Beauty and the Beast  -  Part 4  "The Beast Within"
by Beatenman  



An Open Letter

My Dearest John,

Once again I feel the need for the catharsis that writing provides. Again I am
torn by conflicting emotions and disturbed by what it is I find within my own
self. And once again I pray for the feeling of relief a public airing of my
most private thoughts has brought me in past situations.

As I am using a public forum to once again absolve myself of feelings of guilt
I wish to first begin with some apologies. There are many people who are owed
one by me.

Apology number one goes out to your readers. I am using them as a sounding
board to express feelings that I lack the nerve to express directly to those
involved. Instead I hide behind the flimsy cover of a pen name and write this
open letter. I hope this little x-ray of my psyche is not too taxing on them.
I do thank them all so much for allowing me to "cry on their collective
shoulders" so to speak. And I of course extend a sincere apology to them for
missing my deadline on the Cousins story. I just cannot write of others when
my own mind is in such turmoil. I promise the saga will be continued and will
find it's way to its conclusion.

Next there is Gina. I don't know you well enough to understand what motivates
you Gina, I can only speak for myself. I am not, as John so slyly put it, less
biased then him. But I am honest. You are not entirely blameless for what
occurred but at the same time you would have had no way of knowing what it was
that you were unleashing when you challenged me as you did. I think I
understand your motivations and I do sympathize with them. I can only say that
there is no need for you to feel threatened by me, I cannot help it if John
has created in your mind some sort of feminine standard called Rhonda. I am
certainly not a woman to be emulated nor one to be jealous of. No one is
happier than I am knowing that John has finally found someone who he truly
loves and who truly loves him. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness
together. I am sorry for what happened and I apologize to you for my actions.
What happened between you and I and what you witnessed between John and I is
not me. It was the beast that lives inside me. It was the she demon I have no
control over that you unleashed and briefly met. Now that she has returned to
her lair deep within my soul I can speak as I truly am. The woman that writes
this letter is Rhonda, not the one you visited three months ago. The real me
hopes that we can be friends someday. we both share a common desire to see
John happy. You are a strong and beautiful woman Gina. You are the woman that
John wants above all others. Get a handle on your competitiveness and you will
see that we have much more in common than you would think and absolutely
nothing to set us against one another. Nothing that is except for that which
occurred and of which I write.

For that I again apologize.

And finally there is John. How can I express to you how sorry I am? You are my
oldest and dearest friend. You have always been there for me, a shining tower
of strength that I could always call on in my times of deepest personal need.
You repaired my marriage and gave me the outlet I needed to restore balance in
my soul. You even expressed confidence in my abilities by allowing me the
opportunity to write a novel length saga for your site when you are more than
capable of doing it yourself. That I let you down and missed my deadline is
inexcusable and I am, of course, sorry. But that there would be violence
between us tears at me in a way I cannot possibly hope to express in words.
Please John tell me you know that wasn't me.

Tell me you recognized The Beast when she sprang forth from my breast.

You of all people must know that I abhor fighting in any form. My distaste for
violence, and by association violent people was why our own relationship never
developed into more than just friendship. You must remember that when you
approached me while I was still a teenager and expressed a romantic interest I
rejected you because of your devotion to the Martial Arts and your constant
searching for conflict. You must remember how shattered the Jake Hubbard
affair left me, after all it was you who I turned to for comfort.

Had anyone suggested to me even two years ago that I might be capable of
violence I would have thought them a fool. But that was before "She" raised
her ugly head.

Unlike your wife I have never sought competition nor have I ever thought of it
as stimulating. I was always the refined gentlewoman, the very image of the
prissy female. It is true I enjoy sports and physical exercise but only
because it is healthy and good for the body and spirit. But to me sports are
games. I play for enjoyment, winning or losing mean nothing to me. That was
why, as you yourself pointed out, Ralph was such a perfect match for me. It is
gentleness and self control I admire. To me resorting to violence is not a
sign of strength but instead a sign of the lack of strength to control ones
self.

