THE BIGGER THEY ARE, THE HARDER THEY FALL

The Mighty Mini Minnie


Throughout time and memoriam dating back to the Middle Ages it was not
uncommon for two hostile Nation States to eschew epic battles fought by armies
instead settling their differences by designating a champion to engage in
'single combat' contests in lieu of actual wars, wars that if fought would
have pit large armies fighting against one another on sprawling battlefields
which often resulted in thousands if not tens of thousands of deaths.

These 'single combat' battles proliferated for decades ... the most famous of
which was the epic battle between David a lowly shepherd (representing Israel)
and the Giant Goliath (representing the Philistines). As a result of David's
'single combat' victory, the Philistine army fled in supplication fearing the
wrath of God.

The first 'United Galactic Council of Amity' consisting of representatives
from each of the known 4,500 planets in the galaxy made a sweeping
determination. By unanimous consent all planet nations agreed that WAR was an
anathema and would never be allowed again. It was determined that for the
betterment of all of the varied and diverse interests of the disparate planets
and their citizens a single planet would be designated as the Emperor Planet.

For a four-year period, the sovereign rulers of said planet would serve as the
final arbiters of all disputes, at which time another single combat tournament
would determine the next 'Emperor Planet' to serve.

All interested planets wishing to serve as the first 'Emperor Planet' would
designate a champion to represent them and engage in a randomly bracketed
winner take all tournament. Surprisingly less than twenty percent of the
planets opted to enter the tournament. Not surprisingly, a large percent of
those planets withdrew from the tournament as rival factions were unable to
agree on a consensus champion.

The final field was set at sixty-four planet nations. The Earth was to be
represented by Superman. In a blind draw the heavily favored Earth would be
opposed by a yet to be named opponent from Cyclopean the largest planet in the
Galaxy weighing nearly 60 septillion pounds. For comparison the earth weighs
13 septillion pounds. (in case you were wondering that's a shit load of zeros)

Little is known of the Cyclopean people. As far as anyone could tell no alien
had ever set foot on the planet nor has a Cyclopean inhabitant ventured away
from home. Perhaps they had not as yet mastered the science of space flight.
Communication was almost nonexistent consequently their entrance into the
tournament had been a surprise and the rest of the galaxy was eager to meet
with the mysterious peoples.

The Cyclopeans admitted to being technology challenged and unable to visit
earth on their own but welcomed contact with the outside world. Earth was
reluctant to cede home planet advantage but once a photo of the unimposing
Cyclopean champion arrived planet Earth agreed ... It never occurred to anyone
that Superman might actually lose.

The Cyclopean displayed in the photo resembled a parasitic beetle of
indeterminate size; an earthly beetle could grow to a length of nearly six
inches and weigh as much as 2.5 to 3.5 ounces. However, there was no way of
telling the size of Cyclopean being. It had a prominent forehead with large
protruding eye balls that likely afforded exceptional peripheral vision. Its
snout was its most dominate feature resembling a battering ram that appeared
to have drilling capabilities.

An extremely confident Superman accompanied by a large contingent of Earthly
diplomats and dignitaries arrived at the designated landing area where they
were escorted by driverless vehicles to what appeared to be a newly
constructed amphitheater to meet with the mysterious Cyclopean leaders.

The earthlings were escorted by drone to an auditorium where they viewed a
pre-packaged speech delivered by Elaterid, the reigning monarch of the planet,
inviting them to attend an elaborate feast in their honor, the location of
their accommodations, and their training facilities.

The humans enjoyed the many amenities afforded them; large luxurious rooms
with over-sized beds, showers and saunas, exotic gourmet meals consisting of
unrecognizable cuts of meat and vegetables and fruits' all delicious. They
were also offered with drinks both alcohol and non-alcoholic beverages. At the
end of the meal the earthlings watched a propaganda film extoling the virtues
of planet Cyclopean.

A 'creature' of undeterminable size appeared on the large TV monitor and
introduced itself as Minnie Aphidoidea (The English translation). She was
similar in appearance to a bug endemic to earth; a flying parasitic wasp of
miniscule stature, less than an inch in length and approximately three ounces
- Although tiny some Cyclopean beetles or wasps can lay up to thousands of
eggs in a life time. An earth born beetle has a life expediency of a year or
less the Cyclopean version lives on average sixty-years or more; overcrowding
was an inevitability, an inevitability with which the Cyclopean scientists
were fighting a losing battle.

Superman was standing in his corner of the standard sized boxing ring speaking
with Batman who was acting as his second. They were both in awe of the
darkened venue which seemed to go on forever and forever almost as far as the
eye could see.

