Corbin: The College Years, part 8

The amazing true story of a girl (that’s me) who simply refuses to conform.

Pre story rant!

I wanted to backup a little and vent on my High School experience of that wonderful topic of ‘Dating’.

Dating for me was probably the most aggravating part of High School, simply because I really didn’t make it a priority which seemed to set off a chain reaction of events I was simply not prepared for. The fact that I was so flippant/nonchalant/aloof (pick one) only seemed to aggravate everyone around me who DID make it THEIR priority. If I started hanging out with some boy, then suddenly it seemed expected for me to become friends with his friends and his friend’s girlfriends (got that?)…even if I couldn’t stand them…make sense?

Then there were the guys that seemed to razz me publicly for being athletic and lifting weights (don’t worry, I know it was just a form of flirting), because they would just turn around and privately pursue me like rabid dogs…calling me, leaving me notes on my car…in my locker…give me a break…totally confusing…but I understood they had their fragile little egos to keep intact and it was more of the *in* thing to date a girly-girl then a fashion wreck like myself. Maybe that’s not a fare characterization of myself; I simply just rolled out of bed and pulled on my underwear, shorts, tee shirt and sneakers and off to school I went, that was the extent of my attention for primping for school. It wasn’t a conscious effort on my part to snub people, I really believe I was just more focused on sports and studying, my parents drilled into my brain the importance of excelling academically, besides I saw what a mess dating was making of my friends, but I think they loved the chaos it created in their lives.

I didn’t go to the prom, in fact I didn’t go to many dances at all, just more social crap to deal with. By my senior year, depending on who you asked I was either a snob, or a lesbian; The lesbo tag was something that got hung on me in the gossip circle by some girls after I turned down several guys for dates. You see, the fact was this mean spirited gossip all started over the fact that I was asked out first…that’s right, it seems that some girl’s got their egos bruised when several guys bypassed the self-imposed popularity hierarchy by asking me out first before asking out certain more popular girls. Ego’s further bruised by the fact that I also suspected they spent a good hour or two primping in the mirror and I simply trudged down the hallway in my dirty sneakers everyday as their boyfriends stared me down with lustful intentions.

Now, why would I turn down some of the hottest boys on our school campus? I can sum it up in one word “Manners”. Seems some of these boys who asked me out thought that because ‘they’ knew they were popular and attractive meant it was expected of me to automatically accept a date invitation…I DON’T THINK SO! Look, I’m not out to prove a point here, but I am very…very picky. I may not have standards when it comes to dressing and combing my hair all the time, but when it comes to who I hang out with I do have very high standards. Now that I think about it maybe that’s what got all the guys jazzed up, the fact that I didn’t need to dress up or wear makeup to be attractive. Hell, I don’t know…I’m just venting…

The College Years Part 8

(I know, not the most exciting title, but hell I needed to call it something)

I sat up…shit, I mean Corbin sat up…(I am getting fucking tired of this third person-first person crap, I spend half the time editing this junk because I float in and out of the two modes, this writing stuff is damn hard).

Let’s try this again…

Corbin sat up, propping herself up on her elbows as she looked around the room, the clock read “9:45am” and there was Sharon, sound asleep in her bed. Corbin had not even heard her come back into the room, god only knows what time she got in from the party.

By the time Corbin stepped out of the bathroom from taking a shower, Sharon was now up, sitting on the edge of her bed rummaging her hands thru her tangle of long brunette hair.

“Hey, how do you feel?” Corbin asked, her tone borderline between cautious and optimistic. Sharon’s response came after some delay, causing Corbin to wonder if she had even heard her. Sharon, while hung over a bit was still very pissed off at Corbin, she had to listen to a whole lot of shit when she got back to the party, and still she found herself defending Corbin. It really irked her that Corbin could not make some effort to make amends.

“Oh, so-so, bit of a hang over, you want to go get some breakfast” Sharon looked up suddenly. The comment caught Corbin a bit off guard, not because of the request for breakfast, but because there was a tone to the request that seemed to indicate an ulterior motive on Sharon’s part…something anxious.