I am such a non competitive woman that I never even realized that I was big
and strong for a female until I had to describe myself in my Jake Hubbard Mea
Culpa and then read my own description. When I compared it to the women you
write about, all of them fairly big and strong, I realized that I was bigger
than almost all of them. Funny how you just take things for granted. At 5'10 I
never thought of myself as tall because I was the same height as Ralph and at
180 pounds I certainly didn't think of myself as big since I am so slender. I
guess the weight is in those disgusting muscles of mine. Where in the hell did
they come from? I certainly have never done anything to encourage their
development. Must be the genes I guess.

At any rate I always thought of myself as gentle and refined. That is I did
until the incident with Jake. That's when I first met "Her" Until then I had
no idea there was an unknown tenant inside of me. Whatever that horrible man
unleashed, it is a beast that must be caged and never allowed to see the light
of day.

I am so very sorry that you and your lovely bride were forced to meet her in
person.

That I would defend myself from Jake's attack was not so strange or out of
character. I am non violent but I am not cowardly or so foolish as to just
allow myself to be abused. But that I should find arousal in that conflict and
in inflicting pain and then sexual gratification in a man's cries for mercy,
regardless of his character is, even to this day, anathema to me. That was
"Her"

That I would experience sexual release in the breaking of a man's back with my
bare hands is so repugnant to me that I am nauseous now just thinking of it.
And with all due respects to Dr. Oppenhurst it was not adrenalin that
overpowered Jake Hubbard nor was it the offer of a too small metaphorical
penis that killed him. It was Her that feasted on his pitiful sobs and
anguished pleas and it was She who destroyed him.

And please, do not for a moment think that the unique circumstance of Jake's
attack was just somehow an isolated incident. Oh no, She is always there
lurking about and looking to escape. I even felt her stirring about in the
Good Doctor's therapy sessions. Though I feared for Ralph's mental well being
every time we clasped arms in opposition to one another She would start to
rise. She responded to challenges I actually hoped to lose and forced me to
try and win. She wanted to crush Ralph in spite of me. You certainly can't
blame her appearance there on any thoughts of danger. She just has an
insatiable appetite for complete and total victory.

And "She" is unbeatable.

It was my fear of Her that forced me to turn to you when Ralph's behavior
began to threaten our marriage. Yes, I admit it, I was using your feelings for
me and I do apologize for that as well. But it was not for the reasons you
believe. It was not because of your ability and skills as a fighter that made
me wish it to be you who subdued Ralph. I was simply afraid that it would be
Hers. That was why I resisted your suggestion that I challenge him so
strenuously. If not for the fact that I knew you would remain to watch I would
never have agreed. You may have thought you were there to protect me but it
was really Ralph who's protection you were there for. I knew if She became too
hungry for blood you would do something.

And She was there John. As I changed in the bathroom while you talked to me
through the door She began to move about inside of me. I heard Her whisper of
Her eagerness to meet Her brash challenger and to see him humbled at Her feet.
By the time Ralph and I faced each other in our battle gear on our arena of
sand the whispers had become a deafening shout. Every blow Ralph landed was as
if he was knocking on Her door. They made Her grow stronger as She rushed to
answer the knock. Every blow I landed on him fed Her appetite for more.

I only thank God that when he laid upon his back at my feet and offered up his
belt in surrender She accepted it as tribute and was sated.

She is a jealous Demon as well as a violent one. I never realized that about
Her until you called to say you were married and wished me to meet your bride.
I felt her faintly stir the moment the words reached my ear. Though I love
Ralph as no woman ever did a man I am still a woman with a woman's vanity.
Your desire for me is something that always gave my female ego a huge boost.
Though I was so happy for you that I can't even think of words to describe my
joy I was still a little saddened in the knowledge that you'd found someone
you desired more than any other, including me. I guess you could say it was a
bitter sweet moment.. But believe me John, I was happy for you.

