The Diary By Beaten Man Replies to humbled@abeatenman.com One woman's haunting tale of sensuality and violence My wife and I recently purchased a new home, actually a resale, in an established Golf course communtiy in Yuma, Az. There was a divorce involved and the price was unbeatable for that neighborhood. We had found the home on the internet and had commited to buying, sight unseen, based on the pictures of the home and neighborhood. The purchase, of course, was contingent on the usual title searches and inspections. . The week before the closing we decided to visit the home to see it for ourselves. I also wanted to meet the owner and discuss some last minute details. The seller was the wife. a woman name Joan Crawfield I had assumed she had gotten the house in the divorce settlement. When I called requesting an appointment she had seemed hesitant about meeting us but when I explained the details of what we needed to go over she concured that the matters were of importance and reluctantly agreed to an appointment that afternoon We arrived at the gated community around four Mrs. [or Ms] Crawfield buzzed us in and within moments we were sitting in the circular driveway staring at the golf course behind the house and dreaming of the things we would be doing with our new home. The door was answered by a women who I would guess to be in her mid thirties. It was apparent as soon as she answered the door why she had been so reluctant to meet us. She had bruises and contusions on her face and body. It was easy to see that someone had recently administered a beating to her, or so I assumed.. To say that the woman was beautiful would not do her justice. It would be like saying Pamela Anderson has OK tits. She was spectacular for want of a better word. She was tall, about 5'9 and weighed about 145 pounds. But what a 145 pounds. The weight was distributed around a figure that I have never seen the equal of. I would estimate her measurements to be 38 24 37. But it wasn't the perfectly shaped breasts that proudly thrust forward or the spectacularly firm rounded bottom or even the seductive hips that differentiated hers from other beautiful figures. It was her frame. Every muscle on her body was perfectly symetrical with just the perfect definition. The six pack abs weren"t cut they were simply evident with the barest of definition. Her arms and legs had every muscle clearly defined as if in bas relief. Each muscle stood out on her body in harmony with every other muscle. The bicep was just the right size when compared with the calf or delt. The tricep perfect when compared with the pec. Not a body builders physique but a sculpters physique. It was as though her body had been designed by some sort of celestial engineer and then built by an artist. To use automotive terms it was aerodynamically sleek, elegantly desiged for power and manueverability. The modest bikini she wore served to underline her bodies perfection rather than just merely flaunt it. Her face, in spite of the bruises, was sensually beautiful. Not necessarily perfect features, perfect features do not inspire like hers did. Her mouth was wide [think Julia Roberts], the lips naturally moist and of the ideal thickness. Her nose, small compared to the mouth, was straight and each nostril a gentle oval. The eyes, set perfectly, were almond shaped and the most striking shade of emerald green I had ever seen. She would require no makeup. Her lips were a dark pink, her eyelashes long and luxurious. The eyebrows were naturally arched, thick and dark. Her silky, perfectly layered raven hair wildly framed her face and shoulders as a lions mane frames its head. It cascaded down her back. Her color was a golden bronze and her skin, other than the bruises, was flawless. She led us on a tour of the house as we checked closets and appliances, measured rooms and made our plans as to where the furniture would go, etc.. You know, all the things everyone does when they. look at a new home. Her earlier aloofness was replaced by a confident and friendly demeanor. She and my wife exchanged small talk as we toured. She seemed to genuinly like her. When we were finished she led us out to the pool area where she had been sunbathing before our arrival so that we could discuss our business. She was not only the most beautiful woman I had ever seen she was also the sexiest. Sensuality oozed from every pore of her exquisite body. In spite of my wifes presence I found myself staring at her with my mouth agape on more than one occassion. I was sexually aroused from almost the minute we arrived. I found myself battling a growing stiffness in my crotch throughour our visit. I could not help feeling pity for the poor husband that was losing this magnificent creature. At the same time I could not help hating him if it was indeed he who had struck that incredible face and body. I had seen his picture during my tour of the house. He was strikingly handsome, about 6'1. His estimated 210 pounds were distributed on a well muscled athletic body. He had nordic blonde hair and dark eyes, almost black in color. Except for an indefinable air of cruelty to his facial features he appeared the perfect match for this goddess. During our conversation I learned that the home was hers before she married her present husband John and that the name on the deed, Crawfield, was her maiden name. She told us he had moved out for good the previous day. In light of her bruises I asked if he had beaten her. Her somewhat cryptic reply was that he was, as she put it, responsible. I finished going over my points of concern regarding our contract to purchase the house. She addressed each one and our business was complete. She agreed to be out by the time of the closing and we could take possession the same day. I reluctantly took my leave of this astonishingly beautiful woman