JESTER'S CASTLE
by Anthony Durrant



I was sitting in a chair in the palace of the eccentric Duke Kilbrain. A frail
boy, I had been adopted by the Duke after my parents died when I was a little
baby. My father had returned home after a long war, badly hurt, and had
apparently been confined to bed and relayed instructions through his jester,
Feste. Feste, who was a tall thin man with a leering grin, entered my room and
helped me to get out of my chair.

"Basileep," he told me, "you're wanted in the throne room, so go now. You're
needed for a mission."

"Yes, Feste," I said, and rose to my feet.

With a slow pace, I went to the throne room aided by Feste.

"Someone has stolen the Duke's gold chalice," Feste told me, "so your father,
the Duke, has asked you to find the thieves, and to bring you help in also
retrieving the Duke's chalice, your second-in-command is Rekvik."

Rekvik . . . Rekvik . . . Rekvik . . . the name sounded familiar.

"Rekvik the Mighty?" I asked.

"The one and only!" Feste replied. "Rekvik has been living in this country
ever since be- ing rescued by the captain of one of the Duke's ships."

"He must be very good." I said.

"Not he, Basileep. She."

And he helped me into the throne room. There I saw two cloaked gentlemen and a
young woman clad in a black cape from shoulders to feet with long red-gold
hair and green eyes.

"Are you with Rekvik's party?" I asked.

"No, son!" she replied. "I am Rekvik."

And she threw off her cape to reveal her powerful build. A memory stirred in
me. I remembered the story of a girl who was the offspring of a dwarven
warrior and a very beautiful lady. She must be Rekvik, the mighty warrior who
now stood before me. The two gentlemen then pulled down their heads and I
saw that they had black skin. Green eyes stared coldly back at me and their
blonde hair was short-cropped and close to their heads. They were Dark Elves.

"I am Vartok, and my brother here is Zoltar," said the elf on the right. "We
are twins."

"I accept them," I said. "Feste, get my travelcart. We're going to find my
father's goblet!"

And so we set off. I sat in my cart atop a strong warhorse, but Rekvik and the
elves preferred to travel on foot, with a pack-horse behind. Finally, that
night, we made our first camp. I got off my cart with the aid of a strong
wooden staff and lay down on my back comfortably in a small patch of grass;
the grass helped support my frail body. As we all slept, a group of bandits
entered the camp. As Rekvik was acting as a lookout, she spotted them first.
Quickly, she woke us all up and called us to fight. I rose on my elbows just
in time to see a bandit enter my tent and raised my staff and blocked his
dagger thrust, then broke my staff in two on the dagger blade and gouged out
his eyes before he could attack again.

"No fair! No fair!" he shouted. "D'you realize what you just did? You've got
gall, Mr -"

"My name," I said, "is Nobody."

"Hey, fellow bandits!" the man cried. "Nobody, in here, has just blinded me!"

"Then you did it yourself, you clumsy fool!" cried one of the bandits fighting
Rekvik.

She then ran through him with her sword.

"Thanks for the distraction!" Rekvik said.

"Anytime!" I replied.

In a very short time, the bandits were routed. They fled, leaving three dead
men. Then I noticed something odd about the swords.

"How did these bandits get these very rare antique swords?" I asked. "They
must be a century old and very valuable!"

"How can you tell they're rare?" Rekvik asked.

"Did you notice the colour of the blade? It's a bronze-silver alloy. Only one
man created that alloy, and he's been dead for years!" I cried. "His name's on
the blade."

"Swords like this would be hard to find," said Vartok. "He is correct - here
is the smith's signature - but these are all newly forged, not a century old."

"'Edmunds,'" read Zoltar. "Yet these are new - there's no erosion of the
silver on the edge of the blade, where the blacksmith signed his work."

"The city of Bigon is up the road," Rekvik said, "so we'll get a room at the
local inn."

On the way Rekvik found some berries on a bush near the town. Near the bush, I
noticed a strange-looking rock. I picked it up and saw a scroll under it, so I
took the scroll and the rock into my possession. Opening the scroll, I read
the bard-song in it. To my amazement, the song leaped from the scroll into my
brain, leaving an empty scroll behind. Rekvik gave me the berries she'd
picked, and I ate some. The two brothers were also eating berries. I felt
weaker, but Vart- ok and Zoltar seemed all right. As we rode into the town, an
Arachnia came up to me and hurled mud in my face.

