No good deed goes unpunished
By Beaten Man - Replies to humbled@abeatenman.com 
She's  five  foot two - now I'm black and blue -  has anybody seen my gal


One of these days I'll learn to stop being a good samaritan. Maybe now I'll
listen to my head and not my soft heart. In case I've got you confused let me
explain

My name is Jared Gross. I am a heavy equipment operator for a small
construction company in Duluth. Minn. I'm 32 years old, married with 3
children, a mortgage and an extended family filled with my wifes relatives. I
stand 5"11 and weigh in at a muscular 190 Lbs. I am fit as a fiddle and I try
to stay as active as I can. I'm a good hearted Joe who can't say no to a
friend or family member. You could say that the preceding 2 sentences are at
the root of my problem.

Like I said - I like to keep fit. Now, those of you familiar with the Duluth
area know 2 things.

1. It's cold as hell most of the year

2. There's not a a whole lot to do except watch Viking games.

If you want exercise there's no way to do it unless you belong to some sort of
Gym. With all my responsibilities I just don't have the extra scratch to pay
the monthly member fees. What I can do is go downtown to the Police Athletic
league. At nights, when the kids are not around, they will let you use the
bags, skip rope and even spar in their 2 regulation rings. For a $5.00 dollar
donation you can get a hell of a workout. I have a decent amateur background
in boxing. I belonged to PAL as a kid and when I went into the service I boxed
as a middleweight on my base team. For me, the place is a twice weekly stop in
the cold winter months [all 11 of them].

Last week, due to bad weather - for a change, I had a little extra time off. I
decided to go downtown to the PAL in the late morning instead of waiting for
the evening and take a chance that the kids wouldn't be around. I was right.
Except for a small group of housewives who were receiving some basic boxing
instruction from a private teacher using the PAL facility there was nobody
around. I grabbed a pair of bag gloves and began pounding the heavy bag on the
other side of the room. I was soon lost in thought as I banged away.

Jared, I thought that was you said a vaguely familiar voice coming from over
my shoulder. I turned around and there was one of my 5 Sisters in Law standing
behind me. Hey Sue what brings you to this shrine of sweat I answered. I guess
the same as you. I need to get out of the house and work up a sweat once in a
while. I've been taking the womans boxing course here for the last 6 months
was her reply..

Sue,[Suzanne actually] was the wife of Peter the oldest of my wifes 5
brothers. I usually only ran into her at family get togethers once or twice a
year. She stands maybe 5' 2 and looks as if she weighs 100 Lbs or so. She has
curly brown hair and big almond shaped brown eyes. She is, I think, 2 years
older than me. She had obviously been working out for a while that morning.
Her

red boxing trunks were sweat stained beneath the waistband and her white
sports bra was drenched to the point of near transparency. So wet in fact that
I had to look at her feet to keep from staring at her pert boobs.

As we got to talking she explained that her group met here twice a week. They
got about 30 minutes of instruction in the manly art and then were given 90
minutes to practice the days technique, shadow box, work the bags and do boxer
training style conditioning exercises. She said it was always a great workout.

I asked her how she liked the boxing and did she ever worry about getting her
pretty faced marked up. She told me that she had never actually boxed with any
of the other students. Competitive sparring was not allowed for insurance
purposes. Once in a while the instructor would spar in turn with each of the
students for a few minutes. He would defend himself as they practiced getting
inside and delivering a punch. He would occassionaly paw at them to make them
defend themselves but he used control and had never actually hit any of them.

I told her she wasn't missing anything. What she was doing was perfect for her
to stay in shape. It's sad she said. I put in all this work and I have no idea
if I'm bad or good at this silly sport. I wish they would let us spar once in
awhile so I could test myself against the other students.

I suggested she try to get Peter to work with her. Pete's a big guy [huge
actually] over 6'6'' and 350 Lbs. He could easily let her punch herself out on
his barrel chest and arms. She said Pete had no idea she attended these
classes and would probably kill her if he knew she was spending the money.
About then her big eyes lit up as she had a sudden inspiration.

Didn't you used to box in the service? she asked Could you maybe spar a round
or two with me so i can see what its like and maybe get some extra
instruction? I don't think so Sue it just wouldn't be right I replied. Why not
she asked.

