Cartoon Battles: Catscrap in Dogpatch
by TF


It was a typical lazy day in Dogpatch.  DaisyMae was looking out from 
her cabin at her husband, L'il Abner as he sauntered home from his work 
as a tester in the mattress factory.  She sighed at him.  Not much in 
the brains department, but all man, and her man at that! 

Just then there was a sudden honking of a car.  Everyone turned and was 
surprised to see a shiny Mercedes limousine drive through the middle of 
Dogpatch's muddy main street.  It stopped and a uniformed chauffeur 
stepped out.  A serious pinched face type, he looked around as if trying 
to get his bearings. 

The back window of the limousine came down and a woman's voice was 
heard. 

"Jeeves, she said, "just where are we?" 

"I'm not sure madam", he answered.  "I believe that last shortcut you 
ordered me to take may have been in error.  We seem to be quite a ways 
off our planned course." 

"Well", the woman's   voice answered with a tone of exasperation, "ask 
one of these hillbilly natives here for directions.  Don't let them come 
too close to the car, though.  I'm not sure if I've had all my shots to 
come to a place like this." 

Just then L'il Abner walked up to the car and looked into the back 
window. 

"You all lost or something?", he asked.  "Maybes I can help you."  Abner 
was nothing if not polite and helpful. 

The back door of the Mercedes suddenly opened and out stepped a striking 
blond wearing a mink coat and just dripping in diamonds and jewels.  She 
looked L'il Abner over head to foot hungrily, like a lioness looking 
over a meal. 

"Well, this wrong turn could turn out to be a good move after all", she 
purred.  "You're quite a hunk of manhood, aren't you?" 

"Well thanks yer, ma'am", Abner responded, blushing a little.  "Like I 
said, is there anything I can do to help you?" 

"I can think of quite of few things", she answered.  "As a matter of 
fact, I just dumped my last Boy Toy and can use something new.  Why 
don't you jump in the back here and I'll give you a tryout." 

L'il Abner wasn't very fast on the uptake, but DaisyMae was.  This city 
bitch was trying to take her man!  She would set her straight right 
away. 

She walked up to the car and stood between the woman and Abner.  "Look, 
city slicker, Abner is MY husband and nobody's going to 'try him out'.  
Get back in your fancy car and skedaddle!" 

The woman took off her sunglasses and looked condescendingly at 
DaisyMae.  "Do you have any idea of who you are talking to?  I am Muffy 
Van Lottaloot.  No one, especially no bargain basement shopping 
hillbilly, tells me what I can or can not do!  I get what I want and 
right now I want him!" 

She looked at DaisyMae with a pitying look. "You can have him back when 
I'm done with him, though I doubt he'll want to come back here after 
he's seen all that I can offer him." 

DaisyMae's dander was up.  Nobody tried to take a hillwoman's man away 
without a fight, especially no spoiled rich city girl. 

"You better get out of here now whiles you can" she warned Muffy.  "L'il 
Abner's my man and I'll trounce the woman that tries to take him from 
me!" 

Muffy looked amused.  "You are challenging me to a fight?  A Van 
Lottaloot fight a peasant like you?  You must be joking!" 

DaisyMae put herself face to face with Muffy and looked her dead in the 
eye.  "If you want L'il Abner, you'll have to fight me for him", she 
said in dead earnest. 

Muffy stepped back and looked at DaisyMae.  "All right then", she said.  
"It's been awhile since I've had a good scrap, not since the last big 
sale at Tiffany's.  Let's get it on, hillbilly girl." 

A crowd of Dogpatchers had crowded around the car as the argument had 
progressed and were excited by the news.  There was nothing they like to 
watch better than a good fight.  One between the likes of DaisyMae and 
this city woman should be especially good. 

Mammie Yokum came up to DaisyMae.  "You want me to take care of this 
city slicker?" she asked.  "I'm the best fighter, man or woman, in these 
parts." 

"I know Mammie", DaisyMae answered.  "But L'il Abner is my husband and 
it's my fight.  I'll teach that city bitch to come in here and try to 
steal what not hers.! 

The crowd moved down to the field where a makeshift ring was kept for 
community fights.  Muffy walked down slowly followed by Jeeves carrying 
a large amount of boxes.  They reached the ring and both women climbed 
in. 

"You ready to rassle?", DaisyMae asked. 