"??????!" he cried.

"??????!" I retorted.

"You swear well!" said the Arachnia in English, and he walked away

"He called me a 'bastard,'" I told Rekvik, "so I called him an 'asshole.'"

"Where is the inn?" asked Zoltar.

"Up the street," Rekvik replied, "and on the left."

We entered the inn, and Rekvik paid for our rooms. Some men were playing
cards, and I sat down and joined them, after cleaning off the mud.

"There's 500 gold in the pot!" one said.

I saw a card on the ground and slipped it into my sleeve as I dealt the cards.
Then I let it fall into my hand. Two of the men "busted" and left the table as
the fourth man threw down his hand: he held the Hanged Man, the High Priest,
the Duke, the Queen, the soldier, and the jester (who looked something like
Feste).

"Beat that!" I cried.

I held the Sun, the Empress, the High Priest, the Knight, the Goddess, and the
Moon. The man left the table and I raked in the pot and followed my party up
to our rooms. Rekvik smiled in delight.

"I like your cheating style!" she said.

"I didn't recognize the game," I told her, "so I used a card to bluff him into
feeling secure. He never noticed I had the card up my sleeve, so he didn't
know I was cheating."

Then I climbed into bed. I was feeling quite weak, but decided to stay awake
anyway. During the night, Rekvik came into the room, drew her sword, and
raised it - holding the blade inches from my neck. I sang the song I'd found
on the scroll, and Rekvik snapped to attention long enough for Vartok to enter
the room and throw a lightning bolt at her head. The warrior fell at my feet
in a crumpled heap.

"Why?" I asked. "I could never have harmed you!"

"Feste . . . he . . . he said your father the Duke . . ."

"Wanted me dead?"

"Yes!" she winced. "You're dying . . . those red berries were poison . . . I
want you to have my body . . . I have no use for it now."

And then she died.

"If you want me to, then I accept!" I said, feeling my choice no choice.
"Vartok, keep her body alive. We have to locate the temple to make the mind
transfer work."

The next morning we went to the temple. It wasn't hard to find it - it was the
largest building in the city. We entered the temple and were forced to pool
our gold to pay for the transfer. Then I gave the remainder to the church.

"You are very generous, my lord," the Priest said. "Lay down on the slab."

I lay down as the Priest placed Rekvik's body on the altar and began to cast
the spell that transferred my mind into the body of Rekvik. His aide sent the
twins out.

* * *

Zoltar and Vartok waited. As they watched the temple door, a man came up, tied
to the waist of an ogre. The man was tall and brawny with dark hair.

"Let us be noble and rescue this poor man!" said Zoltar on seeing the man's
plight.

"Yes!" said Vartok. "In the name of Basileep - Basileep. heir to the Duke of
Kilbrain!"

And the two dark elves peppered the ogre with spells until he fell dead. Then
they set the man free of the rope. He stood up and stretched his arms.

"My name's Bakai," the man said. "Thanks."

"Will you join us?" asked Zoltar. "We're looking for the Duke's goblet."

"Yes, I will," said the man.

At that moment I came out of the temple led by the priest; I was exhausted.

"The transfer was a success!" the priest said. "In several hours she'll regain
her strength."

He went back in.

"I'm exhausted!" I told the twins. "Who is this man? He looks like a nice
strong fellow."

"His name is Bakai!" Zoltar replied.

"Feel free to join us," I told him. "The priest's in there sacrificing my old
dying body to his god. I'm here, though - in Rekvik's body. I'm alive, you two
- I'M ALIVE!"

And then Bakai helped us into the ogre's heart and we rode out of the city by
the other gate. As I began to fall asleep, I knew that we were still on the
trail of those thieves. I slept for hours, snoring loudly into the night.

* * *

Bakai woke up himself seven hours later and saw that I'd gotten up and
disappeared.

"Where'd she go?" he asked.

"Off flexing Rekvik's muscles," said Zoltar, "but she'll be back."

At that moment, I returned; my friends were happy to see me again. I could
feel the great strength in my legs as I walked toward them. I had one of our
captured Edmunds swords in my hand; the streaks of bronze and silver in the
blade made it easy for Bakai to identify.

"Rekvik's last words were that Feste told her your father wanted you dead!"
said Vortok.

