Battle of the Sexes, part one.
By tasslehoff
Two burglars break into the wrong house


"This can't be right." Two men were looking at a long-ago abandoned shack. The
wind was blowing snow through the broken windows and the roof was caved in
giving it a sinister look.

"Nobody is living here, what should we do now?" one man asked the other.

"I don't know, I'll phone headquarters," the other replied.

He took his cell phone out of his pocket, selected the number and waited for a
while. "Hey boss, Mike here; we have a problem." As Mike explained the
situation, the other guy looked around. It was past midnight but the light of
the full moon, reflected on the snow-covered landscape, provided enough light
for unwanted eyes to see what they were doing. In the distance, the headlights
of a car could be seen but the car took a left turn and was soon out of sight.
Somewhere nearby a dog was barking and unknowingly he took a step backwards 
so that the overhanging bushes shielded him from view.

"Yeah, Fred and I are still at the indicated address but it..." As Mike
continued talking over the phone, Fred tried to warm his hands. 'Yeah we are still 
here and we are freezing our butts off,' he thought. Although sometimes this job 
had his downside, and waiting in the middle of the night in the freezing cold was 
one of those times, he wouldn't go back to his old life. He had lost his job over 
a year ago because he had punched his boss in the face after a heated argument. 
People had often said to him that he should think twice before reacting, but when 
somebody insulted him, he usually solved the matter by using his fists. And that 
was exactly why he was approached by a stranger in a pub. "Don't even 
remember the name of the town." Fred murmured. But the stranger had 
approached him when he was again thrown out of the pub after a bar brawl. "I 
could use a man with your talents," the guy had said.

"Alright, thanks boss." Fred heard Mike say. Mike put his cellphone into his
pocket and looked at Fred.

"Can you believe that, they had the right number but the wrong street. Come
on, it's only a few blocks away." As both men walked away, it started snowing
again; a few snowflakes at first but after a few minutes visibility was reduced 
to only a few feet.

'This is good, it will cover our tracks,' Mike thought.

Not far away, a woman in her early thirties, sat upright in her bed not knowing 
what had awakened her. She listened intently for a few minutes but nothing could 
be heard down stairs. "Don't be silly," she said to herself, "There is nothing to 
worry about." Letting herself fall back on the pillow she tried to go back to 
sleep but after tossing and turning in bed for a few minutes, she stood up, 
yawned, and walked out of her bedroom. She was already halfway through the hall 
when she realized she had left her gown in her bedroom. "I'm not going back to 
get it." She yawned.

"Miranda, cover your breasts; what would the neighbors say," was typically
something her mother would say if she saw me like this. "Well she isn't here
and I'm not going to cover my breasts." With that she stretched both her arms
over her head, pushing her breasts forward and walked towards the stairs.

As Miranda walked downstairs she tried to remember her dream; it had been a
wonderful dream but somehow it had eluded her. Sleepily she opened the door to
the living room, but something was wrong; she knew it even before the lights
were suddenly turned on. Shielding her eyes with her right arm, Miranda felt two 
strong arms grab her from behind and pin her arms to her sides.

"It's so nice of you to help us with our search, and you are even dressed for the 
occasion." A big man with an evil grin on his face, strolled towards her, eyes 
focused on her bare breasts. He stopped right in front of her and placed his hands 
on her breasts. "But first we are going to have some fun with you."

"What do you think, Fred; isn't she a beauty?" The man addressed as Fred 
looked up at his partner. "Leave something for me, will you. I really want to
touch her boobs, too."

Her eyes were now accustomed to the light and she looked straight at the man
touching her. A sudden anger surged through her body as she heard both men
talking.

"Keep your hands of me," she spat at them. 

"Do you hear that Fred, she... aaaarrrccchh!" The man standing in front of her 
doubled over in pain as her leg shot up and kicked him hard in his groin. 
Immediately she placed her foot on his chest and stretched her leg, sending him 
flying. He crashed into the chairs standing at the dinner table and ended in a 
heap on the floor clutching his groin with both hands.

