TV Tussle #1: Roz and Niles
by BeegBoy
"Must See TV" as we'd like to see it!!  


(My suggestion for the first episode of the new season, 
and yes I'm ignoring the fact that Roz was pregnant!)

The elevator doors opened and Niles pranced out, he was
practically dancing instead of walking.  And why shouldn't he be
on cloud nine?  Earlier that day he'd learned from Frasier that
his big brother had reluctantly agreed to drive their dad to a
police banquet out of town and that meant poor Daphne was home
all alone.  Niles intended to "drop in" for a visit with his
brother and feign surprise and dismay when she informed Frasier
and Martin were away.  After making his apologies he'd gallantly
offer to take poor, lonely Daphne out to dinner (maybe even a
movie), then he'd bring her back here (or, if he was really
lucky, to his place) and make his move for a romantic interlude.

As he rang the doorbell he noticed his hand was trembling
slightly but couldn't determine if it was caused by nervous
anticipation or just plain nerves, and he really didn't care. 
The main thing on his mind was that he finally had Daphne all to
himself!  Frasier wasn't there to run interference and Martin
wasn't there to distract her.  Alone with Daphne!  He was so
eager that he couldn't stop himself from ringing the doorbell a
second time, even though he heard her approaching footsteps as
she came to open the door.

He prepared his warmest smile as he saw the doorknob turn and
braced himself for the phoney display of disappointment when she 
told him his brother and father weren't there.  But as the door
opened full his thought processes were derailed by an unexpected,
and to him unpleasant, turn of events.  Standing before him
wasn't Daphne, but Frasier's producer Roz, she of the sharp jibe
and caustic wit.  Niles was here looking for romance, not a war
of words with this female nemesis.  He knew he could hold his own
against her in any verbal exchange of polite insults, but he just
wasn't in the mood.    

"Well, well, if it isn't Maris' sad little lapdog!" Roz said in
way of greeting, wasting no time in getting down and dirty with
him.
"Why, Roz", he replied dryly in mock surprise, "whatever are you
doing here?  I understand the fleet is in, and the bars are full
of desperate, horny sailors with very low standards concerning
the wenches they bed!"
"Good to see you, too, sissy boy", Roz shot back without missing
a beat, "but I'm afraid Frasier and Martin can't come out to play
because they aren't home and........", her voice trailed off as
she went off in thought.  Then, her eyes widened in realization
and she grinned cynically as she continued, "Hey!  Wait a minute. 
You already know they're not here.  I overheard Frasier when he
called you from the station and told you about it!"

I see you make it a habit to eavesdrop on my brother's phone
conversations!" Niles returned, "But then, when someone has no
life I guess they need to borrow the lives of others!"

He tried to maintain a cool front and keep his voice steady but a
small amount of nervous wavering was evident as he spoke.  What
the hell was she doing here, damn it!  And where was Daphne? 
This was screwing everything up.  He needed a cover story, and he
needed one quickly.  Roz was loose but not stupid, and she'd soon
put two and two together and realize why he was really there.  He
didn't have long to wait..... 

"Of course....OF COURSE!!" Roz started up again as Niles entered
and she closed the door behind him, "You're here to see Daphne!"
"Nonsense, Roz, I merely needed to......", Niles began.
"Oh, cut the crap!" she interrupted, "You're here to put the
moves on daddy's cockney nurse, you pathetic, lovesick puppy!"
"Well, where is Daphne, for that matter?" he asked curtly as he
felt himself growing agitated, "and what are you doing here?"
"Daphne is at the drugstore getting Martin's prescription filled,
and I'm here because she asked me over for the evening to keep
her company.  We're planning to watch a few videos and polish off
a few quarts of Hagen Daz if it's any of your business!  Sorry,
junior, this is gonna be a girls only evening!"

"Well, as I was saying", Niles continued, trying to hide the
anger and disappointment in his voice, "I merely needed to drop
off a check for Frasier.  We purchased a case of expensive wine
together and I haven't paid my half yet."
"Good recovery, egghead!" Roz chirped, "That almost sounds
believable!  After all, only the Crane brothers would buy a case
of fancy, fermented grape juice that requires bank financing!"
"That from a woman who considers Ripple a quality beverage!" he
responded sharply, "Whatever, I'll simply leave the check and be
on my way."       