and returned home. I would not see her again. I would think of her often. A week to the day later my wife and I found ourselves standing in the same circular driveway, now the proud owners of the beautiful ranch style home. We entered using our brand new keys and searched throughout the now empty house to be sure everything was in order as our own furniture and possessions would be arriving the next day. There were three boxes of her possessions neatly stacked in the garage. There was an extraordinary note atop the 3 boxes.. The note was not addressed, it simply began " I know you have been thinking of me and I know that you will think of me again, I do not mind, It is not your fault. However, I would ask a small favor in return. I would like the contents of two of these boxes held in safe keeping, The third is yours to keep. I apologize for any inconvenience" It was signed simply JC Had I been that obvious in my admiration of her? I didn't think so. I, of course, couldn't wait to see what was in the boxes. Two of them contained nothing but copies of what were apparently the same book. Upon closer examination, the books proved to be volumes of a meticulously kept diary. Each volume had Joan and the date range labeled on the cover. She had apparently chronicled her life on a daily basis. The books went back some 20 years and ended with the then current year. I was naturally curious and as I am somewhat of a voyeur began thumbing through the volumes. Not a day in her life seemed missing. Each day was dated and at the end signed Joan. Some days were one line entries, others were rambling narratives that read like a long letter to a friend. Her senior prom went on for 3 pages and even included an arousing description of her loss of innocence to her date. What was most unsettling to me was why she would abandon this history. She obviously hadn't forgotten them Did she want someone to read her story? . If she'd left it in the garage for me to find was I that designated someone? The womans beauty had fascinated me since the moment I'd first met her. I wanted to know more about her and I was particularly interested in what it might have been that destroyed her marriage since it was that break up which allowed me to now own this home. I skipped her earlier years and began reading from the last volume which began at her wedding and ended the day that I had met her. The story that unfolded as I read was, to say the least, remarkable. I would like to share that story with you now. The last two entries were the most remarkable but do not tell the entire story in a way that makes sense. There were entries along the way, as her marriage deteriorated, that made it possible for me to understand the last ones. What follows are entries from selected days of the year leading up to those last entries and, of course, the last and most remarkable one. Some days are but a single line, some are paragraphs. Some days, particularly the next to last, go on for pages in extreme detail. Each is exactly as she wrote it. I have simply picked the ones that allow the story to be told in a way that makes sense of it and left out the rest. We will speak again when you know Joan better. When you know her as I do. My only comment before turning the stage over to Joan Crawfield words is this. It is not her beauty alone that makes her the embodiment of my dream woman. __________________________________________________ June 12, 2004 Dear Diary Sex doesn't seem important to John. We've honeymooned for four days now , he hasn't touched me for the last three. He's already asleep tonight and I'm writing to you still sitting in the sexiest negligee I could find. Could he be mad because I won that stupid tennis match on the second day? Otherwise he seems fine. We ate at the Jade Palace tonight and he surprised me with a jade pendant. That seemed romantic. God he looks so delicious laying there. Is his behaviour normal? Joan June 30. 2004 Dear Diary At last! Hurray Hurray! John was like a love machine tonight. He tied my wrists to the bed [not sure if I like that] and then went wild. Almost like he was making up for the last 3 weeks of nothing. We made love three times. Oh god it's about time. Who da thunk a couple of pieces of silk could make such a difference. Joan July 2, 2004 Dear Diary Lunch with Evelyn today. Great seeing her after 3 years. By the way tried mounting John tonight since he seemed so insatiable the other night. He acted like I farted in his face. What's with him? Joan July 20, 2004 Dear Diary Big day-don't know where to start. Side of John I have never seen. Neighbors lab got in our yard. John drowned the poor thing in our pool. Held it underwater until it died. Police came and everything. John says he was protecting me. I've known Rusty 4 years, he has always seemed loving and gentle. He has a cruel streak I really don't like. Almost like he enjoys suffering. Some good news we did manage to have sex without me being tied to bed. Felt great to move around but couldn't get poor Rusty out of my mind. John is so hard to understand. Joan Aug 3, 2004 Dear Diary I am increasingly concerned about John The Police were here again today A young woman has been beaten - her assailants description matches Johns Johns alibi is being home with me that night- He was home but it is a big house and we keep to ourselves more often than not. I cannot be certain he did not go out but his alibi seemed to satisfy the police. I want desperately to believe him. Joan Sept 18, 2004 Dear Diary John wants to wrestle! Says it will spice up our sex life. It couldn't hurt - I am so tired of being tied to the bed in order to get some. He says he will be Tarzan and conquer his Jane. He says when he does Jane will be in heaven. Hopefully she will. I'm going to give it a shot and let him pin me if thats what he wants. How bad