"What the..." the man called Fred couldn't finish his sentence as Miranda
simultaneously kicked backwards hitting him against his shin, and slammed the
back of her head into his face. Forcibly, she stretched her arms, loosening the 
hold and then drove her elbow into his stomach with all force she could muster. 
The man doubled over, making it very easy for Miranda to break his hold. With a 
powerful karate kick, she kicked him in his stomach and he slammed into the 
wall. A powerful slap across his face, send him spinning and immediately she 
followed up with a knee into his kidney area.

Her fighting instincts took over now and she sensed rather then heard the other 
man running towards her. Miranda stepped aside and his fist missed her face by 
inches hitting the wall behind her, causing the man to moan in pain. Miranda 
grabbed his wrist, placed her other hand on his elbow, pulled and pushed, and the 
other man crashed face first into the wall.

He immediately turned around, blood dripped from his nose. "You bit... oofff."
Miranda kneed him hard in his stomach and again he doubled over in pain. She
grabbed the back of his head and held it down as she slammed her knee into his
face. Miranda heard his nose break and blood flew everywhere as he crashed
barely conscious onto the floor.

Meanwhile the other man was back on his feet. With a shocked look on his face 
he saw the half-naked woman beating his friend to a pulp. 'How was this 
possible,' Fred thought. Both of them could hold their own in a fight, but now 
they were getting their asses kicked by a woman. Her back was turned and 
silently he walked towards her.

At the last moment Miranda turned around but couldn't prevent Fred taking her
in a choke hold. "Now I'll show you, bitch," he said as he started to laugh.

Seeing the maniacal look on his face Miranda panicked for a moment as she felt
how the pressure cut of her air supply. 'Relax,' she thought, 'This is what we
practiced on self-defense course.' She brought her arms up and simultaneously
turned her body sideways to the left. Then she brought her arms forcibly down
on his, breaking his choke hold. She immediately followed up by slamming her
elbow backwards into his face, knocking out a tooth.

"Yeah, you are really showing me," she said to him. With a roundhouse kick to
his face he smashed into the wall again. Groggily he looked at the approaching
woman and felt how Miranda grabbed his head with her hands. 

"And now..." she slammed her knee into his stomach. "I'll show..." again she 
slammed her knee into his stomach. "You what I want to..." another knee into his 
gut. "Do." Full force she kneed him now into his groin, even lifting him a few 
inches off his feet. Then Miranda slammed his head hard against the wall and to 
her satisfaction she saw his eyes go blank. As she let him go, he started to slide
down and ended up in a heap at her feet, unconscious.

Moving her hair out of her face, she looked down at the now unconscious man.
Anger surged again through her body as she thought about his hands around her
neck. "You bastard, you would have killed me." Angry, she kneed the already
unconscious man in his face. Judging by the sound of breaking bones and seeing
blood flying around, she broke his nose, too. "That's what you deserve, bastard,"
she said as she looked at his blood on her knee.

Looking up, Miranda saw her own reflection in the mirror, her fists, breasts and 
knee covered in blood. She sighed in relieve as she realized that it was their blood 
and not hers. "What were they doing here, what were they looking for?"

She looked around and, to her surprise, she saw her computer standing at the back 
door. "They were after my computer; but why? Nobody wants it; it's ancient." 

As Miranda walked to the back door she saw that most of her DVDs and CD-
ROMs were thrown on the floor behind the PC. "It's not the PC they're after but 
the data on the PC. But that's not making any sense, either; there is absolutely 
nothing of interest." She was puzzled but why else would they have thrown most 
of her data on the floor besides her PC. "With men you never know. You can 
never tell how far their stupidity will go. But even they should have more 
common sense, unless..."

Suddenly it occurred to her that it was not what was on the disks they were after 
but what they thought was on it. "But how could they possibly know; nobody 
knows. At least, we think that nobody knows. Is there a security breach in our 
organization?" Determined, Miranda looked at both unconscious men. "I must 
know for sure."

After confirming that both men would not wake up any time soon, she walked
upstairs, went into her bedroom, and opened the door of her bedroom closet.
"Where are they; where did I leave them... Ah there they are."

Miranda pulled out two pair of shining black handcuffs and smiled thinking back 
at the numerous times she had handcuffed men to her bed. But this was different; 
there would be no sex tonight. "Why did they break into my house? Why??"

