That Fight Club Conversation By Beta Man Who would you fight if you could fight anybody from history? Becky walked in just as the film credits were rolling. The Pixies' where is my mind? was blaring out and Walt and Earl were having the same conversation that they always had when they watched the film, 'who would you fight if you could fight anyone in history. The names were occasionally changed to a contemporary figure, but they always revolvled around sadistic teachers, cruel bullies and dictators or monsters. "Hitler, Saville and Mr Mills", said Walt "Trump, Batman and my French teacher" said Earl. Becky, only hearing the names, asked what was the connection. Walt, her boyfriend, explained it was the final three names and would now have to be whittled down to the one person you would fight. "He invariably picks Saville, I tend to go for Batman, though I think Trump runs him close for being a rich, self entitled ass", said Earl, Walt's best friend. "I see", said Becky, "so who is Mr Mills, and why a French teacher?". "Mr Mills was a teacher who confiscated my Panini World Cup stickers in primary school and never returned them. A complete dick move, by a complete dick", said Walt. "And you'll be forgiving him...?", asked Becky. "Never", said Walt. "Right, reasonable", said Becky, "and French teacher?" "Yeah conjugating verbs, gendered nouns, accents that make you feel like you're choking, fuck 'em all", said Earl. Becky rolled her eyes, and turned to leave. "What about you?", asked Walt, "'is there a nun, or a girl guide leader or a mean girl in your past who you'd fight?" "There are all those of course, but if I were to fight, no holds barred, it would have to be a man". "Go, girl!", yelped Earl, "who do you have in mind?" "From anybody at any time in history", Walt emphasised. Becky thought a while, then smiled, "the past is gone, I live in the present, and look to the future, so I guess it would have to be one of you two clowns". Walt looked at Earl, who was looking back at him. Then they both burst out laughing. "Of all the people, in all the world, throughout all of history, you would choose one of us? Well I'm honoured", said Walt smiling. "Me too", said Earl, raising his glass to Becky. "Do you mind if I ask why?", asked Walt. "Why what?", asked Becky. "Why you'd pick one of us". "Because I can't pick both of you", she laughed, "or can I ?" She stared at the two men, holding their gaze. "Okay", she demurred, "I would pick him because he takes up all of your spare time, that you could spend with me, and I would pick you, because you let him". "Okay", said Walt, "so if you had to pick just one?" "But do I ? What's stopping me from picking both of you?", Becky looked serious. "Really? Are we doing this?", asked Earl. 'I'm going upstairs to get changed, you two decide what order you want to fight', and with that she went to prepare. "Are you cool with this?", asked Earl. Walt shrugged, "what can I do? She does seem keen, almost too keen, but it's her call. I think I should go first. If I rough her up a little, I think you won't need to fight her". Earl looked disappointed, "I don't think that's fair. I think I should get a go too". "Get a go too? Dude that's my girlfriend", said Walt, "you don't get to get a go". "She wanted to fight me remember, in many ways we'd be fighting over you, you should be flattered", says Earl. Walt stares at his friend for a moment. "Okay sadsacks, let's get this over", said Becky, walking through the living room and out into the garden. She'd changed into a pink bikini top and tight white shorts and was walking barefoot. She looked hot and knew it. Both men just stared as she walked by. Once in the garden she started to do a few stretches, which of course just made her look even hotter to the two men. "So who's it going to be first", asked Becky. "We can't decide" said Walt, "Neither of us wants to miss out because the other has beaten you first". Becky laughed, "Okay, so how about you two operate as a tag team, and if it looks like one of you is giving me too much of a beating, the other can step in, and get their share? So they don't miss out on the fun...of beating me up". Walt and Earl looked at each nodding. "I think we've got us a fight", said Walt. Earl whooped once more. "Are you getting changed?", asked Becky. They both gave quizzical looks suggesting that really wouldn't be necessary. "Any rules?", she asked. "Nope", said Earl, Walt nodded. "Okay let's just film a disclaimer, so nobody can claim