I guess I owe you another apology. I am sorry I always found your lusty
glances at me flattering. You can take some satisfaction from this thought. I
only did because I truly admire you and felt your appreciation was something
special.

Oh, by the way. My snapping at you on the phone that I was a bit peeved that
you didn't invite Ralph and I to your wedding was not Her. That really was me.
I am still a bit upset about that but that is only because i really do love
you. I do accept your explanation though.

Now, where was I? Oh yes,, your call

I probably should have discouraged you from visiting that day. As I said, I
felt Her stir when you called but to my everlasting regret I actually thought
Her jealousy was simply my own conflicted emotions. I simply didn't recognize
Her in time. But from the moment I hung up until the moment you and Gina
arrived She kept whispering in my ear and struggling to free Herself. She is
as persistent as She is evil. By the time you arrived She was already coiled
and ready to strike at the slightest provocation.

I'm afraid that was Gina.

The moment she stepped out of the car I heard The Beast hiss like an angry
feline. I could feel Her mighty fists pounding on the bars of the cage I
constantly struggle to keep Her locked within. The very sight of Gina seemed
to enrage Her.

I fought Her John. I want you to know that. I tried, I really did. I know you
believe that it is only results that count and since it was Her that would
eventually emerge victorious in our little struggle to control the shell known
as Rhonda you probably don't care how hard I fought. But it is still important
to me that you know I did.

I myself was at first flattered when I saw Gina. I was immediately struck by
the physical similarity she bore to me. The same hair and coloring. The same
general body type. She could have been my little sister if not for her Italian
facial features. That you would choose a woman so physically similar to me
was, I am ashamed to admit, another little boost to my feminine ego. If only
the Beast had felt similarly honored I would not be writing this letter.

I think Gina was equally struck by our resemblance to one another, her double
take as she climbed out of the car attests to that. I think though that she
also might have felt a bit intimidated when she saw that I was a much larger
version of her. I'm sure she is aware of your perverse attraction to strong,
muscular women. That might explain her later aggression. She wanted to impress
on you her own strength and skill and is, I am sure, similarly aware of your
fondness for the under dog.

Though this is my apology, you should know that your reputation for a
decidedly odd way of judging a woman's worth bears much of the blame for
Gina's behavior and so too for what occurred.

At first I was able to control the Beast, as She struggled inside of me. I did
my utmost to be a charming hostess for my best friend, for that is what you
truly are, and his new bride. I wanted to like her and for her to like me.

I began to lose ground when Gina started questioning Ralph on how it felt to
be bested in a boxing match by his own wife and how she felt he must have
surely thrown the match so as not to hurt me. The Beast was infuriated to have
her victory questioned.

I confess that I was a trifle angered as well. Not at Gina but at you for
having made Ralph's defeat at my hands a public spectacle. That was between
him and I John. Airing it in public humiliated Ralph at the time. I felt so
sorry for him watching his face redden as she spoke. But still I maintained
control, though it was becoming more difficult and the beast's screams were
becoming louder.

Her offer to put the gloves on with Ralph did nothing to aid me in my struggle
against the beast either.

And by the way, I think you should know that Ralph was not suddenly taken ill
as he claimed at the time. His leaving to go upstairs and lay down was simply
his way of dealing with shame and avoiding her challenge. The poor dear has
become meeker than ever since his encounter with the Beast. She did her job
well as far as taming Ralph's aggression goes. Perhaps too well.

At any rate I was in control and might have remained so but for Gina's
competitiveness. You will have to admit that it is rather strange when a new
bride, upon meeting two of her new Husband's best friends , challenges them
both to boxing matches within moments of her arrival.

I was stunned when she turned to me and asked if I wouldn't care to defend the
family title. Even you looked like you wanted to crawl in a hole and die

Yes i was stunned. But alas the Beast was not. Her pleasure was so great that
I fairly felt Her purr with evil joy.

