Foxxy Fights the Fembot By Mr. Scrod colinscrod@hotmail.com I'll never know why they left this scene out of Austin Powers Goldmember Foxxy Cleopatra, Afro-Amazon-American, Solid Gold dancer and all around Freaky Super-Chick, slammed the door to her monkey-shit brown Pinto and squinted against the sun at the building ahead of her. At least the gym's improved, she thought as she walked up the narrow cement ramp to the door. One thing about bein' yanked from the mid-Seventies past the Millennium without even seeing the Eighties and Nineties-the changes in the old hood stood out more. Like? Like, all the clothes she loved were vintage now. Like her new low hanging, hot-pink bell-bottoms with the groovy fringe, her dashiki, her clogs, her African-print top, even her 'fro; all out of date. Like this gym: back in the day, only her and a few RadiFeminist chicks hung out here, working out and learning the self-defense that would protect them from the evil Patriarchy. Now, every daddy's girl was into it. Still, the place was empty when she walked in, so she checked in, then walked down to the main exercise floor. She took in the huge gym area, much improved over its shabby early-Seventies ancestors; Jacuzzi, exer- bikes, Stairmasters, the whole schmeer, even a full-size boxing ring in the middle. As she took off her clogs and slithered into her gym outfit-red sports bra, black sneaks and red short shorts, she wondered where the big- screen TV against the wall came from. Just a giant black square (damn, TVs had changed, too) in the middle of a squeaky wooden floor. What gives with that? Still, she shrugged and rolled into the ring to start her stretches and warm-up, then did a little shadowboxing, remembering the old days when she kicked ass for a living. As steps sounded from the hallway in back, the black box flickered to life. Foxxy froze as she recognized the scarred visage sneering down at her, light glinting off his bald head. "Dr. Evil!" she cried. "You mutha! What y'all doin' up in here?" "Charming to the last, Mizzz Cleopatra," smirked the doctor. "You really must excuse my tardiness. My henchpersons have been staking out gyms all over town." "Your "time-traveling"" he mimed the quotation marks as he spoke, "may have given you a look at the future, but it seems your time is already past." He looked very pleased with his phrase, and repeated it to himself a couple of times. "Unfortunately for you, my technological supremacy has advanced over time as well. Allow me to present my own gloss on 21st century robotics-my new Fembot. Or perhaps I should call her my Butchbot?" He tittered girlishly. Heavy footsteps marched down the hallway to the main floor. A fembot, maybe, but there was nothing femme about her. The android must have stood over six densely muscled feet tall, from its spiked heels (not shoes, three- inch spikes in its feet) to its literally platinum curls. Its watermelon- sized tits didn't droop, but pointed forward like cannons from what could only be a metal frame tightly coated in some hard material simulating flesh. As it wheeled on tanned golden legs (each as thick as a tree) the robot's mighty curves and bulges reminded Foxxy of those naked Michelangelo paintings Austin was always sniggering over, where the women looked as strong and powerful as the men (not that Foxxy had ever found that a tough accomplishment). The monster's graceful shape was almost enough to disguise the bull neck topped by a face like every pretty girl's yearbook picture, but those boulders in its shoulders and the bowling ball-sized biceps couldn't be hidden, and it looked as if whoever dressed it hadn't even tried. A toga or something of white cloth had been draped, or rather, thrown over its giant globes, as if to say, "Hell, you deal with it." As the machine turned and gracefully strode towards the ring, Foxxy cursed that its height didn't seem to slow it down or render it awkward in any way. Hell, if she did lean that way (and she remembered a few parties where she'd been inclined that way at a 45 degree angle) she'd probably buy it a drink and take it home. But over the drumbeat of the 'bot's footsteps, she heard a patter of little feet. She thought she saw the blur of child or small animal out of the corner of her eye. Then she was knocked ass over teakettle by something slamming through her legs. But shock, not pain, made her freeze on the canvas. "Ah, say hello to my little friend. You know already of my interest in cloning. Well, I took the liberty, as well as a few epithelial cells from one of Mr. Powers' other lady-friends, a Miss. . . " The doctor's scar twitched as he glanced at the note in his hand. "Norma Spussey? Are you little freaks screwing with me?" Foxxy wasted a glance from the approaching giantess to the screen, where all she saw was the back of his colossal head as he screeched at his subordinates. "Honestly, I try to make a good presentation, I try to be intimidating, and do I get any frickin' support here? Is