Roz just smirked and went to the kitchen in response to the
shrill whistling of a tea kettle.  Niles was quite proud of his
quick dodge.  It didn't matter if she believed him or not.  He'd
merely leave his brother a check and be on his way.  Of course
Frasier would wonder what the check was for, but Niles could
worry about explaining that away later.  Right now bluffing Roz
was his main concern.  He removed his checkbook and fountain pen
from the breast pocket of his suit and began writing as she
returned to the living room.  The pen was exquisite and top of
the line, of course.  It had a titanium case with pearl inlay and
gold trim and was one of his favorite little treasures.  

"My God, Niles, you're gonna play out this little charade of
yours and actually write a check, aren't you?" Roz snorted, "Why
bother?  We both know you really came here looking to lubricate
your libido with dear little Daphne!"  As she spoke Roz poked him
firmly in the side with her finger, it was more a teasing action
than a playful one.  Startled, Niles dropped the pen.  He sighed
in exasperation as he watched it fall to the carpet and role into
the small crevice between the rug and the bottom of a credenza.  

"Oh, how very mature of you!" he addressed her sarcastically,
"What's next, Roz, knocking down grade school children for their
lunch money?"  He kneeled down and groaned when he realized his
hand wouldn't fit underneath the credenza, the space between it's
bottom and the floor was just large enough to admit the pen,
which now rested several inches beyond the reach of his fingers.
Niles looked at the credenza and shook his head slowly.  It was
one of Frasier's prized antiques, a large, heavy wood and marble
piece of furniture that Niles found garnish and tacky.  His
brother was an intelligent man who usually had great taste when
it came to home decor, whatever had made him purchase such a
monstrosity?  Niles stood up and grabbed the lip of the marble
top. 

"Kindly make yourself useful, it that's at all possible", he said
tersely, "and retrieve my pen when I lift this thing."
"Aw, did your fancy pen run away from home?" Roz teased, "That's
the problem with you guys and your expensive little toys.  If it
was a lousy BIC pen you could leave it there and forget it!"
"You can write with crayons for all I care!" Niles shot back, "I
prefer to use an adult writing utensil.  Now be a good girl and
help me......get......my......pen.......back."

Niles stammered out the last few words and his voice reflected
the strain as Roz dropped to her knees and he began lifting the
credenza, or at least he began trying to lift it.  The damned
thing was obviously heavier than he'd anticipated, much heavier.
A grunt emitted from his throat as he braced himself and made a
second, greater effort to lift it.

"Did you get it yet?" he gasped impatiently.
"No, Niles, I didn't!" Roz spat back, "I can't fit my hand under
this thing until you actually lift it a little!"  
"Stop kidding around!"
"I'm not kidding," her voice answered from below, "it's still too
close to the floor.  You've only lifted it a half inch or so; put
some elbow grease into it and give me room to work, muscles!"

Niles put the credenza down and braced himself again.  The he
drew in a deep breath, clenched his teeth, and put forth a third
effort to lift the credenza.  He'd never liked the tacky thing,
and now he was beginning to hate it with a passion.

"Is....that...high....enough?" he croaked through his clenched
teeth.
"No, not even close!" she replied cynically, "God, Niles, I know
you're a prissy little snob but I never realized you were such a
wimp!"   
With a grunt Niles put the credenza down and stepped back to
catch his breath.  He pulled his handkerchief out and mopped his
brow, which was heavy with sweat from the strain of his failed
attempts to move it.  

"Oh never mind", he wheezed as Roz stood up, "Just get me a wire
hanger from the closet and I'll fish for the pen.  But first I
want to rest a minute."  Niles sat down in Martin's beat up old
recliner.  It was a hideous looking chair and a dreadful piece of
furniture (though now the credenza was beginning to run a close
second in his mind) but he didn't care at present, he just needed
to sit down.  Roz started for the closet but paused a moment to
look at the credenza.  Then she shrugged, moved in where Niles
had been standing and wrapped her fingers around the lip of the
marble top where he had.  Niles saw her do it and instantly
became irritated.

