Lois versus Clark
Underyourheels
A depowered Superman learns a lesson about female strength


I was lying down in the bedroom resting when I heard the door clatter. I leapt
up and bounded towards the door. My beautiful wife, Lois Lane-Kent, had been
away for over a month reporting in Pakistan on drone strikes and I was excited
to see her. Obviously what I do and what she does keep us apart for a lot of
the time, but I had been extra busy myself fighting off another Kryptonian
threat. That meant I hadn't talked to my wife for a few weeks, where normally
I'd have phoned or even flown over to Pakistan to see her.

For the last few days, that option hadn't even been open to me. It's
complicated, and neither I nor Dr Emil Hamilton (the leader in his field)
quite understand it, but sunspot activity seems to rob me of my powers from
time to time. Obviously we're at pains to keep this from my enemies, but it
does give me a chance to have a 'normal' week with Lois while the League picks
up my slack.

Anyway, Lois came in, but looked more angry than pleased to see me. I went to
kiss her, but she brushed me off. "So what happened"" She demanded, violet
eyes flashing and shaking her dark hair. I smiled reassuringly "I told you "
perhaps you were distracted. I think and Dr Hamilton agrees that sunspot
activity will take my powers for a few days. I'll just be a normal man till
they come back " like last time " you remember""

She shook her head and tossed a copy of the Daily Star " not the upmarket
Planet " at me. A tabloid, its front page was devoted to a picture of Superman
(me) ostensibly losing to a smaller female opponent. The headline screamed
"Superman beaten..by a girl"!"". Typical sensationalist tabloid stuff. I
smiled (admittedly a little embarrassed) and tried to reassure my beautiful,
angry wife. "This is just tabloid stuff. I can cope with a little gossip.
Tomorrow they'll be back to some sort of celebrity story. Besides, (I smiled a
little smugly) the Planet version of events it much more accurate"

Lois shook her head "You wrote the Planet version of events, Clark, and from
what I've seen and what I've heard it isn't an accurate story at all." She
unfurled the other paper she was holding and read the headline "'Justice
League defeats alien menace. First rate teamwork and can do spirit save city.'
The by-line says 'by our own correspondent Clark Kent'. She threw the paper on
the table. It had a particularly good picture taken by Jimmy of the renegade
Kryptonian Alura Jur-Za being taken to justice. "That's what happened, Lois.
Unless you want to believe that tabloid rubbish there".

"Clark, I watched the fight on TV. I've talked to Jimmy and even Cat Grant and
they all say that that little slip of a thing beat the shit of you until Diana
had to come and bail you out. God knows I can't tell with Kryptonians, but she
looks about Kara's age".

"She's about seventeen, I think. But like I say, Lois, I can cope with the
embarrassment and I've tried to tell you that I don't want to hurt anyone.
Since the League is there it makes sense to use it to minimise the chance of
injury to anyone."

"Humiliation isn't the point, Smallville, though you looked pretty pathetic
screaming and twisted into a pretzel by a teenage girl half your size. You
promised me after Maxima kicked your ass that you'd get some proper training.
Doesn't look to me like you've done anything about it."

I had to admit Lois had a point. She had badgered me about training with the
League and I had done very little about it. But she still didn't seem to
realise that I need to hold back when fighting people in case I hurt them. I
put this to her one more time and she just frowned and shook her head.

"Maxima, the Female Parasite, Ropegirl, Alura, Diana when she was mind
controlled. Hell, even Kara gave you a going over when she was mind
controlled. Boy" she paused "that sort of thing really happens a lot doesn't
it""

"Lois, honey, in each of those situations I could have hurt-" "Oh shut up,
Smallville! I've heard this world of cardboard crap so many times and it's
just bull. For one thing, having a greater knowledge of martial arts would
mean that you were more in control of your strength, not less. For another,
the people you're fighting against aren't the high-school bully. These are
powerful women " and some of them could even kill you."

She softened. "Look, baby. I'll never judge you for how you do in a fight " I
know you find a way to win most of the time. I'm just worried that you'll
misjudge how dangerous your opponent is and get yourself hurt. Plus I get the
feeling that you hold back against women. That Smallville home-spun Kansas
courtesy of yours might be cute, Kent, but it could get you hurt"

I had to admit to myself that she had a point on that last one; I was in no
mood to admit the same to her. I shook my head. "Lois, I can handle myself.
I've picked up plenty of skills over the past few years. And I don't have a
problem holding back against women."