“Sure, sounds good” Corbin nodded while tying her tennis shoes, yet the whole time she was thinking ‘Sounds like hell’. Sure enough, Corbin detected it…that awkward, forced dialogue between two people dancing around until the real issue was to eventually be brought up. But it didn’t come with a *bang*, instead with that of a simple, soft sigh on the part of Sharon as she set her cup of coffee down.

“We’ll, you’ve done it now,” Sharon finally said after her much exaggerated ‘sigh’.

”Done what?” Corbin looked up from her just served breakfast platter of a bagel and nova.

“Combined with that little stunt of yours last night, you’re getting a reputation as being a VERY stuck up…SQUARE girl…” Sharon leaned in and drew a square in thin air with her finger.

“Oh, I don’t care about that” Corbin shrugged, while spreading some cream cheese on her bagel. But that was a partial lie, but it was more important that she keep her emotional defenses up.

“Yeah, that’s the problem; you don’t give a shit…” Sharon continued to level her eyes at the blonde, but they contained a much harder look.

“…look Sharon...” Corbin groaned as she set her bagel back down on her plate as she leaned back into her booth.

“Look nothing!” Sharon leaned in, her voice low but with a noticeably hard edge to it, “The world doesn’t revolve around you Corbin…”

“Nor you Sharon” Corbin spat back, equally sure to keep her voice low.

“No shit, but I’m trying to make inroads into this College, trying to build a future for myself and make new friends, not just go to class and collect grades” Sharon’s face was blushing a bit with emotion as she delved right into the matter at hand.

“I have sports” Corbin wrinkled her brow at the insult and gave a shrug.

“Just gymnastics!” Sharon waved her hand in the air as a quick dismissal.

“And Soccer” Corbin raised and eyebrow as she commented in return.

"Soccer?" Sharon repeated dumbfounded, "What about gymnastics?! Where the fuck did Soccer come from?" She asked with concern.

"Well, there are several reasons behind that decision; First, I've been playing with some of the girls on the field, you know just messing around, and it turned out I'm a little quicker then some of the ones who have been doing it for years. And my strength seems to give me an advantage also and I have more endurance then allot of them too…which is strange because of the amount of running on the filed, but I don’t think they really take care of themselves as well I do. So, I guess that’s why I’m in better shape".

Sharon couldn’t believe what she was hearing, it was as if Corbin had this all planned out…and for some amount of time too. "So just like that, they are going to let you be on the team? And what about your gymnastics!" Sharon had gotten totally side tracked by her original goal of the conversation, she couldn’t believe Corbin was actually involved in some activates that Sharon was totally unaware of.

“The past few years have been allot tougher then you realize Sharon, I’ve grown taller and filled out. It’s gotten allot harder on my body and joints to perform all of those routines, I just can’t keep up with those freaky little girls flipping and flying thru the air, well not freaky, but their smaller frame size is tough to compete against”

“We’ll you’re just naturally muscular, maybe if you went on a strict diet to get thinner…did you think about that?” Sharon spoke as she stabbed her salad with her fork with irritation, she didn’t like it when Corbin made these decisions without her and more so, she was irritated that Corbin was making friends with the ‘soccer girls’. Not that Sharon had anything against the ‘soccer girls’ but she was a possessive friend and hated how Corbin seemed to still have some super secret side to herself.

"A strict diet?” Corbin almost spit her food out of her mouth, “I’m like five-foot-ten now Sharon! I’m an Amazon compared to those girls on the team and I think I carry my build just fine and I’m not going to torture myself with diets hoping to force my ‘Square’ body into a round hole. It just won’t work and as for getting on the Soccer Team, I’ll have to wait for tryouts and start practicing and stuff, but the Coach, he's kind of started to take notice of me, so I think they might pull some strings"

"Oh, THE Coach, has started to notice you, we’ll isn’t that special, I bet he noticed you alright” Sharon snickered to herself.

