MAHOGANY COMES TO TOWN
(c) 1979 by Tim Hollis


Many years ago, in a typical small town in a typical anonymous section of the 
United States, there lived a young lady by the name of Frumpola Mahogany 
McDroop.  Frumpola was the most timid, bashful, put-upon person anywhere.  
She wore thick glasses, always dressed in black, and looked like swatting a 
fly might leave her exhausted. She had her share of problems with the 
Bottomly Brothers, some nasty characters who squandered their misspent lives 
on trying to play mean tricks on her while she was on her way to her job as a 
secretary at the Corrugated Butter-Paddle Company.
On this particular morning, she was tiptoeing out her front door as usual, 
and was just starting down the sidewalk, when the Bottomly Bros. and their 
equally repulsive cousins, the Bulger Boys, leaped out in front of her.
"All right, Foureyes!" yelled the first Bottomly Brother.  "We want yer 
money!"
"You hoid him!" yelled the Bulger Boy leader. "Hand it over!"
The group of toughs lunged at Frumpola, grabbing away her purse and beating 
her to a pulp. Then they ran off in a bunch, leaving her bruised and battered 
on the sidewalk.
That evening, Frumpola did some serious thinking.  "I've tried every kind of 
vitamin pill the drug store sells," she said, "and none of them help me at 
all.  Maybe I could come up with my own formula that would keep me from being 
such a wimp."
She stumbled to her kitchen, and set to work mixing together a can of 
spinach, assorted vitamin pills she had already tried, and a shredded-up 
Superman comic book.  After an hour or so, the stuff in her cooking pot had 
congealed itself into small pills. Gathering up her courage (which she 
certainly didn't have much of), she swallowed one.
She became dizzy; she felt hot; she began to tremble all over.  Finally, she 
fell right out of her chair, down behind the table.  There was a sizzling 
noise, and she finally came to. She reached up to the top of the table to 
pull herself up, but, wait a minute!  Something was different! Instead of a 
long, black sleeve, her arm was...bare!  She rose to her feet; she was 
wearing a very short-sleeved shirt, and her arms were not pale and 
sickly-looking anymore! In fact, they were tanned and healthy, with something 
that rippled under the skin ("Could those be muscles?" she thought, since she 
had never seen anything like them before).  Her long black skirt had become a 
pair of tight-fitting blue jeans, while on her feet were a pair of 
tough-looking tennis shoes. And, most surprisingly of all, she was noticing 
all of this without her glasses!
"Aha," she thought as she picked up an empty can and crushed it with her bare 
hand, "Just wait until tomorrow morning."
Tomorrow morning came (as it usually does), and Frumpola started out on her 
daily journey to work. Like the previous day, the Bottomlies and the Bulgers 
were lying in wait for her, for, since they had found out she was such an 
easy target, they were determined to hit her up for every cent she was worth. 
But this time, she was ready for them.
As soon as the group of bullies leaped out at her, Frumpola reached into her 
new purse, pulled out a bottle of her secret weapons, and gulped them down. 
She tossed the bottle and purse aside, and faced the bullies. Suddenly, 
Frumpola was hidden by a thick cloud of smoke, followed by a tremendous clap 
of thunder. Then, the smoke began to clear away again.
The Bottomly Bros. and the Bulger Boys were too stunned to do anything but 
stare stupidly, with their big mouths dangling open. Just a minute before, 
hadn't they been about to jump on a frail, shy, helpless creature? Yet, right 
in front of them was an extremely tough-looking but beautiful cookie, wearing 
some faded cutoff jeans and a practically sleeveless shirt. She glared at 
them for a moment, then, without saying a word, showed them the muscle in her 
right arm.
Well, if the bullies hadn't seen what happened next, they wouldn't have 
believed it. There on the muscle was a tiny skull and crossbones, spelling 
disaster for someone... and they thought they knew who. As if that were not 
enough, the person (who must be referred to henceforth as the one and only,  
invincible MUSCLES MAHOGANY) then stretched out a muscular leg, and the 
bullies could see bolts of lightning shooting up and down it.  All of this 
was enough to chill their clammy hearts, and they all took a step backward. 
Mahogany took a step toward them. The bullies stepped backward. When Mahogany 
stepped toward them again, it was too much. The brothers and their crooked 
cousins ran like mice, with Mahogany hot after them.