"Let me guess!" he smirked at Roz, "you're going to levitate it
with your incredible mental powers!"
"It's just that.....", she muttered more to herself than in reply
to Niles, ignoring his vocal jab, "...it's big and looks clunky
but I didn't think it was actually that heavy."  Roz stared down
at the credenza with an inquisitive expression as she braced her
legs and tensed herself, getting a firm grip on the marble edge. 
She had clearly decided to take a stab at lifting it herself, but
if you were to ask her why she'd be unable to tell you.  It's one
of those peculiar female things.  A woman will ask a man to open
a jar if she can't, but if she sees him struggling to open one
she didn't bring him she'll inevitably say, "Here. let me try."

"Oh, I see", Niles continued in a sarcastic tone, "now you think
you're Wonder Woman, and........"  But Niles' voice trailed of as
his jaw dropped open and his eyes opened in disbelief at what
they beheld.  The credenza was moving upwards from the floor and
Roz was the one moving it!  Granted, her teeth were clenched in
effort and the small, smooth biceps on her arms were now clearly
in view showing that she was struggling with the weight of it. 
It certainly wasn't a piece of cake or a walk in the park for
her, but she was lifting it!!  Niles could see the pen, along
with a few coins that had fallen under there over the years.

"Well, don't just sit there, egghead!" she snarled through her
teeth, "get your precious pen!"
"Roz, stop being foolish!" he shouted as he stood up, "Put that
down before you hurt yourself!"
"I will stupid!" Roz replied in a low strained voice, "As soon as
you pick up the damned pen!"
Niles quickly dropped down and grasped the pen, then quickly rose
and grabbed the edge of the credenza to "help" her lower it, but
his clumsy action actually added weight to her load rather than
relieved her of it.  The heavy credenza slowly returned to the
floor.  

"Are you insane, woman?!" Niles cried, "I can't believe you
risked throwing your back out just to play such a childish prank! 
Why in heaven's name didn't you pick up the stupid pen when I
lifted up the damned credenza!?"

"Because my hand couldn't fit underneath it!  I told you that!"
Roz fired back, "You weren't putting enough effort into it and
you didn't lift it high enough!"

"Don't be ridiculous!  How could you hand fit where mine couldn't
when it's smaller than mine!?" he growled, "There was easily five
or six inches of clearance!"

"Maybe there was when I lifted it", Roz answered, "but not when
you lifted it, or should I say when you tried to lift it!"    

Niles glared at Roz as the word she'd just spoken sank in.  What
she was saying simply didn't make sense.  Surely he had raised
the credenza high enough for her hand to fit.  True, it hadn't
felt to him as if he'd lifted it very high, and he couldn't see
the bottom from where he was standing when he tried, but he
certainly had lifted it as high as Roz did, if not higher.  He
looked at her again as she stood there returning his gaze with
her hands on her hips.  Even as she quietly panted for breath the
cocky, sarcastic expression she addressed him with remained
unchanged, but what she'd just suggested was absurd, if not
downright insulting.

"Are you implying....", he began in a condescending tone, "that
you were able to lift it higher than I was?"
"I only meant that you weren't trying hard enough to.....", Roz
suddenly stopped as a look of realization came over her face,
"...wait a minute, are you telling me you were trying to lift
that thing as hard as you possibly could?"
"No, no, not at all, it's just that........"
"Yes, that is it!" Roz interrupted triumphantly, "You couldn't
lift any higher than you did because you really were giving it
your best effort.  You're not only an insufferable, prissy little 
snob, Niles, you're a weakling too!" 
"Stop talking nonsense!" Niles spoke so loudly he almost shouted,
"You know very well you could have reached the pen but decided to
play one of your silly games!"
"Silly game, huh Hercules?" she replied wistfully, "OK, OK, you
just wait right here!"  

Niles' gaze followed Roz as she strode quickly into Daphne's
room.  She returned in a few seconds carrying Daphne's vanity
mirror and placed it on the floor near the credenza.