Then She suddenly burst from her confines, taking advantage of my stunned
confusion. It was she who roared her acceptance before the words died on
Gina's lips. In the space of a single moment she had overpowered me and now it
was I caged inside and looking helplessly out ,shaking the invisible bars in
frustration..

"Are you sure you're up to the task" That was the cunning monster talking. And
it was her that stood and flexed those disgusting biceps of mine.

Now it was She that was baiting Gina. You cannot imagine how eager she was.
She had never extracted the surrender of a female challenger nor heard a
feminine cry for mercy. The thought intrigued the evil She demon as much as it
horrified me.

You know how modest I am. Didn't you think it at all strange I would simply
rip off my clothes in front of you and a woman I had known for less than an
hour? You must have been aware that something wasn't right when you saw me
standing there in just those tiny panties.

Why didn't you say something when your wife imitated the Beast's boastful
posing. Why did you remain seated in silence when she bared her own bountiful
breasts? And where were your protests when she was parading around in nothing
but a thong?

I think we both know the answer to that. It was written on your face. It was
advertised in your pants.

Excuse me John, I apologize for those last comments. It seems that the Beast
is not yet ready to remain completely silent.

You see how careful I must be of Her? How suddenly she strikes?.

But you will admit you remained silent and made no move to cool the tensions
as your wife and I circled each other, appraising each other's unclad forms
and hurling challenges at one another. It was you, after all, that fetched the
boxing gloves from the shed and warned each of us of the other's prowess.

Admit it John. The thought of witnessing Gina and I in combat had you so hot
you were falling all over yourself to expedite the clash.

Excuse me John, Her again. I'll try to control Her.

The Beast was impressed with your wife's physical presence. Her strong body
had Her hissing and spitting in anticipation of a challenge. Your wife's firm
and lush breasts above a rock ribbed middle compared so evenly to that of the
Beasts own attributes. Her well developed, sharply defined biceps were unique
in the Beasts experience with females. Until Gina no woman in her experience
had ever even come close to Her own.

I mean mine.

Since I had overcome the only men the Beast had ever faced, both of whom were
much larger and more heavily muscled than myself, She had come to look on
females as the dominant and stronger species. Your wife was the strongest
looking female the Beast had ever seen next to me and also the largest next to
me. The thought of dominating her began to arouse the Beast in a way I had not
seen since Jake Hubbard laiy on his back battered and broken, pleading for
mercy. I could feel Her heat rising and spreading in every female center of my
body. My nipples were actually getting hard and stiff so great was her
heightened arousal.

Her desire was making me wet in spite of my revulsion as I watched helplessly
from within.

When Gina donned the gloves and stood in front of me looking strong and
defiant she was feeding the Beasts most savage impulses. The craving to subdue
the muscular female and see her humbled beneath me was driving Her to a near
frenzy.

It was why She attacked with such potency.

Knowing your taste in women I will say that you are indeed a lucky man John.
Gina is not only beautiful she is also skillful, strong and determined. Every
bit as strong as she looks. Her stout resistance as we stood toe to toe and
exchanged punches was indeed impressive. Her flat stomach was impenetrable and
her chin was steady in response to the Beasts blows. Her punches thrown in
return had great force, speed and crispness. I can only imagine what you were
feeling as you watched the two of us standing there as a blizzard of punches
flew back and forth between us. I know the Beast was aroused as I have never
seen Her fed, as she was by Gina's refusal to give ground.

But as I said before John, the Beast is unbeatable. She simply grows hungrier
for victory and domination the more forceful the challenge and the more
willful and determined the opponent. The stalemate was making her hungry in a
way I've never felt Her. So great became her arousal that She could no longer
wait for Gina's surrender before possessing her body. She wanted to feel
Gina's body crushed against he own just as She had Jake Hubbard's.. Your look
of surprise as I grabbed her in my embrace was almost comical. Your look of
desire when she returned my embrace and our breasts pressed against each
others was even funnier.

