The Story of Ahmed by Sundaram Sundar Ramchandran / zenkalidas / Indiaguy Ahmed was a man in his late thirties.. He was an Uzbek and operated a fleet of trucks that plied across the entire silk route. His trucks plied the routes through Northwest China, the "Stans" of the former Soviet Union, The Urals, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran , through Caucasus (Azerbaijan / Armenia etc) and finally Anatolia. He was also thinking of expanding southward into India / Indonesia as well as eastwards to the pacific and westwards to Southern Russia and Eastern Europe. He did not drive the tricks himself but knew enough about the business to manage the drivers. Like most turks, Ahmed admired strong women but did not even dream of meeting such women in this lifetime pushing these dreams to "life hereafter" in a promised land for those who had lived a good life on this earth. He had recently installed a new automated voice enabled navigation system along with GPS, route planning capabilities etc in his new trucks which also had automated transmission along with cruise control capabilities. These vehicles could be adapted for all terrain driving including amphibian transport and driving across ice. He was so delighted with these features that he could not wait to try driving the trucks himself. His truck drivers were only too eager to oblige. So, he decided to accompany them on a tour of Russia and Southern Europe through Turkmenistan, Caucasus and Anatolia and returning through Kazakhstan. He was a delicate man and the journey not only rigorous but also dangerous not only because of the terrain that was largely mountainous and steep but also because of chance encounters with bears and the rare snow leopard and the more probable (and more dangerous) encounters with gun toting bandits, rebel guerillas and the like who dotted the countryside. But he had a fleet of 20 or more trucks and each of them had 2 or 3 armed guards who were equipped with the state of the art in weaponry. So , they set off in a :"central asian nights" kind of fantasy to the haunting tune of Borodin's "In the steppes of central asia" . Things passed off comfortably but uneventfully when Ahmed decided to try driving the vehicle himself and try out the new features. It was around 11.am on a Sunday Morning. Actually, because of the new features he need not have done anything but he was suddenly distracted by the sight of a fleet of "motor bikers". This was unusual enough but what compounded his bewilderment was the fact all of them seemed to be women and that too older women in the age group (late 20's to late 40's) and their attire was anything but suited to the climate. They were dressed either in miniskirts or shorts (almost as if they were wearing Amazonian attire !!) . It seemed to be a mixed group. Some of them had a ruddy complexion while others had wheatish complexions and both these could have passed for any nationality while the women with darker complexions were clearly latin. All of them had cloth tied around their heads and wore what liked riding or cowboy boots. Then he was struck by a most unusual sight : Some women were riding a herd of buffalo (which was reputed to be notoriously difficult to tame in these parts) which either were in tandem with or followed closely behind the bikers and in fact were loosely tied to the fleet of bikes. All the buffalo seemed fine and some of the women driving them were standing and urging the buffalo on with wild abandon The women also performed dangerous stunts like the buffalo and bike riders exchanging positions without stopping . In fact, it was at one such moment that Ahmed's fleet of trucks encountered these women. Actually, the women were not riding on the main highway but on a side road but due to chance, one of the buffalo had strayed to the highway and now presented an obstacle to Ahmed's fleet. Ahmad should have done nothing and allowed the automated navigation system along with the instantaneous braking system to carry out their tasks but this unnerved him and unfortunately, his truck brushed against the straying buffalo. For a moment, there was complete pandemonium and the struck buffalo presented a pitiable sight but somehow, since the truck had automatically slowed down, no major damage was done and both the buffalo and bike riders had recovered themselves. The only damage was to the dignity of the riders apart from the slight bruises But they were furious and gestured for Ahmed to come down. Instead, the guards and the drivers tried to placate them. After some heated arguments, they seemed to cool down and started walking away when one of them looked up at Ahmed and saw him grinning , though in a sheepish and possibly foolish manner. Instead of being mollified, they decided to teach Ahmed a lesson. By then, the trucks had already accelerated and were speeding up when Ahmed suddenly saw 3 or 4 women dangling up side down and peering at him from the windows. They had used grappling hooks to launch themselves from the buffaloes they were riding on to the front of the truck. Some of them had allowed their bikes to be towed by other riders and launched themselves in a similar manner. What followed was complete mayhem. In spite of blows from the guards, the amazons hung on for dear life from the front and broke the glass so that they could manoeuvre the steering wheel.. Simultaneously, they proceeded to shave poor ahmed;'s head, strip him naked and paint and tattoo him in varied colors till at last poor Ahmed broke down. The guards and the other drivers had threatened the women and rained blows using their hands but to no avail. They were reluctant to shoot and kill the ladies though one of the amazons was hurt on her knee. In spite of this, they continued. Then some of them had the idea of tying him to one of the buffalo, face pressed against the buffalo's rear till in the excitement, one of the buffalo loosened its bowels and poor Ahmed's face was additionally smeared with cow dung. They tied him to a doll like balloon and fastened it to the track The drivers and guards were dumb struck since they did not want to shoot to kill and whatever readiness some of them had shown to shoot was quelled by Ahmed's gestures and unspoken pleas to refrain from doing anything. Meanwhile, they had seen the truck and were impressed. Inside, they found that it was actually like a home with a TV, library, music system, beds (including bunk beds), cooking implements (including a microwave) , a toilet cum bath, and a washing machine. By this time, they had made friends / peace with the drivers and the guards and also felt bad for Ahmed. They had cleaned him up, given him a bath when they could not resist playing some more pranks on him. They had already shaven his beard and mustache but decided to try their hand at painting his face with a beard and mustache. This was also supposed to be an attempt to induce hair growth. They painted his arse with the face of an elephant, they shaved his crotch and painted it with the figure of an other elephant, Similarly , his scalp. It would have looked like the proverbial painting of 4 elephants looking in all 4 directions but for the fact, that they painted the face of an orangutan on his knees. All the while, they kept teasing Ahmed with "We may have the strength / size and intelligence of elephants while you have the skin of a baby elephant" . Some of them even had the idea of placing an oyster in the same place so that it could be induced to grow pearls. As the final denouement, they could not resist putting a miniature camera in his arse, wedging it securely and then programming the camera to respond to signals and to transmit information to their mobiles. They also attempted to put a chip in the same place and program it to process card information (when Ahmed would be goosed with an ATM card)> they took care that there was no bleeding. IN fact, they even succeeded in programming the chip to transmit signals to induce Ahmed's physiological systems to produce paper money but other than as a weight losing mechanism and as an exercise in amusing others, it did not seem practical so they stuck to funds transfers (linked to Ahmed's bank accounts). Over a period of time, the women developed a deep affection for Ahmed (though of course, it did not match Ahmed's love for them) and accompanied him in all his adventures. P.S One of the innovations was to put the steering wheel and the driving mechanisms at the center of the truck (somewhat like in some ships) with a panoramic all round view of the outside world.