"OK, Niles, get into position again, we're gonna have a little
demonstration of your raw physical power, or should I say lack of
it!"
"Really, Roz, I don't have time for your ridiculous........"
"You're afraid to try, aren't you?" she hissed with a devilish
smile, "You're afraid of the truth, aren't you!!?"
"Oh, very well!" Niles snapped back, hoping the resignation and
uncertainty in his voice didn't betray him.  He was trapped and
couldn't back out now.  He repositioned himself at the side of
the credenza and grabbed the marble lip.
"Can you see the bottom from there?" Roz asked casually as she
adjusted the mirror to reflect the image towards Niles.
"Yes, I can see it now", he replied in an irritated voice, then
added sarcastically, "if mirror placement was a profession you'd
be at the top of your field!"
"Anytime you're ready, muscles", Roz said, ignoring his remarks.

Niles braced himself for a second round with the gargantuan piece
of furniture.  Again he drew a deep breath as he firmly took hold
of the edge and directed all his mental energy into one single,
determined thought: to lift the damned thing as high as he could.
He closed his eyes tightly and grunted as he put forth a powerful
surge.  In his mind he saw the credenza raise up and up and up. 
First three inches, then seven inches, then a foot!  He could see
it in his mind and he felt the sensation as he nearly raised it
high enough to stand it on it's side!  Eager to behold what his
mind's eye had already told him, Niles triumphantly opened his
eyes and looked at the image in the mirror.

The base of the credenza was an inch off the ground at best, and
probably even less than that.  He gritted his teeth and tried to
lift it higher, but the clunky chest held it's position as if it
were bolted to the floor.  Roz placed her hands over her mouth
and began to giggle as the defeated man eased off and let the
credenza drop back down to the floor.

"I think you'd better forget about courting Daphne", Roz started
in, "she goes for the athletic, jock types, not puny little sissy
boys like you!"
"There must be a reason for this!" Niles flustered, "I must be in
the wrong position, different somehow from the way you were
standing......."
"Hey I know!" Roz continued, ignoring his words of excuse, "Maybe
you can back together with Maris.  A broomstick like her just
might consider a lightweight like you to be a real man!"
"Oh stop being so ridiculous and childishly insulting!" he
protested, "Surely you agree there's something going on here we
can't figure out.  I mean, you can't possibly believe you were
able to lift this higher than I was because you're stronger!?"

As Niles spoke those words Roz's face lit up and the devilish
grin returned.  Then she slowly started backing away from him
with her hands clasped behind her back and a demure, girlish
expression on her face.  She kept backing away until she reached
the dining table, then she pulled out a chair and sat down, her
eyes looking coyly at Niles the whole time.  She put her right
elbow on the table and extended her open right hand forward,
wiggling her fingers playfully.

"I don't know, Niles", she whispered, "maybe I am stronger, why
don't we find out right now?" 
"Look, I just came here to leave Frasier a check, not to engage
in foolish athletic competitions with the likes of you!"
"Oh, this won't be a competition", Roz answered calmly in a
mocking voice, "I'm thinking more in terms of a massacre!"

"I've had enough of this nonsense and I'm leaving!" Niles cried,
but even as he spoke he walked towards Roz at the table, taking
the bait just as she'd hoped he would.
"Oh come on, Nilesy", Roz purred out her insulting new name for
him, "I won't hurt you, I'll cream your ego if you actually have
one, but I won't really hurt you."
"The very idea", he spate out as he stood over her, "that you
think you could possibly compete with me is......"
Before he could finish his sentence, Roz quickly and impulsively
reached up and grabbed his tie with her right hand.  
"Less debate and more action, Nilesy, sit down, put your arm up
and we'll settle this once and for all!"      

Niles resisted as Roz began pulling on his tie to force him down
into the other chair, and placed his hands on the table edge with
his arms extended straight and stiff to reinforce his position.
For a brief time they both maintained their mutual positions in a
type of standoff but then, ever so slowly, Niles began to feel
his neck being pulled forward and down.  At the same time, his
arms began to bend at the elbow and yield as Roz, still gripping
his tie with just one hand, gradually started to overcome his
resistance.  Niles was now leaning towards the table at almost a
45 degree angle, and his arms were both bent to nearly the same
extent, a far cry from the rigid, erect position he had started
in.  Roz continued to smile and show only moderate signs of
strain as she slowly overpowered him in the test of strength.
A wave of true panic struck him when he realized that even his
legs were beginning to buckle at the knees in response to the
downward pressure Roz was applying to his body.

