The Barefoot Woman By Jack A female self-defense instructor and her students beats ten drug dealers into pure agony. My name is Hollis Johansen and I have been running my business ,The Barefoot Woman, for exactly two years now. Let me just say the results have been fabulous. It has been so wonderful to watch so many woman grow, empower themselves, free their feet from he confines of shoes, and learn to kick the living shit out of badguys. Let me explain: I have been a professional fighter and martial artist for most of my life. Basically, the three things I hate with the greatest passion are shoes, socks, and bullies, so I took to martial arts from the age of 4 or 5. I was raised by my mother who was a total hippy, so that's probably where I get the love of female empowerment and 24/7 sheer barefooted bliss. I beat the living shit out of the school bully when I was 6. That's when I realized the incredible power of a girl who could not only fight, but basically wipe the floor with the badguys. Since then, I've studied and competed in practically every form of fighting there is, and if I do say so myself, I very rarely lose. By high school, any bully who saw me walking toward him with that angry look I get when I see cruelty and injustice would go from cocky to sheer terror in about 3 seconds flat. Because I would make it a point not just to beat up the bullies, but to do it publicly, where everyone could watch and enjoy the slimebag get his just desserts. I took my time, I cracked jokes, and I made sure they were so thoroughly humiliated that no one would have even an ounce of fear if they tried it again. In my mid-20's, I was starting to get bored, and I didn't know what I wanted to do with myself. I had a Master's Degree in business, and I'd studied every fighting form and personal improvement theory I could find. But my problem with the martial arts has always been the idea that one can only fight in self-defense. I personally believe that my skills carry with them a duty, and I am more than happy to dish out ass-whoopings if I feel someone has it coming! No, I much prefer the ideas that some of the leaders of the women's self- defense movements believe: that any man who attacks a woman deserves to be beaten up so badly that he'll never even dream of trying it again! Two years ago I started The Barefoot Woman with the following ideals: 1) Every woman can not only defend herself, but can outfight any man, if properly trained. A lot of people laugh, but I'll defend this to the end. An untrained woman will lose to a man 90% of the time, while a trained woman will totally one-sidedly demolish any man and his six toughest friends, regardless of their strength and training. We are graceful, emotional, intuitive ... and basically, you never want to mess with a pissed- off woman. 2) Improving a woman's spiritual well-being will open her up to amazing possibilities. That is why we don't just teach fighting skills, but yoga, nutrition, meditation and dozens of other methods to take women to the next level. And the results have been fantastic. One of my students, Beth, was terrified to even talk to a man. Worst of all, she had been run out of her previous job and town by a supervisor who harassed, stalked, and raped her. I found her behind a club one night being harassed by three assholes who wanted something she didn't want to give. That was probably the most satisfying set of beatings I have ever delivered. They laughed when they saw this Bohemian long-haired babe padding across a grimy alley with calloused bare feet; they laughed harder when I told them that men who behaved like them deserved to be beaten into bloody pulps. About five minutes later, they were bawling like babies, begging for mercy, and spitting out their broken teeth! I'm proud to say those three slimebags are now in prison, and the prison psychiatrist says they have uncontrollable nightmares about the barefooted beating I dished out on them. Six months later, Beth was the supervisor at her office, she had more dates than she knew what to do with, and her bare feet were on almost constant display. But the story doesn't end until you hear that Beth took a trip back to her old town, beat that former employer up so badly that spent a month in the hospital, and testified against him in court for rape. He's doing a lot of time now, and seeing that same prison psychiatrist. 3) Men are wonderful. I have been married for a year now to an amazing man, and it has been the happiest time of my life. Good men should be prized and treasured. Every woman in my program attracts guys left and right, and they've all earned the self-confidence to stick to the good ones! It's only the badguys who me and my ladies visit with fists and bare feet. 4) Any woman who can has an obligation to dish out justice. Now, there are many ways to fight and many types of fights. Sometimes, we do simply want to defend ourselves and overcome the opponent with as little fanfare and violence as possible. But there are also times when it is a moral obligation to beat a badguy into the worst pain and fear of his life. Over the past two years, my tough, calloused feet have demolished 53 criminals and put them into prison. My students in various situations have put 103 other criminals into legal and medical trouble. It is so important to know the law. I never want my students to misuse their abilities, nor I do I want them to be afraid of using their fists because of legal repercussions. It's very simple ... fight for good, beat the snot out of evil, and you'll be OK. And that's one thing I love about the spirit, emotion, and intuition of women. We know what justice is, and thanks to my program, there are a lot more women who know how to enforce it. (Again, I can't say enough about my amazing students: I learn more from them than they could ever learn from me. Last night, one of my best students, a 118-lb.