could it be? Joan Sept 23, 2004 Dear Diary We wrestled today. Sex was okay but John's a first class shit. I think I finally understand him. He doesn't care about me he justs gets off on the pain of others. Pain he causes We cleared off a space in the rec room and John had us start by locking arms and trying to push each other back and forth. Eventually I pushed him backwards and he started telling me I was doing it wrong. We started over with John having me already in a headlock. Before I could even begin to fight back he rolled me over his hip and landed with his body across my chest. That really knocked the wind from me. I started to try and pull myself out but noticed that he already had a hard on. I thought we were done so I laid there in the hold. He shimmied up on me and put his knees on my shoulders pinning me under him. After he had me pinned then he asked me to struggle. He only wanted me to fight back after I was helpless. Does that sound like a real man? Anyhow I made struggling noises for a few minutes and he started to get really excited. When I got sick of making stupid noises and just laid there he started crowing and boasting like he had Hulk Hogan pinned. Then he did something I won't ever forgive him for. He began slapping my face on the cheeks. Not real hard at first, more like - see I have you and there's nothing you can do. But the slaps grew harder as his excitement increased. They stung my face. After a minute or two of Johns little torture game I figured out a way to end it. I said Okay Tarzan Jane surrenders to her mighty conquerer and offers her body in tribute. I swear I almost choked on the words. The "mighty" Tarzan then got off of me and placed his foot on my tits and beat his chest like Johnny Weismuller used to do in those movies. What an ass! He did have quite the boner though, I had never seen him so stiff. He jumped right on me but honestly, for me, the magic wasn't there. I kept thinking of that poor dog a couple of months ago and those slaps while I was pinned. Hardly erotic thoughts. We did it twice on the rec room floor but it just wasn't worth it. If he thinks I am just going to be some sort of punching bag in order to have relations with my own husband he's got another thing coming. I wonder if he'd like me to tie him to a bed or better yet sit on his chest and crow. If he tries it again we'll find out. Joan Sept 30, 2004 Dear Diary John wanted to handcuff me today. Didn't trust him enough to be that helpless and refused. If I can't trust my husband who can I trust? John says I am a spoiled child. I think I've been a pretty good sport and damned patient with him. As for having to be sudued for sex, Fuck Him, thats why god invented vibrators. This marriage isn't working out. Joan Oct 7, 2004 Dear Diary Big Day I am a new woman. I have never felt more alive in my life. Tarzan must have been horny today . He demanded that I wrestle him again. I hope I can remember everything, I know I am going to want to read this again. I refused to start already pinned. He called me a bitch . Don't know where I got the nerve but I rushed him and tackled him to the ground. We rolled around on the ground for a few moments and I got him in a headlock [ I wonder how he liked it ]. Having his head trapped with his body pinned under me made me start to tingle the way he used to make me tingle when I first met him. The redder his face got the stiffer my nipples got. He did manage to buck free though and got behind me putting me in a full nelson. I'm not even going to repeat the things he said he was going to do to me when he thought he had me dominated I managed to push us up to a standing position but I couldn't shake the hold and he still had me trapped. I began to strain and push my arms forward, I could feel his fingers sliding apart on my neck. I strained even harder and suddenly I was free. I had broken his hold. I couldn't believe it. What a rush!! My juices were really flowing then and my nipples were so hard my breasts actually ached. I turned and rushed at our shocked looking Tarzan. He put his arms out to stop me so I grabbed his arms as he grabbed mine. We pushed against each other. Damnest thing, the harder he pushed the harder I was able to push back. He couldn't stop me, he actually couldn't stop me. I pushed him all the way back to the far wall with him cussing every step of the way. I felt like wonder woman. It felt good - no, thats not the word. It felt exiting to have him pinned against the wall struggling to get free. John had the weirdest look on his face. Not surprise - Not hate. - not anger , just weird. Do you suppose there such a thing as suprised angry hatred? Whatever it was it makes me horny!! John/Tarzan yelled we have to start again - I cursed -put him in a headlock and squeezed his head as hard as I could against my breast. He started coughing and trying to turn us away from the wall. Surprised myself and rolled him over my hip. I came down right on top of him and all the air whooshed out of John/tarzan Looked at my arm muscle, squeezing his head really made it swell I squeezed harder I hoped John put out as well when he lost as when he won Sweating so much Johns head started slipping around as he struggled. Rolled to my back pulling John on top of me and slid my arm under his chin, then wrapped my legs around his middle. I squeezed some more. Squeezing really makes me horny!!! Johns slapping my arm and coughing and saying he can't breath. I tell him Jane wants to hear Tarzan say uncle. . And squeezed more. And Tarzan says uncle - just like that - uncle Uncle really, really makes me horny !!!!!!!!! Rolled tarzan on his back and straddled him so Jane could claim her prize Tarzans vine was as limp as his excuse for killing rusty ----and Jane was on fire Jane is still on fire - John couldn't get it up - Said I had tired