that all you do, spend time coming up with joke names for. . . WHAT?" A henchperson's silhouette bent over him. "Not so close! You're licking my ear!" The figure back away, then resumed whispering. "Her real name? Really? Huh." He turned back to the screen and sneered at his captive audience. Foxxy was on her guard, watching the screen, the giant fembot, and the little person scurrying around outside the ring all at once. "Well, it scarcely matters, does it? I cloned the trollop, and I have named her. . . " He paused for dramatic effect. "Mini-She!" Following her cue, the clone bounced up and down on her stumpy (but muscular) legs, brunette ponytail flapping around another pretty face as she played to a crowd that wasn't there. Her blue leotard showed a figure like a fire-plug on steroids, with jiggling, grossly over-sized tits. She feinted with her little gloved fists at Foxxy's crotch-not below the belt to a fighter just three-foot-eight. Not afraid, but cautious, the sable street fighter drew back. Unfortunately, this was back into the thick arms of the blond robot. Dr. Evil narrowed his eyes. "Good! But enough of this gay hilarity. DESTROY HER!" A fist the size of a ham smashed into the African Amazon's cheek from behind, snapping her head to the left. At the same time, the pint-sized pugilist tackled her left knee. The Sista almost went down, but pivoted and rolled to the ropes. She tried to put down the dwarf first with a kick, she wasn't a child-beater but- Foxxy howled as Mini-She grabbed her foot and twisted sickeningly. "Bitch ain't no child," she grunted under her panting breath. As the clone held her foot, Foxxy kicked while hanging onto the ropes, and had the brief satisfaction of seeing Mini-She go down, before stamping her approval on the midget's ribs. "Gonna get spanked anyway, huh, Sugah?" But the robot was inside the ropes by now. Twice Foxxy twisted out of its clumsy grip, but the third time was the harm, as she was picked off her feet and crushed into its massive breasts. "Damn, bitch. Even your tits are silicon!" Foxxy pounded her knife-edge hands against anything on the fembot's golden body she could find. Her black fists bounced off its ears, nose, arms and chest. She needed a just a chance, a break before it broke her. And she found it in the clone's sadism. She couldn't see Mini-She's commanding gesture, but the fembot could. Foxxy's relief at being returned to her legs was short-lived as a small hand punched up into her pussy! She felt like she'd been hit with an electric cable as she jumped forward uncontrollably, unfortunately right into the robot's big right hand. Her Afro shimmied in the gym lights as it pummeled her back to the canvas, only to find the clone sitting on top of her in a schoolgirl pin. She knew she had to keep both opponents off balance, so she kicked up at the robot's hard middle. Her legs bounced off its abs, then twisted further up to wrap around Mini-She's head. The clone was harder to catch this way than a normal opponent, but Foxxy was limber enough to make it. She pulled the clone down into a scissors hold, her well-muscled dancer's legs crushing the little brunette's head. Knowing the robot would be on her in a second, Foxxy rolled away, still trapping Mini-She's head between her legs. Foxxy was sweating like a madwoman, but she felt a surge like triumph course through her body. She was on her belly with the dwarf squirming between her legs, and thinking she might actually beat these fools! And then she'd call up Austin and the two of them would- - - And right then was when she felt like the ceiling had fallen on her spine. The robot climbed back to its feet and dropped another hard elbow to the small of her back. Foxxy's spasmodically jerking legs released Mini-She, who repaid her with a hard kick to her crotch. Foxxy shuddered and balled up into a fetal position, trying to protect her injured back and pussy at the same time. Two little hands clawed at her Afro, pulling her face into Mini-She's knee. A robotic boot to her ribs rolled her over again, and she didn't stop until she reached the ropes. She climbed up breathlessly, one arm covering her hurt side, the other warding off the golden giantess. Foxxy was still street enough to know that they shouldn't have let her up, but that realization frightened her even more. Obviously the pair was playing with her like cats with a mouse. Just before they eat it. She thought she saw a flicker of movement out of the corner of her eye as she stood, but her attention was caught by the onrushing fembot. Foxxy barely got her arms in front of her face before a sledgehammer bounced off her shoulder. It was no reprieve, because the monster had taken her measure, and quick lefts and rights rose up into her midsection. The Afro- Amazon's developed abs stopped two, but the machine punched on with inhuman speed and precision. Though her elbows were drawn up tight to protect her breasts, face and belly as much as possible, a left