Trick or Treat


Halloween is a scary time. Who knows what she-demons, succubi and just plain deranged evil women lurk on the night of All Hallows Eve. If you're a dude in distress like me, it's best not to take any chances. So this Halloween I am staying in.

My doorbell rang. "Trick or treat," the young girl in the witch costume announced.

I opened up the door a crack. "Sorry, young lady but I have a long history of getting kidnapped on Halloween.You'll have to leave."

"All I want is some candy," she pleaded but I shut the door in her face.

A few seconds later the bell rang again. Standing there was a five-year old wearing a glittery butterfly costume.

"Twick or tweat, mister," she said.

"Sorry," I answered and slammed the door in her face.

"Mommy, that man is an a-hole!" she cried.

I felt bad, but Halloween is a dangerous time for me. I have to err on the side of caution if I don't want to find myself tied up by some hideous monster.

The doorbell rang again. I should have just not answered but for some reason I did. It would probably be the last treak-or-treater of the night then I could just spend the rest of the night peacefully watching monster movies.

I opened the door and there stood a sexy woman in skin-tight latex and long red hair and a body to die for... literally. She had pentagram earnings and blood red lipstick.

"Hello, I am looking to sacrifice someone to my dark god? Would you be available?"

Okay, I know what you're saying. The warning signs were all there. But come on. She was hot!

"You wouldn't happen to have any chalk so I could draw a pentagram would you?" she asked as I invited her in. "Oh, and I forgot my very sharp knife. You wouldn't have one would you, sweetie."

Of course she was prepared with a spellbook, chains, gag and... .well, you get the idea.

I really need to be more careful on Halloween.

SOMEONE, HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!