'They are still unconscious; I must have hit them hard.' she thought as she walked 
back into the living room. Miranda walked towards the guy closest to her and 
started to undress him. As she unbuttoned his shirt she noticed his mobile phone 
sticking out of his pocket. "Maybe I'll find some answers in here." 

Miranda grabbed the now naked man under his armpits, hoisted him up and 
dumped him on a chair. After she handcuffed him to the chair, Miranda walked 
over to the guy whom she knew was called "Fred." She rolled him over onto his
stomach and grabbed both his wrists. "You won't be going anywhere soon, 
either," the young woman said as she put the cuffs on him.

With both men cuffed and unconscious, Miranda sat down and took the mobile
phone she had removed from her victim and started to examine it for clues. After 
a few minutes, the man she had cuffed to the chair, started to moan and not long 
after he opened his eyes.

He immediately closed his eyes again as it seemed that somebody was banging
his head with a hammer. After a while the pain in his head subsided and when
he opened his eyes again, he saw himself in the mirror. "Where am I?" It took
him a while to remember where he was, but slowly it all came back to him. They
were searching a house, a woman's house, for something, but what? He shook
his head and wanted to brush his hair out of his face and realized suddenly that 
his hands were tied to the chair. "What the fuck...?"

"Good to see that you are finally awake. I was already afraid that I had hit you 
too hard." A woman suddenly stepped into view and stood in front of him with her 
hands on her hips. 

"You hit me? You did this to... it was you?" he asked disbelieving. But suddenly 
it dawned on him that it was indeed this half-naked beautiful woman who had 
beaten him unconscious and apparently cuffed him to the chair.

She leaned forward, placing her hands on her knees, pushing her breasts forwards. 
"Yes it was me. And now you are going to give me some answers."

"I'm going to tell you nothing." He said as he continued to look at her breasts.

Miranda placed her foot onto his exposed balls and leaned forward. "I'm going to 
squash your testicles if you don't tell me what I want to know." 

She grabbed his chin with her left hand and yanked it upwards. "Do you 
understand me? Well then, tell me, Mike, why David ordered you to break into 
my house."

The number associated with David was the number that was dialed only two 
hours earlier. It was a wild guess but looking at his "How-on-earth-did-she-find-
that-out" look, she knew she had guessed correctly.

"I don't know any David," he answered defiantly, "And how do you know my 
name?"

"Oh Mike, I know a lot of things. And I know you are lying to me now. I don't
like it when men are lying to me." She slapped him hard and leaned forward
putting more weight on his testicles. The effect was astonishing and Miranda had 
to put her hand over his mouth to muffle his screams.

"Will you be a good boy now?"

He nodded and slowly she removed her hand. "I'll ask again; why did David tell
you to break into my house?"

"I don't know; I really don't know," Mike answered quickly as he saw Miranda
starting to lean forward again. "I really don't know. He only told me to get all 
your computers and data."

Fearful he looked up at the bare-breasted beauty who had him immobilized with
her foot. Her shapely leg showed the result of many hours spent in the gym and
he had no doubt that she could really squash his testicles. "Please believe me; 
I was supposed to get your computers and any data I could find."

Satisfied Miranda leaned backwards a bit and Mike sighed in relief. "All right,
Mike; where can I find this David?"

"I don't know, I..." Again Miranda quickly put her hand over his mouth to muffle 
his screams as she leaned forward, flattening his testicles. 

"I don't believe you, Mike, and I already told you what would happen when you 
lie to me."

"I'm not lying, I'm not lying, please, please, I'm not lying, he calls me up,
we only speak over the phone whenever he has a job for me. Please believe me."

Satisfied Miranda looked down at the helpless man. "Good boy; see that wasn't
so bad now was it." She removed her foot from his balls and sat on his lap. "Oh 
Mike, you must really like what I'm doing to you." She giggled as she felt his 
member come to life. "But I don't have time to play."

"What do you..." he couldn't finish his sentence as Miranda placed his head 
between her breasts, completely cutting off air. Cuffed to the chair, Mike was
unable to free himself, and within moments he started to get lightheaded. His 
struggles lessened and it didn't take long before he drifted into unconsciousness 
for the second time.

Satisfied Miranda looked down at the unconscious man. "I'm going to need help
to get rid of these two!" She murmured.