broke through to explode over her lungs; two rights buried themselves in her gut. She knew she had to move, but her legs were anchored to the floor. Clinching and pushing off the robot, Foxxy glanced down to see the horrible midget grinning up at her and clawing at her obsidian thighs. She was pinned as neatly as a butterfly. She bit back a scream as Mini-She raked up nearer her crotch. An iron right snapped her head back at a sickening angle, and she instinctively covered up again. "Careful, Number 17!" The mad doctor shouted from the screen. "Leave her face for last! Concentrate on that noble Nubian bosom and belly!" Though Foxxy couldn't see him, she could easily picture him drooling. A clout across her breasts drove any other thoughts from her mind. She cried out uncontrollably as her whole body wrapped around a right hook invading her gut. A short uppercut caught her left breast, almost ripping the pear-shape off her body. She was trying to do too much at once; defend herself from the robot, shake off the clone-there was no escape inside the ring. So she knew what she had to do. She stood tall again, and slithered against the ropes biting into her back. She took another terrible left straight into her nipple, and bile welled up in her throat. Another left to the belly, and she was wriggling through the ropes, her whole body free as she finally kicked off the mini bitch. The wooden floor hurt, but not as much as her opponent's blows. Rolling away from the ring, her body tempted her to give up, to just lie back and lose consciousness. What if she never woke again? At least the pain would stop. Sheee-IT, baby. You wouldn't last a day on the street thinkin' like that. Instead, her eyes rolled around the gym, looking for a way, not just to survive, but to win! But all she could find was the cruddy wood floor, the cracked lighting, the thin plaster walls that were crumbling thirty years ago when she first started coming here- As the heavy spike heels echoed on the floor, Foxxy thought she had a straw to grasp onto. She scooted and rolled back against the wall. The robot came onward; the smiling debutantes face so out of place on that killing machine's shoulders. Foxxy hit the wall and stayed low. The machine stopped in front of her, and then lashed out with its foot. Foxxy dodged, the weak wall didn't. Her attacker found itself up to its shin in plaster, its foot stuck fast. "Hope this works on a big bitch like you," Foxxy sobbed, and punched up between the fembot's legs with all her strength. It shuddered like a tower in an earthquake. Sparks came from behind its ears and smoke from its cruelly set mouth. The ebony beauty punched up, a desperate blow to the middle of its face. The monster fell back at an inhuman angle, its foot still caught in the wall. The bruised black woman almost blubbered with relief. "Found your off- switch, didn't I, bitch?" The clone in red looked at her, bug-eyed, from the ring. Foxxy was a mess- bleeding from the lip, one eye bruised almost shut, hair nearly limp with sweat. A triangle of sweat darkened her little blue shorts, and her sports bra was almost off, revealing a seriously bruised left breast. But she wasn't walking away. "Yeah, ho, I know this don't seem right." Foxxy was talking as much to herself as to the clone as she approached the ring. "I'm bigger than you, older-Shee-it, the Doc probably programmed you from old wrasslin' tapes, so I know how to fight better- it probably seems really unfair." "BUT-" she continued as she climbed into the ring, "You fucked up my Afro. You mess with the 'fro, you gots to go, ho. Y'know?" Give Mini-She credit, she didn't try to run. For the next several minutes, the clone went through a wrestling clinic; karate kicks to the face and stomach alternated with flips, slams and limb-breaking holds. The finisher came when Foxxy put the dwarf on her belly with a pile driver. Though barely conscious, Mini-She was awake enough to struggle when Foxxy wrapped her long, black legs around the clone's neck. It didn't matter, as Foxxy stood, the over-sized head still between her legs, grabbed the frantically kicking stumpy legs, and proceeded to bend the clone backwards into a standing Boston crab. "Hey Doc! You diggin' this, turkey?" The Black beauty yelled at the television screen. Evil pursed his lips fruitily. "Never was able to do this hold before, but then I never kicked a midget's ass before either. Now you take all your lasers, your clones and your robots and massage your prostate with 'em, cause me and Austin are coming for you, SUCKAAAA!!" And with that, Foxxy sat down, hard. Mini-She took the full weight of the fall, and didn't get up again. The giant screen went black. Foxxy got her clothes and walked to the door. At the exit, she paused and surveyed the damage; the clone splattered in the ring, the broken doll of a robot by the shattered wall, the floor covered in paint chips and blood. "Fuck if I'm cleaning this shit," she said, and walked out.