him out. Said he was embarassed losing to a girl. Stupid ass - he lost to a woman This marriage isn't working out - He's the reason god invented vibrators And speaking of vibrators.... Joan Oct. 8, 2004 Dear Diary John is sleeping in the guest room. Doesn't want to talk to me. Avoided me all day Keep thinking of yesterday - all day I kept going back to last night Each time I tingle, Tingle shit, I GET HORNY. I'm so horny right now I can hardly write. Is it John? I don't think so Could it be combat? I don't know, maybe Could it be winning [dominating him]? Definitely Fuck, I'm as bad as John. Joan Oct 18, 2004 Dear Diary John is more distant than ever Tried to talk to him before he left this morning- grabbed his arm as he was leaving John drew back his fist and threatened to beat me if I touched him without, as the ahole put it, his permission. Funny thing. - the threat excited me. Conflict seems to make me horny I am growing to hate him and yet I am sitting here on fire for his touch -or my touch on him I am as hard to figure out as John was. Joan Nov 2, 2004 Dear Diary Big day - lots to tell Cheated on John - Am I now officially a slut? I take that back - he doesn't want it, Others do - fuck him. I'm not the slut Did it with Ramon when he came to service the pool [there's a pun there somewhere] Good looking Latino - Dark and swarthy- "Muy Macho" - A little smaller than john [not much] lots of sweat. and muscle- about 20 Came to door - asked to get into cabana to get pool supplies. Funny, I knew he wanted me the moment I looked at him, I could feel his desire Like I said last month - I AM a new woman - I Like her I wanted him to beg for me.the moment I felt his desire When he reached for the key I grasped his hand, locking fingers. As I squeezed his hand I literally felt myself swell with desire I can't believe it, I don't know why - I asked him if he wanted to play mercy. He just looked at me dumbly - but he didn't say no or try to take back his hand so I grabbed his other hand and said go. He looked surprised but at the same time pleased and I think confident. Do you suppose there such a thing as surprised, pleased confidence? If so, it makes me horny!! At first I thought he would push me right down as he is taller and broader but instead we just stood there straining trying to bend each others wrist. We strained for a while and as we did I watched his face. He stared back and the effort was visible in his eyes. Effort makes me even hornier than surprised pleased confidence. Others' efforts also seem to make me stronger - and that too makes me wetter. Is there anything that doesn't make me wet anymore? We were both shaking with effort and sweating like pigs I wanted to slide around on his sweat I wanted him to drink mine. I could see myself reflected in Ramons eyes. My body looked as if I was on steroids. Straining had made every muscle swell. I felt powerful admiring my own body I had never really looked at it before - I will again Ramon began to shake violently - I was beginning to overpower him I was also beginning to smell my own juices - I was that aroused!!! He sank slowly as I pushed his wrists back until he was on his knees. A big strong, macho latino he-man was on his knees beneath me. I was a smoldering Inferno inside - I was actually afraid I would cum standing over him Ramon was groaning and crying out I give I give. I starddled his chest and forced my crotch against his face as I eased the pressure on his wrists. Ramon began to desperately try and push his tongue around the bottom of my bathing suit and reach inside to lick me. I could see his hard dick peeking out through the bottom of his trunks. He was making whimpering noises. I released his hands and literaly tore off my bikini bottoms I grabbed him by his ears and crushed his nose to my pussy I came - And I was still Hornier than I had ever been I ripped off his trunks and pushed him on his back and straddled his chest pressing his hands to the floor by his ears. His dick looked as though it would burst through the skin - he kept thrusting it up into the thin air -thick fluid was leaking from it. I released his hands and he pulled my bra top off - he pulled so hard he tore the back apart. I leaned down and began rubbing my tits across his face. I could feel little shocks running from my nipples down to my crotch. He licked and nipped at them as though he had not eaten in a week. And then Ramon began to worship me - there is no other word for it. He ran his hands over my arms and held my biceps- Then begged that I flex them He kept saying Oh God over and over as I did I thought I would explode.. and I was afraid he would too - Ramon started pleading that I take him Thats right - that I take him - I wanted to beat my chest the way my phony Tarzan had I slipped myself down over his member - It slid in as if it were greased. Ramon began to buck and thrust wildly. I began to post on his dick like a rider does when staying in the saddle of a trotting horse. Sliding slightly back - then rising slightly and rotating forward We did not make love - we FUCKED. Like two savage beasts Ramon was chanting - "she's so much woman" almost like a mantra as I rode him. His groans in between sounding like music and pushing my arousal even higher. And finally Ramon did explode- As I felt his semen rush into my body I released my own Earth shattering Climax We both shuddered together for a few long moments as our climaxes ran there course and the shocks gradually subsided in my breasts and nipples. Ramon lay still beneath me . mmmmmmmmmm was all he said Not love but Raw Lust - No emotion - only passion Ramon wanted to continue running his hands over my body as he told me I was the most beautiful women he had ever seen. I told him he must clean the pool I told him if I desired him again I would take him again I demanded