“That’s terrible” Corbin said, “Nothing of the sort goes on like that!” Corbin acted totally repulsed and shocked.

“Oh, you’re so correct, what a totally shocking suggestion. Some facility member drooling over a female student, that is so unheard of!” Sharon shook her head in mock disgust.

“Can we change the subject!” Corbin leaned across the table.

“Yeah, we need to, so let’s get back to the matter at hand” Sharon sipped on her glass of water.

“Forget it” Corbin said in a firm voice

“Forget what?” Sharon looked up.

“I am not apologizing, cause I know that this is where you were going all along”.

Sharon’s lips tensed as she sat back in her booth, but her look wasn’t so much one of anger but one of hurt, “Thanks Corbin, thanks for making so much effort” Sharon fidgeted with the napkin in her lap.

“An effort? An effort for whom Sharon?” Corbin quizzed suspiciously.

“How about for me? As a friend Corbin, and thanks allot for keeping your little soccer plans a secret from me, I guess you would have eventually gotten around to sharing that decision with me” Sharon picked her fork up nervously and played some more with her salad.

“For you Sharon? I’m the one that jerk grabbed back at the party, I mean what the hell!” Corbin shook her head in disbelief, “And I was going to tell you about Soccer, but your always so busy with your ‘social plans’”

Sharon figured, there was no use beating the subject any longer, she could keep arguing or just drop it. For a couple of minute they sat in silence as both seemed to see if a mutually unspoken truce had been reached, until Sharon finally spoke up; “Okay, fine, fine…but look, seriously, if you want to pursue Soccer that’s just dandy, not as glamorous or elegant as Gymnastics, but I’m sure it will be okay.” Sharon sighed out her comment with a less then enthusiastic tone. When the brunette looked up from her salad she just froze, “What?” she blurted out as Corbin was just sitting there staring at her, with a very serious expression, one that bespoke anger more then anything else.

“What? What’s wrong now?” Sharon slumped her shoulders forward.

“Could you spare me the derogatory remarks” Corbin replied, a slight look of hurt in her eyes. Sharon frowned a little, remembering how bitchy her comments come out sounding sometimes.

“I’m sorry” Sharon said with a frown, and looked back down pushing the leaves of the salad around with her fork. “I’m just teasing, no harm intended. I guess you just totally caught me off guard with your decision. But your super at whatever you set your mind to, so I'm sure you'll do great" Sharon looked back up and smiled.

”Thanks” Corbin tried to smile, but it came out a little forced as she went back to eating. A minute of awkward silence still managed to fill the space between them as Sharon sat. Sharon looked across the table and blocked out all of her thoughts to simply contemplate what was going on, Corbin seemed totally entertained with her breakfast and it amazed Sharon how her friend seemed to have her own little world that she moved around in. A slight wave of guilt hit Sharon over the fact that it had taken a long time for Corbin to fully open up to her and it was frustratingly difficult to read the blonde’s moodiness at times.

“Look, I’m sorry okay” Sharon said with a much more desperate tone, “but sometimes I can’t read you, and I can’t tell when it’s okay to joke around and when it’s not okay”. That comment, or attempt on Sharon’s part didn’t go over well again, evident in the tense way Corbin suddenly swallowed her food and leaned back in her booth, her full lips tensing.

“So let me get this straight…” Corbin said, Sharon watched as Corbin’s left hand crumbled a napkin in a fit of aggravation.

“Look if you’re going into a defensive mode, then let’s just…” Sharon snapped back.

“No…no…just wait a second, let me finish Sharon” Corbin leaned in, angry now, “I just want to understand what came out of your mouth…”

Sharon proceeded to shift in her seat, adjusting her skirt, fighting back the words that wanted to fly out of her mouth, although she knew she was totally unjustified in this case. “Fine, go ahead” She gripped.

“You’re basically saying…” Corbin leaned in, lowering her voice, “…that because you ‘CANT READ ME’, that it’s my fault you make insensitive comments?”