"Rassle?", Muffy scoffed.  "We women of Beverly Hills do not 'Rassle'.  
Besides, I was the one challenged, so I get to choose the contest." 

"What are we going to do then", DaisyMae asked. 

"Box, of course", Muffy answered.  She dropped out of her mink coat to 
reveal that she was naked except for a jeweled gold belt around her 
waist. 

"Beverly Hills Women's Bantamweight Champion", DaisyMae read.  "You're a 
fighter?" 

"Yes, it's quite the rage in rich circles right now", Muffy answered.  
"Great for physical fitness and for keeping unruly servants in line.  
I've been champion for over a year now.  I pounded Zsa Zsa to a diamond 
encrusted pulp to win it.  You're not chickening out, now, are you?" 

DaisyMae was a little unprepared for this.  As a mountain girl she was a 
good rassler but boxing was a little different.  She was strong and 
tough, though, and still determined not to let this woman get away with 
L'il Abner. 

"It's Ok with me", DaisyMae said.  "Let's get to it."  She looked at 
Muffy's naked, and rather impressive body.  "You mean to be fightin' in 
your birthday suit?" 

"Certainly", Muffy responded.  "I paid a fortune for this body.  I want 
to show it off.  Let that husband of yours see what he's going to be 
getting too." 

Angered, DaisyMae stripped off her clothes and stood naked as a jaybird 
in front of Muffy. 

"Let's git started", she said. 

Muffy looked at DaisyMae.  Her body was every bit as impressive as hers 
and it angered her to realize that she had gotten it for free.  Her 
pubic area lacked Muffy's expert bikini wax but angered her even more to 
realize that DaisyMae was a natural blond.  It was going to be enjoyable 
to teach this hick a lesson. 

"Jeeves", Muffy said.  "The equipment please." 

Jeeves stepped up with an expensive wooden box.  He opened it to reveal 
two sets of fine boxing gloves. 

"Wow, pretty fancy lookin'", DaisyMae said. 

"Yes", Muffy answered, "real Corinthian leather.  They feel just 
wonderful as you smash some one's nose back into their skull.  You may 
pick your pair first." 

Daisy chose a pair and put them on.  As she did so neither she nor 
anyone else saw Jeeves skillfully close the box casually and then reopen 
it to a secret false bottom with an identical appearing set of boxing 
gloves.  Muffy pick up this set and put them on.  This secret set was 
identical on the outside to the regular gloves she had let DaisyMae take 
but were skillfully crafted to hold eight ounce weights in each one, not 
unlike built in brass knuckles.  While set far enough back in the 
padding that they could not be felt when they struck, they nearly 
doubled the force of Muffy's punches. 

Muffy went back into her corner and began to loosen up for the match.  
She was quite a looker, tan and buff.  The height of accomplishment of 
the combined efforts of health clubs, personal trainers, and plastic 
surgery.  DaisyMae had confidence that she could best any regular city 
girl, but had a little bit of doubt about Muffy.  She looked like she 
could give a good scrap. 

As for Muffy, she had the confidence of a born aristocrat and belief 
that she could take care of anyone beneath her class.  Not only did she 
have her rigged gloves, she had a large assortments of other tricks 
available to her if needed. 

Both woman came to the center of the ring where Stuptifying Jones would 
be the referee for the fight.  "OK girls", she said, "I want a good 
fight.  Nothin' dirty or tricky.  Remember to go to a neutral corner 
when there's a knockdown.  Touch gloves and come out fightin'!" 

DaisyMae and Muffy hit gloves and went back to their corner.  Injun Joe 
was the timekeeper and rang the bell for the fight to begin. 

Round 1 DaisyMae came flying out of the corner at Muffy.  Muffy, 
however, had had professional training and was ready.  She flicked out a 
let jab that caught her on the nose and stopped her in her tracks 
momentarily.  Muffy then went right to the attack.  She peppered 
DaisyMae's face with lefts and then followed through with a nice right 
cross that rocked DaisyMae.  This city girl had a heck of a punch! 

Before DaisyMae could recover Muffy started to hit her with every punch 
in the book.  A one-two to the face, a left hook to the midsection, a 
right cross to the face, a left jab to the eye, a right hook to the left 
breast that practically flattened it.  DaisyMae bent over in pain with 
that only to be met with a cruel uppercut to the jaw that knocked her 
down on her shapely bottom.  Muffy had scored the first knockdown. 