Suddenly the venue was filled with the sounds of ear shattering music,
familiar music ... It's the eye of the tiger - it's the thrill of the fight -
risen' up to the challenge ... stalks his prey in the night. The two earthly
superheroes were amused by the choice of song, a song that was the intro to an
epic Rocky Balboa/Apollo Creed boxing movie; perhaps the Cyclopeans thought
the film was a documentary.

Suddenly a huge steel ten-foot-tall carrying case, flanked by two
fifteen-foot-tall robots carrying said case which they deposited into the
ring. The case opened revealing a miniscule creature perched on top of a large
velvet pillow encased in what appeared to be a tiny suit of armor.

When the tiny creature floated into the center of the ring the Public Address
announcer intoned - 'In the far corner is Superman the champion from planet
Earth. He stands six feet four inches tall and weighs two hundred forty pounds
- While in the opposite corner representing planet Cyclopean is Minnie
Aphidoidea with a length of less than an earth inch and a weight of no more
than two earth ounces.'

"What?" Superman turned to Batman. "Is this a joke? How the hell am I supposed
to fight that - that - that - insect?" He had been expecting a large insect
maybe even one his own size. Superman didn't want to admit it to anyone but he
was a closet Entomophobia sufferer; bugs bugged him.

"Be as gentle as you can." Batman was grinning from ear to ear. "Try to make
her surrender. Failing that, crush the thing with your thumb and index finger.
Then we can all go home."

The overhead lights were suddenly switched on flooding the stadium for the
first revealing the enormity of the viewing audience estimated to be in excess
of over a million Cyclopeans. Even Superman with his super-vision was unable
to comprehended the magnitude of what lay before him.

An unseen entity intoned standard instructions to the fighters ... You both
know the rules (actually there were none). The contest will consist of three
rounds; the first contestant to win two periods will be declared the winner.
Remember to protect yourselves at all times. Let's have a clean fight. Begin
at the sound of the bell.

When the bell rang Minnie eschewed her armor and Superman lost sight of his
opponent who had literally disappeared. The thing had changed colors at will,
camouflaging itself to blend in with the ring colors. He couldn't see Minnie
but he could feel pecks and stings and bites on his face and neck and hands;
on every patch of his exposed skin. He wasn't being hurt but he was certainly
being annoyed to the nth degree.

An increasingly frustrated Superman began to furiously slap and swat at the
air hoping for a lucky strike; he knew not what else to do. Minnie continued
to attack his exposed skin using her pincher like snout causing dozens and
dozens if not hundreds of welts, some seeping ooze, infesting most of his
exposed skin.

The Cyclopeans watched in relative satisfied silence occasionally applauding
in unison breaking the silence with raucous clicking crackling sounds and
sibilant whining staccato buzzing vibrating sounds ... If one were
sufficiently observant it would have become evident that the Cyclopeans were
in perfect sync suggesting a connective consciousness.

He was beginning to feel a bit woozy and then a lot woozy until he was too
woozy to maintain his balance. Superman, the mighty champion from Earth,
unceremoniously dropped to his knees holding his head a loft with his hands.
The joyous cacophony of sound emanating from the Cyclopeans was overwhelming;
even the ring itself shuddered simply from the noise.

Superman was helpless, unable to move. He had finally come to the realization
that the countless numbers of bites, nibbles, and stings having been delivered
carried poison toxins which were now taking their collective toll. Superman
rolled himself up into a fetal position, resembling a shriveled-up slice of
undercooked fatty bacon. He welcomed the comforting embrace of Morpheus (God
of Dreams) as he dreamt of better days.

A neutral observer (an MD from planet Welby) quickly examined the distressed
Man of Steel giving the thumbs up sign signaling to the onlookers that the
Earthling would be okay to resume the match within the allotted twenty-minute
rest period.

When an embarrassed Superman regained his equilibrium, he looked to Batman for
help and strategy and ideas. Bruce had already redressed the Man of Steel into
an extremely tight-fitting spandex suit and slathered his welt infested skin
with goopy healing lotions. The few remaining patches of exposed skin were
generously slathered with lotions. They both feared that Minnie would still be
able to administer her deadly poisons but they both knew there was, as Bruce
Springsteen told us ... no retreat - no surrender ... they confidently
returned to the ring.

When the bell rang for the start of the second round Superman immediately lost
site of the camouflaged Minnie Aphidoidea but immediately felt her fist sting
but to her and his surprise, she became affixed to his face caught up in the
goopy lotion.

Superman immediately grabbed Minnie's tiny body between his index finger and
his thumb delighted to hear her staccato buzzing cries of anguish. Although
there is no word in the Kryptonian language for revenge, at that moment in
time that's what Superman craved most, retribution for his earlier
embarrassment.