And the bulge in your pants as we rolled on the ground crushed in each other's
muscular arms was truly quite impressive..

Sorry, that was me not Her, but it really was. Gina is almost as lucky as you
are.

I am ashamed to admit that that my own body was completely stimulated by the
intimate contact with Gina's. I am what you would call "a real woman" I had
never experienced arousal from another woman but I was not in control. The
beast was and She cares nothing for convention. She was hungry for Gina and
hungry to feel Gina's arousal as Gina surrendered to Her.

The feel of her nipples growing erect and sensitized as they responded to the
stiffness of my own throbbing breasts was stoking the fire burning in my
loins. The Beast ground my flaming crotch against Gina's anxious to stimulate
her and feel her response. Gina's soft moans as her breath grew hot from
passion further fanned the flames. As she too became wet with feminine desire
and pushed back the Beast was emboldened to taste her passion. She pressed my
lips to Gina's and sent my tongue in exploration of hers.

I cannot imagine what your wife was thinking as the beast pressed my lips to
her ear and whispered in my voice "You will soon be mine" .

And what must she think of me now. I beg of you to make her understand that
the woman who spoke of possessing her body was not me. Just as I beg you to
believe that the woman who so savagely attacked you was not me. You know me
John. You know that it wasn't.

You know it was the Beast.

You should not have interfered John. You have no idea of the danger you were
in. Gina had survived the Beasts blows and had acquitted herself admirably as
she'd returned her own. Her body's response to the Beasts passion would have
been accepted as surrender as we both exploded in mutual climax and that would
have ended the affair. The Beast would have returned to her lair sated and I
would have been faced only with the task of repairing my new relationship with
Gina.

Instead you pried us apart with Her arousal unfulfilled and now I face the
daunting chore of repairing a twenty year old friendship that has been turned
on it's ear. What is there I can say that will earn me your forgiveness?

Please understand. The look of anger and confusion on your face as I burst
from your grasp and turned to face you was taken as a challenge by Her The
flushed look of passion on Gina's served only to remind the Beast of Her own
unfulfilled desire. The bulge in your pants was to be the tribute offered in
place of Gina's not yet acquired surrender in the Beast's primal mind.

I can only imagine what was going through your mind as I advanced on you with
my still gloved fists raised in anger. Were you thinking of the innocent
sixteen year old girl you'd known over twenty years ago or the aroused woman
that faced you?

Did you realize you were now a prize to be obtained?

I would think that you did not. Your admonitions that the affair had gone too
far and your warnings to me of physical injury if I did not "back off' as you
put it indicates to me you believed the mostly naked woman advancing on you
was an hysterical female that would be intimidated by your strong male
presence. You saw the gentle adolescent of your youth not an aroused She Demon
bent on possessing your manhood.

I know you are a trained fighter, big and strong and as tough as nails. But as
a match for Her you never stood a chance.

The look of surprise on your face when your kick to my stomach bounced
harmlessly off and that of confusion when first your right fist was blocked
and then your left did no damage to my chin were a potent aphrodisiac to the
Beast. The dull throb in my sweating breasts and the electric shocks that were
coursing to my stiffened nipples became almost unbearably stimulating. The
white heat of my moistened womanhood flared like a solar prominence.

The Beasts roar of joy inside of me as I repelled your attack caused my
muscles to swell still further and grow even harder, filled as they were with
her feminine fury and desire.

I only thank God my fists were sheathed as my return blows drove the air from
your body and my punches to your head sent you stumbling back in retreat. If
not for that heaven sent padding, had my fists been bare as were yours, you
would have been as shattered as Jake Hubbard had been. I would never have
forgiven myself for that.

Her arousal grew so that I felt I might go mad as you staggered to the fence
and could retreat no further. She was insane with desire as She forced me to
continue pummeling you into near unconsciousness. When you collapsed against
me and began your slow descent downward my body was a cauldron of bubbling
juices that threatened to explode from between my legs.