Finally, to avoid both the embarrassment of his face being
smashed to the table and giving Roz the pleasure of victory in
doing it, Niles surrendered his position and collapsed into the
chair.  He immediately grabbed his tie to wrest it from her grip.
"Alright, I'm sitting down dammit, now let go!"
"Not until I'm sure you'll stay put, Nilesy!" Roz cooed.
"You're ruining my tie, let go of it!" he wheezed, pulling on it
with both his hands still against her one.
"You have a closet full of these things!" Roz teased, "I see them
when you wear them, and they're all equally dull.  I'm probably
doing you a favor putting this one out of its misery!   Tell you
what, Nilesy, I'll trade you the tie for your hand!"

She released the tie and the sudden cease of her resistance
caused him to fall back into his chair and slam against the back
of it.  As Niles composed himself she returned her right arm to
the table with her open hand extended.

"This is totally asinine, I have no intention of armwrestling
with you, woman!" he said as he started to rise.  With lightening
speed Roz grabbed his tie a second time and held it firmly.
"Listen, kiddo, I can hold onto this tie, and you, all night if I
have to", she whispered, "or we can settle this right now with a
little contest and be done with it."
Niles sighed and resigned himself to the situation.  He settled
back into the chair as Roz released his tie and put his right arm
up onto the table.

"This is totally ludicrous!" he protested as Roz took his hand
into hers and gripped it firmly, "I'm tired of you constantly
pushing my buttons this way; if I weren't a gentleman I might
just take this opportunity to pull your arm out of its damned
socket and teach you a lesson!"
"Yeah, yeah, I doubt you could yank a plug out of a socket", Roz
shot back, "so quit your babbling and let the games begin!"

They settled into position, Roz called "GO", and the test of
strength commenced.  Niles grimaced as he fought against Roz's
arm and her mouth was closed with her lips pressed tightly
together.  Initially, their arms wavered back and forth a inch or
two from the center position with neither one of them gaining a
clear advantage.  Both of them tried to maintain poker faces as
the match continued but each of them began to display mild
expressions of surprise as evidenced by their widening eyes; but
the expressions were for totally opposite reasons.  

Niles couldn't believe the degree of resistance Roz was giving
him.  He was so frustrated with her he'd decided to end the match
as quickly as possible, so he gave it his best shot from the
start, but he couldn't seem to make any headway against her.  He
would struggle to gain an inch or two only to have her reverse
the situation and negate his progress as their arms slowly
wavered back and forth.  Roz was equally surprised by how well
she was performing against him.  Initially, even she had believed
his protests that her ability to lift the credenza was due to her
smaller stature giving her some intangible angle of leverage or
something of that nature.  She began to question this in her
mind, however, when she found herself obviously strong enough to
force him to sit by pulling down on his tie.  True, gravity had
been on her side, but she kept reflecting on the fact that she'd
only been using one arm.

"We'd better cease this stupidity before your arm ends up in a
cast!" Niles gasped, hoping Roz would take the opportunity to
stop.  He was already devastated at the thought of the contest
ending in a draw, but he was slowly accepting the fact that he   
didn't have any chance of beating her.  "Please, Roz!" he
sputtered, "I don't want to hurt you!"
"Don't worry about me, Nilesy", she grunted through clenched
teeth, the strain in her voice showing, "I'm a big girl and,
unlike you, I see things through to the end!"  
      
