Shannen D. vs. the Congressman by Shanfan - shanfan902@hotmail.com Republican actress gives a congressman a liberal beating Recently I read an article about the actress Shannen Doherty. She now stars on "Charmed", but has a well-known reputation since her teenage days on "90210". In a recent interview she seemed as spirited a political conservative as ever. I also remember reading in those days that not only does she smoke cigarettes, but she even got smoking scenes put into a few episodes. And of course she became best known for her violent temper and fighting skills. There were lots of articles about brawls that she got into, and they all seemed to have the same result - she usually won! Whether it was a rude club patron, an ex-lover, a bouncer or a photographer, confrontations with Shannen usually ended with the man on the floor, with the tabloids reporting yet another notch on her belt. While thinking about all of these aspects of her reputation, I envisioned a scenario: Shannen is sitting with some friends at the bar of a trendy L.A. restaurant, having a drink and smoking a cigarette. Smoking is now strictly prohibited, but no one is about to confront her. Then, a congressman from the area enters the restaurant with an aide. His table isn't ready so he walks into the bar. Shannen recognizes the congressman and mutters in distaste. He's a liberal Democrat, and is especially known for his anti-tobacco positions. From the time she first saw him on television, when she was a little kid, she couldn't stand him, and now that they are face to face she decides to have some fun with him. "Want a smoke, congressman?" she calls out, holding out a pack. The congressman recognizes Shannen and knows her politics. He is also incensed that she is boldly smoking. He is a strong supporter of the law that she is violating. He stalks towards her. "Put that cigarette out, smoking is illegal here!" Shannen responds by blowing smoke into his face. Apparently the congressman is super sensitive to the smoke, and starts coughing uncontrollably. Shannen laughs and blows another stream of smoke at him. Infuriated, the congressman makes a clumsy grab at the cigarette in Shannen's hand. She pulls her hand back and the man misses, his hand instead accidentally hitting her breast. This gives Shannen the opening for which she was hoping. She slaps his face with her free hand. The sound of the slap is heard throughout the bar, which falls silent as all attention is focused on Shannen and the congressman. "What were you trying to do, molest me, you dirty old man?" His face goes red and he grabs for Shannen's hand. Again she pulls her hand back and starts slapping, but this time she doesn't stop. While holding her cigarette elegantly in her left hand, she slaps the congressman repeatedly with her right. She laughs as she realizes that the man can't fight! He's probably never been in a fight in his life! He is defending himself with both of his hands, but they are no match for Shannen's one! She gets past his laughable defenses to land slap after slap, backhand and forehand, on his reddening face. With her other hand she takes casual, unimpeded drags of her cigarette and blows the smoke at him. The congressman lunges at the cigarette with both of his hands. Shannen sticks out her foot and trips the man, who falls to his knees on the floor. Shannen then kicks the congressman, hard, up his butt. He squeals and his wire rimmed glasses fly off. She kicks his ass repeatedly, sending him around the room in a circle, giving each of the 30 spectators a closeup view. She takes lazy drags of her cigarette as she continues to kick, making him crawl where she wants him to go. Finally she ends up by an empty table. She grabs him by his ears and hauls him up painfully, throwing him onto a chair and sitting down opposite him. At that moment the police arrive: Apparently the congressman's aide had called 911 when Shannen started slapping his boss around. 3 policemen and 1 policewoman notice the two well-known people and approach the table. One of them asks the congressman if there is a problem. Under the table, out of everyone's sight, Shannen lifts her right leg and extends it until the spiked heel of her shoe presses painfully against the congressmen's crotch. The man doesn't want this kind of publicity. He is pissed off at his aide for calling the cops and tells them that everything is fine, that he was just discussing some political issues with Shannen. The policewoman's skeptical smile implies that she doesn't believe the congressman for a second. His red, tear-stained face, with bloodshot eyes that looked in fear of the beautiful young woman who sat in front of him belied his claim. But she hand the other policeman knew Shannen's and the congressman's political views, and they sympathized with the feisty actress. They all grin knowingly as they leave the restaurant, leaving the middle-aged liberal man vulnerable to the continued torment of the conservative young woman. Her politics may be conservative, but not the outlandish behavior for which she is famous. Keeping her heel grinding into his balls, Shannen orders a Scotch for herself and a glass with only ice for the congressman. She takes his glass and puts it under the table. In a few seconds she brings the glass back up, only now it is filled to the brim with a yellow liquid, the steam still visible as it escapes from the rapidly cooling urine. He looks in horror at his attractive but tormenting companion, who smiles back in return and clinks her glass with his. A sharp jab from her spiked heel into his left testicle convinces him to sip her piss slowly, just as she has ordered. While the congressman continues to sip Shannen's piss, his Republican tormentress takes out a pack of cigarettes. "Be a good little public servant and light my cigarette! she orders. The rabid anti-smoking advocate thinks that nothing could be more humiliating than this: A beautiful actress who is young enough to be his daughter, and whose views are known to be the opposite of his own, making im submit to her will by, in effect, renouncing