The Oobleck
by Anthony Durrant



King Graymalkin of the planet Dydd lay on his royal sickbed, his doctors and
magicians beside his bed. One of the doctors listened to the sound of the
king's breathing, then looked up and shook his head. Turning to King
Graymalkin, he told the young monarch:

"I'm sorry, your Majesty, but I'm afraid you have only a little over a month
left to live."

"What?" the king whispered. "That's impossible! I'm the one, according to the
legend, who's supposed to endanger and save this planet - and to do that, I
have to be alive at the time of my wedding to Ranefer! I am King Greymalkin
Catamount VIII!"

"We realize that," another doctor said, "but you have come down with Asten's
Colitis - a fatal illness that affects the lungs - and it has become terminal.
I'm sorry, my liege, but you're dying. In a little over a month, you will be
dead and unable to save the planet of Dydd."

"Is there anything that can be done?" Greymalkin wheezed painfully. "Anything
at all?"

"Yes," a Magician said, coming forward to the bottom of the bed, "I believe
so. We've located a double on a planet called Earth who is due to die in a car
accident sometime today; therefore, it won't be wrong for your Highness to
switch fates with him by using the First Scroll of Omega. Once the Scroll is
used, your double will remain on this planet forever!"

"A good idea, Magician!" Greymalkin said. "What will happen when my double
comes here? Will he be kept ignorant of his destiny or will he be told why he
was brought here?" the Magician told him, "so that he's not ignorant of what
will soon happen to him after the royal wedding. Not even Princess Ranefer,
your fiancee, will know there has been a switch!"

"Good! Good! Very good!" Greymalkin whispered. "Let us begin at once,
magician!"

"Indeed, your Majesty!" the Magician said, then he and Greymalkin cackled
evilly.

"Bartholomew!" the king shouted to the page at the door. "Get me the First
Scroll of Omega! Let us get the transfer of destinies over with so that Dydd
can be saved."

"Yes, your Majesty!" Bartholomew said, hurrying out of the King's room. Ten
minutes later, he came back with the First Scroll of Omega. "Here it is, your
Majesty - I've brought you the Scroll! It's neat and clean and all ready to be
used to bring your double here."

"Thank you, Bartholomew!" Graymalkin whispered. "Tuck it under my hands."

"Yes, your Majesty!" Bartholomew said, tucking the Scroll in the king's wasted
hands.

"You may go now, Bartholomew," a magician said, "for we won't need you for a
while."

"Yes, my lord!" Bartholomew cried, running off to his room.

With a smile, the Magician pulled the scroll out of the king's hands and
unrolled it just as another Magician walked in with the Chalice of Omega, then
placed King Graymalkin's slender hands around it. Greymalkin realized that the
ritual which would end his life was beginning.

"Drink, my liege," he told the king, "and your symptoms will go away - but you
will die before the night is out, for the liquid in the Chalice of Omega is a
slow-acting poison!"

As the other magician recited the arcane words written on the Scroll - written
in ancient Gallifreyan - Graymalkin drank from the Chalice of Omega until the
cup was completely empty. Within seconds of his first sip, the tightness of
breath and the heavy weight on his thin chest fell away; when he'd finished
the liquid off and emptied the whole Chalice, he felt perfectly normal,
although he knew he was poisoned. At that exact moment, the magician finished
reciting and the scroll flashed into flame and was gone.

"Go to your royal craft, your Majesty," one of the magicians told him, "and
drive to the precise spot where the ancient Time Lord Omega landed on this
planet and left behind our Holy Forefathers. It's not far away from the Royal
Palace. Remember, the whole planet of Dydd is counting on you to save us all
from the coming disaster that will befall us."

"Thank you, Magician," he told the man, "I'll remember - and succeed in this
final task."

Climbing out of the bed, he left his room and walked down the hall to the
vehicle bay.

"Guards!" Greymalkin shouted. "Open the doors - I 'd like to take my craft for
a flight!"

"Yes, Majesty!" the guards chorused as they opened the doors. "We hear and
obey!"

Greymalkin walked into the vehicle bay and boarded his slim royal craft,
cackling loudly.

Minutes later, he steered the craft through the outer doors and up - up - up
into the sky.