that he not feel bad.if I chose not to. It was the greatest sex I've ever had I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR! Joan Nov 8, 2004 Dear Diary I feel their gazes on my body and sense their desires now every place I go. The baker wants me or I should say wants me to take him, so does the bucher, so does my attorney, and so too would the fucking candlestick maker if we still had them. Every man does - except John - he just broods He is not a real man - real men do not pretend to take their women They take them- and if the prick could take me I would allow it- But he has to take me - I will not pretend he is a real man And if he was a real man and was bested by me he would adore me and worship me and be aroused by my power - not be terrified of it.. And I would take him I am not like John - I know that now and I feel much better He wishes to subdue so that he may inflict pain upon another - It is the pain that excites him I subdue because I wish to dominate - I wish to inflict myself as a reward for any pain I cause He wishes conflict only with those he believes he can subdue. I wish conflict with those who believe I cannot subdue them I wish to prove to them I am the stronger - not prove it to myself as John does Asked him to move out of the guest room and into the cabana so I wont't have to look at him anymore. Joan Nov. 12, 2004 Dear Diary I left my scent upon another today There is a new convert who may now worship at my temple alongside Ramon He came to deliver the new sofa today - he was kind enough to leave me a most satisfying climax. He was ugly but he was large and burly looking. He was a challenge and I knew he desperately wanted me. I felt his desire, his dreams, even before he knocked at the door. I removed my blouse and bra as he set up the sofa - to embolden him When he reached for my breast I slapped him - to anger him He slapped me back and my body instantly came alive in all those places where I feel pleasure It was a short contest but most satisfying I wrapped my arms around his chest and squeezed [ god how I have come to love squeezing] He placed his rough manly hands beneath my chin and pushed back attempting to break free His struggle was delicious. The pain beneath my chin aroused me even further I increased my pressure on him. I felt my nipples driving deep into his flesh They sang to me of desire. He removed his hands from my chin and moaned his surrender as his arms hung limply at his sides. I squeezed a bit more and then allowed him to slide down my body to the floor Each place his beaten body touched of mine along his descent became instantly aroused. I tore open his trousers to inspect my delivery as he pleaded for forgiveness. I was not disappointed. The merchandise, though its keeper was humbled, was not and stood proud and erect. I prodded the blood gorged tip lightly, barely at all just a whisper of a touch. He groaned and thrust his hips skyward and begged for relief I settled down upon my throne and we struggled anew - this time for mutual release. This time we were both victorious. Joan Nov 20, 2004 Dear Diary Screams from the cabana this afternoon I found John beating a prostitute he had handcuffed to the bed If he would only try that with me I know it was him who beat that young woman this summer Joan Nov 24, 2004 Dear Diary Filed for divorce today Joan Nov 28, 2004 Dear Diary John is going to contest the divorce He doesn't stand a chance - his lawyer and the judge are both men and both secretly dream of me. I have written both and explained in exquisite detail their dreams.of destruction at my hands If he would have only fought me with the same resistance it would be so pleasant, so enjoyable. Even without sex, Joan Dec 3, 2004 Dear Diary It is becoming increasingly difficult to remember the woman who lost her virginity after a high school dance, who attended UCLA, who sold real estate and who fell in love with John It is becomiung almost impossible to impersonate her any longer. Joan Dec 19, 2004 Dear Diary Tarzan wishes to return to the treehouse from his lair in the cabana Says his new lawyer [the old one withdrew] advices it. She is as big a fool as her client Now he will be close and alone with me when the doors are locked at night. He doesn't know that I know of what he dreams. Of what he cannot admit even to himself Joan Jan. 1 ,2005 Dear Diary Happy New year old friend - How many is this? Who would know better than you?. I can no longer bear to look back through the pages of someone elses life in order to relive her experiences. Oh, I claimed another today He is, I believe, the 12th Does that make a coven? Joan Jan. 7, 2005 Dear Diary I listed the house today for sale And a date is being set for the final disolution of marriage I think when these matters are settled I shall wander the countryside Like Kane in that old TV show Kung Fu. Instead of righting wrongs I shall instead fulfill men's dreams The dreams they share of me. I'm serious Joan Jan. 12, 2005 Dear Diary And another one bites the dust Another has had his most secret prayers answered The Power is beginning to corrupt me Corruption makes me horny Joan Jan. 27, 2005 Dear Diary Received a contract for the house today - it won't be long now Marriage dissolution set for March 1 Will try to close on house first so I can dispose of the furnishings Goddesses have no need of furniture And those who tower above them certainly do not The books must be closed on John soon His wife is long gone - Soon he must join her. Joan Feb 12, 2005 Dear Diary Closing set for Feb 27th I have decided to touch John before then - without his permission Either he fulfills his dreams or I die Joan Feb 16, 2005 Dear Diary This is difficult for me to say. - you have been Joan Crawfields constant companion for almost her entire life. As you know [and who would no better