." Vera released her grip and looked over her shoulder cautiously as if to make sure no one heard her. I nodded and looked down at the ground, "Yeah, I know, don't worry." I sighed, I knew Vera meant well. Almost purposefully, Sharon and I avoided one another over the next couple of days as if we suddenly didn't know how to navigate past all the bullshit 'our friends' were throwing our way. By the start of Thursday I guess we both were resigned to the fact that School 'clicks' did in fact rule and I wasn't going to risk ridicule to talk with or be her friend and/or vice-versa. ...and then fate stepped in as I like to think, I saw Sharon standing at her locker and no one else was around. "Hey!" I called out and smiled as Sharon almost dropped a book in surprise. She turned her head and was genuinely shocked to see me standing there, I then moved over to her left to lean against the lockers, cradling my own books to my chest. I tried to maintain this casual smile on my face as my head leaned against the metal lockers. I was actually amused at how differently we dressed; Sharon in her short, tight floral skirt, up top she had on a deep frontal v-cut, sleeveless cotton shirt, and a pair of elegant sandals wrapped around a pair of the most perfectly manicured feet and toes I had ever seen. Not to mention her hair which always looked like I just came out of a salon. In comparison, I was all frumpy in my baggy, cargo shorts and grey tee-shirt wearing my old running shoes. My shoulder length blonde hair just hung loose, I was always brushing it out of my face, very annoying. For a split second I thought I saw that familiar beautiful smile and eyes that light up her face, but then *poof* gone, quickly replaced with a sadness. "Oh, hey...what's up?" Sharon somberly replied and turned back to her locker fumbling thru her papers, but in a bit more agitated manner. "You okay?" I asked. "Just fine, why?" Sharon sighed and tossed her backpack over her shoulder, I felt speechless and frustrated because I knew she was 'blowing me off'. "Okay well I better be getting to class I just wanted to say 'Hi', I guess I'll be seeing you around?" Now I was frowning as I pushed off from the lockers and slowly started to walk away, I mean what's up with this? I didn't fully understand why it upset me so much as I slowly walked down the hall to my next class. You know how sometimes you just bond with someone even if it's just for a few minutes and think it's the beginning of a great relationship? Well that's what I was thinking about Sharon, besides, so many other things were going my way, getting accepted to Duke on an athletic scholarship, my grades, dating Eric, and of course my time in the gym was really paying off and I'm only seventeen! (no not eighteen, I took some tests as a kid and some people convinced my parents that I should start school at an early age. Heck, math was always easy as long as I never ran out of fingers and toes!) ********* But fate was determined to bring us together before that dreadful day was over with. I almost stumbled down the track while running laps when I spotted her. She appeared to have just finished her Cheerleading practice, but was lingering around on the field glancing over my way. We exchanged awkward glances until finally I steered myself towards her direction, I noticed that Sharon had begun to nervously fidget and squatted down to untie and tie her shoelaces, trying to look busy. It made me smile a little to see she appeared just as nervous as me! "You want some company?" I finally asked, nervously running my hands thru my sweat soaked hair. "Sure if you like." Sharon simply said and she appeared to try and act nonchalant about the whole thing. Slowly I sat down on the grass opposite her and stretched out my legs, it felt good and I started to massage a tender muscle in my right thigh. I actually caught Sharon watching as my fingers kneed my tired muscles, she would quickly glance away and try and play it off. I don't know why but I just smiled at that, I think it was just innocent admiration of my muscles, I guess, I was naive then...still am I guess. "You really are in great shape." Sharon said looking over at my legs again and shaking her head in amazement. "Oh, thank you." I shrugged, "Well, your no slouch yourself." I smiled back hoping the ice was broken. "Aren't you afraid you going to be seen talking to me?" Sharon decided to jump right into the issue that hurt her the most, and looked back down at the laces of her shoes. It caught me a little off guard, but I took a deep breath. "I don't care about that, well, at least not anymore and I'm sorry for being such a wimp that day when you said 'hello'." I stopped working my muscles and frantically plucked several blades of grass around my outstretched legs while staring down. And then something happened that further caused my mind to spin out of control, Sharon had pulled her left knee up to her chest, flashing me with her dark blue bikini briefs from under her Cheer skirt. I just gulped and caught myself staring, but looked away in shame, but let me be honest here I was looking at her briefs! Oh Lord help me, this is not appropriate! (I'm getting sexually confused again!) I looked up and just froze, Sharon was just sitting there, meeting my gaze head-on as we locked eyes with one another for what felt like the first time in a long while. I seemed lost in thought and gently shrugged my broad shoulders before looking down again, I felt emotional for some reason. "What is it? Tell me." Sharon pleaded. "Well, it's just..." And then I couldn't keep my look from turning serious, sad even I couldn't finish my sentence so I quickly looked away. Sharon, bless her, simply watched compassionately as I struggled to speak, 'Out with it already!' my subconscious yelled! "...I think we should give it another chance, you know, if you still want to be friends. I think we could be really good friends." Well that did me in, my voice cracked as my right hand came up to wipe some tears from under my eyes, initially I tried to mask them by continuing to wipe the sweat from under my chin and forehead but I think it was obvious by now. "Damn it's hot out here I mumbled." Trying to further disguise my emotions. This was not like me at all, feeling so emotionally vulnerable, and why now? Why with Sharon? I don't want to psycho analyze this now so I leaned back, my right hand pressing into the grass to brace myself, that's when I suddenly felt something that blew me away. Sharon had taken the opportunity and initiative to lean in and discreetly touch my right hand with her left. It was the best feeling I could ever recall, my normally guarded composure slipped some more when I saw the tears running down Sharon's cheeks. I cautiously opened my fingers and I felt her move, my nerves tingled as her fingers began to intertwine with mine. We both were trying to be discrete, but why? Nobody was paying particular attention to us, but in this place the windows have eyes! "Corbin, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, I'd like that, more then anything in the world!" Sharon's look was so emotional, almost a look of relief had washed over her whole body, she kept smiling even as her free hand wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Please don't be so hard on yourself, allot of the crap you've been hearing and dealing with is my own doing." Sharon's big blue eyes stayed emotional as her lips even betrayed a tremble. Sharon was the first true girlfriend I had ever had, so there I was at seventeen and I finally found a friend that I could share everything with, and she felt the same about me. You see, I just assumed Sharon had any number of friends that she felt closely bonded to, but that was not the case at all! She wasn't sure who she could trust anymore. Funny that it took two strangers, who only slightly knew of each other for years, to one day come together and be instant best friends! Well the bell suddenly rang for last class and our hands slowly withdrew from one another as the activity of voices and class doors opening drew us out of our private moment. "Uh oh," Sharon smiled and looked over at the building, then back to me, "You sure you want to be seen walking with me back to the gym!" She said with a teasing, flirtatious look. I shook my head with a faint smile "I think I can handle it."