Well for one thing I don't hit women. Besides that you're what - 5 feet tall
and 100 lbs. I'm a foot taller than you and twice your weight. you wouldn't be
able to reach me to hit me or defend yourself. How is that helping you?

First of all I'm 5' 2 she said and second of all I weigh 135 Lbs. So you're
only 8 inces or so taller and maybe 60 lbs heavier. Secondly I am studying
self defense here- defending myself is what these classes are all about. And
thirdly, I'm not talking about some brutal 15 round title fight, I'm not that
foolish, I'm talking a little practise. Now what do you say- will you help a
girl out?

I was increulous. I dragged her over to the scales and made her weigh herself.
134 the scale read. Where was she hiding the weight? Okay so she's 135 - I am
still way too big and way too experienced. it just wouldn't be right.

But Sue kept asking me to oblige her. She shot down my arguments as quickly as
I made them. After about 15 minutes of begging my soft heart took over and I
agreed with the stipulation that strict control would be used. Three short 2
minute rounds No hard punching. and we would wear head gear I wanted to be
damn sure that she wouldn't be hurt.. She was so excited and happy that she
threw her arms around my neck and planted a huge kiss on my cheek. None of my
opponents in the Army ever did that to me. And none of them ever looked as
cute as my sister in law. A few harmless clinches with her might be just the
thing to perk up my love life later on [if you get my drift]

We gathered up 2 pair of the biggest gloves we could find put on our head gear
and mouth pieces and then climbed into the ring. The timer was set to keep 2
minute rounds followed by 1 minute rest periods. Sue was giddy as a school
girl, giggling and playfuly shadow boxing as I set up the corners with water
bottles and some smelling salts just in case I accidently hit her.

As I waited for the timer to tick down to signal the start I was struck by the
thought that we must look like David and Goliath standing across the ring from
one another. I took a good look at David.

She was trim and athletic looking. In spite of the weather she had a nice tan
which gave her a healthy glow. She was cute - not gorgeous but really sexy..
Her grapefruit sized tits were struggling to push there way through the sports
bra. Her trunks were cut very brief in the leg so a tiny hunk of cheek was
peeking out on both sides. Her abdomen was absolutely flat and hard looking -
no sign of the 2 children she had borme. Her arms were smooth and toned with a
hint of definition apparent when they were extended. When she curled them up a
nice tight ball would appear on each of them. Her legs were smoothly muscled
and well defined. The road work was paying off for her. She could easily have
passed for .ten years younger than her 34 years. I thought to myself I would
have to be careful on two fronts.

Front # 1. - don't hurt her.

Front # 2. - get my mind off the stiff feeling I was getting between my legs.
My sister in law was one sexy looking little morsel

The bell rang to interupt my daydreaming. I hitched up my boxing trunks and
moved to the center of the big ring. Stop giggling and come show me what
you've got Goliath said to David.

To me her boxing stance looked ridiculous. Her hands were held so high that
her gloves came to the top of her head, her stomach was wide open. She was
flat footed instead of dancing. Get your elbows in to cover your stomach I
began to say. I was interupted by her jab which sailed right in between my
gloves and popped right on my nose. As I attempted to adjust my guard she
popped me with 2 more quick jabs [same spot] and then skipped back out of
reach. She was quick as a cat and packed a terrific jab - it really stung. My
eyes involuntarily filled with tears and my nose felt stuffy.

Hey - I thought we were pulling our punches I said. That goes for you as well
as me. She looked hurt and confused. I did she said sounding like a child
wrongly accused of stealing cookies..

I let it slide and decided to get busy. I tried a few easy jabs but between
her fists covering her face and the fact that she punched me in the stomach
each time I missed I quickly abandoned that scheme. I figured since she was
leaving her stomach wide open I would demonstrate why that was not a good
idea. Covering up with my fists on either side of my chin I got low, tilted my
left shoulder down and shot a quick under hand punch to her breadbasket. It
wasn't my best Sunday punch but it had a little mustard on it. I expected a
huge moan and some tears. What i got was a little "oof" and a right cross
square on my jaw which sent me stumbling as my knees momentarily buckled. As I
was attempting to get my legs back under me Sue crouched down low, pivoted and
fired a quick series of punches into my now sore belly. As my hands dropped to
cover my stomach Sue threw an uppercut to my chin which straightend me right
up. I was so dazed I stumbled back into the ropes where Sue oblingingly bend
me back over with a right, left to my now REALLY sore stomach. She finished
with another of those stiff jabs to my nose and then shuffled back to admire
her handywork.