DaisyMae shook her head to clear it.  Where did this bitch get all that 
power?  She felt like she was fighting a gorilla!  Well, gorilla or not, 
she wasn't going to give up that easily.  She pulled herself up at the 
count of 6 and went back at Muffy.  She charged her and connected with a 
nice one-two to Muffy's face.  She moved downstairs and got in a couple 
of good hooks to her midsection before Muffy suddenly hit her with a 
roundhouse right that nearly took her head off! 

DaisyMae was staggered and Muffy went back to work.  She bounced left 
and right jabs off her face like she was working a speed bag.  She 
backed DaisyMae back up against the ropes and started to pound her 
breadbasket as she tried to cover up.  She knocked DaisyMae's arms away 
from her front and gave her a brutal left-right-left combination into 
the breasts and then stepped back, wound up and threw a murderous right 
haymaker that landed flush against her jaw.  DaisyMae was lifted clear 
off of her feet and landed on the mat again with a thud.  Muffy was 
tearing her to ribbons! 

Mammie Yokem looked from DaisyMae's corner in shock.  A city girl doing 
this to a mountain gal, and her daughter-in-law at that?  This was 
unbelievable! 

"Get up DaisyMae!", she yelled.  "Don't take that from her!  You're a 
Yokem!  We dish it out, we don't take it." 

DaisyMae pulled herself up to her knees and shook her head again.  That 
city bitch could punch!  DaisyMae was tough, though, and it was going to 
take more than a few punches to put her away.  She pulled herself up at 
eight and went back at a surprised Muffy.  They stood toe to toe in the 
middle of the ring and traded punch for punch, neither one caring about 
defense.  DaisyMae snapped Muffy's head back a couple of times, but took 
the worse of the exchanges from Muffy's weighted gloves. 

 The bell finally sounded to end the round.  DaisyMae's head was still 
spinning a bit from the beating and it took her a second to remember 
where her corner was.  She flopped back onto her stool as Mammie worked 
on her with a sponge and towel to get her back into the fight.  Muffy 
walked over to her corner and sat down as Jeeves ministered to her with 
bottled designer water and a cashmere towel. 

"Excellent first round, madam", he complimented her. 

She spit out her bottled water and shook her head.  "Not good enough.  
That hillbilly whore is tough!  She took all I had and came back for 
more!  Any woman at the club would be out and on their way to a Swiss 
clinic to convalesce after everything that I hit her with.  This bitch 
is no pushover." 

She looked around to make sure that no one was watching.  "Did you bring 
your little 'bag of tricks' with you?" she asked secretly. 

"Of course, madam", he answered.  "Just instruct me on what you would 
like." 

"Let's try a little ether", she whispered. 

Jeeves quietly removed a small bottle from his bag of supplies and 
skillfully palmed it as he seemed to be rubbing Muffy's gloves. He 
neatly opened and poured a clear liquid on the right glove, soaking the 
leather well. 

"Ready madam", he said. 

"Good", Muffy answered and stood up as the bell rang. 

Round 2 DaisyMae had shaken off the effects of her first round beating 
well and stormed out to meet Muffy.  She launched a buzzsaw of lefts and 
rights at her that pushed the surprised rich girl against the ropes.  
Muffy had never fought anyone so aggressive before.  She trained with 
good sparring partners, but any good professional sparrer knows you 
never really hit a  client full strength.  It's a great way to lose a 
customer.  Well DaisyMae wasn't holding anything back and Muffy knew 
that she was in a real fight now. 

Muffy covered up to keep DaisyMae's attack from breaking through to her.  
She was taking a lot of hard shots to her arms, but she managed to keep 
DaisyMae from getting through to her head or body.  Then she tied 
DaisyMae up in a clinch and shoved her right glove up under her nose and 
hung on for dear life. "Break it up, break it up!", Stuptifying Jones 
yelled as she tried to pull them apart.  Muffy kept holding on as long 
as she could to make sure that DaisyMae got a good sniff of the ether.  
She saw DaisyMae's eyes begin to go glassy and knew the ether had done 
its work and she broke the clinch.  Then she went back to work on the 
now groggy DaisyMae. 

Muffy hauled back and unloaded a murderous right to DaisyMae's head that 
really rang her bell.  Combined with the effects of the ether poor 
DaisyMae was practically out on her feet.  Muffy took her time and 
decided to let her have it with every dirty trick in the book, and she 
knew them all! 