Just as the disembodied voice of the P.A. announcer began to scream - Minnie
Surrenders - Minnie surrenders, Superman 'accidently' squeezed her little body
until her oozing innards seeped through his fingers. Another impartial ring MD
from the planet Kilgore rushed to her side and watched as Minnie's squished
and oozing self began to promulgate cell regeneration, body repairs that will
make Minnie whole once more.

The citizens of Cyclopean all possess regenerative and body repairing
capabilities similar to many of the beetles and aphids indigenous to planet
earth. Everyone knows that if one were to chop an inch worm into a number of
pieces that worm would not only live it would reassemble itself into several
separate fully functionally worms. The reassembly process for a Cyclopean
apparently takes twenty or more minutes to complete so Superman was awarded
the victory in round two ... while Minnie retired to her locker room for
'repairs.'

Before returning to the ring Superman and Batman rejoiced in the overwhelming
victory. Superman was buoyed by the realization that he now had carte blanche.
If his tiny advisory was essentially immortal, he could attack her with
abandon and not be considered to be a murderous bully.

The bell signaling the start of round three sounded and again Minnie
immediately disappeared from view. Superman's skin was completely covered with
goopy sticky lotion and he was wearing a custom fitting latex face mask and
gloves covering nearly all of his skin.

He stood motionless awaiting her initial foray. He couldn't hear anything over
the cacophonous clicking sounds coming from the audience. He couldn't even
imagine how she planned to attack him and then he heard the flapping of her
tiny wings and felt her snoot burrowing into his right ear entering his audio
canal likely heading towards his brain in the process on the way irritating
the cranial nerves that relay information to the brain

Minnie was as excited at a nymphomaniac with a sack full of dicks. She
furiously burrowed through the protective layers called the choroid plexus.
She scanned the brain until she found what she was looking for ... She
joyfully severed the nerve connecting the spinal column from the brain.

Through her collective consciousness she could feel the joy and pride of
billions and billions and billions of Cyclopeans; there unbridled emotions
brought tears to the eyes of Minnie Aphidoidea. Her mission was a fait
accompli.

When Superman saw the body of Minnie crawling past his eyes dominating his
field of vision he freaked out. He began rubbing his eyes furiously trying to
free himself from her presence. His body could feel the foreign object
crawling around inside it. His body's internal mechanisms attempted to rid
itself of the invading presence ... as did he.

Every orifice of his body attempted to discharge anything and everything it
could. The Man of Steel began to snort mucous from his nose which he blew and
blew and blew. He induced vomiting spewing copious amounts of vile bile all
over the ring while forcing himself to evacuate his bowels. He was, to no
avail, purging himself of all body fluids hoping to entrap the still crawling
Minnie who had not been affected or deterred by the violent purging of body
fluids now digging into the in inner layer (meningeal) that protects the brain
from intrusions.

He could sense his loss of equilibrium as he aimlessly stumbled about the ring
ready to fight but unable to discern an opponent. Finally, a discombobulated
Superman fell face first to the ring mat bouncing several times before curling
up into an inert comatose cadaverous looking faux-superhero.

The entire population of planet Cyclopean collectively clicked in unison for
over an hour. They understood that for the next four years (maybe longer) they
would be 'rulers' of the galaxy; of that they had no doubt.

Superman was transported to John Hopkins University the most prestigious
medical facility on earth. Medial experts, neurologists, examined and treated
the Man of Steel (24/7) for weeks on end.

The earth as well as the planets of the galaxy were learning that the
Cyclopeans were unyielding autocrats with unwavering resolve. Surprisingly
they had a sardonic sarcastic sense of humor exhibited when the introduced, by
name, their cabinet members ... Soldier Ant and Beetle Bailey commanded the
military ... The Departments of Oceanography and Ornithology were headed up by
Bugsy Segal ... Ant Bee is the new Secretary of home economics ... well known
Beetle, John Lennon, was designated Secretary of music ... and so on and so
on.

Suddenly without warning Kal-El, the last Son of Krypton ripped the medical
tubes feeding his body nutrients and drugs from his arms and stood unaided.
Everyone was awaiting his first words. They were shocked and dismayed when he
paused for effect before uttering a sound, a sound that was unexpected and
entirely unwelcomed ...

"CLICK ... CLICK ... CLICK." Superman was clearly speaking to and bounding
with the Cyclopean collective; the undisputed ... MASTERS OF THE GALAXY ...
"CLICK ... CLICK ... CLICK ..."

Not be continued ...

The bigger They Are, The Harder They Fall ... by the Elder Barry ... 2,700
words