I was to put it mildly flustered. I was also praying no one was watching this
little woman belt me around the ring. I leaned on the ropes to catch my
breath. As I was recuperating I again admonished Sue about pulling her
punches. This time she stamped her foot as she insisted that she was. To add
insult to injury she told me to stop complainig and come out to finish the
round.

Once again I decided to oblige her. I advanced on her trying my jab again.
This time a bit stiffer. She stood her ground , staying low and moving her
head around to avoid them. I tried an overhand right but that just whistled
passed her left ear. the left hook I threw she ducked under.

We began circling with me looking for an opening to get something in before
the round ended. As I was studying her, moving my head and torso from side to
side, she timed my movements and uncorked a straight right which landed , you
guessed it, flush on my nose. I saw stars and felt the seat of my trunks hit
the canvas. Since I didn't think that she had actually knocked me out of my
shorts that meant that I too was on the canvas - In plain english
unceremoniously dumped on my ass.

I looked up trying to focus my eyes. There were at least 3 Suzannes waving
there fists in the air and whooping like Indians. My nose was now bleeding
like the proverbial stuck pig and I could feel the lump that was growing on my
jaw. I tried to stand but as I moved the room started to spin. I laid back
down, covered my eyes with my arm and wondered to myself where the hell the
bell was that would signal the end of round one.

Get up Sue said. The round is almost over we don't have much time left. She
extender her hand to help me up. I accepted her aid in no time I was on my
feet, swaying like a palm tree in a storm. As Sue once again assumed a
fighting stance the bell went off. What a wonderful sound.

I stumbled back to my corner and sat heavily on my stool. What was going on
here I asked myself. Had there been a referee I would have been counted out in
the first round. As it was I had absorbed more damage in that round than I had
in any 6 round match I ever fought. In over 20 years of boxing that was only
the 2nd time I had ever been knocked down. and the 1st time was to a 260 Lb
Marine who was masquerading as a middleweight.

I was bathed in perspiration and could only breath through my mouth. I
couldn't see myself but I knew from the blood on my trunks that my nose was
broken. That meant I would shortly have two black and swollen eyes to further
improve my looks. My stomach felt as if I had been operating a jack hammer all
day and the little air I was getting wasn't doing much to refresh me. I
thought very seriously about packing it in and calling it a day. But how could
i quit after just 1 round with an opponent less than 2/3 my size. A damn foxy
female one at that.

Thinking about femalesI i stole a glance at Sue. She was standing in her
corner shadow boxing as she awaited the next round. Her sports bra was now
completely transparent. Her yummy tits were bouncing up and down as she threw
her shadow punches - it was mesmerizing. Her nipples were standing at
attention threatening to appear on the other side of her bra at any moment.
Her trunks had ridden so far up her round firm ass that both her cheeks, only
hinted at before, were now making a spectacular guest appearance just for my
benefit. She was, of course, unmarked and looked fresh as a daisy. That
"stiffness" in my crotch I had felt earlier was now a raging hard on that was
threatening to burst through my cup.

While I was tryng to discreetly readjust my dick in my shorts the bell sounded
for round two. Sue bounded out to center ring and assumed her stance. I slowly
pulled myself to my feet hoping that the bulge was not too apparent in my
trunks. Quick, quick hurry up times a wasting Sue said as she began to move
towards my corner. I got my hands up and manged to block the jab that she let
sail towards what was left of my nose. I also blocked the follow up right she
sent at my jaw. I took advantage of the opening caused by my block and drove a
hard right into Sue's belly. She stepped back, looked at me and fired her own
right into my solar plexus. About two feet in I'd say .

I doubled over and sank to my knees. I looked as though I was about to
propose. That is until I pitched forward and buried my face in Sue's crotch.
Then I just looked foolish..