"Taxi!" I cried. "Oh, taxi! Taxi!"

A cab stopped for me and I climbed into the front seat beside the driver.

"Where to, young man?" the driver asked.

"Thirty-seven Wingfield Boulevard!" I told him.

"All right, young man!" the driver said. "Thirty-seven Wingfield Boulevard it
is!"

I was in a hurry to get home because I'd been late getting out of the office.
As the taxi headed down the street toward the bridge, a drunk driver came down
toward us on the wrong lane. My driver swerved to avoid colliding with him,
but the drunk driver's car struck the taxi as he made the turn, sending us
spinning off the road, where the front wheel of the taxi was caught in a
ditch, throwing it into the air and causing it to land upside down. As we slid
toward a tree, I saw a tall man in some sort of aircraft coming directly
toward us, cackling madly. As we came closer together, I saw that the other
man was me! Much thinner, with bones sticking out, but it was me - Harold
Quinlan. As he came closer to me, there was an explosion and I was blinded by
the bright flash that followed the explosion, then blacked out; before
everything went dark, I wondered what was happening to me - was I seeing
things?

I awoke to find myself on an ornate bed with someone standing over me, looking
into my face. She was a pretty girl with reddish curls sticking out of her
hood and blue eyes. "Stay there, your Majesty," she said, "you need your rest.
You ran your craft into the mountain and were hurt in the crash. We managed to
pull you out before your royal craft's fuel ignited and the explosion
shattered the hull of your royal craft."

"Thank you . . ." I whispered.

"You are most welcome, your Majesty," the woman said, "It was our duty."

"Why are you calling me 'your Majesty?'" I asked, still dazed and confused.

"Don't you remember who you are, your Majesty?" the woman asked, surprised.
"Why,

you're King Graymalkin Catamount VIII, King of the Planet Dydd, the Damager
and Savior of this world. It's your destiny to endanger and save this planet
at the time of your highest glory."

"Damn," I said as I passed out again, "oh, damn!"

When I woke up, a servant brought me some food and I ate it with considerable
relish.

How had I been brought to another planet from Earth - and for what purpose was
I brought to Dydd? That single question would be answered for me soon enough
when Princess Ranefer of Vadence came to visit me in my bedroom, Vadence being
a province of the planet. She seemed to be happy to see me; apparently the
Princess was engaged to Greymalkin from birth.

"I heard about the crash, darling!" she cried. "You were lucky to be found
when you were. I've brought you a surprise from my father's attic I hope
you'll like very much."

"Thank you, Ranefer!" I told her. "That was very thoughtful of you."

Snapping her fingers, she had a servant bring a huge blue box into the room
and set it down on the bedroom floor. After putting the box down, the servant
bowed his way out of the room, walking backwards out of the door with his back
to the hall.

"That blue box has been in our attic for years," Ranefer told me, "so I'm
giving it to you. Do you think you'll be able to come to our wedding, my
liege?"

"I hope so," I told her, "and I hope we'll have many fun years together."

"Thank you, my liege!" Ranefer said. "Well, I must be going now - I've got to
prepare for our wedding and my coronation as the Queen of Dydd. Get well soon,
my liege!"

"Thank you, Ranefer!" I said. "Hopefully, I will enjoy whatever's in that big
blue box."

As soon as she'd left the room, I sneaked out of bed and kneeled down by the
blue box to try and open it. When I tried to unlock the tiny latches
underneath the blue plastic, I took a knife from the bowl the food had been
served in, and wedged it into the slim gap between the plastic boards, then
with a strong push downward, I broke the latches - and the box fell apart!
Inside it was something covered in a grey bubbled plastic cover, which I tore
off. Underneath the cover was a blue machine shaped like a dog with K-9
painted on each side of its body; it seemed to be shut down. Feeling along the
top, I touched a red spot on the panel and the robot came to life, its neck
snapping forward as it woke from its long slumber.

"Master?" the robot dog asked, turning to face me.

"Yes," I said, "I'm your master."

"I am K-9 Mark V," the dog said, "and I am programmed to serve you, master."
"How long have you been shut down?"