If you had been at that spot at that particular time, you would have seen a 
remarkable sight. Bottomlies and Bulgers were being hurled through the air 
like toys, and were coming down in all sorts of painful ways. It was all over 
in a moment, and Mahogany came striding through what was left of the would-be 
muggers, dusting herself off and staring at her victims triumphantly.
By the next day, the Bottomlies and the Bulgers had recovered from their 
thrashing with only a few minor concussions. They realized that their reign 
of terror in the neighborhood would come to an end if this Muscles Mahogany 
creature remained in one piece, so they put their miscreant minds together 
and cooked up a perfectly beastly plan.
As before, they hid in the bushes by the sidewalk, and leaped out at the 
once-again-meek Frumpola (the pills having long worn off). Frumpola, thinking 
perhaps they hadn't had enough the day before, again pulled out her bottle of 
Super Pills. But this time, before she could gulp them down, the Bottomly 
leader snatched the bottle out of her hand and the pack of meanies scrambled 
off as quick as scat. As for Frumpola, she continued on her way to the 
Corrugated Butter-Paddle Co., thinking of what the consequences of this 
situation could be.
At their hideout, the Bottomlies and the Bulgers examined the Super Pills. 
Remembering the awesome power the tiny tablets had given Frumpola, they 
passed the bottle around and each bully took a pill. Just as they expected, 
the cloud of smoke rose and there was the loud BOOM. Afterwards, it was a 
horrible sight: the Bulgers & the Bottomlies had been transformed into SUPER 
BULLIES!!
On her way home from work that evening, Frumpola was spotted by the brawny 
bullies. Not having any more pills, Frumpola could do nothing but run weakly, 
with the Super Bullies on her trail.  She finally zigged where they zagged, 
and collapsed behind an old broken-down building. Frumpola was so entirely 
pooped from running that she lost consciousness on the spot.
Now, it was Frumpola's good fortune that that famous and trouble-prone 
fellow, Tim Hangschwartz, was making one of his periodic visits from his home 
in Weird World. Out for an afternoon stroll, he came upon Frumpola's limp 
form behind the building, and even though he had no idea what had happened, 
he knew that the specially-formulated Super Pills he had brought from Weird 
World would remedy the situation. You see, even though Hangschwartz never 
took the Pills himself, feeling it was below the dignity of the ruler of the 
country to engage in fisticuffs, he always had a bottle of the wonder drugs 
with him to help other people (and, if he could gain anything for himself by 
doing so, so much the better). Thusly, Hangschwartz opened Frumpola's mouth 
and poured the whole bottle down her throat.
The bullies had finally picked up her trail, and were heading for the 
broken-down building in glee. But suddenly, the leader stopped short, and all 
the others crashed together behind him. Coming out from behind the building 
was (Horrors! Terror!) Muscles Mahogany herself! (YIPE) Only this time, she 
looked fifty times stronger than before; she was completely sleeveless, her 
feet were bare, and her muscles again had scary pictures on them...her left 
arm showed an erupting volcano, while her right arm had the image of a lit 
atom bomb.
Well, I don't have to go into the gruesome details of what happened next. Let 
it suffice to say that the beating the bullies had endured the day before was 
like a loving caress compared to what happened to them then.  Mahogany fairly 
tore them up before they even knew what had hit them ("hit" isn't exactly the 
word..."smash" or "crush" would be more accurate).
If you had looked into Mahogany's yard that night, you would have seen 
Mahogany herself relaxing on a lawn chair, with the bandaged, broken bullies 
fanning her, feeding her grapes, painting her toenails, and performing other 
acts of slavery. Hangschwartz stood by her side with a big whip, occasionally 
cracking it over the defeated bullies' heads and thoroughly enjoying himself. 
 
So, the Bottomlies & the Bulgers were out of commission, and since the Weird 
World brand of Super Pills were so much more potent than Mahogany's own 
homemade concoction, they never wore off and she never had to go back to 
being Frumpola McDroop again.  Tim Hangschwartz already had one bodyguard in 
the person of Mighty Milkshake, but he had grown to like this super-powered 
miss so much that he offered her the job of second bodyguard.  This sounded 
better to Mahogany than the Corrugated Butter-Paddle Co., so she moved to 
Weird World, where you can still find her helping to keep the peace today.
THE END (OR THE BEGINNING?)