JIM AND HIS CAR. By Sundar Ramchandran zenkalidas Jim was now in his early forties. He had lived a fairly sheltered life so far. He lived with his parents and had an affectionate and friendly relationship with them. He had recently brought a new automobile and since his driving skills were not good, he hired a chauffeur who drove him to his appointments. The interiors and the upholstery were very well done and he was very proud of them. But this was not long-lived ... . It so happened that his car along with the occupants, i.e. himself and his driver, came to the notice of a gang of bikers. The most prominent feature of this group of bikers was that they were all mature women (30-50 or thereabouts) and could in no sense be called "chicks". They were dressed in shorts or skirts (almost mini but without the glamour) and wore riding boots that reached up to their knees. They were a motley bunch. Most had a ruddy complexion due to being exposed to the elements. Some were brown. They were a mixed bunch of nationalities ranging from American to Australian (including European, asian , African and Oceanic) They came from many fields. Most of participated in all forms of combat sports , rugby , an Indian game called kabaddi., weightlifting, bodybuilding (though it should be said that muscles did not detract from their femininity). They had superb figures and physiques. Many of them were also motor mechanics, construction workers, crane crews etc and hence could repair their vehicles themselves (the light grease stains on their skirts spoke of the above). It so happened that one day the driver asked Jim to try driving the vehicle himself. Very reluctantly and diffidently, he tried. He drove very slowly and erratically and had a slight brush with the bike of one of the members of the gang. Since no one was injured, they were not really upset but wanted to have a little fun with him. They stopped the car. One of them, a ruddy amazon pulled him out of the car. "Did not get your tricycle today ?", she asked him. He was tongue-tied. The driver sheepishly explained that Jim had a learner's licence. She asked to see his documents. The driver showed the documents. "Can't he speak for himself" she said but let him go. The gang laughed among themselves. Jim and the driver thought that was the end of it. But that was not the end of it. Some days later, Jim had a new expensive computerized semi-automated system installed that could be partly activated by voice and could supposedly autonomously drive the vehicle with some supervision. But of course, this required some testing and validation. Some days after he had the new system installed, on the driver's instructions, jimmy tried to operate the system and was fumbling with it. He thought he had got it right when suddenly, he saw the biker women. He panicked and froze. One particularly ruddy faced amazon performed an acrobatic and daring maneuver and hoisted herself on to the car's carrier with the help of so called "grappling" hooks used to board ships and then attaching herself to this, she broke his windows into a powdery substance without causing injuries to anyone. She then steered the vehicle so that it was moving more regularly. Meanwhile another amazon parachuted inside the car (breaking the roof) still dressed in the skirt-like attire. Together, they experimented with the controls and brought the vehicle to a halt meanwhile tonsuring Jim. The driver could not speak a word. They proceeded to destroy the upholstery. They stripped Jim naked and painted his scalp and body full of spots and smeared him with grease. All this to the tune of Boney M's "Jimmy, I would like to Drive your car ... ... you can have my loving heart and keys and all ... ." After their shenanigans and pranks, the women felt sorry both for hurting jim and also for vandalizing the beautiful car. Jim on the other hand feels a strange sexual stirring. After a few days, both of them were driving Jim (the driver got a paid holiday) in turns. Jim was seated at the backseat wearing what seemed to be knickerbrokers, sorry knickers But wait .. They do not look like real knickers. Nor does this seem like a real shirt. It turns out that the women had painted these on Jim. All the while, the car stereo kept belting out the following refrain : "Jimmy, my heart is full of love, only true love. Jimmy, I would like to drive your car ... you can have my loving heart and keys and all" AFTERMATH A few days later, a man was rescued from a lonely island naked and spotted and painted all over and tied to a doll-like balloon. The rescuers and the man seemed to be familiar to one another and had an affectionate and tearful reunion. The air-plane stereo kept belting out the following refrain: "Jimmy, my heart is full of love, only true love. Jimmy, I would like to drive your car ... you can have my loving heart and keys and all"