First she hit DaisyMae with four quick rabbit punches.  Then she moved 
around and followed up with another six to her kidneys.  She moved in 
and stepped on DaisyMae's foot to hold her as she caught her with a 
couple of wicked elbows to the head.  She neatly head butted her and 
finally moved down and landed a flurry of punches to DaisyMae's pubic 
bush.  It obviously wasn't as painful as for a man, but Muffy would make 
sure that DaisyMae was in no condition to enjoy L'il Abner's company. 

DaisyMae was barely able to stand on her feet after this beating.  
Stuptifying Jones had tried to move in to protect her but Muffy was 
skilled at keeping her dirty moves hidden from the referee's view.  The 
effects of the ether were wearing off but the effects of the beating 
were adding up.  DaisyMae's legs were beginning to feel like rubber and 
her arms felt like they weighed 50 pounds each. 

Muffy stepped back and admired her work.  She had done quite a number on 
this hick, and now it was time to finish her off with a particularly 
dirty move.  She nodded to Jeeves who got ready. 

Muffy walked over to the groggy DaisyMae and lifted up her sagging head 
to look at her face. 

"My, my", she said, "it looks like this fight has really tired you out.  
Here, let me give you a chair to rest." 

She reached over to the ropes and Jeeves handed her a folding chair.  
Before anyone could do anything Muffy smashed DaisyMae over the head 
with the chair!  DaisyMae lay out cold in the middle of the ring!  Muffy 
looked down at her in smug satisfaction and yelled, "Nighty-night, 
Loser!", and walked over to her corner to watch the count. 

Stuptifying Jones started to count: "1....2....3...." 

There didn't seem to be any hope for DaisyMae after the pounding she had 
taken.  It looked like Muffy had won L'il Abner.  Suddenly there was a 
gasp and Muffy snapped her view back towards the ring.  It seemed 
impossible, but DaisyMae was trying to get up! 

DaisyMae had reached deep into herself and found strength that even she 
didn't know she had.  She felt like she'd been kicked by a whole herd of 
mules, but she wasn't going to give up.  She grabbed onto the bottom 
rope and pulled herself up to the second, then the third, and finally 
unsteadily but undeniably on her feet just before 10. 

Stuptifying Jones came over to check her.  DaisyMae's eyes were still a 
little glassy.  Her face was bruised and a nice black eye was forming on 
her right.  "You want to keep goin'?", Jones asked her. 

"Yeah", DaisyMae answered.  "I aint through with that bitch yet." 

Stuptifying Jones signaled for the fight to continue.  Muffy was 
shocked.  She had never seen anyone come back like this.  She better 
finish DaisyMae off fast before she could recover.  She looked at her 
glove.  The ether had evaporated by now so it was back to a regular 
fight. 

Muffy charged at DaisyMae and threw everything she had at her.  She 
connected with a series of rights and lefts to the breasts and then a 
combination to the face. She started working on her midsection when she 
was surprised by a smoking right deep into her own left breast.  She had 
been so intent on demolishing DaisyMae she hadn't been paying any 
attention to her own defense.  DaisyMae wasn't out of it completely yet 
and still had some fight left in her. 

DaisyMae's punch was hard enough to nearly rupture Muffy's silicone 
implant.  Muffy backed up in surprise covering her injured breast.  That 
was the break DaisyMae was waiting for.  She let loose her own attack 
and caught Muffy cleanly with a right-left-right to the jaw that stunned 
her.  She moved down to her midsection and pounded away pushing Muffy 
back towards the ropes.  She peppered Muffy's face with hard jabs and 
then landed a wicked left to her right breast. 

Muffy was hurt and not used to it.  She covered up as she tried to get 
out of trouble.  She had to think of something fast or DaisyMae would 
chew her up and spit her out.  Desperately she clinched and poked 
DaisyMae in the eye with the thumb of her glove. 

DaisyMae fell back, rubbing her injured eye.  As quickly as a cat Muffy 
went back on the attack and started pounding at DaisyMae's breasts in 
retaliation.  Her weighted fists sank deeply into the soft DD's.  It was 
a interesting feel, to be hitting real breasts rather than the silicone 
she was used to with her Beverly Hills opponents. 

She was getting ready to try and put DaisyMae away when the bell sounded 
for the end of the round. 