than you] I am leaving soon. I am leaving her house I am leaving her husband I have decided to to leave her behind as well. Joan Feb 18,2005 Dear Diary Tomorrow I touch John Please pray for me that he touches back This will all be over soon There are so many who dream of me I have so much to do Joan Feb 19, 2005 Dear Diary There is much to talk of today as Joan Crawfield would say "Big Day" And no I am not Mad I know that I am Joan Crawfield. But you and I really know that I am no longer truly her and that she is certainly not me. Joan is real - I am a dream - I am many Dreams Or more precisely I am the dreams of many. Now as I inferred - big day John is gone - The police took him away We touched each other. I know his dreams and he is fulfilled My congregation has grown to twenty I found him in the shower attempting to wash the misdeeds of the day from his body The intimacy appealed to me - I removed my clothes and joined my "husband" in the stall. I will simply say John's face registered surprise as we stood examining each others naked bodies. We had not been this close since Jane made Tarzan and his flacid dick say uncle. He asked me what it was I wanted. I pressed my body against his and held him, as if affectionate, around the neck. I brought my nose to his so that we might speak intimately and whispered my desire to claim the prize that he had withheld from me when Tarzan surrendered to Jane. I breathed heavily in his face and brushed my lips gently against his. The warm water splashed over us as the soap from Johns lathered body made us both slippery My whispers alone have brought other men to the peak of sexual desire even as they were on their knees before me. The touch of my lips insane with lust. They would lay broken on their backs and plead to touch the breasts that were now nestled against his chest. But John made no move to take me. He would not allow himself the pleasure of my body unless it was bound or at his mercy. He could not. I held him even closer and asked why he feared me. Why it was that he would take the body of a weak helpless girl but recoil in terror from a strong womans'. I asked if he was afraid that I would inflict upon him the pain he so willingly bestowed on lesser beings. The nearness of his body and the vulnerability of his nakedness began to stir the juices of my womanhood. He said I was crazy - that he feared no woman, certainly not me. He removed my arms from around his neck. I put them back. and asked why he feared my touch and did it remind him of when I held him helpless on the ground. I offered him a rematch so that he might reacquire his manhood. The thought of johns naked body trapped between my legs stirring further the now boiling cauldron of my body's desire for intimate contact. John became angry and again tore my arms from around his neck. His anger excitied me, inspired me. I took the soap from johns hand and began to lather my own body. Each touch of my own hand upon my naked breasts creating waves of pleasure in my stiffening nipples. The thought that he might soon strike me in anger as he had others heightened even further my feelings of passion. I flexed my arms in front of him and asked if he now feared the power within my swelling biceps. He called me an insane bitch. I said I am insane. I am insane with the desire to touch your body with my hands and with my breasts as you beg me to satisfy your lust. I reached for him again. John grabbed me by the neck and pushed me against the back wall of the shower, He held me there by the throat and said that I had lost my mind. I stood meekly,as if trapped in his grasp. I watched his manhood begin to stir as his penis began to stiffen ever so slightly He asked me what had happened to that prim and genteel woman he had married only nine months before. You have beaten her out of me with your cruelty and indifference. You have created this lusty creature as assuredly as Dr. Frankenstein did the monster I replied. And his member stiffened, now halfway erect. My plight at his hands appealing to his cruelty. I shuddered in anticipation, my breath quickened. Tarzan would pay his debt to Jane soon. Soon the books would be closed. The accounts balanced. John smiled, he had me "helpless in his grasp and that pleased him. I said John you are hurting me with your hand about my neck. Then watched his pleasure grow - between his legs. John tightened his grip and I placed my own hands on his as if to remove them from my neck. I allowed my lower lip to tremble as if on the verge of tears. Johns pleasure "grew" even more. I told John he did not have to hurt me to have me. I was there to offer him the body I had denied him for the passed few months. That he had only to take it. I took his free hand and placed it between my legs so that he could feel for himself the moisture of my lust. My lust for him. You seem to be enjoying what I am doing he said and tightened further his grip. I moaned softly and his exitement grew until it touched my thigh. That is because I want you John, Hurt me if you must but know that you do not have to for it is my destiny to fulfill mens dreams, your dreams. And if I want to, you crazy bitch, John asked. Then you must do so, but I simply must have you I replied. I felt the symbol of Johns manhood stir against my thigh. My own passions grew and my breath became hot on Johns face as I spoke. John struck me and I moaned take me - take me - and he struck me again. His erection was now poking up into the valley between my thighs. I placed my hands upon his shoulder and pulled him towards me as he struck me yet again, John pressed his body against mine as he released my neck. He twisted my stiff nipple roughly and I moaned as if in pain. I was in ecstacy. The veins in his cock were now blue and pulsing. Soon he would be mine. Please John, don't hurt me I said