The slow wavering of their arms now elevated to a series of
abrupt jerking actions, and with each back and forth thrust Roz
began to gain the advantage.  Soon they were only moving between
the starting position and her advantage, then the advantage was
totally hers.  Niles still managed to force her arm back a little
with each effort he made, but not enough to get her arm back up
to the high noon position.  Niles clenched his teeth as he leaned
his head back and then threw it down and forward as he attempted
to use his shoulder and body weight to resist her progress.  Her
lips were still tightly closed, her face set in an expression of
determination as she continued slowly outmuscling her opponent,
despite his height and weight advantage.  To his credit, her
progress against him was slow, but it was progress just the same.
Both combatants were straining and struggling, but it was dawning
on Roz that Niles was now working harder than she was and that
she still had some reserve power left, whereas he appeared nearly
spent.  

"My God!" she thought to herself as her tightly closed lips
arched up slightly in a petite smile, "I am stronger than he is! 
I'm actually stronger and I'm gonna take him!"
Their arms were now locked in position halfway between high noon
and the table and for a few seconds Niles held her to a standoff
with a last desperate surge of strength.  Sensing his power was
ebbing and he'd already put forth all he had, she called in her
reserve energy and gave a final, mighty thrust.  Niles groaned as
their arms held in place for a final second, then his drained
power finally abandoned him as Roz slammed his arm down to the
table's hard surface.

Niles yanked his hand free and began to massage his sore arm as
he collapsed back into his chair, panting heavily.  Roz was also
taking in deep breaths, but at a somewhat more relaxed pace.  Her
arm hurt like hell, too, but she wasn't giving him the pleasure
of knowing it.  She leaned forward, brought her forearms together 
and placed her chin on her open palms as she regarded her beaten
foe with a cocky grin.
"Nilesy, you truly are one pathetic example of manhood!" she
teased between shallow breaths, "You're a lightweight amongst the
lightweights!
She reached over and took hold of his upper arm to give it a
squeeze.  Through his jacket his biceps felt like a slightly damp
sponge; firm to the initial feel but yielding quite readily to
her fingers when she applied pressure.  He winced in pain when
she gave a final, firm squeeze before withdrawing her hand.  She
flexed her own biceps, felt it, and was slightly surprised.  Her
muscle wasn't all that much firmer than his, and it was smaller
by quite a margin, but she was nonetheless the stronger of the
two; she'd just proved it beyond any logical doubt.

Still panting, Niles stood up slowly with a crestfallen look on
his face.  He couldn't gather his wits enough to even try doing
verbal battle with the woman who had just showed him his physical
deficiencies and then rubbed his face in them.  The best he could
hope for now was to withdraw with quiet dignity.
"I hope you're happy now", he whispered lowly and angrily.
"Oh, don't be such a spoil sport!" Roz replied as she stood up
and moved towards him.  She placed her hands on his tie and began
to straighten and smooth it.
"Oh, stop that!" he spat back, yanking her hands off the tie, "I
don't need help from you!"
"Not unless", she responded wistfully as she placed her hands on
her hips, "you need something heavy carried when you find it too
heavy, or maybe an occasional jar opened!"
"Wonderful, Roz, wonderful", he replied as he felt his acid wit
returning, which would soon lead him to more trouble than he
could handle, "very few women would be so very proud of proving
themselves to be such a moose, most of them truly enjoy being
feminine, unlike yours truly!"
"Take that back, poindexter!" Roz snapped angrily as she again
grabbed his tie with her right hand, "take that back right now or
I'll really mop up the floor with you!"
"Temper, temper, temper, Roz", he teased, feeling he at least
held an intellectual advantage over her, "or is barroom brawling
another one of your oh so feminine virtues!"

"Why you little piece of shit......" Roz began as she stepped
forward.  In her fury her foot caught on the leg of the chair and
she lost her balance, stumbled, and fell to the floor; and being
that she still had a firm grip on Nile's tie, he fell right along
with her.  The two of them spontaneously began to wrestle the
moment they hit the ground, rolling back and forth on the rug as
they traded verbal barbs and insults.  They went around and
around several times until they finally came to a halt with Roz
on her back and Niles atop her with his hands on her shoulders,
pinning her to the ground.