"I was last awake at 22:45 P.M., TARDIS time, when the Doctor gave me this
message: 'You're in for a tough fight, young man - against my old enemy Omega,
an ancient Time Lord who's trapped in an anti-matter universe, no less! I'm
very sorry I can't be there to help you, but I'm busy right now. K-9 will help
you defeat Omega's dirty rotten scheme!'"

"Oh, thank you, Doctor," I cried, "whoever you are! You really came through
for me!"

A tall man in a black cloak walked into the bedroom and looked at the two of
us sitting together on the floor; embarrassed, I looked up at him with a
sheepish smile on my face.

"I am Bardoubal, Lord of the Magicians!" the man said. "I'm to perform your
Majesty's wedding to the Princess Ranefer on your most noble birthday, which
is in two days' time, and as a gift I've brought you the Second Scroll of
Omega from the Vault below the Palace."

"Thank you," I told him, "I'd love to have that scroll."

At that moment, a large green insect bit me on the ankle and I jerked in pain.

"Ow!" I cried. "That hurt!"

"It is a chonchon, your Majesty," Bardoubal said, "and it's perfectly
harmless. It only preys on smaller insects than itself and is very common in
this part of the world. Look - it's running away - you've frightened it so
badly, it's running up the side of that vase!"

As I watched, the chonchon scampered over the lip of a big bronze vase and
disappeared inside as K-9 turned to face Bardoubal, who suddenly became very
nervous.

"I - I must leave you now, your Majesty," he said, "for I must prepare for
your wedding."

With that, he left the bedroom and shut the door after him, leaving me alone
with K-9.

"Was that insect harmless," I asked him, "or have I been poisoned by its
venom?" "There's no danger of death, master," he told me, "but the bite may
have other effects."

"That's a relief," I said, "but we still have to be careful. I don't know what
Omega's plan is or why I was brought to this planet or why people think I'm
King Greymalkin."

"I have seen it!" Bardoubal told the other magicians. "I have seen the Blue
Beast whose emergence means the end of our sect. He is in the royal bedroom
with King Greymalkin!"

"Are you sure, my lord?" a magician asked. "Positive!" Bardoubal cried. "We
have to act now, or our sect will fall!"

"We can't, my Lord," another magician said, "for you vowed to do nothing until
after the King marries Princess Ranefer in two days' time. That is when he
will unleash the Oobleck on

Dydd! When the Oobleck is unleashed, you will unleash the chonchons on all of
Dydd." "In two days, then," said Bardoubal, "and may each and every one of you
be damned!"

"In two days, my Lord," the magician said, "at which time, you yourself become
King!"

Bardoubal sighed, looking around the cave at his fellow magicians, and felt
very uneasy.

Two days later, Bartholomew the page helped me dress in the purple robes I was
to wear when I married Princess Ranefer at the Royal Chapel in the garden. He
didn't seem to notice that I was more heavily built than the man in the
portrait hanging in my room, who was just skin and bones. Instead, he handed
me a mirror and I put it on the chest of drawers and sang:

"You're a nice guy, Greymalkin!

A dashing, handsome rogue.

You've got purple for your clothing,

You've got jewels on all your robes,

Greymalki - in!"

"Look at yourself in the hand mirror, your Majesty!" he told me. "You look
wonderfully handsome in your royal purple robes and your very best golden
crown."

"Thank you, Bartholomew," I told him, "but now we've got to be outside in time
for my wedding! We don't want to make Princess Ranefer upset, do we?"

We walked out of my room, down the hall, and out a set of glass doors to the
garden path that led me through the garden and into the chapel. Princess
Ranefer was waiting for me by the altar and the Magician Lord, Bardoubal, was
standing behind the altar waiting to perform the service. I walked up to the
altar with Bartholomew beside me and K-9 following close behind me, smiling
brightly, as the Magician Lord opened the book on the stand in front of him.

"Take the bride's hands in yours," Bardoubal instructed, "and repeat after me:
by my oath as the King of the planet Dydd, I hereby take you, Princess
Ranefer, as my lawfully wedded wife."

Holding her hands in mine, I said:

"By my oath as the King of the planet Dydd, I hereby take you, Princess
Ranefer, as my lawfully wedded wife." Vadence, I hereby take you, King
Greymalkin of the planet Dydd, as my lawfully wedded husband."