and he moaned. My appeal stirred him Moaning makes me horny So I grabbed Tarzans dick. It almost jumped into my hand And then Jane Claimed her prize And Tarzan paid willingly. Very willingly I could feel Johns dreams He thrust back and forth like a pig rutting and our soapy bodies slapped back and forth together. I put my arms around his neck and he placed his around my waist I placed my tongue to Johns ear and lighly licked as he pulled my hips tightly to his. I whispered so softly, barely a breath, hit me again John and I gently pulled his lips down to my nipple. John ran his lips over my breasts licking madly and I purred "I know your dreams" I began moving my hips in a slow circle and whispered ... hit me There was a deafening groan from John And he hit me. I moaned with pleasure and thrust my hips forward again into his I asked John who he wanted.. You, he said it three times each time a little louder I moaned back at him then fuck me harder. And hit me.- I know your dreams He hit me and screamed that he dreamed of me I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled his face back to my breast as he wrapped his arms around me. I rode up and down his shaft as he held me. Up and down. Up and down . Again and again and again. I pulled him into my pussy and milked him as though his dick were a teet and I the milk maid I pulsed my vagina over and over John exploded in climax as I pulled his semen into me. His screams echoed in the tiled stall John leaned my back against the tile wall and rested his face on my chest as I pulled the last remaining drops of seed from him. He breathed in irregular pants, moaning occassionaly Hit me I said. - No thats enough John panted feebly Hit me. I repeated. then a little louder. Hit me. John sighed and said it's time to stop. I climbed down from him and pushed away I'm not done. Hit me I said as I slapped Johns face No. I'm tired thats enough of this John said a little louder I punched his chin and demanded again that he hit me John slapped at my cheek and said I said thats enough. This time angrily I punched him harder. This time in his nose. As he stumbled back against the other shower wall I demanded again that he hit me. John cursed and punched back at me. I hit him in the jaw and knocked him backwards again, this time he slid down the wall and ended up siitting on the shower floor. I stood above him and demanded that he hit me. I reminded him that I was not finished He scrambled to his feet and grasped my arm punching at my stomach with his free hand I brought my fist up from beneath and again struck his chin. He released me and stumbled back. As he stumbled I hit him in the nose again. He fell to the floor. I sat across his chest and demanded once more that he hit me. You're crazy he said Stop this already. I'm not finished. Hit me I said as I punched him in the nose yet again The blood was now flowing down Johns face and mixing with the water on the shower floor. Please Joan stop. I think you broke my nose he whined I hit him again and asked Why won't you hit me? I don't know. This time as he spoke bubbles of mixed blood and spit popped around his mouth as the words were uttered. I wrapped my legs around him and pulled his head forward to my breasts. Hit me I moaned. I must have release. I must fulfill your dreams. And again he refused to strike me as he struggled to draw breath through my smothering breasts into his broken nose. He begged that I release him. Insisting that I had fulfilled his wildest dreams, that he had no need to do me further violence. That he was spent and now to battered for further conflict. Was it the pain you caused me or your inability to cause me sufficient pain to overwhelm me that so fulfilled you? I asked this and squeezed my legs tightly about him. I don't know. I only know it was your body. He sobbed the words as he struggled for breath within my grasp.. His sobs aroused me once again. The squeezing heightening the arousal. My nipples again hardened beyond their areolas and poked at the face buried in my busom. John sucked on them with his puffy lips, as if offering tribute to induce me to release him. I know your dreams I whispered and increased the pressure. Increased my pleasure. Please, He cried out, again and then again I told him he had nothing more to fear from me now that I had him at my mercy, and that even if he did not, I knew his dreams. I squeezed him even tighter in my grasp. He brought his head up and placed his hands on my shoulders. Through his tears he asked how he could not be afraid when he was being crushed. Have you beaten other women and taken your pleasure with them or am I the first? I asked Many others he replied. Did I fulfill your appetite as well as all those others John? The tears became sobs as he told me none had ever made him feel as I had this evening.. That he had never had a sexual experience that left him so completely sated. What was different? I asked him softly You begged for more and became more sensual with each blow he said. You kept getting better and better. It was incredible sex. Why do you beat me now he sobbed Even a goddess has needs John, just as your wife did. Even a goddess must play by the rules. I cannot take pleasure for myself until I have fulfilled your dreams.. But we must speak of you now not me. The fact that I took your best and grew stronger, came back for more, is what you say made those moments so satisfying? Yes. John said it as though surprised by the thought. Until you could continue no more and collapsed on to me? Yes he repeated. Until I had overpowered you?. Just as you have secretly dreamed? John placed his face by my breasts and began licking as a child might a popsicle. Licking makes me horny I realeased him and stood above him and helped him to his knees. The water had now began to run cold and he was shivering. I