A Thing of Beauty

Beyonce' and Shakira Vs Ashanti and Jay Lo

One of the perks of being the leader of a secret international society for
female combat is that once women find out that they can release their
frustrations on their enemies without reprisal and with complete anonymity,
remarkably they come to you with fight proposals.

Beyonce' Knowells (AKA Sasha the Mistress of Pain) was one such lady; Beyonce'
was a bit of a paranoid little person she seem to think everyone was "hatin'
on her" as she would put it with that sexy, flat, country mid- south drawl of
hers. So she became a regular in my celebrity matches challenging various
starlets and singers because of some slight or rumor she heard about. Other
times if she felt threatened by some new comer to the music industry Beyonce'
would challenge her rival to intimidate her.

Beyounce' had never lost a fight so far; agreeing only to one style: 'Extreme
Submission Catfighting' she seemed to be quite adept to it. This style of
fighting took primarily two things that Beyonce' was teaming with, speed and
ruthless cruelty. Realistically any woman can bite, scratch, kick and gauge
but what determines the victor in these situations is who gets the upper hand
first and whoever is willing to inflict the most pain there after until her
opponent relents or is put to sleep or if we stop it.

Beyonce' learned her principals of viciousness from her Mom Tina who
vanquished many a groupie during the days when she and Mr. Knowells Beyonce's
dad and manager were dating and his libido was shall we say a bit
unrestrained. According to our sources Tina schooled her daughter in those
private moments when she was grooming Beyonce's hair (don't be funny it's all
her hair even if she bought it).

"We Knowells women must do one of two things: avoid fighting at all costs or
F()@%! up! the competition before they have a chance to get us". "We have more
to loose than other women do, we are prettier therefore we can get handsome,
virile, good men with money so the other B!%@#es are jealous and hate us".
"You Baby Girl they hate especially because you a very beautiful, talented,
famous and you make you own money, the good men like your Daddy are greatly
attracted to those traits". "Making these h@#$! Fear you on every level even
physically, that's the only way you will get their total respect".

"Mama I can't win every time, what happens when I loose?" the pretty young
lyric soprano inquired earnestly. "Beyonce', we Knowells women never loose"
she said smiling. "Here are some simple techniques to ensure victory every
time: Never agree to anything but a catfight because there are no rules and
you can cheat without any interference or repercussions. "Second, hit first,
the first strike is pivotal, better your opponents recover from you than you
from them". "Third, strike fast no sense in hitting first if you are blocked
or avoided, it takes away the advantage". "Fourth thing is strike continuously
until your opponent is subdued and show no mercy let the ref pull you off the
B!%@#!" "Baby, go for the eyes, the throat, the tits and last but definitely
not least, the P()$$%!" "Yes Mama", said the obedient child.

So when it comes to Beyonce's superior catfighting skills "she get it from her
mama".

Our catfighting matches are the closest things the Battle Clan has to Simba
bouts. These matches are indeed our most brutal and it amazed me how the
most beautiful women gravitated to this kind of pugilism and the richest
men want and will pay the most money to watch, that was no mystery.

Kicking, punching, elbows, butts, scratching, joint locks, limb locks, hair
pulling, clawing, choking and even vaginal attacks were allowed. They were
also the most expensive because we employed the services of plastic
surgeons, oral surgeons, chiropractors and other specialists to reassure
the celebrities and their handlers that the Celebes would be returned to their
original state. We in the Battle Clan never initiated these kinds of
matches it had to be a challenge from one girl accepted by another. Who
were we to deny them their heart's desire.

Beyonce' asked for something really special this time; a tag team match, no
holds barred Extreme Catfight. Beyonce' and Shakira Vs Ashanti and Jay Lo.
Beyonce' never acknowledged gossip publicly but privately it always irked her
and she 'always' sought revenge without checking her sources.

One day Ashanti when insisting to stay in the studio to work harder on her
debut album was reported as saying "this has got to be right y'all this is
gonna be more than Bootiliciuos" Now this could have been a compliment but
Beyonce' did not take it that way. When the gossip was delivered to her it was
not presented in a good light either so Beyonce' delivered her own message;
"Tell that 'little H@#! @$$! Aaliyah wanna be' that Beyonce' is gonna make her
"say my name" like Will Smith playing Ali did that loud mouth N!&&@! In the
movie!" Beyonce' really had nothing against Jay Lo it was little Ashanti that
she wanted. But just to make sure they did not back out she put this in; "And
tell Ms. "Hey H@#!"(A little nickname given to her by comedian Jamie Fox in
one of his monologues) that there will be plenty of @$$ whoopin' left for her
too"

Shakira was undefeated in Simba's South American girl's fight organization.
Shakira was not upset with Jay Lo or Ashanti she actually admired their work.
Shakira did however want to know if Jay Lo was as good in combat as she was on
stage so she gladly accepted when Beyonce' asked her to partner up. What made
her desirable as a partner to Beyonce' was the fact that Shakira was a
formidable fighter, her quick intellect and her teenage-like energy also
training for 5 years with the Gracies in Brazil did not hurt either. The 24
year old Colombian vixen's matches ended usually with her vanquishing her
opponents in no time at all either through fast knockouts or fast submissions.

