Tina Turner rips into Ike
By Terry
Tina Turner gets revenge on Ike on pay-per-view


It was a sold-out crowd at the Staples Center for the big fight between Tina
Turner and Ike Turner. It also broke all the records for pay-per-view sales.
It was going to be a cover story in "Sports Illustrated". The winner of the
fight would get a million dollars. Although Tina would gladly kick Ike's ass
for free.

Tina was wearing a robe with printing on the back that read "Tina the
Terminator". Ike's robe read "Ike the Wife Beater".

When Tina's name was announced the crowd erupted in loud cheers. Tina waved at
the fans and flashed a dazzling smile. When she removed her robe the cheers
got louder at the sight of her buff bod. She was super fine! She was a
knockout, and she was going to do some knocking out!

Ike was furious at the enthusiastic reception that Tina was getting. When his
name was announced hardly anybody paid attention because they were still going
crazy over Tina. Ike just got boos and catcalls. When he took off his robe,
there was laughter from the audience. Ike was red with rage.

The referee called the fighters to the center of the ring to review the rules.
Ike had asked for special rules for the fight, and Tina had agreed. The first
round was going to be a traditional boxing match with a referee. If nobody got
knocked out in the first round, then the second round would be a street fight
to the finish. Gloves off. No holds barred. No surrender. No winner until one
of them was knocked out.

After the ref had finished the instructions, Ike snarled at Tina, pointed at
her, and screeched out insults. Big mistake.

Tina calmly responded by flexing her bodacious biceps. That got a loud cheer
from the crowd.

"You sure you want some of these?" she challenged him. Her voice was like
honey, but there was something deadly underneath.

Tina saw a flicker of fear in Ike's eyes. She thought to herself, "You're
mine, sucker!"

She goaded him, "If you were smart, you'd run home to your mama. But you're
too stupid. So I'm gonna' have to beat you down."

That infuriated Ike even more. He hissed like the snake he was.

Smiling sweetly. Tina held out her gloves so they could tap gloves. Ike
snorted rudely, turned, and stomped back to his corner. The crowd booed Ike.

Tina returned to her corner. She stared at Ike with fierce determination. She
banged her gloves together in anticipation. She was going to enjoy teaching
that arrogant butthole a lesson he'd never forget. The scheming rat deserved
the whipping she was going to give him.

And she knew the crowd would love watching her kick Ike's dirty butt.

ROUND ONE

The bell rang to start the fight.

Tina danced to the center of the ring and waited for Ike. She bounced lightly
on her toes.

Ike came out like a locomotive. He immediately swung at Tina's head with a big
right. Tina took it on the gloves, cool and easy.

She answered with a lightning-fast jab. It snapped Ike's head back. The force
of the punch knocked Ike back a few steps. He was surprised by Tina's speed
and power.

The crowd clapped and yelled its approval.

The fighters circled. Ike started the insults again. Tina didn't reply. She'd
let her fists do her talking.

Ike sneered and threw a straight right with all his strength. Tina blocked it
like she was swatting away a fly. She popped him in the face again with a nice
jab and danced away.

Ike lunged at her with a wild left hook. Tina ducked under it and hit him with
a left-right to the ribs. Ike grunted loudly as each punch thudded home.

Tina bobbed up and lifted Ike's chin with an uppercut. Ike walked backwards,
looking at the ceiling. Tina stunned him with a beautiful left hook that
knocked him sideways.

Ike staggered and fell on his ass.

The crowd cheered happily. The sexy soul singer really packed a punch!!

The referee started to count to 10. Ike shook his head to get his eyes to
focus. Tina was a lot stronger than he'd expected.

"Get up, chump!" Tina yelled. "I got lots more for you!"

Ike got to his feet, and the ref motioned for the fight to continue.

Ike heaved a bunch of punches. All of them missed. Tina was able to twist,
lean, duck, and block everything he threw at her. Then she's counterattack,
stinging him with left jabs and short rights. She wasn't going for a quick
knockout. She was saving her power punches for later. First she wanted to
deflate Ike's overblown ego. She'd soften him up before punching his lights
out.

Tina also wanted to give the audience a good show. The crowd was loving it.
They were definitely getting their money's worth.

Ike hit Tina in the stomach. Tina could have blocked the blow, but she didn't
bother. She let Ike's glove bounce harmlessly off her rock-hard abs. She
laughed at the confused look on Ike's face.

Ike couldn't believe it! He tried hitting her solid six-pack again, as hard as
he could. It was like hitting a brick wall.

Tina gave him a big grin. "Is that all you got? Now it's my turn."

She drove a terrific punch into Ike's belly, burying her entire glove in his
flabby gut. Ike gasped like a cannonball had landed in his stomach. His eyes
bugged out like a frog.

