Barefoot adventure
By Kelly
A 6-foot barefoot, karate-kicking college girl gives a purse snatcher his just desserts


Wow. This was probably the greatest day of my life.

Hello, everybody, my name is Lauren. I'm a college student, studying film.
Wanna be a filmmaker when I grow up. Right now, just trying to figure out this
crazy thing called life.

So, anyone who has met me for 10 seconds has probably noticed something about
me that I'm actually really passionate about. I am deeply thoroughly addicted
to going barefoot every chance I get. Or, to put it another way, I REALLY hate
wearing shoes. Or socks. Or anything on my feet. I am a full-time barefooter,
as much as that is possible in 21st century Western society. I could talk at
length about this issue (and I have, watch some of my videos), but I've never
been prouder of it (or myself) than today.

I should also say that I came out about a year ago. My parents were
super-supportive. they met my girlfriend at the time. I'm single now, just a
lonely girl looking for love. I started sort of seeing a new girl a few weeks
back, but we'll get to that.

About the time I came out, I started doing martial arts. I think it's really
important to be able to defend myself. Now, I'm almost 6 feet tall, I've been
an athlete all my life. So, that's never really been an issue. But the first
day I stepped into the dojo, I felt like I was home. And I've got really tough
feet already, so demolishing boards and cinder blocks with my kicks kinda
isn't too hard for me!

But what people keep asking is whether I've had to use it. And up until today,
the answer was no. But, first time for everything. How did things come out for
me? I'm fine. How did things come out for the other guy? Well, let's just say,
I have a feeling his mugshot is going to go viral. Or to put it another way,
they'll take him to jail once he's out of the hospital! And from what has come
out about this guy in the 24 hours since then, he deserved every bit of it,
and I kinda wish I'd given him a bit more!

So, I was sitting in the open air eating area at the union, book in hand,
waiting on food, bare feet propped on the table for the world to see. In other
words, a pretty typical day for me. Then I got an itchy, tingling, burning
feeling in my feet. Let me talk about that real quick.

Your feet are covered with nerve sensors that get covered up most of the time
due to shoes and socks. But not mine. Going barefoot fulltime for the past
year has got me feeling almost a sixth sense in my feet. Like, I can sense
when trouble is coming. It's like an itching/tingling ... I don't know. I'd
started feeling it more and more as my barefoot lifestyle continued. But I
hadn't felt it as strongly before as I did today. It made me sit up and look
around. Good thing I did.

I have had to deal with my share of creepy guys. In this day and age, I'm
happy to say that most people are understanding when a woman comes out as gay.
Alas, when she comes out as a barefooter, the male foot fetishist creepazoids
come flocking like nobody's business. But I could just tell in my sole (get
it?) there was something wrong with this guy. Then he snatched a girl's purse.

"Oh, my God, that's my purse!" "Hey, who is that guy?" But most people aren't
looking for a fight. They are afraid of getting hurt. they are afraid of
showing that they don't know how to fight. They don't want to look stupid. But
I found out that moment, I was kinda the opposite. My bare feet immediately
relocated themselves from the table to the ground. And this guy who thought it
was a cool idea to snatch a purse and run had a barefoot Amazon who knew how
to fight chasing after him.

They always say you shouldn't underestimate an opponent. And it's good advice.
But I also knew almost instantly that this guy had made a very big mistake.
Largely, because it was written all over him. I love running. Especially
barefoot. He was getting winded almost instantly. I decided not to go full
speed. the more he ran, the more winded he'd get. Finally, he just tripped and
fell from running really badly. And then six-foot grinning, barefoot Lauren
was standing over him.

"OK, tough guy," I said. "Come on and give me back the purse."

A crowd was gathering. Along with that most common of 21st century young
people reactions ... the need to get out the phones and start filming. Fine
with me. All I wanted was the purse. But that tingling in my feet was telling
me that it wouldn't be that easy.

"Come on, buddy ... just give me the ... "

With an angry yell, he leapt up and charged. Only to find I had stepped out of
his path, leaving just an outstretched foot. He tripped and landed right back
on the concrete.

The growing crowd cheered. It was easy to see who they were rooting for.

"You wanna get beaten up by a barefoot lesbian on camera, buddy? Just give me
the purse and then sit down and wait for the cops."

Let me be clear ... the male ego is a funny thing. I've learned this in class.
A guy with a really low self-esteem just can't accept getting whooped by a
girl ... even a 6-foot Amazon who trains in martial arts and could stand on
hot coals without blinking.

"I'll take care of you, bitch!" he growled, standing and throwing punches.
Something he obviously didn't know how to do. Honestly, avoiding him was the
easiest thing in the world. Again, I gave him about fifteen seconds to wear
himself out. Then I let my trademark grin creep across my face.

"You're not very good at this, are you?" I grinned. "Here' let me show you how
it's done."

"No ... " A look of fear came across his face, but I Wasn't that interested in
what he had to say. Maybe I should be ashamed to admit this, but there was an
audience watching, and I wanted to give 'em what they wanted.

"WHAP! WHAP! BAM!!!!" Two quick jabs to the nose got it bleeding, and then a
right hook sent him reeling.

Seeing that wasn't quite the knockout punch, I shuffle-stepped to catch up
with him, shot out my right leg, bent back the toes on my right foot, and
mercilessly slammed my tough calloused right bare heel into his jaw.

There was a loud crack, he fell to the ground, bawling like a baby, and
spitting out blood and broken teeth. Well, still hadn't gotten back the purse,
so I bent down, grabbed him lapels with my fists and hauled him up to
standing. My reception was much different this time.

"Pleathe!" he sputtered through busted lips and broken teeth (and a broken
jaw, I found out). "Jutht take it! Jutht don't beat me up anymore!" He cried
uncontrollably.

Having the purse back and beaten my opponent far more than I intended, I let
him slip to the ground. As I turned to walk away, I saw alarm in the eyes of
the onlookers in front of me. Instantly, I turned ... and this loser was
getting up with a knife in hand!"

"I'll kill you, dyke!" He yelled as he started to charge.

Yeah, gay slurs. Dumb move, pal.

First, I stopped him in his tracks with a side kick straight into his chest. I
felt the air go out of him, and I heard the sternum crack loudly. I
re-chambered the leg, then slammed by tough sole straight into his teeth.

He landed on the ground crying. And no front teeth left.

Everyone cheered. A bunch of people gathered round, telling me how awesome it
was watching me take that guy apart. Turns out, he's got a history of
snatching items from women, but not for monetary gain, if you know what I
mean. When they searched his apartment, they found a lot of women's stolen
items.

Back in class, everyone congratulated me. Walking between classes, everyone
wanted to take their picture with me. But little did I know, this was just my
first fight of several. And my days as a 6-foot, barefooted, butt-kicking LGBT
crime-fighter were only just beginning.