Jay Lo knew of Shakira's rep and being a natural competitor she just wanted to
know who was tougher. Jay Lo was our Latin Champion but she was often berated
by women of other organizations who thought because we had more civilized
matches considered her a lesser champion so it would be an unofficial Champion
Vs Champion for J-Lo.

Ashanti however had never fought before but was intriguedby the Battle Clan
and a bit pissed at the same time when she received the invitation in the form
of a threat. Jay Lo advised her; "Girl don't worry about Beyounce's B()!!
$#!%! It's just trash talk tryin' to get us off our game" Ashanti usually
ignored "haters" but she knew the proceeds would go to their favorite
charities and this was also a golden opportunity for her to let off some
steam. Also if successful she would be the first to silence the big country
blonde. Confident also in knowing that an athlete like Jay Lo was in her
corner she responded right away talking much smack, "I'd be glad to whoop yo''
@$$ Beyonce' It's been a while since I beat down a loud mouth yella H@#!". So
it was 'on' as they say.

This was to be a Racer X production; he was our Celeb-fight expert. Racer was
in charge of finding the undisclosed vignette, selecting and inviting the
audience, choosing security, and medical staff and editing the videos such
that the stars could deny it was them if a tape or DVD got out.

Being a part of the Battle Clan took intellect, ingenuity, imagination and
being a little sick. Racer had all those qualities and more. He secured the
bunker that the congress was hiding in on 9-11; Colin Powell owed Racer a
favor, something about an apartment match between his wife and the Haitian
president's wife instead of a direct conflict between US forces and Haitian
forces back in the George H.W. Bush's administration. You wondered what he
really said to make the guy back down. Nothing except "my wife against yours
on the carpet, sleeper match no holds barred" Racer gave Mrs. Powell some
pointers and the rest was history. Mrs. Powell blew Good old Racer X away with
her ability to learn and execute grappling moves to perfection! Rumor has it
that just before she put her to sleep Mrs. Powell made the Prime Minister's
wife say, "Mama I don't want no mo'" in six different languages. LOL!;-)
Perhaps the General knew what was good for him when Mrs. Powell said she did
not want the General to run for President and he didn't.

Anyway the night of the event came, the place was packed. Personally I had not
seen so many congressional perverts since the Nixon administration, can't say
who was there but every state was represented.

Beyonce' had a thing for gold so the dawned a golden padded sports bra and a
special g-string, Loki's newest design in vaginal protection a kind of g-
string guard also gold in color the entire outfit was trimmed in black.

Because of her new physique do to her training for the new Austin Powers film
Beyonce' wanted to show off as much flesh as possible; this thrilled us all
beyond words. No matter what we thought of her disposition Ms. Knowells was a
timeless southern beauty unrivaled in her physical proportions. Beyonce' was
not only blessed with a beautiful cover girl face but she had a frame that was
superb in its dimensions: 36-24-38 smooth aureate blemishless skin. Narrow,
delicate but well-developed shoulders, long silken yet sinewy arms with
voluminous rounded delectable and immense battle hardened breasts set
equidistant in between. Now Beyonce' possessed a symmetrically beautiful
abdominal wall that melted into her curvaceous and exciting Tina Turner-like
thighs. Her magnificent slightly augmented robust "sistuh gurl" buttocks
vibrated with anticipation of the action to come as it sat atop Beyonce's long
lovely yet stalwart legs, which completed this feminine ensemble of
unsurpassed pulchritude. Truly Beoyonce' was the perfected version of her mom
Tina, epitomizing "Juvenile's" phrase, "she get it from her mama" Taking her
mom's advice all hair pieces were removed her real hair was braided tightly to
her head and saturated with petroleum jelly as was her face.

Though she was hyped for the battle all other bouts were mere preparation for
Beyonce's dream match; a no holds barred, no disqualification extreme
catfighting match with herself and Kelly Rowland between the former member's
of Destiny's Child LaToya Luckett and LaTavia Roberson. (This one is being
negotiated as I speak) Beyonce' wanted her pound of flesh for the accusations
about her dad and the money lost in the legal settlements, but I digress.