Ranefer said:

"By my oath as a Princess of Vadence, I hereby take you, King Greymalkin of
the planet Dydd, as my lawfully wedded husband."

"Now repeat after me, my liege: I vow to love, to protect, to cherish and
honour you for as long as we both shall live, by my oath as the King of the
planet Dydd."

I said:

"I vow to love, to protect, to cherish and honour you for as long as we both
shall live, by my oath as the King of the planet Dydd."

"Now, Ranefer, repeat after me: I vow to love, to protect, to cherish and
honour you for as long as I live, by my oath as the Queen of the planet Dydd."

Ranefer said:

"I vow to love, to protect, to cherish and honour you for as long as I live,
by my oath as the Queen of the planet Dydd."

"Now present the Queen's crown to the bride!" Bardoubal commanded me sternly.

Bartholomew held the purple cushion he was carrying out to me; on it was a
magnificent tiara. I took it from him and turned toward Princess Ranefer with
a happy smile on my face.

"Repeat after me, your Majesty: by this crown, I hereby make you my wife and
Queen of all the oceans and all the continents of the sovereign planet of Dydd
for as long as you may live."

Placing the crown on Ranefer's head, I said:

"By this crown, I hereby make you my wife and Queen of all the oceans and all
the continents of the sovereign planet of Dydd for as long as you may live."

"You may kiss the Queen!" Bardoubal said, slamming his book shut.

Still holding hands, we looked at each other a few seconds more; then we
embraced and our lips came together in a very passionate kiss which lasted for
several minutes before we headed to the royal throne room, where people from
all over the kingdom had gathered for the wedding. Once in the room, we went
to the twin thrones at the back and sat down, with K-9 and Bartholomew by our
side.

A few minutes later, Bardoubal came in with a scroll in his hands - the Second
Scroll of Omega. I took the scroll from him and laid it on my lap as I was
given the royal sceptre and Orb of Omega to hold in my hands, the Orb in the
left and the sceptre in my right, by one of the other magicians: these were
the Royal Emblems of the Sovereign Planet of Dydd.

"Speech! Speech!" someone in the crowd shouted.

Feeling regal and a little arrogant, I stood up and walked a few steps toward
the people.

"This area of Dydd," I told them, "is very sunny and dry - there must have
been no rain in years. Now, however, I will correct that oversight and prove I
can rule the weather as well as the people with the incantation on the Second
Scroll of Omega!"

Opening the scroll, I saw the incantation suddenly turn to English and read:

"Magic smoke, go to the sky!

Magic smoke, go high! Go High!

Omega, make the Oobleck fall

And rain the Oobleck on us all!"

As I read the incantation, the scroll flashed into flame and the Orb of Omega
shattered. A pale green cloud of steam erupted from the Orb and soared into
the clouds above the palace. Within a few minutes it started to rain; green
drops came down from the sky and I laughed quite joyfully. They made green
puddles on the lawn and on the grey cobblestones of the path.

"Look at it come down, Ranefer!" I cried. "Why, soon the people will be
throwing green oobleck snowballs at each other! Why don't we make today a
holiday?"

"Bartholomew!" Ranefer shouted.

"Yes, your Majesty?"

"Come with us, boy," she said with a smile, "for we're going to ring the
Holiday Bell!"

Heading back to the Royal Chapel, we went inside and climbed the tower stairs
to the top. At the top of the stairs was a huge bell; grabbing the rope, I
tried to ring the Holiday Bell, but instead of the normal sound of a bell
ringing, I heard a hollow clang. Looking inside the bell, I found the plunger
was stuck to the edge of the bell with the oobleck. I tried to pull it free,
but I couldn't. Just then K-9 came up the stairs, floating just above the
ground. He sucked in some of the oobleck and tried to analyze the gooey
substance, his aerial-ears turning back and forth on his head, and scanned
every detail of the oobleck's composition into his memory banks, then relayed
his findings to me. "Master," he said, "there are traces of anti-matter in
this substance. Point of origin: the universe in which the ancient Time Lord
Omega has been trapped since the creation of the Gallifreyan wormhole and the
destruction of his vessel. Omega was responsible for the creation of this
civilization and you activated the plan he had set in motion to destroy every
living thing on this planet, Master. Only with the planet covered by
antimatter can he leave his universe and reenter our own. Otherwise the touch
of any matter will destroy him, thereby exiling him back into his own universe
of antimatter."