Lois raised her eyebrow. "Fight me then" I was confused "Fight you" Lois I
don't think-". "I'm pretty well trained myself. Maybe not anything like
Dinah's level, or Barbara's, but still pretty good. I have a few black belts
and I can look after myself. Plus you have no powers at the moment, so it'll
be a fair fight."

I looked at my wife with astonishment, scarcely believing what I was hearing.
"But how would that even help anything. I don't see..." Lois interrupted. "If
you can beat me, a decent martial artist, then you'll have proved that you
don't need retraining. Plus you can show me how good you are at holding back
and knowing the limits of your strength. If I beat you, you'll agree that you
need to learn how to fight. I'm sick of having the same argument time after
time Smallville. Let me go and get changed and then we'll fight " just
wrestling. Wouldn't want to mess up that pretty face of yours with a
haymaker."

She smiled teasingly, but I was unmollified. "Lois, I know you can take care
of yourself, but I'm a big guy. And you're a well-" "Woman"" her eyes flashed
angrily "That's it, isn't it" The problem with chivalry is that it so often
covers up misogyny. You don't hold back against women out of some home-spun
Kansas crap. You hold back because you think women are too fragile to hurt
you. Well, I'm going to show you what a woman can do to an over-confident man
like you."

She was getting angry again and so was I. "Listen Lois. The whole thing is
meaningless. I wouldn't try and fight you even if you attacked me. I don't
want to hurt you and that's that. You won't hurt me either " so it's nothing
like fighting Giganta or Maxima". Lois scoffed "I don't think you're going to
hurt me Smallville. But if you don't try, I'll beat you easily. And you're
right, I'm not going to hurt you seriously. But if I beat you, I will
humiliate you and make you my bitch. Now, I"m going to get changed into sports
gear. You wear what you like and we'll wrestle in five minutes time on the
bed, whether you want to or not."

This said, she brushed past me and walked into the bedroom.

Five minutes later, since Lois always seems to win our arguments, I was facing
her across in our work out room. She was wearing a sports bra and training
shorts, I was just wearing boxers and a t-shirt. "Come on Lois. We're not
really going to do this are we"" "Yes we are. Now, we're going to wrestle for
pin or submission, starting kneeling on opposite sides of the room. Let's say,
best out of seven, yes"".

I could see she was determined, and I know from experience that I can't change
her mind when she takes that attitude. I nodded, slowly and got into position.
I thought that I've I could pin her using my weight I could win the first four
falls easily and put a stop to this nonsense. As so often, I had misjudged and
underestimated Ms Lois Joanne Lane-Kent.

At first though, it seemed as if this was going to be the way it turned out.
Lois made the mistake of attacking me directly and I was able to twist her
round. I pushed back so that she fell on her back with me on top of her. I
managed to pin her wrists to the floor and force her shoulders down, hooking
her legs with mine so she couldn't try and buck me off. She struggled hard for
a few seconds. Even without my powers I could smell her perfume, mingled with
sweat and deodorant. I could also feel her body against me, her heaving
breasts and beautiful curves wriggling desperately. That was going to be a
distraction during the next few rounds, I thought to myself.

Lois stopped struggling "Shit" she muttered. "That's a pin. 1 nothing to the
farm boy." I let her up and she gave me a delighted grin "Glad to see you're
taking it seriously though". We regained our earlier positions, and to my
horror I saw her rubbing her wrists. "Are you hurt" We can stop this now if
you like"" "No Smallville, I'm fine. And I'll get my revenge in the next
round. Ready"" I figured I'd use the same tactics as before. Lois had learnt
from her mistakes though. She feinted right and, when I moved to grab her
again, darted away and used my own weight to push me down. I landed on the
floor with a thump and she was on me quickly, knocking the wind out of me. She
swatted my hands out of the way and pulled me up into a camel clutch. Pain
shot through my back and I wriggled desperately, but Lois had all the
leverage.