the position that he is best known for. He realizes that if word got out about this his credibility would be ruined, but Shannen's five inch heel was coming close to ruining his manhood, so with trembling h ands he lit his enemy's cigarette. "And now light one for yourself!" chirps Shannen, holding a Virginia Slim out to him. The congressman looks at the smiling, gloating girl in horror. He has never smoked in his life. It is the most repulsive act that he can think of, even worse than sipping Shannen's piss. But Shannen lifts her other leg and spears both of his testicles with her sharp heels. He squeals in sudden pain and with tears in his eyes, puts the thin, feminine cigarette between his trembling lips. With a mocking, victorious smile, Shannen lights the cigarette, producing the predictable coughing fit from the reluctant smoker. She orders him to alternate sips of her piss with drags of the cigarette until he finishes both. Mischievously, Shannen flicks her ashes into the congressman's iced piss and when he looks up to object she drops the entire butt into the drink and lights another cigarette. Shannen orders him to chew and swallow the cigarette remnants and allows him to gulp the last of the rancid liquid to help wash the stale tobacco, paper and filter down his throat. When he is done, Shannen tells the congressman to call a press conference to renounce his previous position on tobacco and announce that he is now a champion of smoker's rights. This is too much for the man to take so he tries angrily to stand up. But a jab to his crotch brings him back down, and then Shannen suddenly reaches across the table and twists the man's nose, throwing him to the floor in a smooth, quick motion. "Get the fuck out of here, you liberal weakling!" snarls Shannen as she resumes her hard kicks to the congressman's ass. Again his glasses fly off, but the beautiful young woman continues to send him towards the door. She opens the door and kicks him again, putting him outside. "And don't come back unless you want to leave on a stretcher, you fucking pissant!" she warned. Then she kicks him one final time, this tome the pointed toe of her shoe getting under his ass and smashing the back of his balls! He lets out a wretched scream as his aide hurries out of the restaurant, closing the door and attending to his injured, humiliated boss. Shannen turns around with a dazzling victorious smile and is rewarded by cheers and applause by those who had witnessed her utter devastation of her adversary. As she walks back towards the bar, one of her friends picks up the congressman's eyeglasses from the floor and hands them to his victress. Shannen laughs and puts the distinctive round wire-rimmed glasses on, the lenses resting on her forehand as her head bobs to the beat of the music. She drinks and smokes for the next hour, and of course no one dares bring up the anti-smoking law in that jurisdiction. The glasses on her forehead wordlessly and continuously mock the liberal legislator that she holds in such obvious contempt. "I'll bet that the wuss doesn't have the balls to come back for these! she said. And she was right! Word leaks out about the incident. The congressman's press secretary initially denies the story, but one of the spectators had a camera, and a poor quality picture is printed in the tabloids, which seems to show the anti-smoking zealot with a cigarette in his mouth! Few found his response, that he was trying to convince Shannen of the dangers of smoking, to be credible. Radio talk-show hosts pick up on the story and soon it becomes a hot topic there. The congressman has credibility problems that he has never experienced before, and Shannen once again is a Republican heroine. A week later, Shannen is sitting on the dais at a Republican fundraising dinner. She isn't scheduled to speak, but during his speech a Republican official turns to Shannen and suggests that since she had recently turned 25, she is eligible to run for Congress herself. "I think that there is a particular liberal that you might want to tangle with!" He doesn't mention the incident specifically, but everyone knows what he is alluding to, and the audiences laughs and applauds. All eyes turn to Shannen for a response. With a shy smile she reaches for a microphone on the table. Up until now, she hasn't made any comment about the reported confrontation, but her response confirms that the reports were correct. "Well," she purrs, "I kicked his ass once. Maybe, with your help, I can do it again!" The partisan audience is delighted with Shannen's response and cheers wildly for the idea. Shannen reaches into her handbag, takes out a cigarette and lights it. The place goes wild and soon cigarettes and cigars are lit up all over the room, in clear violation of the law that the congressman helped push through, but in honor of the actress that they hoped would boot him out of office. As the cheers continue Shannen puts the cigarettes back in her bag, and she sees the round wire-rimmed glasses that she has been carrying with her. Out of the audience's sight, she scratches the lenses. For the first time, Shannen is seriously considering challenging the congressman in the next election. When she was growing up, Shannen always rooted for the congressman's opponents and hated the fact that he kept getting elected every two years. Now she had the chance to beat him herself! She got a thrill out of beating him up and publicly humiliating him at the bar. How cool would it be, she thought to herself, if she could beat him at the polling place too, and take his job and power away from him! He is already terrified of her. He would be a basket case if she ran! She would enjoy publicly tormenting him with attacks and accusations during the campaign. She would psyche him out and tear him apart in debates. She is far more telegenic than him, and would have plenty of money for television advertising. People usually hate political ads, but they might tune in just to see Shannen's! This is just a fantasy, of course, but hey, stranger things have happened in California politics!