pressed his face to the junction of my legs. He began exploring the place that is the object of mens desires with his tongue, seeking the treasure buried just beyond its entrance. As he blissfully sucked at my clitoris I sang of how I would visit him in his dreams and of how I would crush him and then ride his broken body until his satisfaction spilled into me. When he was done and I was sufficiently pleasured he lay at my feet and gently licked them as I cleaned the blood from my face and body. After I took my leave John called the police and confessed to beating a young girl last summer. When they came I listened to their dreams of me as they questioned John. I am weary now Even those who float as dreams must rest Joan Feb. 20, 2005 Dear Diary Soon you may rest - I shall not bother you again old friend I have need of your service one last time. One last confidence I need you to deliver a message. Welcome to my life It was a pleasure meeting you and your lovely wife this afternoon. I hope the two of you enjoy many happy years in this home. I know that you think of me. I know your dreams and your most secret desires. You know that I do. You have the proof if you will only look. I felt your arousal today as you daydreamed of those things that you and I might do together. I feel it now as you read. I apologize that we cannot. Please do not feel insulted. I would take you as I have taken so many others that dream of me but for the fact that you have a lovely wife who I genuinely liked. I have no desire to be a problem in her life. If not for that I would reduce you to a quivering mass at my feet and then allow you to worship the body that had destroyed yours. Just as you dream. And I need your assistance. I have chosen for you another task. This Diary is an old friend. It has been my companion and father confessor my entire life. I do not wish it destroyed. It deserves to be handled with dignity. For now I do not wish to be burdened with the remnants of my past life. But some day I may want to gaze upon its pages again. You are to hold it in safekeeping. If the day arrives that I wish to be reminded of that life again I will return to claim it. That day may never come. If it does I will fulfill you then. I know you will not disappoint me. In the meantime, as your reward, I will see you in your dreams. Thank You And finally to you old friend, my dear diary I leave my life . You have served me well and I love you. Affectionately Joan _________________________________________________________________ I am sure now that you have read Joan Crawfields words you can see what I meant by a remarkable story. I am also sure that you have questions. Are the passages contained in her diary the halucinogenic ravings of a lunatic who was decending into madness as her marriage disintegrated? Or was she a woman who, through the sheer force of her own overwhelming sexuality, was able to unlock the power in her incredible body and actually become the goddess that she inferred she was? Or is it perhaps a little of both. I don't know. We each need to make that decision for ourselves. I can tell you this. Joan left me three boxes. Within two were the contents of her diary. The third contained only 3 items. There was a picture of Joan. It was an 8 X 10 color portrait of her face. When I look at the picture I can feel Joans eyes upon me and they follow me wherever I go. I cannot escape her gaze. I am forced to look into her emerald eyes as they bore into mine. There was a soap scented candle. The scent was one I was extremely familiar with. I have smelled it in my dreams since I was 18. It is the scent of my first true love. She was a seventeen year old cheerleader who I dated in high school. She wore that fragrance. What no one knows, what I have never told anyone, is that in my minds eye she has defeated me many times in battle. How and why are not important. Suffice to say she has taken me from a proud confident man and through the power of her body eventually overwhelmed me until I beg her for mercy. And when I am sufficiently humbled she brings me to sexual nirvana. And thirdly there was a letter to me from Joan. The letter spelled out in exact detail how the young lady defeats me. It is exactly the same as I have imagined or dreamed of it a thousand times over the last 20 years. Not a detail is left out or missing.. It has been over a year now since I so briefly met Joan Crawfield. But in that year she has come to me in my dreams at least 100 times. She has come in many outfits and costumes. She has come in dresses and she has come to me naked.. She has come in many guises. She has been the airline stewardess I argue with over seat selection. She has been the car rental counter agent who does not have my reservation. She has been the attorney suing me over some pretext or other. She has been a neighbor, a friend, even my own wife. She has been all these and many more. And no matter who she comes to me as I am always proud and confident of victory as we start. We always battle ferociously. Sometimes we wrestle and she slowly overcomes me and pins me to the ground or crushes me in a scissors or full nelson. Other times we box and battle on round after round as she slowly turns the tide until I can fight no longer and collapse prostrate beneath her. We have fought in alleys and in arenas and in my home. And always in the end I lay at Joan Crawfields feet with the sweat from her magnificent body pouring down onto my wounds and her sleekly muscled arms held aloft in victory. And always then she takes me where no one else ever has. I awake bathed in sweat, I smell her scent. My sheets are stained with my own semen. Joan Crawfield is not merely the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Joan Crawfield is not merely the embodiment of my dream woman. Joan Crawfield is my dreams.