Grasping the air hopelessly, I succeeded in grabbing a lump of Lois' beautiful
brunette hair, which I pulled instinctively. Lois yelped and I dropped my
grasp instantly. Lois quickly scooped up first one arm, then the other and
trapped them between her thighs and her abdomen. Now I was completely trapped.
Lois had me in an inescapable hold and she knew it. "Tap out, Smallville. Come
on, you know you want to" I grunted and would have shook my head, if I could.
Finally after several agonising seconds, I yelped my submission and Lois
released me.

I crawled back to my starting place slowly and found Lois smirking at me from
across the room. She was busily putting her hair up using a hair band. She
smiled "There are no rules here honey. You should have kept pulling my hair "
it was your best chance of beating me. Still, I shouldn't complain, now that
it's one all". My shoulders ached like anything, but it was time for round
three. At the agreed signal, I hung back, as did Lois, neither of us willing
to give the other an opening. Finally, my wife feinted left, then darted
right, wrong footing me and pulling me into a tight headlock. Wrapping my arms
around her I was able to pick her off the ground and splash her onto the
floor, breaking the hold.

She was up, though, too quickly for me to force a pin or a submission. When I
tried to grab her she caught my hands in her own so that we faced each other
in a classic test of strength " one that Lois couldn't win. I forced her
backwards so that she feel heavily on her back with me on top. But I was so
exultant at her apparent mistake that I forgot to control her legs. She
wrapped them tight around my waist and started squeezing with surprising
strength. When I dropped my hands to try and pry her thighs apart she used her
newly freed arms to pull my face against her breasts. Now, I was trapped,
couldn't breathe and was beginning to enjoy it! (I said that would be a
problem, didn't I). Lois and I both seemed to realise that she wasn't going to
get a submission that way though. I tried to pick her up for another body
splash and she didn't come with me. Half-releasing me, she swiped my legs out
from underneath me with a kick so that I landed gasping on my front on the
floor.

Acting with a speed I was coming to fear, Lois leapt on top of me and wrapped
her thighs around my waist, this time from behind. She then used her arms to
put me in a rear naked choke. Now I really was in trouble. I could use my arms
to pry at her arms, or her legs, but not both. Every second I dithered I was
getting weaker. Every time I breathed in Lois was able to tighten her
magnificent thighs a little more. Rolling around left me on my back on top of
Lois, but in no easier a situation. Sensing my weakness, my wife began to
taunt me. "Tap out or get knocked out, farm boy. I can stay here all day, but
I think you've only got a few minutes left" She kissed my cheek and licked my
ear. I could smell her perfume again and feel her soft skin and hair.
Desperately I tapped out on the mattress. Lois shook her head "Tap out against
my thigh Superman". I could only obey her, tapping three times against her
strong leg as she worked it against my defeated abdomen.

Lois laughed and released me. Again, I dragged myself back to my corner,
beginning to feel a little worried. My plan of pinning her had clearly failed
" every hold she put me in left me in a little weaker. Apart from anything
else, Lois had an advantage over me in that she was always a woman, with a
mortal's stamina which she could push to the utmost. Used to my sun-given
powers, I was unable to regroup my forces as well as she was. Two " One to
Lois Lane!

We met a fourth time. Sensing weakness, Lois was not as hesitant as before,
but attacked me with a renewed confidence. She pulled me into another headlock
and then scrambling behind me, put me into a Chicken Wing Hammerlock (I admit
I had to look that one up). It was agonising, but I managed to wriggle free. I
was glad to escape, but I knew that I needed something fast to stop Lois
dominating the rest of the match.

We circled each other on hands and knees, occasionally trying to pull each
other off balance. At last, out of tiredness, I blinked and dived at her. I
made exactly the same mistake I had made in round two and my beautiful,
sadistic wife took full advantage. Pushing me down onto my front she scrambled
on top of me. I feared another camel clutch, but this was much worse. Lois
grabbed my flailing arms and trapped them with her legs. Now she had me
trapped in an almost unbreakable lotus hold. I tried to lift her off the
ground but she was too heavy. When I kicked my legs, trying to buck her off,
Lois simply reached back with her free hand and grabbed my groin to steady me.
As far I'm was concerned (and am concerned), this was cheating. But it stopped
my struggles instantly and I could only gasp out my submission "Please, Lois,
I g-give. I can't move my a-arms or I-I'd tap". Lois held me for a few seconds
to make sure I was serious then released the hold and skipped nimbly off me.