“That’s not fair, that’s not what I’m saying, I don’t always do that…” Sharon started to lean over the table, also now speaking with a somewhat intense tone. Both girl’s were in a mirrored face off, both leaning forward over the table, their faces inches apart.

“Yes! Yes you do! You make crappy sarcastic comments all the time! Allot more then you are willing to admit! And it’s absolutely insulting to sit here and listen to you rationalize your bad behavior…” Corbin spat.

“Your just being OVERLY-Defensive now and beating me up because you’re having a hard time fitting in here at school” Sharon interjected, pointing her finger at Corbin. But almost instantly she regretted making that comment, it was purely mean-spirited. As if on cue, Corbin suddenly leaned back in her seat, an obvious look of hurt on her face, but how much pain Sharon’s comment had caused was hard to decipher as Corbin was putting up her best mask to hide her emotions.

“I’m sorry” Sharon pleaded, and her hard, defensive look turned soft and emotional. But Corbin would have none of it and quickly looked down at her purse, sitting off to her right, all the while her heart pounding in her chest,

“Once again it’s my fault, right? All my fault” Corbin’s jaw flexed as she reached in withdrawing her share of the lunch and threw some cash on the table.

“I’ve got it!” Sharon quipped as she grabbed her purse.

“Whatever” Corbin said and slide out of the both to stand up.

“Wait, where are you going?” Sharon fumbled for her purse and looked up in shock.

“You think I’m going to sit around and argue…banter…whatever! While you try and blame me…insult me, no thank you” Corbin quickly walked down the row of booths, several male students pausing and watching her walk by, then a brunette was quickly following not far behind.

“I said I was sorry” Sharon called out after her.

Corbin glared over her shoulder and shot back, “So what!” as if the apology didn’t make anything better, Sharon’s attempt to verbally settle things was not going to work this time. Corbin stepped out into the sidewalk in front of the Café, she turned to her right and started walking back towards campus, a cool wind caught her head on and it felt good as she took a deep breath.

“Corbin! Wait!” She heard Sharon call out, and a couple of seconds later the brunette was at her side, “I can’t believe you just walked out like that!” Sharon huffed.

“You see me walking out don’t you? I’m not going to argue with you Sharon…”

“I don’t want to argue either!” Sharon pleaded, which totally baffled Sharon as she was never…ever one to chase down a friend or make desperate attempts to make amends. But then again, as mad as she was at Corbin right now and Sharon was sure Corbin was just as mad at her, there was something that kept them together. Corbin suddenly stopped and pointed at Sharon with her left finger, causing the brunette stop abruptly “And I’m not going to be insulted or blamed for any of this, nor do I want to listen to your belittling backhanded apologies!” and then started walking away again.

“I’m sorry, okay, look…will you stop!” Sharon tugged on the back of Corbin’s shirt. Finally, Corbin started to slow down and looked around silently pointing to a small common area with a bench to sit on. The two girls quietly walked over to have a seat, a large oak provided some shade from the bright sun. Sharon collected her thoughts and folded her hands on her lap, “I really mean it, I am sorry, okay?” Sharon leaned forward trying to get the blonde to look at her, and eventually Corbin turned and did look her in the eyes, taking a deep breath. It was a little reassuring to see Sharon looking extremely emotional, as if it was finally getting thru to her how upset Corbin was with her.

“Well, I’m waiting” Corbin said folding her left leg over her right.

“Waiting for what?” Sharon leaned back defensively.

“The usual crappy comment that follows your apology, so you don’t have to take any of the blame” Corbin said with an unemotional and stern stare. It was hard and bitter to listen to, probably the most painful thing for Sharon was seeing how angry Corbin was with her, so angry that they were now saying mean, spiteful things to one another.

“Okay, go ahead, beat me up. I know I’m not perfect, but this has to be a two way street you know” Sharon tensed up, knowing that Corbin might take it wrong.