"Well, I guess shows which one of us actually has the upper hand
in real physical competition!" Niles bragged at the woman laying
beneath him.
"I you sure I didn't let you pin me?" Roz asked mockingly, "Are
you sure you can continue to hold me down, Nilesy?"
"I'd like to see you try and get out of this!" he grunted back at
her as he struggled mightily to keep her down.  Even with his
full weight pressing down on her she continued fighting him with
a confident smile on her face.
Roz began to giggle, almost cackle, as she reached up with her
hands and grabbed both of Niles' cheeks, squeezing them gently
and tugging them the way a mother usually does with a baby.
"Oh, Nilesy Wilesy", she tittered, "I love it when you try to act
macho, because I know it can only be an act with a wuss like
you!" 
"Stop that, stop it!" he cried as he removed his hands from her
shoulders and grabbed her wrists to yank them off his face.  She
allowed him to pull her hands away before she quickly pulled them
free of his grip.  They interlaced their fingers and locked hands
as they continued struggling; Niles using all his strength to
force her arms down to the rug but making very slow progress at
it.  He was still atop her, but she managed to fend him off just
the same, even though he was adding his full weight to the
equation.   

"Would Nilesy like to fly?" Roz teased her struggling opponent. 
She slowly began to pull her legs in towards her thighs so her
knees pushed up and made contact just above his crouch, lifting
the bantamweight Niles easily as they went.  His eyes opened in
shock as the rising action caught him totally unawares.  Then,
Roz started pushing up with her arms and succeeded in elevating
his upper body as well.  She held his aloft like an adult holding
a small child, and from all appearances with the same degree of
ease.  Niles continued pushing with all his feeble might, but
being lifted off the ground left his weight as the only weapon he
could use, and it was a weapon the deceptively strong woman
overcame with minimal effort.

Roz held him aloft for several minutes, laughing and teasing as
he alternately attempted to pin her arms back down and then tried
to pull them free of her grip; neither of which yielded him any
degree of success.  Suddenly, she allowed her left arm to
collapse to the floor, throwing Niles off balance and causing him
to drop to the floor.  Their hands remained intertwined as he
landed on his side so that he and Roz were now both on their
sides facing each other.  He sprang to his knees as she sat up
with her butt still on the floor.  This position gave him a
definite advantage as he began to push down on Roz in an effort
to pin her again, but she managed to fend him off using just the
strength in her arms.  She again closed her lips tightly as her
face resumed the set, determined expression it had displayed
during the armwrestling match.  Slowly she bent Niles' wrists
back and started pulling him down, the force she exerted again
proving itself superior to his.

Trembling and struggling, Niles looked down on Roz in disbelief
as she pulled him down.  Soon they were face to face; then his
head slowly sank below hers as her downward pulling force became
a pushing one when she slid her fingers out of his and securely
fastened them around his wrists.  The small smile reappeared on
her tightly closed lips as Niles felt his shoulder blades and
hands make contact with the floor.  He fought back but was unable
to raise his hands so much as a fraction of an inch.  Roz had him
firmly and inescapably pinned to the carpet.

"Say it, you wimp, say it!" she gasped, "I'm stronger than you!
SAY IT!!"
"You...you....you're....stron....", he stuttered as he heaved in
exhaustion.
"SAY IT DAMN YOU!  ADMIT I'M STRONGER!!" Roz cried.
"You...you....you're stronger than me..." he whispered hoarsely.  
Roz released his hands and stood up triumphantly, "Maybe we can
play chess next time, Nilesy, but you better work out first!  The
pieces in Frasier's set are made of metal, so they may be too
heavy for you to lift!"
Niles quietly and shakily got to his feet and began to straighten
and arrange his clothes as best he could.  He continued to wheeze
for air and took out his handkerchief to again wipe his heavy
with sweat brow.  Roz watched him in silence, her arms folded
defiantly across her heaving chest.  