Muffy walked a little more slowly back to her corner.  She knew she was 
in a real fight now and had taken some real punches.  DaisyMae stood, 
confused and groggy for a few seconds and had to be helped back to her 
corner by Mammie Yokem.  Things didn't look good for her. 

Muffy sat down on her stool as Jeeves attended to her. 

"Quite a battle, madam", he commented. 

"Yes," Muffy said, breathing hard, unused to being forced to break a 
sweat.  "This has turned out to be a bit more of a job than I expected.  
You better get out some of our advanced tricks." 

"Yes madam", he answered.  He picked up another bottle of designer 
water.  This one, however had a small mark to identify it as "special".  
Inside, instead of just water, was a mixture of the finest designer 
drugs available from Hollywood.  A special mix of painkillers, 
stimulants, and a mild dose of steroids, for extra speed and strength.  
DaisyMae was going to be facing a newly charged up Muffy in the next 
round. 

DaisyMae was getting cared to by Mammie Yokem.  Some smelling salts and 
ice water had her around again. 

"Come on DaisyMae", Mammie told her, "don't let that city slicker do 
that to you.  Get in there and pound her to a pulp.  Give her the 'Good 
Night Irene' punch." 

"Mammie", DaisyMae protested, "that's your punch.  It's the famous 
finishing punch of all the women Yokems.  I'm not a Yokem.  I was born a 
Scragg." 

"You's a Yokem now, girl", Mammie answered.  "I never saw any Scragg 
fight like you have.  Dig down deep and find the power girl.  Show that 
city woman what we Dogpatchers are made of." 

"I'll try Mammie", DaisyMae promised as the bell rang for the next 
round. 


Round 3 Muffy shot out of her corner like a rocket, charged on chemical 
fix and nailed DaisyMae before she could barely stand up from her stool.  
Her punches were a blur, they were coming so fast.  DaisyMae was trapped 
in her corner and could do nothing but try to cover up and weather the 
assault. 

Muffy pounded at her arms and gloves trying to break through her guard 
before she ran out of gas. Her arms pumped like the pistons of a high 
speed motor as they battered DaisyMae unmercifully.  She finally broke 
through DaisyMae's defense and slammed her with a rain of punches to her 
head and body.  DaisyMae felt like she was fighting three people at 
once, the punches were coming so fast and furious!  She was crumbling 
under the attack!  She managed to throw a few punches back but they 
seemed to have no effects on Muffy as the anesthetics in her drug 
cocktail numbed her to the pain.  Finally there was nothing for DaisyMae 
to do but clinch and try to tie up Muffy.  She managed to tie up her 
arms and hold on for dear life. 

Muffy shook DaisyMae with all her strength to get her out of the clinch.  
The buzz from her designer drugs was powerful, but short lived.  Once it 
wore off she couldn't take another dose for at least 24 hours without 
risking severe damage to her health.  She needed to finish off DaisyMae 
now! 

She gave one more effort and pushed DaisyMae away from her.  DaisyMae 
staggered back, hardly able to stay on her feet.  Muffy pulled all the 
drug induced strength that she could muster and measured DaisyMae for 
one last uppercut.  She unloaded it with tremendous force and knocked 
DaisyMae halfway across the ring!  She lay on the mat out cold with one 
arm draped over the bottom rope.  DaisyMae looked finished! 

Mammie Yokem knew she had to do something as the count started to rise.  
She looked round and then saw the jug sitting next to Injun Joe.  
Kickapoo Joy Juice!  That just might do the trick. Quickly she grabbed 
the jug and ran over to the prone DaisyMae.  She pried her mouth open 
and poured in a generous helping of the best Moonshine in Dogpatch. 

Nothing happened for a moment, then DaisyMae's right leg twitched, then 
her left, then her right arm, and then her left.  Her eyes suddenly 
snapped open and she sprang to her feet as if she had received an 
electric shock, just beating the count. 

The Joy Juice had fired DaisyMae up.  She glared at Muffy with her one 
good eye, her right being swollen closed now, and launched a terrific 
counter attack.  She hammered Muffy with a barrage of punches to her 
head and body, backing her up into her own corner.  Muffy was in trouble 
now.  Her chemical boost had petered out and she was back to running on 
her normal strength now.  That wasn't going to be enough to handle this 
hellcat coming at her. 