She sang Her song of triumph while you hung helplessly in my arms, your head
nestled in my aching bosom. She beat her chest and flexed Her mighty arms when
you at last came to rest on your knees beneath her. By then you had stimulated
Her beyond any semblance of reason.

It was Her primitive victory ritual that followed and was not of my doing. If
I can convince you of nothing else but that I will be satisfied.

I love you John, I would never humiliate you as She did. That was Her not me
that ground your face into my crotch as you knelt groggily at my feet. The
hands inside the gloves that held your head against me were propelled by the
She Demon. It was her voice that commanded you pleasure me. It was Her that
sought to quench her arousal at your expense. You had denied Her the feast
that Gina's body had promised and left her smoldering sexual longing
un-slaked. Now you were to be that feast.

I know you tried to please Her John but your tongue only served to further
inflame Her. I could feel the fire intensify with each lick. She was insane
and I was the vessel of her insanity. The sap of her passion was flowing like
lava from me as She made me force you to your back. The huge bulge at your
center was to be her spoils of victory.

That symbol of your manhood was a white flag of Male surrender hoisted upright
as though offered on a pole. That was why She had had me tear so feverishly at
your pants. That was why once it was freed from it's constraints I settling
down upon it as though it was some sort of throne.

It was, And it was Hers!

You will never have any idea how vile and base her shouts inside my head were
as I rode you. Nor will you ever imagine the disgusting visions she loosed
upon me as you nibbled at the stiffened nipples She dangled at your lips. Did
you hear Her final obscene scream of triumph as She at last was satisfied and
I stiffened in that rolling crescendo of climax?

Was that me John? Ask yourself. I think you know it wasn't

With her victory feast consumed She departed as suddenly as She arrived. She
left for Her lair deep within me to savor her conquest in private. I was
horrified when I realized what I'd done to you and tried to do to your wife.
Awakening as if from a dream and finding myself sitting atop you with your
wife about to swing a shovel at my head was all the impetus I needed to roll
quickly off and run to the house. Can you believe me when I say I was as
humiliated as I am sure you were?.

Please accept my apologies for leaving you both so suddenly. Somehow at the
time polite good byes did not seem in order. And I thank you for restraining
Gina when she gave chase with that shovel. I think even then you must have
realized that you had witnessed something that was not the Rhonda you knew.

I am sure as you read this you will come to understand what happened and
forgive me. We've been friends a long, long time and share much history. We
will salvage our friendship because we both want to.

What I am most concerned about is Gina. She has only you to assure her that
she has not yet actually met me. She has no way of knowing that it was The
Beast Within me she so valiantly fought and that it was She who behaved so
lustfully towards her.. And that it was She that violated her husband. Her and
I have no history as you and I do. It is up to you to convince her.

Make sure she realizes how dangerous the Beast is. I am afraid that even now
She remains desirous of your wife. I can hear Her thoughts just as She can
mine. She wants to continue the fight as surely I imagine as Gina probably
does.. Gina's competitive spirit reminds me very much of the Beast's.

Trust me, if I thought it was possible I would put on the gloves and allow
Gina to pound me until she felt herself avenged. But I know the Beast would
not allow that. She would force me to fight back savagely.

So what else is there that I can say.? You know that I am dreadfully sorry and
want desperately to repair our friendship.. I have told you that I want a warm
and friendly relationship with your beautiful wife and I have apologized as
best I can to her.

I know that words alone can not make up for what the vile She Beast did. But
they are all I have John and now I have finally run out of them.

Writing of all this has stimulated my creative juices. I am off now to
continue the Cousins saga. I am afraid in light of my current mental state
poor Stuart is in for a particularly rough experience at Sharon's hands

So to your readers, thank you for allowing me to unburden myself on you. To
Gina my simple and sincerest apology. To John my love and regrets and humble
request for forgiveness. And to all I hope your support and prayers as I fight
to control this Beast Within me.

Affectionately,

Rhonda