"Damn," I whispered, "the Doctor's message mentioned someone named Omega, but
I didn't realize who he meant until now. At least I had a happy wedding;
however, it might turn out to be a nice day after all. Perhaps if the
Oobleck's harmless by itself, nobody can be hurt by Omega's plan."

Meanwhile, Bartholomew had fled the tower, seeking help, and went back into
the palace while at the same time, I was enjoying just watching the oobleck
fall with Ranefer by my side. She must have realized, somehow, that I was not
King Graymalkin - so why had she married me so eagerly? I held her close to my
side and watched the oobleck pour down on the grass and streets below us. She
laid her head on my shoulder and watched the oobleck fall with me, both of us
smiling together in the bell tower. Without a sound, K-9 floated downstairs
and followed Bartholomew into the Royal Palace.

Bartholomew was running through the hall when he bumped into Bardoubal by the
royal library door; the Magician Lord was heading back to the Magicians' Cave.

"Bardoubal!" he cried. "You're the one I wanted to see! Is there anything you
can do about the awful oobleck raining down on the planet?"

"There is nothing I can do," Bardoubal told him, "for the Holy Oobleck
precedes the Advent of Omega and his Blessed Return to our planet. Soon the
Gonchongs will plague the world as well, so no one can stop what our beloved
king has set in motion. Dydd is doomed - and so are its people!"

Shoving Bardoubal aside, Bartholomew ran down the hall - and there he found
K-9 under one of the busts of Graymalkin's predecessors, where the dog had
been waiting for him.

"My master will not do anything to stop the oobleck!" he told Bartholomew.
"What do I do? If nothing is done, the Oobleck will cover the planet and Omega
will escape!"

"I have an idea," Bartholomew told him, "but I think I'll need your help."

In the Cave of the Magicians, Bardoubal's followers awaited him; soon he came
into the Cave and joined them in praying for Omega's safe arrival on the
planet. As he bent in prayer, K-9 sneaked up behind them and stunned all four
of the lesser magicians. When he tried to stun Bardoubal, though, he failed;
the red laser beam from his nose bounced off the Magician Lord's skin.
Bardoubal whirled around and saw the robot dog behind him. Terrified, he
backed away from K-9 toward the corner of the cave. It was as if the man was
scared to death of K-9 for no apparent reason.

"Away, King of Monsters!" Bardoubal shrieked. "Begone from the Sacred Cave of
the Magicians, or I will have my magicians strike you down with bolts of
lightning!"

While Bardoubal cowered in abject fear, Bartholomew sneaked into the Cave and
began looking at the scrolls he and his four minions kept tucked away. Among
them was an ancient parchment dealing with the very horror now sweeping the
planet, the oobleck. When he read it, he gasped in shock and dropped the
scroll, letting it fall to the floor as a leaf falls in autumn.

"Oh, no!" Bartholomew shouted. " 'There is no known way to reverse the effects
of the corrupted plague known as the Rain of the Oobleck.' I've got to tell
King Greymalkin!"

At the same moment, Ranefer and I were walking back to the palace and stopped
at the pond to look at the fish. To my surprise and horror, however, the fish
were all stuck in the green oobleck; none of them was moving. Both Queen
Ranefer and I were now horrified at what I had unleashed on Dydd.

"We've got to get to the palace!" I shouted. "That's where we'll be the safest
- look! Larger drops are falling. Ranefer, we've got to hurry and get inside
before we both get stuck as well and drown in the flood of the Oobleck!"

We ran to the Royal Palace just before the drops grew even larger. Running
through the halls hand in hand, we were just in time to see dozens of
chonchons pour through the windows, riding on the oobleck, when the window
glass burst apart from the weight of the oobleck. They attacked everyone they
saw, inflicting bites everywhere on people's bodies as the sheer weight of
their numbers pulled the victims down. Swatting off the little mantises as
they attacked, Ranefer and I made it into the throne room, where we sat down
on the plush purple cushions of the twin thrones. As we sat down, a man came
into the room with many bites on his face and hands - one of the Magicians,
mortally wounded by the bites of hundreds of the awful chonchons.