"My father would never want to kill me. We loved each other very dearly." I
replied. "It may, however, be one of the other Dukes. They're all very upset
at the fact my father adopted me because they feel that I should have been a
blood son. And sometimes I can't help but agree with them."

"Is it possible that Feste is a Duke?" asked Zoltar.

"Yes, it is," I replied. "He could fool me easily, as I have never seen the
other Dukes."

"Really never?"

"And I won't, until I succeed my father."

"That means you're vulnerable," Bakai said. "Incidentally, did you know that a
graveyard is up ahead?"

"No," I admitted, "and I'd rather avoid such a place."

"It's the site of a plague from a century ago," Bakai commented to Zoltar and
Vartok.

"Not a nice place."

As we entered the graveyard, I noticed a figure in black, behind whom were the
bandits we had fought. The man - a necromancer, I guessed - raised his arms
and cast his spell. The dead victims - men, women and children - burst out of
their graves and attacked us. One ghastly skeleton grabbed me from behind as I
whirled to help my friends. It held both my arms around my back, so that I
couldn't use my new muscle power. I had no choice - I had to sing the song
from the scroll. As I watched Zoltar and Vartok fight mystically with the
necromancer, I began to sing, lound and clear. The plague victims got into
line as I sang, then snapped to attention and grabbed the necromancer. After
dragging him to a coffin, two of the victims shoved him into it and closed the
lid down hard. There was a very faint crack and the victims collapsed as
Zoltar and Vartok collapsed, unconscious. I was tired out from singing for so
long; the bandits rushed forward and all four of us were taken prisoner. We
were tied to torture stakes by the bandit lead- er, Samovar.

"Ah, the beautiful Rekvik!" he said to me.

"Rekvik is dead," I said, "and I am Basileep."

Samovar stroked my red-gold hair.

"Ah, you are bluffing me, my lady!" he cried.

The tall, muscled, one-eyed, grey-haired ringleader picked up one of the logs
from the fire and gestured at me with it. I felt the heat on my naked belly.

"Tell me why you're in this area," he asked me, "or die! You're from a land
over the sea."

"I am looking for the Kilbrain Chalice," I told him. "I was sent by my father,
through Feste the jester."

Samovar thrust the log at me again. I knew that my friends were watching me
suffer; the old man danced in front of me holding the log. Bakai was slipping
out of his ropes and managed to slip out of his ropes just as Samovar lunged
at me with the log. Bakai drew his dagger and be- fore the bandit could burn
me, wounded Samovar in the back. I was surprised, then realized I could get
free too, so I smiled. I flexed my big muscles and snapped off the ropes
holding me to the stake. Then I charged forward into the group of bandits with
Bakai at my side. Grabbing a sword, I slashed at the bandits. Bakai released
Zoltar and Vartok and they cast bright fireballs that seared into the bandits'
ranks. Eventually, all were dead. I rose to my feet and saw the two brothers
standing amidst the carnage. Bakai was wounded but seemed all right.

"Let's search them," I said, putting the Edmunds sword down. "One of them may
have the Chalice."

"That song was amazing!" cried Zoltar. "It must have been necromantic."

"No," I said. "Remember how Rekvik snapped to attention back at the inn? It
must have been intended for the funeral of a high-ranking officer."

I searched Samovar's body and found a scroll. On the scroll were orders from
Feste! It read, "Take the chalice from the estate and lure Basileep to it."

"Here's the goblet!" Bakai cried.

He held up a gold-coloured, gem-encrusted goblet.

"Let me see that!" I said.

Bakai handed me the goblet.

"No, that isn't it," I said. "The real chalice is smaller and shaped more like
a bowl. This chalice is a very ingenious forgery."

I felt the surface of the chalice and found a secret hole under a gem.
Underneath it were the words MADE BY EDMUNDS. The great blacksmith had forged
this chalice.

"So it is a fake," Bakai said.

"Yes," I replied. "Edmunds must have created it for my . . . great-grandfather
to show to visitors."

"Of course! To keep the real Chalice hidden!" Zoltar cried.

"And that means we've got to get back - on the double!" I said. "Feste might
be going to steal the Chalice!"

* * *

Near the castle, an Arachnia sat on the ground. He was chanting:

"???????????????????? . . ."

