Men 
by Lady Luck



I received a strange, anonymous mail the other day accusing me of being a man
hater. I was quite taken aback, actually. This faceless, nameless individual
had the gall to make this accusation and it cut me to the quick because
nothing could be further from the truth. I don't hate men! Some of them are
quite decent but simply hard to find - or should that be simple and hard to
find - you know, the ones who are obedient and know their place and wisely and
readily acknowledge a woman's superiority. So I don't hate them. No, it's the
scumbags and arseholes of the male population that I despise, and they're the
ones at whom I direct the vitriolic word.

Now if you're lucky enough to find a decent bloke, as described above, who
recognises his limitations, then I say 'go for it' because with just a modicum
of training he can make a really good pet; obedient and faithful. However,
girls, if you do get yourself fixed up with one then please remember that he's
not just for Christmas and so treat him as you would a dog - ok so maybe not
that well but you get the gist. Keep him at arms length but treat him with a
little consideration. You may tread in some dog shit one day and you'll need
him to lick it off for you!

Now just a few basic tips/ideas:

Don't have his collar too loose, but not too tight either - the poor wretch
needs to breathe. Just tight enough so he knows who's in control.

Don't have his lead too long when you take him for a walk. You need to be able
to feel the "pull" early if he stops to sniff anything.

Let him have his own space in a corner of the room. Perhaps in a basket or a
sturdy cardboard box.

Don't let him on the furniture, otherwise he'll start to think that he's your
equal and that will never do. Before long he'll want to eat with you at the
table and this must not be allowed. He'll be perfectly happy on the floor with
his nose in a bowl of muesli, and perhaps a saucer of cold tea.

Begging at the table is an option and very much a personal choice. If you're
comfortable with him being so close to you whilst you're eating, then fine,
otherwise scraping your leftovers into his bowl is a perfectly adequate and
acceptable practice. However, if he drops any on the carpet make sure that he
licks it up immediately to prevent staining, and then banish him to his corner
with a short, swift kick up his crack, preferably with a pointed shoe.

If you're going to settle down to watch TV after your meal, you can always
bring him back and position him in front of you on his hands and knees, so
that you can rest your feet on his back.

If you've had a particularly stressful day shopping for new clothes and your
feet ache, then you can also get him to lick them for you but do give him a
powerful mouthwash beforehand to minimise the risk of catching an infection
from his tongue - you don't know where it's been!

Never let him use the bathroom. Let him out first thing in the morning and
last thing at night so that he can visit the bus station or railway station.
They have perfectly adequate facilities to enable him to do his business. Be
absolutely certain to disinfect him thoroughly on his return from his night
trip before allowing him back inside the house. There's no telling what he
might have been up to.

So there you have it. Just some ideas on how to create an obedient (and
hopefully loyal) servant who knows his place and his superior. It's not
inexhaustible by any means and so if any woman has any other tips or just
wants to make a comment, then please feel free to do so.

Don't worry about the scumbags and arseholes who try to resist the inevitable.
They'll get their comeuppance in the fullness of time when they finally have
to come to terms with the truth.

Women are the vastly superior sex and men are infinitely inferior - mere
slaves who must bow to our every command.

Good Luck Ladies and Good Man Hunting

Lady Luck