“What Sharon?” Corbin in fact bristled with defensive posture, “Why do you want a two way street with someone that ‘doesn’t fit in’ Corbin snapped” Reminding Sharon once again of her comment back at the café.

“I said I was sorry for that Corbin, I was just being mean” Sharon pleaded and leaned back against the bench, her arm coming to rest on top of the backrest before speaking, “But you never once told me what was going on. You know, there’s allot of stuff I share with you and talk about but you still throw things out at me ‘all of the sudden like’ and I feel totally blind sided as your friend. And you want my total unconditional support when you never even give me the slightest inclination with what is going on with you!” Sharon crossed her legs.

“Sharon, look…” Corbin sighed as she leaned back, slumping down in the park bench a little as she relaxed her body, “…sometimes, I don’t always let you know what’s going on…” it seemed like she was going to continue speaking but paused.

“Well, it feels like you never let me in on things lately, point in fact…how many times have I had things dropped on me when you come into the room and announce, ‘I’m changing classes’, ‘I’m dropping this sport’, ‘I’m signing up for this and that’, and I never had one inclination that you were even thinking about changing your mind, on anything! It’s like you have this super secret side to yourself…” Sharon talked quicker as she watched Corbin begin to shake her head in protest and she knew what Corbin might be thinking,

“…I’m not saying I want you to REPORT to me on everything in your life, but you’re my friend Corbin and I enjoy sharing things with you. Stuff that I only want you to know because I trust you and I hope you can trust me! It makes me feel better when we talk and maybe I just assumed it was the same for you also, that you would want to share all those little things in your life, because…and I know this sounds corny, but because you’re a part of my life and that’s why I so desperately wanted you to be a part of all my social plans. Not to try and change you, but because I so enjoy your company” Sharon’s right hand stretched out over the back of the bench and gently stroked Corbin’s bicep. Corbin glanced down at the touch and sighed, it was soothing and amazingly allot of Corbin’s hostility seemed to evaporate with one simple physical act.

Sharon didn’t know how well her little speech was going to be received, but she watched Corbin suddenly lean towards her and a huge weight felt lifted as her friend warmly embraced her for several seconds. “I’m sorry…” Corbin sighed and rolled her eyes to disguise a faint glisten in the corner of her eyes, “…I’m not trying to shut you out or be withdrawn”.

Sharon rubbed and patted Corbin’s back, “I know school and everything has been stressful for you, but…” Sharon leaned closer in, “…I shouldn’t have been so rude during lunch”. This was a big deal for Sharon as she watched her friend, at least in her own mind it was, she had burned thru more friendships in her life because of her take-charge, ‘fuck you’, bitchy attitude. Yet she felt some sense of urgency over nurturing this friendship, even though it felt like things had become a little shaky over the past few weeks.

Corbin leaned forward, resting her hands on her knees, her eyes traveling idly over the long blades of green grass around her feet, “Sorry I blew up at you, and I shouldn’t have walked out…my anxiety level is thru the roof right now that’s all” Corbin reached over with her left hand placed it on Sharon’s bare right knee, and a slight shiver rose up thru the base of Sharon’s spine which caught her a little off guard from a friends touch. She immediately reached down with her right hand and laid it over the back of Corbin’s as they clasped hands.

“We’ll good, I’m glad that’s settled!” Sharon straightened and smiled, “And we both agree I was right and you were wrong” She chuckled trying to lighten the mood, to which Corbin found herself smiling broadly at the comment. Sharon stood up and adjusted her purse over her shoulder, “Let me know when your trying out or practicing, I’ll come watch and cheer you on” Sharon pumped her left hand in the air and kicked her left foot out in a little impromptu Cheer salute.

“Yeah, I’d like that” Corbin smiled and hugged Sharon around the waist.

(Things seem to be going better for me…right? Well you just wait. Oh, and if you’ve guessed by now that I sound naive back in High School and College, well bingo you win a door prize, I was very naive. But that has all changed over the years.)