Limericks ala Diane
By: Beaten Man - [Replies to humbled@abeatenman.com]
12 Original Limericks


The Valkyrie is a web site
Dedicated to feminine might
A foot on a mans chest
Beatings and the rest
All show us that women are best


Marvelous is what I'd call
That woman who has it all
Muscles on each arm
Fists that do harm
And a chest full of feminine charm


My girl kicks my balls with her shoe
But that's not the worst that she'll do
Cause once done with that
She knocks me so flat
I must wear my ass as a hat.


My wife sticks her fist in my face
Putting me right in my place
Then says "you must do
What I'm telling you to
Or I'll beat the snot out of you"


Whenever I box nude with Jane
I know I'll soon be feeling  pain
As I'm flat on my back
Drinking sweat from her rack
And staring up into her crack


My wife and I wrestled last night
It sure was one hell of a fight
My gal was so strong
In her black bra and thong
I awoke with a knot in my dong


There once was a fair Scottish lass
Who could kick  most any man's ass
She could outbox Mike Tyson
And was strong as a bison
So her new boy friend died when he tried  some


Last week I boxed twice with Louise
Both times I wound up on my knees
And in the last bout
After she'd knocked me out
She settled her ass  on my snout


My girl friend and I had a test
We locked arms to see who was best
She said what a joke
As my right arm she broke
My left she beat sipping a coke


My woman is really well muscled
Last night In our backyard we tussled
She beat my nose raw
And then broke my jaw
So now I sip steak through a straw


In the pool hall we both fought Louise
Each of us she beat with such ease
Poor jake wound up dead
She broke the mans head
And I'm in a hospital bed


There once was a man who did sleep
Cuddled up close to his sheep
When asked were it true
That a ram he would do
He said never I'd only screw ewe