Get up, get up don't waste time the little tigress said. from somewhere above
me. I hesitated for two good reasons

1. I wasn't at all sure I could

2. My face was still in her crotch

Sue began to count hoping to hurry me along. At six I stood up quickly. Giving
her no time to get ready I delivered a straight right to her hard stomach and
a short left uppercut to her padded chin. Sue stumbled backwards with me in
hot pursuit. I caught up with her by the ropes. I stepped in close as she
covered up. I tried getting through her guard to her head but she took my
punches on her forearms, I shifted and began to pound at her stomach with hard
rights and lefts. She absorbed the body shots and fired a right cross to my
cheek. I brought my arms in to defend against the expected left. Instead she
fired underneath to my side. As I brought my elbows down she fired a right
above my fists and caught me in the eye. I started backing away. She came of
the ropes and stepped in close - inside my guard. We were now toe to toe. Both
of us had our fists held in close by our heads. Sue was crouched so that her
head only came up to my solar plexus. I tried alternating hooks to her head
but she weaved from side to side slipping both punches. Already low she fired
four punches to my stomach and chest. I continued moving back as Sue advanced.
I tried shifting my attack to her stomach. I landed a decent right low at her
beltline. She fired her left above my punch striking my jaw. As my head
swiveled she brought an uppercut up from somewhere off the floor which landed
flush on my chin. Equal parts saliva, blood , sweat and snot, along with my
mouthpiece, sprayed the ring. The blow sent me stumbling backwards the rest
off the way across the ring. I landed with my back against the ropes, my
elbows resting on the top one. Before i could slide to the floor Sue caught up
to me and landed a series of punches to my stomach. I fell forward grabbing at
Sue for support. As I fell forward she stepped back and delivered a huge right
hand to - uh huh - my nose.

It must have been Oscar night. I have never seen so many stars in one place at
one time. I landed flat on my back out like a light. Sue could have counted to
300 and I still wouldn't have been able to get up.. There were 40 seconds
remaining in round two.

When I came to Sue was kneeling by me holding the smelling salts under my nose
that I had brought to the ring for her. Every part of my body was throbbing
including my dick which was still erect and causing an interesting pyramid
effect in my blood spattered trunks.. It seemed the only thing Suie hadn't
beaten out of me was the hard on. Are you okay she asked - you look terrible.

I assured her that I would more than likely live.though at that particular
moment I wished I wouldn't. Well if you're allright can we finish the round
she asked.

As gently as I could I explained that when people are knocked out it is
generally not a good idea for them to fight again for a while. I told her that
with the proper care I might be well enough to get back to the PAL in 5 or 6
months. I went on to say, still gently, that if I saw her when I did get back
I would turn around, go home, and wait another six months before returning. I
said all this ever so gently for 2 reasons.

1. She had just kicked the living shit out of me and my lips were bleeding and
swollen. Gently was the only way I could talk

2. She had just kicked the living shit out of me and I was terrified she might
do it again. Gently was the only way I was willing to talk.

She pouted a bit but accepted my reasons for not wishing to continue the one
sided slaughter. She asked if I thought she'd done all right considering it
was her first real fight and all that. I told her she had done just peachy and
that I fully understood her instructors concerns regarding liability
insurance. Sue thanked me for helping her and asked that I not mention the, as
she put it, little bout to anyone. I assured her the secret was safe with me
and I would resist the overpowering urge to tell my family and friends that I
had been systematically dismantled and completely overwhelmed in less than 4
minutes by my 135 Lb. sister in law in a boxing match.

With that she gathered up her belongings and finding a somehow unmarked area
on my face gave me a kiss goodbye. I watched her delicous ass retreat from my
vantage point which was still on the canvas. I knew that my next stop , when I
finally could get up, would be Duluth General Hospital. I was pretty sure I'd
be there a while so I decided to lay on the canvas until I could figure out
how I would explain my condition to my wife. I thought of just laying down in
the middle of the street. Given the current state of my face and body most
people would just assume I'd been hit by a truck. Instead I decided to claim I
was jumped by a gang of thugs. A real big gang of thugs.

That decided I had just two questions to answer and I could be on my way

1. How the hell was I going to get off the bloody canvas?

2. Would this damned hard on ever go away?