afterwards that the fight and it's consequences weren't consensual", said Becky. "Yes, good thinking", said Walt. Earl filmed the consent of all three and allowed the camera to keep filming as Walt and Becky faced off against each other. Becky was giving away about three inches and thirty pounds to Walt, but it was clear from their appearance that she was more athletic and toned. She was alert too, which she showed with a swinging punch that caught Walt on the chin, he staggered for a second before Becky charged and tackled him to the ground. She immediately leapt on to his chest and pinned his shoulders with her knees and just started punching him in the face, Walt let out a yelp and furiously wriggled beneath her trying to shift her off him. But she just kept hitting him, his face was starting to look messy as blood poured from what felt like a broken nose. "Tag",shouted Walt. Becky stood up immediately and faced Earl who stood stock still shocked by what he had just witnessed, Becky slapped him hard across the cheek. His leg buckled, and he dropped the phone. She threw a punch that caught his jaw, and he felt his other leg give way and started to fall backwards. "Tag!", he shouted before hitting the ground. Becky smiled and turned back to Walt who was still getting up from his earlier beating. "For fuck's sake Earl wait till I'm up", he shouted, just as he felt Becky grab a clump of his hair and start pulling him up between her thighs. "You know I'm really quite enjoying this, maybe every Tuesday should be Fight night", she said, before squeezing Walt's head. Walt tried to prise her legs apart but instead she squeezed tighter, and pulled his hair harder. He could feel himself starting to cry. Earl was still sat just a few yards away watching Walt cry and wondering what he could do to help. Becky suddenly shouted tag, dropped Walt to the ground and strode towards Earl, who, panicked, and tried to turn and run, but Becky dived and tackled him to the ground. She grabbed his arms and pulled them backwards, while standing up with her foot pressed between his shoulders. "Tag", cried Earl in excruciating pain. "Tag", shouted Walt straight back still lying face down where Becky had dropped him. "Boys, boys, boys, while I admire your individual courage, maybe from this point on, you can double team me", said Becky looking at the two men lying beneath her. "I'm going to sit down and have a quick breather, you two can talk tactics". Neither man looked keen to continue, but felt that they couldn't leave it like this. "Come on Earl, we need to rush her, take her down, and then open the whoopass", said Walt optimistically, but it clearly inspired Earl who nodded agreement. "Ready boys?", asked Becky approaching them. They nodded, and got to their feet. "On the count of three", said Becky, "One...Two...". Earl rushed her prematurely and knocked her over. "No rules Becky", he shouted. Walt leapt on top of her and tried to pin her down, as she had him, but she rolled on to her side and put Walt in to a headlock. Earl danced above her trying to decide where to intervene. Becky took the opportunity to punch Walt's face again and again, which gave Earl doubts about intervening. "I go to the gym, take fitness classes and regularly run, yet you and your boyfriend here, think your marathon couch sitting sessions will prepare you to take turns beating me? I think the word we're looking for is deluded. Come on Earl, make a move, but don't come with a knife to a gunfight", she teased. Earl turned to run but Becky managed to trip him, and spin around so that she could trap him between her legs. She squeezed him hard, while still punching Walt who was now feeling limp in her headlock. Earl was moaning as he was being squeezed, and Becky began to suspect he was deriving some pleasure being between her thighs. She immediately stopped and swapped positions, now holding the limp Walt between her thighs, and the hard Earl in a headlock, who she started punching and who almost immediately started crying. It wasn't long before Walt had passed out, and it was now just a matter of finishing off Earl. A reverse headscissors put him away nicely. Becky quickly stripped the two of them and placed them in a compromising position, each head placed in the genitals of the other. She took a quick photo and sent it to each of them on their phones with the caption "stick to Saville and the Batman, boys". She then stood over them, smiling and waiting to see who would wake first, and scream.