Suddenly, breaking the awkward silence, they both heard the low
sound of a key turning in a lock.  The apartment door opened and
Daphne entered with a bag of groceries.  
"Sorry I've been gone so long, Roz, I had to fetch a few things
and the ruddy pharmacist took forever to fill Martin's bloody
prescription and......", she paused as she looked up from the bag
and saw Niles standing there. ".....oh, good evening Dr. Crane,
whatever are you doing here?  I'm sorry but your brother and
father are out for the evening."
"Yes, I found that out....", Niles muttered in an embarrassed
tone as he nervously looked around.  He couldn't bring himself to
look Daphne or Roz in the eyes.
"Dr. Crane, are you feeling alright?" Daphne asked with genuine
concern.  He looked strange to her, all sweaty and disheveled
instead of his usual calm, neat self.
"Yes, yes, I'm fine", he insisted in an unconvincing tone.  Roz
remained mute, still uncertain how much of the evening's events
she should or shouldn't reveal to Daphne.
"I know!" Daphne said encouragingly, "A nice cup of tea will set
you right!"

Daphne began to walk towards the kitchen when something caught
her eye.
"Isn't that queer?" she said to no one in particular, "The
credenza is crooked, how on earth do you suppose that happened?"
Niles and Roz both looked over and realized it was indeed moved
slightly from its original position, it hadn't been placed down
quite right.  Being the housekeeper as well as a health aid,
Daphne's sharp eye had noticed something out of place.  Before
Niles or Roz could react, Daphne placed the bag of groceries on
the credenza, grabbed the edge, and with a fair degree of effort,
lifted the heavy chest and realigned it against the wall.
"There, straight as a pin!" she mused as she picked up the
groceries and went into the kitchen.

Niles nearly fell over when he saw what Daphne had done, and Roz
had to clamp her hands over her mouth to keep from laughing out
loud.  Daphne hadn't lifted the credenza as high as Roz had, but
she'd certainly boosted it higher than Niles had, much higher. 
Even slender, delicate Daphne had successfully handled the weight
that Niles couldn't; even she was stronger than him!
"Uh, Daphne, never mind, please, I really have to run!" Niles
called out in a shaky as he headed for the door.  Roz made no
move to block his path, much to his relief.  Daphne came back
into the living room as he opened the apartment door.
"Sure you don't want that tea, Dr. Crane?  It's almost ready?"
"No, no, really, I have to go.  Good night Daphne", he briefly
looked at Roz and added, "good night, Roz."
"Good night Dr. Crane", Daphne said sweetly.
"Niles", Roz uttered the single word as she nodded in his
direction.  He closed the door behind him and was gone.

"I hope he's alright!" Daphne said to Roz with the concern in her
voice still evident, "He just didn't seem himself."

"Oh, he'll be fine, Daph!" Roz assured her, reverting to her
wisecracking tone of voice, "If you could ever consider him to be
normal in any sense of the word!"
"Oh Roz!" Daphne laughed, "Always the kidder, you are!"

The two women passed the rest of the night in pleasant company,
watching the videos and polishing off the appropriate quarts of
Hagen Daz ice cream.  Daphne expressed concern about Niles
another time or two, but Roz diffused her worries with cynical
humor.  Roz had decided, for the time being at least, to say
nothing about what had happened.  It would be more fun to hold it
over Niles' head, who knew when she might need a favor?

Later, when Frasier and Martin returned, Roz said a quick hello
and goodnight and left.  As she went to her car, she reflected on
how even Daphne, puny looking Daphne, had been able to lift the
cabinet Niles had been barely able to budge.  Maybe her own
strength wasn't that unique.  Maybe Niles wasn't uniquely weak;
perhaps he was the "standard issue" male.  She knew women were 
physically superior to men in terms of longevity and resistance
to disease, was it possible they were actually physically
stronger as well?  Roz pondered the question and decided more
research and experimentation was necessary.  She looked at her
watch; it was late, but not that late, not too late........

The elevator doors opened and Roz stepped out.  She walked down
the hall at a slow, steady pace.  She had a happy smile on her
face and her eyes were alive with the joy of anticipation.  She
stopped at the apartment door and rang the bell.  To her delight,
she heard the sound of approaching footsteps.  The knob turned
and the door opened.  Roz smiled coyly as the person in the
doorway grinned in happy surprise.

"Well, well", the ever unobtainable Roz has come knocking at my
door!" the man said wryly, "So, have you finally decided to
experience heaven between the sheets with me?"
"I wouldn't exactly say that, Bulldog", Roz said with a wide
grin, "but I think I can promise you this will be a night you
won't soon forget!"