Beyonce' was always developing new and more vicious holds to surprise both her
opponents and the crowd with, her newest, she called The Jurassic Mount and we
could not wait to see it.

Seldom could anything add to such feminine magnificence as possesed by Ms.
Knowells but something did, SHAKIRA. Matching Beyonce' in height Shakira
entered the vignette with Beyonce' side by side wearing essentially the same
outfit, as Beyonce's only Shakira's was black trimmed in gold complementing
her gold and black streaked locks. If one were to cross a runway model with a
track athlete and a beautiful Mediterranean child one might come up with
Shakira. Skin like white gold glistening with the perspiration of confident
expectation. Her long muscle striated body was a sight to behold. Housing
perky gravity defiant breasts, and a flawlessly sexy six pack, curvaceous
athletic thighs attached to a peerlessly proportioned Africanized hips and
glutei completed by attenuated sinewy calves locked and loaded for battle.
Shakira completed the twin towers of beauty.

Ashanti was a petite well-proportioned belle with shinny dark wavy locks tied
in a single braid down the middle of her head. Ashanti's skin was like liquid
cinnamon covering her tasty frame. She dawned a red padded sports bra with
matching Daisy Dukes. Much to all our surprise her arms were larger and much
more muscular than we had ever seen in the past. Obvious to all was the
influence J-Lo had over her in their workouts. Ashanti's legs were petite in
comparison to the other women but powerful in their own right. Like the rest
of her physique Ashanti's small but hardy posterior had the promise of power.

Then there was J-Lo, a portrait flawless beguiling feminine puissance; we
could not make up our mind which was more alluring her exquisitely beautiful
multi-ethnic features or her strong rounded shoulders affixed to firm sinewy
battle ready limbs. A soft butter toned yet chiseled six sectioned abdominal
wall that melted into her sleek curvaceous and stalwart quads, her infamous
African glutei aquiver with anticipation. Win loose or draw J-Lo could only
look good!

Now to the fight; the fighting ground was padded only by thick but coarse dark
blue carpeting.

The first combatants to meet were J-Lo and Shikera, when the gong sounded they
stalked each other consciously both looking for and opening. Suddenly they
sprung at each other like two beautiful flying serpents entangling their
comely limbs mid-air and crashing to the ground in a braided heap. J- Lo was
on top but not necessarily in control as both ladies arms and legs were
wrapped in a tight butter colored knot. Because of the impermeable clench the
girls could only constrict one another hoping that the other would relent in
the struggle for dominance. Their swelter glazed erotic feminine brawn exposed
their uncanny strength as they grunted moaned and groaned doing the horizontal
dance of dominance. Shakira sought to bridge out and Jennifer countered with a
pelvic press causing a sub-battle between their Africanized glutei, which
brought men to his feet with thunderous applause. Pressing up and down butts
aquiver guttural tones echoing throughout the vignette their fans began to
vicariously sweat and gyrate with them.

It turns out that J-Lo was stronger than Shakira but not as supple, Shakira
started to vibrate her hips in that unique and tantalizing fashion she is so
famous for and with the aid of their commingled perspiration she freed one leg
from the knot. Wasting no time the Colombian battle queen targeted the video
starlet's kidney with her heel delivering a steady flow of sharp painful
strikes. Up until now there was no communication between the two except for
the universal language of "asswhoopology" but Shakira had raised the bar which
triggered the South Bronx native to regress;

"Oh shit bitch, is that all you got?!; exclaimed J-Lo. "I got you whore!;
responded Shakira. "Then bring it vagina!" answered J-Lo. "I will whore!" "I
wish this were a breast blade match so that I could slice your tits off!,
declared Shakira. Yea whatever bitch, only thing that matters is the ass
whoopin' you gettin' now!", retorted J-Lo After this little exchange they
resumed screaming and growling at each other. Eventually J-Lo could not stand
the pounding to her kidney area and had to release her leg lock to block. Once
the hip-hop dancer did this Shakira with the speed of a viper locked her in a
guard then began to traverse her leg lock up J-Lo's delicious swelter soaked
frame until she locked a triangle hold cinching J-Lo's arm, neck and head in a
neat little package. J-Lo was in serious trouble; Shakira's hold was a perfect
one completed by the South American vixen grabbing her own ankle lock the hold
down. As Shakira tightened her hold she whipped her sexy sweat glazed torso in
that eel like fashion she is so famous for. Erupting her voluptuous hips like
the end of a whip, abs glistening and pronounced with Janet Jackson-like
perfection Shakira caused further convulsions in her victim's distressed body.
While her moist deliciously puissant thighs were crushing J-Lo the culmination
of every movement caused dual veins to protrude from J-Lo's forehead, her eyes
were full of tears, her chest heaved her breasts furiously, her stomach was
distended, her neck popping as if she was being adjusted by a chiropractor and
her small sexy mouth was filled with foam. With her free hand she sought
desperately to escape from Shakira's terrible hold meanwhile her powerful and
beautiful bottom have was useless to though she was trying feverishly to
establish some sort of stance that would aid her. Eventually with quads and
butt aquiver and calves fully flexed J-Lo slowly squatted then kneeling and
finally lay prone convulsing then suddenly rigid. "Yea! That what I'm talkin'
about Boo!" cheered Beyonce'.