The crowd hooted with delight.

Ike bent forward, making his head an inviting target. Tina accepted the
invitation. She hooked both hands to Ike's exposed head. Then she drove her
fist upward into his face, knocking him erect.

She fired another punch into Ike's soft potbelly.

The crowd went nuts.

Ike grabbed his aching belly and sank to his knees. He gasped for breath as
the referee started to count. Ike struggled to his feet just before the ref
got to 10. He was still groaning and holding his belly.

"What's wrong, Ike?" Tina taunted him. "Got a tummy ache?"

Like a cat playing with a mouse, Tina went on the attack again. She moved
beautifully, sticking and moving, feinting with one hand and scoring with the
other. Her punches kept connecting.

Ike's punches kept missing. He was getting more angry and frustrated. Tina was
wearing him down. He tried to stop her punches, but the muscular beauty
smashed through his gloves with ease.

The crowd was impressed. Tina was obviously in command of the fight. She was
getting stronger and more confident. Ike's punches were getting weak and
sloppy.

Tina grinned playfully at Ike. "Isn't this fun?" POW!

No, Ike wasn't having any fun at all. He was already exhausted. Tina was using
him as a human punching bag. And she made it look so easy that he felt like a
fool. Ike had been a bully all his life, and now Tina was giving him a taste
of his own medicine. The crowd was laughing at him.

In desperation Ike clinched with Tina and tried to tie her up. But she was too
strong for him to hold her. She hit him in the ribs with punches so hard they
made his teeth rattle.

Ike tried to head butt her, but Tina had expected the slimy dog to try
something like that. She shifted so that his face fell on her shoulder. She
felt Ike's teeth going for her ear. She prevented that by planting her fist
deep in Ike's belly and keeping it here until the ref pulled them apart.

The ref warned Ike about the head butt. The crowd was booing Ike.

Tina pounced on her opponent and punished him with a flurry of punches. She
bapped his head around like a speed bag.

Ike clinched again and tried to clear his head. The crowd jeered him. Tina
threw him off with contempt. She hit him with a quick double uppercut and a
roundhouse right that sent him reeling across the ring. Ike fell into the
ropes and hung there, woozy and weak.

A resounding cheer came from the fans as they jumped up from their seats.

Tina ripped into Ike's torso with a series of left and right hooks. Her arms
pumped like pistons as she pounded his poor body relentlessly.

When Ike lowered his guard, she went to work on his head, knocking him silly.

The bell rang. But Ike didn't hear it. The bells in his head were ringing too
loudly.

Tina reluctantly stopped hitting Ike. She stepped back. Ike crumbled to the
ground. He moaned and groaned pitifully.

Tina mocked him, "Did that hurt, baby? That was nothing! I was just warming
up!"

The foxy boxer turned and strolled back to her corner. She wasn't even
breathing hard. She blew kisses to the adoring crowd as they chanted her name.
"Ti-na! Ti-na! Ti-na!"

She was dynamite!

Tina was so eager for the next round that she didn't sit down. She watched
with amusement as the battered bum got up and weaved around the ring like a
drunk. He finally found his corner and plopped down on his stool.

Ike looked like crap. He had two black eyes, a broken nose, and he was missing
some teeth. His body was black and blue from Tina's punches.

Tina pulled off her gloves. She wanted to feel Ike's skin. She had special
plans for the little weasel.

With a big smile Tina turned to the crowd. She showed them her biceps proudly
and threw her gloves out of the ring. That really got a rousing reaction from
the crowd. She flexed her arms a couple more times, pumping up her biceps and
the crowd.

"Ti-na! Ti-na! Ti-na!"

Ike was looking at Tina with hatred. She had beaten him badly in the first
round, and he craved revenge. He had a sneaky gleam in his eyes. He ripped off
his gloves. He cackled an evil laugh. Now he was going to really fight dirty.

ROUND TWO

The bell rang for the "street fight" round to begin.

The Staples Center filled with the sound of thousands of fans shouting
encouragement to Tina.

Tina shot out of her corner. Ike stood up slowly from his stool and came at
her, wild-eyed. His teeth were snapping like a wild dog. His hands were
outstretched for Tina's throat.

Tina greeted Ike with a sledgehammer right cross, nailing him on the nose and
mashing it flat. Ike squealed and backed away.

"Hi, Ike! How'd that feel? Now maybe you won't be sticking your nose where it
doesn't belong."

Ike bellowed in pain and fury. He charged like a wounded bull, his fingers
like claws to gouge at Tina's eyes.

She stopped him cold with a spin kick to the head. Then she delivered a
powerful kick to his chest that propelled him backward across the ring. He hit
the ropes and bounced back. Tina whomped him with a kick to the face. The
little runt went down hard.