She was covering up now, trying to hang on, hoping that the KickAPoo Joy 
Juice kick would run out as well.  She winched as DaisyMae connected 
with another right to her tits.  She couldn't take any chances on riding 
this out.  She looked over at Jeeves and nodded in a well known signal. 

Jeeves nodded back and quietly removed a pen from his pocket.  He held 
it unnoticed in his hand as he causally glanced towards the timekeeper.  
Still plenty of time left for DaisyMae to get back at Muffy.  The pen, 
however, was no pen.  It actually was a disguised miniature air gun that 
fired a small metal pellet.  With well practiced aim he fired the pellet 
and struck the bell with a loud "DING!", apparently ending the round, 
with Muffy literally saved by the bell. 

Muffy sat back on her stool, feeling the effects of DaisyMae's punches.  
She was still in better shape than DaisyMae, but she could feel the 
momentum of the fight beginning to shift.  She needed to end it now. 

"OK Jeeves", she said, "No more fooling around.  Now we use the 
'Finisher'" 

"Yes madam", he answered. 

The "Finisher" was the last and best of Muffy's special tricks.  Using 
some drugs she had gotten from her friend Misty, who's husband was an 
anesthesiologist, Muffy had prepared a second air gun disguised as a 
pen.  This one, however, fired a miniature dart coated with curare, the 
deadly amazon poison.  It was used in surgery to paralyze a patient's 
muscles.  Here, once fired into DaisyMae, would leave her paralyzed on 
her feet in a matter of seconds and at Muffy's mercy.  Muffy smiled 
evilly as she though how she would destroy DaisyMae once she had her 
helpless.. 

"Wait until I get her to the center of the ring with her back to you", 
Muffy instructed Jeeves.  "Then let her have it in the base of the neck.  
Don't miss, you idiot, or you'll pay for it", she warned. 

"Yes madam", Jeeves answered again. 

The bell rang for the next round. 

Round 4 Muffy and DaisyMae came out cautiously this round, slowly 
circling each other like two tigresses looking for an opening.  Both 
seemed to sense that this was going to be the determining moment of the 
fight.  DaisyMae was still the worse for wear of the two.  Her right eye 
was blackened and swollen shut, a smaller black eye starting on the 
left.  Her face, breasts and abdomen showed large purple bruises from 
Muffy's rigged gloves.  She was standing on her legs, steadily, though, 
and ready to give Muffy what for. 

Muffy had a black eye on her right and some nice bruises as well, but 
all in all was still in better shape.  She was a little winded at going 
this far in this rough of a fight, but still supremely confident about 
the outcome. 

DaisyMae moved in on Muffy.  She started shooting left jabs one after 
another and connected with  few to Muffy's head.  Muffy counterpunched 
but DaisyMae had some spring left in her legs and danced away only to 
come back with some more sharp punches to the midsection.  Muffy tried 
some combinations to the head but DaisyMae blocked most of them.  She 
was beginning to recover too fast.  DaisyMae threw a beautiful left hook 
that really rocked Muffy.  She backed off, her head buzzing realizing 
she better use the "Finisher" now. 

Muffy suddenly moved in and tied up DaisyMae and turned her so her back 
would be to Muffy's corner and Jeeves with the hidden air gun.  She 
broke the clinch.  DaisyMae should be helpless and easy meat for her to 
cut up now! 

Muffy threw a right.  DaisyMae blocked it.  Startled, Muffy threw a 
left, DaisyMae blocked it too and fired back a right to Muffy's face.  
Muffy shook her head to clear it.  What was taking that dart so long to 
work?  What was going on?  Where was Jeeves she wondered as she looked 
in panic over at her corner.  Jeeves was no place to be seen! 

"You lookin' for this?", a voice asked. 

Muffy looked over to see Pappy Yokem standing next to a hogtied and 
gagged Jeeves! 

"'fraid yer on yer own now!", Pappy said. 

Muffy looked at DaisyMae in horror!  She was on her own all right and 
that was something that she had never been before.  She shifted into 
pure panic as she saw DaisyMae coming at her with murder in her eye. 

DaisyMae went to work to show this city whore what a hillbilly woman 
could do.  She batted aside Muffy's weak attempts of punches and 
launched a machine gun like assault of rights and left onto her head.  
Muffy's head was bounced back and forth like a punching bag!  DaisyMae 
hit her with a big right to the mouth that not only gave her the feel of 
Corinthian leather, but the taste of it too.  But that was just the 
beginning! 