Ashanti was visibly shaken her eyes wide and glassy with fear and shock. Most
of her confidence came from trust in J-Lo's skill as a fighter; to see her
soundly defeated and even more rendered unconscious then carried off on a
stretcher was a nightmare.

Oddly enough the little hip-hop soul video princess did not panic in fact she
displayed great boldness finding Beyonce's eyes and locking hers with them in
defiance. Ashanti smiled, gave Beyonce' "the finger" with both hands, stroked
her left hand over her private part, her right hand over her perk little butt
which she hiked in the air for affect pointing it in the golden country
goddesses direction. Enclosing her hands side by side palms up then she blew
the big soprano a kiss. The crowd roared but Beyonce' was not amused, at all.
"Oh you got jokes, hefa?!" I was gonna have mercy on ya' lil narrow @$$! and
just knock you out but now Beyonce's gonna make you suffa' and "Say My Name!"
We all laughed at Beyonce's threat but little did she realize we were laughing
at how corny, country and mellow dramatic she was.

The gong sounded and surprisingly to everyone especially Beyonce' Ashanti ran
toward her with blinding speed took to the air and delivered a beautiful
flying drop kick. Both feet connected one heel and blade of Ashanti's foot
landing across Beyonce's nose and left cheekbone the other square in the big
Houstonian's mouth. Those dance lessons in her childhood paid off Blood sprung
from Beyonce's face like a busted water main as her head snapped back and she
dropped to her knees like a good catholic at Easter Mass.

We all felt that Beyonce' had no idea where she was but we were wrong, the
golden soprano knew exactly where she was, in trouble. Ashanti immediately
mounted Beyonce' with an inverted scissors and back arm bar then dropped
backward and rigidified her taut little gluteus and thighs to secure the
headlock. "EEEAhhhuhhh!" Beyonce' screamed in agony and frustration. Beyonce'
began to flail her sexy bottom half like a fish out of water but to no avail.
Little Ashanti had such a tight hold on the butter colored songstress that she
turned her at will. Beyonce' slowly but surely ran out of steam; her honey
blonde hair a nappy dented Afro, surrounded by the mixed fragrance of sweat,
tears, blood and foreign womanhood, her lovely face down in her own snott
tears and spittle underneath Ashanti who made a slight conversion with her
elbow lock into a wrist-lock. Beyonce's rump indicated that she had nothing
left as it shook, quivered and humped into a sensual decrescendo; her mighty
legs spread with the imprint of her womanhood exposed and seeming to gasp for
much needed air. Beyonce's squeals and moans subsided to nothing indicating to
Ashanti that she had done the impossible she had silenced "The Mouth of the
South".

Releasing her hold Ashanti slowly repositioned her self crawling on like a
feline settling her crotch over Beyonce's face ready to apply the "coupe de
gras" "CRACK!" Beyonce' strikes a blow to Ashanti's pelvic bone and tender
nadir lips with her forehead; "OH god! My p()$$%!" screamed Ashanti. We were
all astounded, as badly as she was beaten Ms. Knowells was playing possum and
it worked.

Wasting no time at all Beyonce' sunk her teeth into the wash board abs of
Ashanti which caused to yell all the more. Beyonce' removed her teeth from
Ashanti's stomach, turned the little princess over then locked on a cruel
crotch hold pulling her up on all fours crying out like an abused child,
turned her again then mounted her. Now the sun colored vixen sunk her teeth
into Ashanti's neck dug deep into Ashanti's womanhood and with her left hand
into her left mammary with the blades of her feet planted in Ashanti's calf
muscles. Eyes squinting and pouring tears Ashanti bellowed in high pitched
tones begging like a house slave getting the lash for some infraction Beyonce'
for mercy; AAAaahhh! Beyoonce' please get off me AAAaahhhh! Beyonce' I don't
want no more!

Though we were somewhat repulsed by the blood snott and tears we were
impressed by Beyonce' keeping her promise truly it was "a thing of beauty".

G-Man