"Ooooohs" and "Aaaaahs" came from the crowd.

Ike lay sprawled on his back, seeing stars. Slowly, very slowly, he got to his
hands and knees.

Tina kicked him in the ass. He fell forward on his face.

The crowd let out an uproarious laugh.

Tina dropped onto Ike's back with both knees. Quickly she straddled him. She
clasped both hands under his chin and pulled, bending him backwards.

Ike whimpered and tried to break free. Tina leaned back and pulled harder.
Then she got him in a chokehold with her right arm, squeezing his throat
between her hard biceps and forearm. Ike let out a strangled gasp. He
frantically tried to pry Tina's arm loose, but it kept tightening like a vise.

"Your rules, Ike. No holds barred. Remember?"

Tina released her hold, letting Ike's face smack onto the floor.

Tina rolled over onto her side and clamped her strong legs around Ike's body
in a scissors hold. Ike gasped in pain as Tina's grip tightened. The muscles
in her thighs stood out like pythons as she increased the crushing pressure.
Ike thrashed around helplessly. Tears streamed from his eyes. He banged the
ground with his fists.

The crowd was going crazy1

Finally Tina unlocked her legs. She pushed Ike away with one foot, rolling him
onto his back.

Quick as a cat, she sat on his chest and pinned his arms under her knees.
"Who's the boss?" she shouted. She hit him with right and left hooks, rocking
his head from side to side. "You're not so cocky now, are you?"

Tina sprang to her feet. Ike lay on his back, crying like a baby.

"Get up!" Tina yelled, stomping on his stomach. "I'm not done with you yet!"

Ike was afraid to get up. The crowd booed and screamed for him to get up.

The treacherous little worm tried to grab Tina's leg and bite her, but she
snapped a knee into his face.

Whimpering, Ike frantically tried to crawl away from her.

Tina reached down, grabbed Ike's hair, and yanked him to his feet. He yelped
in protest.

"Stop whining!" Come on and fight!" she challenged him.

Tina threw some feints. Ike cowered away like a frightened puppy. Tina forced
him backwards, cutting off the ring.

Panicking, Ike made a last ditch attack, flailing wildly at Tina. She easily
blocked his feeble punches and stopped him dead in his tracks with a
machine-gun burst of jabs. Ike backpedaled again.

Like a tigress ready to rip into her prey, Tina stalked Ike and maneuvered
into a corner. He tried to slither away, but she grabbed him and flung him
back against the post.

Tina closed in for the kill. Ike raised his hands to protect his face. Tina
laughed and went to the body. She pinned him to the post with a brutal punch
to the stomach.

It felt like she'd sunk her fist deep in a big marshmallow. She liked the way
it felt, so she did it again.

The fans laughed and cheered and shouted for more. "Hit him again! Harder!"

Tina aimed to please. She dug into Ike's belly again. She put a lot of muscle
behind it and lifted him almost off his feet.

The crowd whistled and yelled deliriously.

Ike clutched his stomach with both hands and folded forward.

Tina straightened him up with an uppercut. She followed with a picture-perfect
hook that spun him around like a top.

The fans leapt up and thundered with excitement.

Ike cringed in the corner, sobbing and begging for mercy.

Tina shrugged with mock sympathy. "Sorry. No winner without a knockout. That's
what you wanted," she reminded him. "But I'll be nice to you. I'll put you out
of your misery. With these..."

Tina kissed both her fists. Ike's face went white with fear.

The whole crowd was on its feet now, clamoring for Tina to finish him off.

Tina grinned at Ike and winked. "Sweet dreams, baby," she purred. "You'll be
waking up in an emergency room."

Tina unleashed a ferocious barrage of punches. She hammered Ike from every
angle. It felt so good to release all her pent-up anger for his physical and
verbal abuse. She beat the crap out of him. It took a lot of punches because
he was so full of crap.

All those hours in the gym were paying off. The power of Tina's punches made
Ike's body quiver down to his toenails.

The crowd was going wild! They stomped their feet and whooped and hollered.

Tina cocked her fist back for the knockout blow. But it wasn't necessary. Ike
was already unconscious. His body fell to the canvas like a sack of dirty
laundry.

The arena exploded in a mighty roar.

Tina looked down at Ike's limp body with satisfaction. She thought to herself
that a Rolling Stone photographer would definitely need to be sent to the
hospital to take pictures of Ike's injuries.

The referee lifted Tina's arm and declared her the winner. He handed her a
check for a million dollars.

A jubilant cheer went up from the crowd.

Tina raised her hands in victory. She jumped up and down in celebration.

The whole place rocked with pandemonium.

Tina smiled from ear to ear. She walked around the ring, waving at the fans
and basking in the wild cheers. The walls vibrated with "Ti-na! Ti-na! Ti-na!"