DaisyMae grabbed Muffy's head and locked it into a headlock with her 
left arm and then proceeded to pound her face to a pulp with her free 
right!  After forty or fifty punches, she let up and pushed Muffy back 
up to continue the beating. 

Injun Joe looked at the clock and raised his hammer to ring the bell. 

"What do you think yer doin'?", Mammie asked in a threatening tone. 

"Uh, just checking my hammer?", he answered, quickly putting it down.  
"Uh, why don't we give DaisyMae whatever time she wants?" 

"Good idea", Mammie replied.  

DaisyMae launched a two fisted attack against Muffy's shapely breasts.  
She pounded them unmercifully  until her formerly pert nipples sagged 
down as the silicone implants ruptured under the force of the blows.  
She moved down and began to beat on Muffy's midsection like a big bass 
drum!  Muffy felt like DaisyMae was trying to push her liver up into her 
chest! 

DaisyMae moved up then and worked back on Muffy's head.  She boxed her 
ears back and forth between her gloves.  She felt stronger and more 
satisfied with each blow, her punches coming faster and harder, bouncing 
Muffy's head back and forth like a ragdoll's. 

Finally DaisyMae felt satisfied and she stopped.  She stepped back to 
admire her work.  Muffy was a wreck.  She looked like she had gone 
through a meat grinder: two black eyes swollen shut, a flattened and 
broken nose, two cauliflower ears, a swollen mouth with both lips split, 
two sagging bruised breasts with ruptured sacks, and one totally bruised 
and bloody body!  Only her back leaning against the ropes kept her up, 
Muffy being too out of it to even think to fall down and take the count. 

DaisyMae walked up to this mass of bruises and pain.  She pulled her 
away from the ropes and held her up by her sweaty dyed blond hair.  She 
felt a strange power starting in her right shoulder.  It built up to an 
incredible pitch and ran down her arm into her boxing glove which began 
to spin like a top. DaisyMae unloaded an incredible uppercut to Muffy's 
jaw like a thunderbolt with the Yokem women's cry "Good Night Irene!" 

Muffy was lifted up and flew clear out of the ring to land square in the 
middle of Moonbeam McSwine's hogs' mud puddle.  The hogs came over and 
sniffed at Muffy's corpse-like body, squealed, and ran away.  Even they 
didn't want to have anything to do with a mess like that!  Muffy's 
plastic surgeon certainly had his work cut out for him! 

Stuptifying Jones raised DaisyMae's arm in victory and yelled: "The 
Winner, by knockout in the fourth round: Dogpatch's own native daughter, 
DaisyMae Yokem!" 

The town went crazy.  This was the best fight any of them could remember 
in years.  
 
DaisyMae walked over to where Pappy was untying Jeeves. 

"Sorry we had to do that to you, mister Jeeves", she said.  "But it had 
to get down to just between the two of us." 

"Don't worry about him", Pappy said,. "It was his idea to tie him up." 

DaisyMae looked confused.  "His idea?", she asked. 

"Yes, mum", Jeeves answered.  "You see, I've been waiting years for some 
one to give that rich bitch what she really deserved, but I had to make 
it look like I didn't do it deliberately.  I still have a couple of 
years to go until my retirement.  Let me thank you", he continued, "for 
all that you've done.  That last punch seems to have broken her jaw in 
at least two places.  It will have to be wired shut to heal.  I won't 
have to listen to her whiny complaints for at least six months!" 

Jeeves tossed the muddy, bloody mess that was what was left of Muffy 
into the back of the Mercedes and prepared to leave.  Then he turned and 
handed Muffy's gold championship belt to DaisyMae. 

"Here Madam", he said.  "This rightfully belongs to you now.  I don't 
think any of those powderpuffs from Beverly Hills will be coming here to 
try and get it back." 

With that he drove away.  DaisyMae and L'il Abner watched the car 
disappear into the distance. 

"You want to go check with the Doc?", L'il Abner asked her. 

She turned and looked at her broad shouldered prize.  She smiled, threw 
the belt around his neck and pulled him over to her.  "Let's go inside", 
she said. 

"Inside?", he asked, confused.  "What fer?" 

"I want a little of what I was fightin' fer", DaisyMae answered. 

L'il Abner suddenly gave a big smile too.  He might not be the brightest 
bulb in the box, but even he knew what DaisyMae meant and eagerly 
followed her in to provide it. 

The End