I heard the chant and rushed up to him, as I was the only one who knew what he
was saying. The other party members followed me, Zoltar and Vartok following
Bakai's fleet stride. It was Volkar, my father's elderly butler.

"He's chanting . . ." I said.

"???????????????????? . . ."

"That's a death chant!" I cried. "He wants to die before Feste's agents mate
with him."

I helped the Arachnia, still clicking and clacking in Arachnid, onto my back
and then dashed to my father's palace. Feste appeared and led us to the
banquet hall. He smiled grimly, his yellow teeth set in a broad smile, as I
set Volkar down and he ran from the room.

"Congratulations on defeating the men I equipped with my swords," he told us.
"Yes, I'm Edmunds - Feste Edmunds. I've been dead for over a century and I was
your 'grandfather's' ducal blacksmith as well as his jester."

"You made the chalice!" I cried.

"Yes, I did."

Feste's a mummy! I thought.

We had a hearty banquet and then grouped together afterwards to make a plan.

"It's now clear that Feste Edmunds is a mummy," I told the others. "His tools
must be in his tomb, which is in the castle basement."

And so we made a plan. Zoltar, Vartok, Bakai and I went down to the tomb
during the night, when Feste lay dormant. Sure enough, Feste lay in his coffin
unmoving, and beside the coffin was an anvil, a hammer, gold and copper
staves, and a brazier and tongs. I lit the brazier with my torch and picked up
one of the staves with the tongs.

"Gold and copper were always rejected by the great Edmunds," I said. "He
always used silver and bronze."

"Why?" asked Bakai.

"Because both metals are soft. That's why I figure I can kill him with a sword
made of a gold-copper alloy. It's one of his pet peeves."

I put the gold staff onto the copper staff and started to pound them together.
It took me several hours of work even with my newfound strength, because I was
inexperienced but I forged a strong blade out of the two staffs. I then
attached the blade to one of the hilts stacked in the tomb and put my name -
BASILEEP - on the blade of my new sword.

"And now we wait," said Bakai, "till morning."

"Yes," I said, "we wait."

When the day dawned, Feste rose from his tomb; I stood up and charged him.

"Ha, bold Feste!" I shouted. "I have the weapon which will destroy you!"

"And my great sword will destroy you!" Feste shouted and drew a large sword
from his pant leg.

Soon we were trading blows in equal measure. However, because Feste was a
little slow, I was soon overcoming him. With one mighty blow, I slashed
through his sword, then slashed through Feste's chest and watched as he
crumbled, like old paper, to dust, crying:

"The joke's on me at last!"

Then we sprinted to my father's room and found him in bed, asleep. I roused
him and told him that Feste Edmunds was dead - Feste, who had kept him in bed!

"Feste was holding me here and giving orders in my name even as he kept me
informed of your quest!" my father said.

"And I'm sure we'll find the chalice in no time, Father!" I told him. "He
stole it before we could get back here. That's why he gave us a feast."

"If Feste stole the goblet," my father asked me, "where is it?"

"Yes," Bakai asked, "where is it?"

"Where else would it be?" I asked. "It must be in this room."

I went over to the shelf where there was a stone bowl and I reached in and
lifted out the real chalice and delighted my father.

"Basileep," my father said, "I am the Duke no longer; I want to relax in the
garden and listen to the song of the birds. They are my subjects now."

He took a ring from his finger and put it on mine, thereby passing on his
ducal authority to me.

"You are now the Duke of Kilbrain, Basileep!" my father said. "Enjoy."

Then he led me out onto the balcony and addressed the servants and people.

"Behold!" he cried. "Behold my son, who sacrificed his body to save my lands!
He is the new Kilbrain Duke! All hail Basileep, Duke of Kilbrain!"

"It is good to see what you look like, my serfs," I said. "My father has kept
me in seclusion with my cats for far too long, to protect me from the other
Dukes of the Realm."

The people cheered loudly and I acknowledged them with a nod then bowed to my
father, thanked him, and wished him well. I would visit him in the garden
whenever I could get free.

My father took off his coronet, which had a diamond in the middle and was
inlaid with rubies, off his head and put it on mine. I turned toward my
people, who cheered loudly and waved their arms, then went to the Duke's
throne and sat down. Vartok, Bakai and Zoltar came up to me and shook my hand;
I smiled. Now I was the Duke of Kilbrain and would be for years to come.

the end