-college student named Laura found out that the four most popular guys at one of the major fraternities on her campus were raping girls and videotaping the results. She is probably one of the most beautiful girls you could ever meet, inside and out, and she invited these four guys over to her apartment to have a good time, and she wanted them to bring the tape. Needless to say, they were there! Imagine their surprise when they found all 18 of the rape victims there waiting for them. Laura explained very simply that the four of them were going to spend the next 5-20 years in prison for rape because she had convinced every girl to testify. Terrified, one of the guys grabbed a knife and threatened to kill anyone who talked. That was all the legal predication Laura needed, and this tiny little barefooted girl proceeded to punch, kick, chop,etc. all four boys until they lay on the ground begging for her to stop beating them. The police arrested them, and all four boys were carried off in an ambulance! Laura is an amazing girl, and one of the truly barefoot women I know.) 5) Finally, and perhaps most importantly: BARE FEET, BARE FEET, BARE FEET! As far as I'm concerned, no woman should wear ANYTHING to constrain the natural beauty of sheer barefootedness that is unique and inherent to women. My husband is my opposite, he wears shoes everywhere. What can I say, pure barefooted bliss is, I believe, a uniquely female state, and I can't stand the idea the there are so many women who hold themselves short on this. Myself, I can hardly stand 5 minutes of wearing flip-flops, let alone any real shoes. But, I suppose you probably want to hear one of my stories, so I'll get to it. I work closely with a number of organiztions when it comes to, shall we say, cleaning up trouble. The police have rules, and heaven knows, I'm not a supporter of them breaking the law to catch criminals. But a civilian like me has slightly different rights. Not only that, a woman has a much easier legal time getting away with beating badguys silly than a man does. And three days ago, I'm proud to say that I put ten drug dealers into the worst pain and longest prison sentences of their lives. Miller Park officials had been alerted to the fact that drug dealers were doing business on their grounds. I was contacted and asked if I could solve the problem in a way that might give these poison merchants exactly what they deserved. I grinned and assured them that the problem would be cleaned up in no time. And the blood would wash away if I did this outside. My husband is not only the sexiest man alive (I know, I'm biased) and an absolute genius, but he also works in surveillance. He tracked our offenders, and found out that five of them would be meeting for "business" in one of the rear clearings of the park. He also found out that they usually had five body guards in the woods around them on watch. Jill is a secretary with a law firm. She has terrific physical strength. When she beats up a man, it's usually very fast, very bloody, and extremely painful. She took the day off work, and put the biggest of the bodyguards into unconsciousness in about 15 seconds. He also had two black eyes, a broken nose, no remaining front teeth, a set of broken ribs, and ... well, apparent four of the lightning-fast-est barefooted kicks to the groin did some real damage! I told you about Beth. She's a girl after my own heart. She's so overwhelmed with compassion and caring for others that the "badguys" of the world fill her with the exact same loathing that they do to me. She always volunteers for these little missions. And I have to say, I always feel the slightest tinge of pity for the poor sleazebag who gets assigned to her pretty bare feet. These guys were both ex-Navy Seals who gave up serving our country and went over to the other side. They got $10,000 per day apparently. Once Beth had them both on the ground begging for mercy, she made them strip down to their underwear and socks (we get to go barefoot, they don't!) and smear themselves with some nearby dog manure. Then she made them eat it. I love Beth, but she is a bit crazy. Laura is another one I'd told you about. She's studying to be a social worker. Boy, is she another justice fanatic. We just get so angry when hear about people making obscene amounts of money off of other people's suffering. As she takes the worthless piece of shit apart, bit by bit, she gives her victim a lecture on morality, decency, and civic duty. Then, she squeezes the bastard's testicles until he passes out. And I demolished the last one. God, I hate drug dealers. I've seen the way they live and the lives they destroy. Now, I could never kill a man, but fortunately I don't have to. Beating a sleazeball like this into a blubbering mess usually seems to take care of my need for justice. That and showing up at their trial and seeing them get the hard time they deserve. I make sure that every girl who is responsible for getting them there is there in the front row for their testimony. The moment they try to lie their way out, the same lethal bare feet that brought them here go up on the railing. As the man sees those dirty calloused but irresistibly sexy soles, he usually breaks out crying and confesses to everything he's done since age 12! My favorite trial, though, involved a mob boss who had tried to murder the star witness. Well, Jill and Laura walked that witness safely into court. That mob boss ran in terror as his goons tried to take care of the bailiffs. Jill and Laura beat every one of those goons senseless, while I chased down the Mob boss and beat him shitless. But excuse me, I'm hear to beat up the last bodyguard. (This is Part 1. Part 2 will be coming soon.)