"Your majesty . . ." he croaked, "Bardoubal . . . is a . . . a coward.
Bardoubal . . . is no man. He is . . . he is . . . a genetically enhanced
chonchon . . . that we altered using our own genes . . . as the source
material. We . . . enhanced him . . . to bring about . . . to bring about . .
. uh - uh - uh . . !"

He collapsed to the floor, dead from the blood loss; several chonchons
scurried away from his body as he lay there on the floor in a fetal position
and I clasped Ranefer's hand firmly but gently. Both of us were very sad and
very frightened, but we stayed put on the thrones.

"To bring about what, my love?" Ranefer asked me.

"Their own downfall," I told her, "and the end of an era. They must have
really needed someone cruel to bring about the Coming of Omega, so they
altered a chonchon to do that task. Bardoubal is evil - completely evil - and
obsessed with bringing about the return of Omega to Dydd. We can't stop the
oobleck from destroying the world, but we can die like a king and his queen
should die - with our honour and dignity still intact."

Ranefer sang:

"You're a meanie, Graymalkin!

You really are a cad.

You've got leeches in your body,

You've got ice cubes in your heartstrings,

Greymalki - in!

I wouldn't touch you with an eighty-five

And a half foot pole!"

Just then, an avalanche of oobleck came crashing down on the two of us.

Stepping over the dead body of a Magician, Bartholomew and K-9 hurried down
the hall to the throne room; pulling open the door, he saw a terrible sight.
We were stuck to our thrones by a huge puddle of the oobleck and we couldn't
get free of the gooey green substance.

"Your Majesties!" he called. "Your Majesties! K-9 and I managed to get into
the Cave of the Magicians. "I took a look at the ancient scroll that describes
the horror Dydd is now going through - the horror you yourself have put your
own people through by using the Scroll!"

"Master," K-9 said, "there is no way to counteract the rain of the oobleck."

"Are there no magic words to stop this awful oobleck from falling?" Ranefer
asked.

"No," Bartholomew said, "but I think some plain and simple words would
suffice."

"Simple words?" I asked.

"Yes," Bartholomew said, "simple words - such as 'I'm sorry!' This is all your
fault!"

"'I'm sorry?'" I asked. "Bartholomew, kings never say 'I'm sorry!'"

"Well, if you refuse to say 'I'm sorry,'" Bartholomew snapped, "I'll have to
spill the beans to your Queen: Your majesty, the man beside you on the throne
isn't King Greymalkin - he's an Earthman King Graymalkin sacrificed himself to
bring here when he learned he was dying, to save Dydd from this terrible evil.
He was in bed for over a month while the doctors dressed his wounds and
impressed sacred knowledge into his subconscious mind - with the magicians
helping them along! He was brought here because he's the King's double."

"Is this true, my husband?" Ranefer asked.

I looked at her, winced, and managed to say one word: "Yes."

"How did you learn of this, Bartholomew?" Ranefer asked.

"I was right there when Graymalkin agreed to the plan to bring this other man
here."

"Don't leave us, Bartholomew!" I cried. "We need you!"

"If you won't say 'I'm sorry,'" Bartholomew said, "you're no sort of a king at
all. You're just a mean, wicked Earthman. Good-bye - and I hope I never see
the two of you again!"

"Wait, Bartholomew!" I cried. "You're right - it is all my fault, and I am
sorry! I'm awfully, awfully sorry! I swear by my oath I'll never be mean or
cruel to anyone again!"

Just then, sunlight blasted through the thick green clouds and the oobleck
slowly began to turn to steam and fade away. Within a few minutes, Ranefer and
I were free of the oobleck and jumped out of our thrones; dead chonchons were
everywhere. I patted my robes and laughed gleefully as if in a daze, for I was
so happy I felt like dancing a dance or singing a song.

"I did it!" I cried. "I saved the planet! I did it! I did it! I did it!"

"You certainly did, my love!" Ranefer said as we kissed again very
passionately. "I knew you weren't really Graymalkin the first time I saw you,
but I had to make believe you were Graymalkin for my own safety, as Bardoubal
would have executed me if I hadn't played the part of the loving fiancée. You
see, Graymalkin was known as the Sickly King and I still very much doubt he'd
have changed since I last saw him as a little boy only twelve years old.
You're far too healthy to be the real Grimalkin, my love. That was the
magicians' one mistake - a mistake that resulted in their own deaths!"