Three-one and Lois only needed two more wins for the whole match. I was in bad
shape and we both knew it. When I tried to push myself up my arms buckled
underneath me. In a sorry state I dragged myself back to my corner. I've been
in tough situations before, but I couldn't see how I could win this fight.
Lois was as fresh as a daisy and began to taunt me, to try and add insult to
injury. "How you feeling Smallville" Reckon you can win the next one" I'm just
a woman after all."

I lumbered towards her, all tactics and strategy out of my head, wanting only
to pin her and shut her up. But Lois met my attack head on, entwining her
hands in mine again. It was a gamble for her, but it paid off. OK, I had
started the match stronger, but Lois' holds had destroyed my arms and despite
my weight advantage she pushed me back. We landed with her on top and she
could clearly have pinned me in my exhausted state. Instead she rested her
forehead against mine for a second then french kissed me. Just as I was
getting into it, she got off me and rolled me onto my stomach. This time, to
my consternation, she trod on the back of my thighs and laced my lower legs
around hers. Next, she grabbed my arms, rocked her weight backwards a few
times and rolled onto her back, hoisting me into the air.

I don't think you can understand how painful a ceiling hold is unless you've
been in one. I was yelping my submission almost instantly, but Lois wanted to
revel in her strength. I guess you can see her point. Any woman would love to
be able to overpower her husband as completely as that and Lois was married to
the strongest man in the world. She said something mocking about flying, but I
was starting to black out and couldn't hear it. Finally, mercifully, Lois let
me down.

The final round was just a formality. Lois actually had to help me back up,
before pushing me down onto my back this time. She straddled me in a
schoolgirl pin and flexed her arms in the classic display of strength. I was
too weak to resist or struggle. She smirked down at me and began to count
"One" - she ruffled my hair "Two" - she pinched my cheek "Three" She leant
down and kissed me fully on the lips, taking possession of her victim.

My beautiful, dominant, wife stood up and placed her bare foot on my huge
chest. Raising her arms in triumph, she acted as her own announcer - "The
winner with five wins to one " Lois Joanne Lane!" There was no denying it. I
had taken on my pretty little wife at wrestling and had lost abjectedly. Even
the first round had only been won due to a mistake on her part. I was
humiliated as well as exhausted, but Lois wasn't about to let me off that
easily.

Moving her foot from my chest to my face she forced me to kiss first one foot
then the other, as well as to suck her toes one by one. She made me worship
her pretty little biceps too, forcing me to confess that she was stronger and
a better wrestler. Finally she sat down on my face for the seventh and final
pin. She first made me kiss her butt, then ground her gorgeous rear end on my
face till I passed out.

I came to quite a while later. I was still in the workout room, but Lois was
nowhere to be seen. I tried to get up, but my arms and legs just wouldn't
respond. With my ability to use the sun to recharge temporarily absent, the
damage Lois had inflicted wasn't going away.

The door opened and my wife entered. She'd had enough time to shower and
change into something more comfortable and she looked absolutely amazing. She
smirked at me and strutted over to where I lay on the floor, exactly where she
had left me. She held one bare foot in front of my face. "I command you to
kiss my boot, Superman!", she teased "Let the whole world see you've become my
slave!".

Lois has told me to record that this was a reference to "that time when Carol
Ferris kicked your ass". In fact Carol had a magic necklace on that occasion,
so that one doesn't count. Score one to Clark Kent!

Lois wasn't going anywhere until I obeyed her command, so I took her foot in a
trembling hand and moved it towards my lips. Lois teasingly moved it away from
me as I got close so that I had to strain a little. I could see the yellow
shellac on each toenail; my hand was almost as big as the foot I held. I heard
a faint click as Lois used the phone she was carrying to take a picture of my
submission.

When I'd kissed her foot to her satisfaction, she pulled it away from me, then
sat down without warning on my chest. I gasped as she drove the air out of me.
Lois made sure that she was pinning my arms with her knees, but it was hardly
necessary, really. I couldn't have moved her an inch even if my arms had been
free.

Lois smiled down at me as I lay obediently beneath her. "Now I've taught you a
lesson I think it's about time that we got in touch with some people who can
teach you a few more", she said, waggling her phone in front of my face. Lois
is proud of her connections (though she's careful not to abuse them). One way
or another, she can contact most people in the League if she feels the need.
She dialled a number now and held her phone up to her ear, twirling a strand
of her pretty brown hair as she did so.

