Some Ramblings And Then My Friend Sheila Takes Revenge 
by Lady Luck



I was filling in my Tax Return the other Sunday. It has to be submitted by
30th September so it's one of those jobs that you just about manage to
complete in time. By the way it's my birthday on the 24th and so any well
wishes will be gratefully accepted "ladyluck@bushinternet.com". There, that's
bloody done it. Anyway there was a knock on the door and it's a Jehovah's
Witness - well two actually because they never go alone. One to talk at you
and one who says nothing and just stares at you, trying to make you nervous.
Anyway he says it's nice to find me at home ('where else might I be?' I
thought) and he's got some pamphlets with 'The Root Of All Evil' written on
them. He asked me if I knew who or what was the root of all evil and I told
him that at the moment I thought it was the taxman 'cos I was filling in my
tax return. So he said, 'well you must be busy so perhaps we'll call another
day and would you like to take one of the pamphlets?' I said I wasn't
interested and they left. It was amazing. I didn't have to stand there
listening to 30 minutes of crap before they finally got the message to sod
off. They just left, no questions and no arguments. So that's it then. The
next time a Jehovah's Witness or any other undesirable turns up at your
doorstep, just tell them that you're filling in your tax return, and they'll
bugger off! Now really I should charge you for imparting such solid gold
information but you, dear reader, can have it free gratis for tuning in to my
ramblings.

So I sat back down and finished off my tax return, and then the phone rang. It
was Sheila wanting to know if I'd go for a drink with her that night. Well
Sheila's been feeling a bit low just recently because her Arsehole dumped her
after 6 months 'cos he wanted to spend more time with his wanky mates.
Personally I thought 'good riddance' because I never liked him - he was a real
true blue 9 carat arsehole who tried it on with me twice whilst still dating
Sheila. I never told Sheila though. Anyway we all get depressed when scumbags
dump us and so I said I'd meet her later at The Rose & Crown. We met at about
8.30 and I ordered a lemon and lime (I was driving) and Sheila had a gin and
orange and we sat down at a table in the middle of the pub and just chatted
away.

At about half past nine who should walk in but her ex arsehole with 3 of his
mates. He just about acknowledged her and then nodded to me 'Lisa' he said,
'arsehole' I thought. Sheila was a bit panicky and frantic about him being
there and I just hoped she wasn't going to crack up or something but then he
accidentally on purpose raised his voice so that everyone could her how he'd
dumped that boring slag over there and how she couldn't live without him -
typical woman she was. Absolute bollocks! Well Sheila got up and I thought she
was going to the ladies and I was about to join her but she actually marched
straight up to him and said "Right you, outside now and we'll sort this out
one to one. Come on, get up you little shit!" At first he waved her away but
it didn't look so good in front of his fellow arseholes and egged on by them
he just had to accept the challenge.

Out she went to wait for him and practically the whole pub followed - mostly
arseholes but about 7 or 8 of us girls. We formed a circle around them and
Sheila started to push him and goad him and then she pushed him again. "Come
on," she said, "or are you scared?" "Of a woman? You must be joking." "Well
come on then," said Sheila, and pushed him again, only this time she followed
up with a cracking punch to his jaw and then one to his stomach. I thought
'I'm going to enjoy this.' Well you know how excited I get when I watch a
woman give a man a good hiding, especially an arsehole. Ever since I first saw
Emma Peel on the telly when I was a little girl and it's an even bigger thrill
when it's live (as with Julie and Dickie). Well he just couldn't handle it and
after another peach of a punch to his face, she got him in a headlock and
squeezed as hard as she could until his face was turning red. Most, if not
all, of the arseholes watching looked rather uneasy but the girls were bloody
loving every minute as you can imagine.

Sheila eventually put him on his knees and he finally succumbed to her
superiority and begged her to let go. She made him apologise to her and kiss
her feet and then when he got up she kneed him in the balls as a farewell
present. Absolutely wonderful!

So that was it. A Tax Return, a Jehovah's Witness and an Arsehole all overcome
by a woman in the same day. How much better could it get, I wondered.

Bye For Now

Lady Luck