I started to walk toward the door of the throne room.

"Where are you going, my love?" Ranefer asked.

"On a bug hunt," I told her, "and I think I just might know where the bug is
hiding now. Come on, K-9! We've got a bug to catch - and then I have a special
treat for all three of you!"

We ran down the hall hand in hand, with K-9 and Bartholomew following closely
behind. At the end of the hall there was a secret passage to the Cave of the
Magicians; I opened it and we all walked in, only to be attacked by the two
remaining lesser Magicians. I felled one with an uppercut to the jaw and
Ranefer kneed the other one in the tummy, causing him to double up, and then
kicked him right in the chin, sending him sprawling to the floor of the cave
in a black, chonchon-bitten heap. There, leaning against the back wall, was
Bardoubal the chonchon, fear in his eyes and a dagger clutched in his hand.
Somehow, the genetic alterations performed on him had allowed him to survive
the fading of the oobleck, unlike the other chonchons.

"Get the Blue Beast away from me now!" he cried. "Don't let him come near me,
your Majesty! I'm scared of big animals like him and always have been scared
of big animals! I am the same chonchon who bit you in the elbow at your
Majesty's fifth birthday party."

"Don't worry," I told him, "for you won't see very much of K-9 in the royal
dungeons!"

With that, I rushed over and grabbed him; we struggled, but I was stronger
this time. Knocking the dagger out of his hand, I pulled his wrists behind his
back and tied him up with a sash from one of the magicians on the floor. With
Bardoubal subdued, the four of us went back up the stairs, and when we reached
the top we handed Bardoubal over to a guard. He cried:

"When the Oobleck destroyed every living thing on Dydd except for the
chonchons, I was planning to rule the world under the supreme guidance of the
mighty Time Lord Omega!"

"With Omega defeated," I told him, "that's not possible now, chonchon. You'll
be a prisoner of the royal dungeon, in complete darkness for a long long time.
The magicians are finished! Without them, Dydd will be a free and happy world
once again."

On the way to the garden path, we handed Bardoubal to a guard, then headed out
toward the chapel. As soon as we came to the chapel, we went up the stairs of
the tower.

"Why are we coming back here, your Majesty?" Bartholomew asked.

"Because today really is a holiday, Bartholomew!" I cried. "I want everyone to
celebrate our victory over the forces of darkness and the ancient evil of the
Time Lord Omega! All right, everyone! Grab the rope - we'll ring the Holiday
Bell together. A one and a two and a -"

We all pulled down on the bell, and the loveliest sounds I ever heard were the
peals on that joyous day, the peals of the Holiday bell that seemed to cry,
"Rejoice! Omega has been defeated! Rejoice! Rejoice! Dydd is free!"

After the last echo of the bells had died down, I turned to Ranefer with a
smile.

"I didn't want to say this before, Ranefer," I said, "but we've been through
so much together and now I've found that I really do love you, my sweet
Queen!"

"I love you too, whoever you are," Ranefer told me, "for you taught me to
fight my own battles and not let somebody else fight them for me. You're the
man I love, not the cruel Sickly King. I could never love a man as cruel and
spiteful as the real King Greymalkin."

"My name's Harold," I said, "Harold Quinlan."

"I think I like Greymalkin better, my king!" Ranefer said. "It suits you
better than it did him. Three cheers for the new and improved King Greymalkin
of Dydd!"

"Thank you, Ranefer," I told her, "and I'll always try to be worthy of the
name."

K-9 came up beside me, brushing against my leg.

"I love you, Master," he said in his electronic voice, "I love you very much."

"I love you too, K-9!" I told him. "You're the best dog on this planet!"

"Thank you, Master!" K-9 said.

"Come to think of it," I said, "you're the only dog on this planet!"

All three of us burst out in glorious laughter that echoed through the whole
bell tower and filled the cathedral with the wonderful sounds of the pure
happiness the four of us were feeling. A few minutes later, K-9 himself joined
in the raucous laughter.

THE END