"Dinah! Hey " hope this isn't a bad time" Business rather than pleasure, I
guess. My stubborn old husband has finally agreed that he might need some
lessons in fighting after what happened with that teenager a few days ago. I
was just wondering if you'd be willing to help out." She paused as she
listened to Dinah's reply. "I'm sure Bruce would be very keen. But you're just
as good as he is, and besides, both Smallville and I agree that he has
difficulties fighting girls". I tried to protest, but Lois put her spare hand
over my mouth as casually as if she were taking a drink of water. The little
sadist amused herself by pinching my nostrils closed as she continued her
conversation, smiling as I struggled for air.

"Great! Yeah, I think Monday should work for Smallville. Please don't go easy
on him, though. Kick his ass thoroughly " he can definitely take the
punishment." She stuck her tongue out at me, controlling my breathing as the
two women ended their conversation.

"One more call to make!" she said, happily, "and then we can get back to
playing. I can't have you interrupting my conversation again though " that was
very naughty of you." She half rose as if to get off me, then abruptly turned
and sat down on my face for the second time that day. She was sitting gently
enough at first for me to hear that she was calling Diana " Wonder Woman
herself. As her conversation went on, she sat down more and more heavily,
until I could barely breathe.

Being knocked out before had been pretty alarming " I had no desire for it to
happen again. My weakened legs kicked helplessly against the floor. Lois
lifted up slightly to let me breathe. "Great Scott! Lois, I-". She sat back
down again, grinding down and around, first clockwise, then counter-clockwise.
I couldn't hear the rest of the conversation " I was too focused on taking
what little oxygen Lois allowed me.

Finally, her second phone call done, Lois abruptly got off me. She sat down
alongside me, draping her legs across my body as if I were a footstool. She
leant on her elbow and looked at me with unconcealed amusement. "So then,
Black Canary will be kicking your ass on Mondays. Wonder Woman will be putting
you in your place on Thursdays. After a couple of months of learning from them
perhaps you'll be almost good enough for a rematch."

She moved until she was staring right into my eyes, our noses rubbing
together. "Until then, my helpless little Kryptonian, you and I are going to
make our own fun."

Propriety (and my own pride...) demands that a discreet veil be drawn over
what happened next!

Notes by Lois Lane, Star Reporter and Pulitzer winner, The Daily Planet

I thought I'd give you a few pointers, Kent, since I'm better at writing than
you on top of everything else " plus you left some things out.

My eyes are not violet. They are a very bright blue.

The headline "Lois forces Clark to get martial arts training" is uninformative
given the subject matter. How about "Superman overpowered by a beautiful
woman" or "Gorgeous goddess destroys loser". You get the idea.

This story is full of cliches. I know its not a proper story you've writen,
but Pulitzer Prize winners (like me but not you) don't do this sort of crap.

Beatiful as I am, farm boy, you don't have to describe me as such at every
oportunity. How about "dominate", or "wonderful" or "intelligent""

Learn to count Smallville. Maybe I kicked your ass so hard you lost
concentraytion, but the ceiling hold won me the match. Everything after that
was just rubbing it in.

When I had you in the ceiling hold I said "I do believe a man can fly!".
Missing the money quote is preciseley why you have no Pulitzer.

You didn't put much in about me celebrating the win. Write for what your
audience wants to read, Kent. I am the audience, and I wanted to read far more
about how you worshiped me as a conquering queen

By the way, you also didn't write much about how turned on you were by your
wife beating you up.

You did not say Great Scott, Kent. You swore like a normal adult. I know you
have a reputation to keep up, but don't lie to the reader.

You left out most of the good stuff after I got off the phone with Diana. I
ought to make you start again, but I guess we both know what happened. Let's
just say that I saw that you wrote this standing up, and I saw that you didn't
want a seat at the meeting this morning (hahaha " hows the butt now sweetie").

That's it for now Kent. Dinah is kicking your ass on Monday and Diana will
start training you (like a dog) as soon as you get your powers back. Maybe
when you've learnt a bit more we can have a rematch....

Your loving wife and conquering queen

Lois Lane (Still not sure about the Kent bit " how does Clark Lane sound"
"Clark Lane " second best reporter at the Planet!" No")